I’m not above using my toddler’s clothes to proclaim my–our–family values or political leanings. The way I see it, if it’s okay for kids to wear jerseys designating daddy’s favorite professional athlete who may one day end up splashed across papers for passing an std onto a minor during a raging coke-fueled night in Vegas, it’s perfectly fine for me to dress my daughter in her President Poopyhead tee.
I’d like to think that I’ve got a sense of humor, as do most of us I presume, when it comes to The Ironic Tee, (T.I.T.?), Official Garment of The Hipster Parenting Movement. I can muster a chuckle when I see a kid’s tee proclaiming boo f*cking hoo or anarchy in the pre-k, even if I wouldn’t buy it myself. But sometimes I wander into a kids’ boutique and come across a design that just calls to my inner sanctimommy and her wagging finger of doom. This is the kind of item that makes me want to track down the designer, the boutique buyer, and then all parents who have actually purchased such a garment, corral them into a circle, put my arms around them, pull them close…then knock their foreheads together hard and scream ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME? After which I’d make them write I do not actually want my child to be a future diva/pimp/trophy wife 100 times in soap across the windows of their mini vans.
A couple weeks ago, I believe I found the shirt that tops them all.
I caught this one in an “if you have to look at the price tag, you can’t afford it” kids boutique in LA, where there was an entire rack of 0-24 mo jeans in the $180 range. Which I only mention as evidence of the adage that money does not buy taste.
(Izzy, I hope you’re sitting down for this one.)
The only saving grace is that it was on the sales table.
61 shards of brilliance… read them below or add one
I hope my daughter never wears something like that. At least until age 10 when she starts dating and having sex. Good thing is she’ll be out of the house by age 13.AD
I recently had to talk my three-year-old out of getting a sparkly t-shirt that read “I’ve Got My Daddy’s Credit Cards” or something equally as vile. She ended up getting the less egregious but almost equally inane “Little Girl, Big Attitude” one.I hope she learns to read soon. Perhaps we can avoid all this.
Can I have their phone number?I’m going to call them to see if they’ll buy my “My Binky Is My Bitch’ onesies.
MARCH 8 IS BLOG AGAINST SEXISM DAY! If we want to get rid of “future heartbreaker” tee shirts — and god help us if we don’t… then we have to go to the source. Take the time to read some of these — even if it’s not mine… and maybe comment a little. LIZ I have to tell you – you may be outraged (correctly) but you’re also really really funny. What a combination!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!That is all.
This was intended for email, but the fucker just wouldn’t work!Dear Liz:I just wanted to give you a thank you for the comment you posted on my blog “Twenty-Two is THE last good birthday.” It really made my day that a blogger that I so admire and respect actually read my blog- even if you were just checking to see which blogs mentioned yours. Considering the fact that I took a microeconomics exam today, that is no easy feat. Congratualations! I only wish my little blog was viewed enough to make it onto that impossibly long list of blogs on your page that you couldn’t possibly read every day. I read your blog everyday. Sometimes twice. I know it’s sad….I can’t believe you are 38! I read a post that mentioned the age you were when you had Thalia and Nate’s age and tried to do the math but totally gave up. That could explain the grade I’ll get on that microecon final… I’ve seen your picts a couple times and thought you were 32 max! Unfortunately, you are officially past my “scary” age of 33 which, unfortunately, qualifies you as being “ancient.” Good news! You can’t consider you elderly or horribly old because I can’t imagine you would judge me for wanting to buy a onesie that says “MOTHASUCKA” (particularly since I’m not even pregnant and have only had sex with 4 people more than 3 times.) You’re officially not old because I also can’t imagine you spewing antiquated ideas like homosexuals deserve to get AIDS or that interracial sex is right up there with pedophilia.But enough about my family… I just wanted to thank you for reading! And (after you pop) if you ever feel like having a cocktail with your adoring fans or fellow Brooklynites, I’d totally be up for it. I hope that didn’t sound creepy. And yes, I did say “totally.” I am, in fact, 23.
Unfortunately, I think it’s our society’s inability to accept sexuality as a natural thing that lends itself to inappropriate extremism in the form of children’s clothing. I could be wrong, though. I wonder if they have similar tee shirts in France, for example, or other parts of Europe that are known for being more comfortable with sexuality. I feel like a tool being so serious about this when your post was light hearted and a lot of the responses were as well. But I have to admit that the term “slut” always puts me on the defensive and my sense of humor is unfortunately the first casualty. I’m working on not being quite so anal (hee hee) about it, I promise
I don’t know what disgusts me more – $180 jeans for babies or that t-shirt. Why, why, WHY would anyone think it was a GOOD idea to dress a little girl in that? ARGH!Now Anarchy in the Pre-K I could definitely see! I don’t think my son’s future pre-school teacher would take it the right way though….
Oh my dear god. What were they thinking? Seriously let’e slap that on someone and cry out for the kiddie porn mongers of the world to get in line. Geez us. I have no more words!
President Poopyhead…I need to get one of these for my next child!The “future heartbreaker” t-shirt is just degrading! Why would any clothing boutique even CONSIDER selling something like this?
Wow…Then they wonder why our kids come home pregnant at 13 and end up on street corners at 18.GOOD JOB CORPERATE POOP BRAINS!!