My child is smart.
Can you think of a single sentence uttered by a parent that can draw more ire, more eyerolls, more nasty playgroup talk behind your back?
I realize that over the past several months, I have not once written about the language explosion happening daily chez Mom101, about how completely enthralled I have been watching my daughter go from caca to cracker to Mommy, more crackers pleeeeeease. She even tosses in the occassional thank you with such a self-satisfied upward lilt to her voice it breaks my heart into tiny shards each and every time.
And yet somehow I’ve been hesitant to broach the topic on my blog, fearful of sounding like one of those moms. You know, the one who has her child signing at 6 months, pushes him into into foreign language immersion classes at 12 months, and starts drilling him on homemade international heads of state flashcards all before he’s old enough to eat a raisin without choking.
(That is, an organic raisin. Of course.)
And so instead I overcompensate by saying nothing at all. Or worse, downplaying any achievements she might have, countering acknowledgments of her verbal skills with inane retorts like, “yeah but she doesn’t have any hair like your beautiful little girl!”
Eep.
I’m not saying that Thalia’s brilliant by any stretch, or even particularly advanced (whatever that means at this age). While she counts to 6 all day long, she counts 2 birds as 6 just the same as she counts 20 birds as 6. Ask her what comes after 6 and sometimes it’s 7, sometimes it’s apple. The alphabet song begins with A B C D A B C. And the colors of her little play tunnel that she recently identified are apparently red, blue, and orange juice.
See, there I go again: She’s highly verbal but….
But what?
It seems we can talk about our children’s chronic booger-eating habit. We can talk about their sleep challenges. We can talk about their inability to put anything in their mouths at dinnertime that isn’t beige. But gush with awe at their ability to name 74 different animals and you’re just not someone I’d care to get to know better, thankyouverymuch. Because “my child can count!” or “my child likes books better than toys!”or “my child can tell a camel from a dromedary!” just sounds way too much like like “your child will be working for my child one of these days. Probably in the mailroom.”
So instead, we do this dance of self-deprecation with mom friends, terrified (or at best reluctant) to share those very moments that give us the most joy.
It’s like we become the opposite of competimommies — we become noncompetimommies.
It’s not hard to figure out why we do this. Let’s face it, it’s easier to bond with other women by confessing our insecurities and shortcomings rather than our successes–and I think this goes double when our children are involved. The line between expressing awe and boasting is so fine, so precarious, that it’s better not to tap dance within a hundred miles of it at all.
I also have a theory that we, as a society, just don’t like achievement all that much to begin with.
Am I nuts? Think back, not all that long ago, to a certain presidential election. If I recall correctly, one presidential candidate was vilified for his command of the English language and Ivy education. His competitor’s similar education (not to mention far more privileged upbringing) was only acceptable to the masses given his crappy grades and propensity for making up words.
Was being smart ever cool? Maybe not in our lifetimes. Just ask anyone who has ever considered putting a “my kid can beat up your honor student” bumper sticker on the back of his SUV. But I wish we could make it so for our children.
Because now that I have one–almost two–hell yes I want her to be proud of her smarts, her skills, her successes, whatever they may be. I think it starts with us being proud of our children, and, if we can possibly handle it, each other’s. I want so very much for women to be able to put aside our own insecurities and try to find happiness in the happiness of our fellow moms, even if that happiness is rooted in something super-cool that their child is doing that ours isn’t just yet.
Can we? Is it even possible?
Let’s start here. Tell me – what’s your kid up to these days? What’s the thing that you’ve been reluctant to share that makes you smile so hard you think your face will crack? What’s the thing that makes you think oh wow, I made this person. He came out of me and now…this!
Spill it. You know you want to.
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Edited to add: I agree wholeheartedly with commenters who point out the distinction between “my child is God’s gift to the world” boasting and simply sharing accomplishments. My fear is that we–I–rarely do the latter for fear of sounding like it’s the former. Bragging is icky. But being able to express the awe that we all feel as we watch our children grow and evolve and achieve – that’s a pretty nice thing.
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I think that part of what holds us back from crowing about our children’s accomplishments is the fear of being upstaged – even more than the fear of being seen as a competimommy. “How wonderful that your child can count to six! My Madysynne can count to sixty, and she’s six months younger than yours, isn’t she?”Having two children has taught me that what the first one does is not a reliable predictor of what the second one can do. For example, when Tacy was 18 months old, she knew her alphabet. CJ is 26 months old and I’m thrilled to bits when she says “Peeeeessss!”. I’ll be happy if she can sing the alphabet song when she’s four.But CJ leads me to the potty and starts to unfasten her own diaper. Tacy steadfastly avoided the potty until she was 2.5.They’re so different – even as siblings, let alone the differences between all of our children. And they’re all individuals, with unique talents and abilities – right from the start.Sure, I wish CJ talked more – if only because there would be less screaming around this house (from both of us). But honestly, I rarely look at what she can or can’t do compared to Tacy or to other kids.So…what are my girls up to? Well, tonight CJ painted herself pink Amazon-style out on the deck. And Tacy announced that she plans to be a rock star when she grows up.What can I say? They make me laugh.
It is really difficult for me to “put my best foot forward”, even when it comes to my kids. I’m always excusing their abilities (“well, she DID talk really early, but she didn’t walk until she was 18 months!” or “Oh, he’s well-behaved here, but you should see him at home!”). I do think you are right–I should be proud of them–well, I AM proud of them–but I should EXPRESS that pride, and express it so they can hear it. It would be good for them to hear it.Although, I have to admit, I completely hate hearing anybody else talk about how great their kids are, or how fantastic their marriage is, or how they know just the right way to do everything. I tend to be skeptical of people like that: if you feel so compelled to talk about it all the time, you must not be very confident in it. After all, I am confident that my kids are pretty fucking great, and I don’t need to talk about it.I don’t know. Though I see the value in it, I despise it.
Brag away, that is what blogs are for. I use mine to brag so that I don’t bore my friends.The thing that has been tickling me the most about my kids is also their verbal development. Evan took so long to even talk because of his heart defect. Now that he has had his final corrective surgery his verbal abilities have really taken off. I am constantly amazed with the words he comes up with. He mimics things that I say and I don’t even realize it.Harry has also been adding a lot of words to his vocabulary. What gets me is now many of the words he uses are the ones that Evan repeats frequently. It is so touching seeing how he learns so much from his older brother.
My grandma always said…“Nothing said <>to<> other people or <>by<> other people should be of any consequence.What is said <>to your children<>…<>that<> is where the opportunity lies. Praise, encourage, and support them. Whether anyone else is around to hear it or not.”She was a wise ol’ gal, wasn’t she?
Oh my goodness, you are are so ON with this. It’s true. My son is pretty danged smart and I’m very proud of him. But I’m very hesitant to talk about it to other mothers or anyone else who might think I’m bragging. He’s in the first grade and reads at a fourth grade level! He scored 97% on the district-wide math assessment test! Heck half the time the teacher doesn’t even know what to do with him because he’s so far ahead of most of the kids in his class. That just makes the buttons want to pop off my blouse, I’m so proud.
Thanks for the outlet!
My son (14, HS Junior) is studying sound waves in a Physics class for kids who want to be in music technology. I have absolutely no idea of what he’s talking about. None.Next year he’s going to take abnormal psychology, latin 4, and more physics. OK. My daughter (14, HS Freshman) is studying physics as well, only she’s doing engineering. She just finished making a solar car, and then went onto a making a windmill that can mak up to 7 volts of electricity. Her windmill made 14 volts, and spun so fast that the spokes jumped off the hub and embedded all over the science lab walls. I’m so proud! Next year she’ll be taking another engineering class and woodworking. Although my kids are GT, our state has no GT programs at all, but they allow kids to start taking classes at the Jr College level after grade 9. Both kids will be taking something this summer at the local community college, but we don’t know what. brag off/
I’m constantly “apologizing” for Ada’s verbal skills. “Girls tend to talk earlier” “yeah, she’s pretty chatty.” or other minimizing blahblahblah on my part. She’s got sentences and jokes and after seeing them at the zoo, declarations that she is, when shirtless, a naked mole rat. Singing and sometimes sharing and hugs and kisses. And an amazing memory. I’m constantly saying “yes! three weeks ago you did read this book on the couch with grandma!”Ok, now I can go to bed. My day is complete
My daughter knows the alphabet at age 1.8 and she identified shapes and colors at 1.7. She’s potty-trained at 1.10, she climbs out of her bed at night when she feels like she want to pee and goes to her baby potty. She can operate the DVD player at 2, (turns on tv then puts in DVD and pushes the play button).She can count and read numbers from 1-25. But when I ask her what the number after 25 is, she’ll she’s tired and she wants to play house instead.There. I let it out. You’re right. I only want to share it because I’m just so amazed at how she’s able to learn these things…
wow this is pretty interesting. I have to admit I was more interested in the meta-commentary than people talking about what their kids could do. Even if what their kids are doing is amazing…I don’t really know how to respond. All I can think of is a sort of kindergarten response like “good for you!” or “how special”. and those sorts of things well, if someone says them to me, i realise instantly that I need to shut up.i actually just wrote about this. addy will turn 2 on wednesday. I know all of her development in my eyes will make her seem incredibly smart, and i have no compulsion to compare her to other people kids…i unwittingly did that when she was a baby (rather indirectly, but still) and realized how repellent it is.it is interesting the person who also said that saying your marraige was good was repellent. i guess it is. but personally only ever really did it because i didn’t like it if people complained about their spouse, so i do, did the opposite of that.as for addy, i know that bragging about her is like bragging about how many reps i did at the gym, its good and all, but really, it falls into a sort of personal category, i guess. but aren’t those developments fun…if I would have known it would be like this i would have started sooner.
I’ve written so much on verbal issues on my own blog lately. You can read all about it in recent entries there, I’ll just say here that my younger child is in all honesty quite advanced for her age in English, but her Hebrew is lagging far enough behind to be causing her serious issues in school as she shuts down in frustration (and since we live in Israel the bilingual thing is not a competitive over-achieving thing, it’s a necessity). What I’d really like to say here is how very right mothergoosemouse is. Any hubris my husband and I might have harbored about our parenting skills went right out the window when confronted with child #2. They are completely different in such completely unimaginable ways. Yes, both are bright and verbally precocious, but their real talents are so wonderfully diverse (as are the not so wonderfully diverse ways they can each push our buttons!). Itai is a born negotiator, highly skilled at using logic and persuasion to get what he wants. Maya is a free spirit, a daredevil. He teaches her how to get mom and dad to say yes to something, she teaches him not to be afraid to jump into the big pool. Most importantly, they bring wonder and laughter into our house each and every day as we wait to see what they’ll come up with today.As for the original subject of your post, since boy did I get myself off track here, yes, I do sometimes catch myself belittling their achievements so as not to look like I’m bragging, or not to make someone else feel badly. If someone does comment favorably, I’ve been known to respond with something like “but your daughter was potty-trained a full year before mine”.I wish I could be confident enough in both myself and others’ intentions to just say a simple “thank you” when a compliment is given.
Funny enough… what I found when I moved to Tanzania is that here it is actually OK – acceptable, and even encouraged – to talk about your kids and their acheivements. One just needs to get away from the craziness of US parenting.Jaden told his first, very purposeful, verbal joke last week. He was super-proud of himself – and the joke really was funny. Funny enough to get Rowan, Paul (our driver) and me laughing for about 10 minutes.Rowan is a counting queen. She’s working on 30 – but somehow keeps coming back to eleventeen – her new favorite word. She is also becoming quite a dancer! (Following in her mommy’s footsteps.)Boy… that was fun!
I’m going to avoid bragging about my kids here (though I’m tempted), because I do that enough (too much?) on my own site. I will say that I strongly agree with mothergoosemouse on this one. My two kids’ strengths lie nowhere near one another and point to genetics playing a pretty large role in their cognitive development. Ben is as right-brained as they come, and Jack as left-brained. Interestingly, Jack is a leftie, and Ben a righty.(I’m a leftie, too — and a writer, not an engineer, like their father, who’s right-handed!)Pondering this…
Now I’m really feeling bad about last week’s < HREF="http://www.madmarriage.com/blog/2007/03/20/is-there-no-justice/" REL="nofollow">is there no justice<> because my son is NOT Rainman and is, in fact, a mostly happy, handsome little boy. There I said it. I think a lot of people avoid bragging about their children and their marriages b/c 1. There’s no humor in superiority and 2. There is the danger of sounding like one is spewing disingenuous PR.So I’ll try harder to celebrate the small stuff but I still need to vent every now and again.
I’m never shy about bragging about Cakes! I someone doesn’t like reading it, they can click away!
This is so interesting, Liz. As a looker-on to lots of friends with kids, the reaction you describe happens all the time when you comment on how bright/ beautiful/ friendly/good a child is. Even to me when I was childless. It always seemed to me kind of like an extention of the difficulty that people (women) have accepting compliments in general. Wanting to minimize and rationalize to take the focus off or to convey the message that ‘I’m not that great.’Great post. Interesting to think about.
My (almost) 4 year old son is staying dry at night. I know this is the right age to be doing this but I know so many kids that don’t. It’s so much fun in the morning to see the stars still on his pullup. And yes, bragging feels weird.
Spill it. Start talking. I think you raise interesting issues that take us beyond the “bragging mom/grandma torture. It’s really not the sharing, it’s incessant bragging that one child is the gift to all mankind. I think there’s an important place to share a child’s development and life without being overbearing. One of the things I love about my youngest brother is that he can share his daughters with me as they grow, just amazed at how they grow without using the word “brilliant”. Just the wow of nature is enough and you are great at taking the specific in search of the universal. That’s why I love this blog. I want more!
I agree with Queen Haline. The more American moms I read, the more I wish I could grab them and bring them here (Italy), where life is so much easier. So what if you have to deal with a lot of chauvinism? At least you can brag about your kids in peace.
I think the problem comes when you meet mommies that claim everything is perfect. Their child slept all night when she came home. The child had perfect sentences at 12 months old and on and on. And basically, it was because of them. That is the impression I get from some moms and yes I dont want to hang out with them. I dont need anyone telling me I suck because my 14 month old doesnt know sign language and cant walk, yet. I am proud of all of my children’s abilities and achievements, but I do know they are not perfect. And I dont want them to be. I will gloat that at 14 months old Sam is starting to walk and points to what he wants. He is fond of milk. We clap and yell everytime he stands on his own and takes a few steps. I bet he is the best crawler in these parts. I would put him in a race with any baby.What can I say about the 5 year old? I am amazed everyday of the things that come out of her mouth or the things she know.I just keep telling myself, my kids may not know what others do,but they will eventually.
Let’s see, I just love how polite my little guy is becoming. He’s quick to say “Peaz” and “Tank You” and sometimes even, “You’re welcome, Mommy.” He’s talking in complete sentences now in a sweet baby voice. It’s amazing!He really is a smart little guy (he’s 2) and I love him dearly.
I got a couple.The Poo knows the difference between letters and numbers, and she can almost spell her name by rote.She also pretends like the dickens. She has a set of rubber duckies she calls “the family” and they have the most amazing adventures: they climb mountains, they go to grandma’s house, they eat macaroni … you get the idea. She tells herself stories all the time, and she also already has an imaginary friend, Rocket.Of course, this imagination also gives her terrible night terrors.She is only 27 months old.I am so freaking proud of her I could explode.I agree with you 100 percent. I’ve been wanting to write about her accomplishments but pulled back for precisely the reasons you’ve put down here.Thanks for “outing” all us proud moms.
I don’t see anything wrong with bragging about your kids at all. I just noticed though, that in all my posts on my blog, I rarely ever mention my kids accomplishments (maybe once or twice). Instead I’ve chosen to post about their misgivings, or problems etc. I’m going to have to watch that and start putting in posts that mention their accomplishments – I don’t want them to someday read it and think I only thought negatively about them. I just find it’s easier to share the bad than the good – and I have no idea why I’ve done that. Thank you so much for making this post. It’s really made me look at what I’ve been focusing on. I should be focusing more on the good they’ve done than the bad…
Because I live in a house where all I hear is negative this and that — and when I say “look how tall Q is” they say “oh she’s not that tall” I find myself a bit more comfy with bragging.Most of the time I don’t brag about her on my own, but if someone asks what she’s doing, I tell them and they are usually like “wow” — she colors in the lines at 32 months, she draws pictures of people with arms/legs/nose/mouth/eyes/feet, and she talks extremely well. I did read or see something about how telling kids they are smart actually doesn’t help them but rather to tell them they are hard workers — they found that the “smart” kids who knew they were smart tended to slack off.I still tell her she’s smart and I try to find the positive — particularly during these trying times when she’s doing way more to piss me off than make me want to swoon over her.And really, I think bragging that’s annoying is when the parents are trying to gain some type of one up on you personally when they “brag” — for me, I’m just so proud of my kid and so happy for her. Sure. It makes me feel good — but honestly, I’m not sure I did anything to foster her amazing brain power but offer a few of my precious dna.
My daughter hasn’t shown any outward signs of brilliance yet, I’m sad to report. That’s not self-deprecation; it’s a fact. However, I will brag that she is one tidy indidividual, and, in her short life so far, has already put more things away when she was done with them and closed more doors behind her than I have in my entire life
Hmmmm. . . . thought provoking. I think you can talk about your child’s achievements in a measured way (as you just did). It should be measured because: 1) don’t we all think our little one is brilliant? And of course they can’t <>all<> be in Mensa; and 2)it can be off-putting at times.My husband and I laugh at the fact that our friends’ kids seem to have the lock on gifted and talented classes. At least to hear their parents tell it. It just can’t be.I also think parents are way to hung up on wanting their kids to be smart. I’ll take a kind child over a smart one any day. The best thing I heard you say? That Thalia says “thank you.” I’ll cheer with you about that any day without feeling competitive.That said, she does sound really smart too. Counting before age two! Awesome.
So you mean I’m NOT supposed to be constantly showing off my kids’ skills to all the other moms? So that’s why I never get invited to playgroups! (Heel of hand smacking forehead.)The cool thing that happened for me was last Thursday, when I was picking up Cole from preschool where I just enrolled him three weeks ago. The director of the preschool came out of her office to tell me how glad she is that I enrolled him and that he’s really doing well, going so far as to say that he is in all his glory at school.I think I may get a little verklempt!
A few years ago, I came across an article claiming that the antagonism towards achievement you describe here was a uniquely Canadian prejudice (this was articulated specifically in contrast to the U.S. where, supposedly, there was no such propensity to punish ability and success). I think your election argument is a pretty persuasive counter-argument to that theory.It’s such a give away, isn’t it, that “Oh but she doesn’t have X like your daughter!” We all know that such apologies are meant to conceal your conviction that your daughter is superior to all other daughters. But we don’t mind. You should feel like that about your child, and it is nice not to have to put up with straightforward expressions of that very natural sentiment.So it’s my turn to brag? My 3-year-old son can play Zelda on the Game Cube, operating all the controls correctly. (He’s self-taught. A genius! A genius with neglectful parents who let him play Game Cube at 3 years of age!)
Belly was incredibly verbal, talking in complete paragraphs before she was 2. Yet, now at 6, she is struggling to read.Jilly was walking at 9 months, climbing by a year. At 4, she falls off of EVERYTHING, so much so that when I hear a thud, I know it was her and barely budge.D could operate a CD player by 18 months but at 2 1/2 he has maybe a half-dozen words. Past performance does not predict future results. In the end, my kids all seem amazing and wonderful and advanced in one way or another, but probably are no more so than anyone else’s kids.
I really don’t feel that it is bragging so much as just simple amazement. You know, I have no idea when I learned my ABCs. I figured it was about 3rd grade or so.
I just don’t think I ever gave kids credit enough that they could learn at such an early age. My son, (I should point out, my 2ND son, because I didn’t take time to teach him anything.) taught himself the ABCs. No help from me. I think that kids have the drive to learn and are more amazing then we think. When I boost that my son taught himself to add, I am not saying that he is better then anyother kid, I am saying he is smarter then ME! The desire that all kids have to learn is something I wish I still had.
I don’t really completely buy into the competimommy-non-competimommy thing because I think I am more of your average “I-can’t-believe I’m-really-a-parent” type parent. I’m just clueless most of the time. But I often find myself watching her as if she were a science project. A kind of project that doesn’t seek to change the outcome that is: It’s more of a “What is she going to be like” not “How can we get to to be like this.”It’s amazing to watch your kids figure things out, the basics that we take for granted such as speech and understanding. It’s so much so that it’s really hard to look away. Other people may see this developemt as ho hum because procreation isn’t revolutionary. But when it’s your own little corner of the world, it’s difficult to put down the recording devices … you know, just in case posterity needs it …Everyone tells me that Annabel’s language development is unusual for a child her age. But I have no idea what that means? She’s around mostly adults all the time. I can’t image we don’t rub off a little in the language area.I think my kid is smart for sure, but is she comparably intellegent to say the kid who goes to college at 12? I have no clue but I doubt it. And even if she were that smart I think I might try and ignore it: we would need WAY more time to save for the college fund.
Great post. Made me say hmmmm…I guess I do tend to point out the annoyances and trials and tribulations of having 3 boyz, but rarely do I cheer at their individual accomplishments.Note to self: must focus on the positive developments MORE.
Thanks Liz for such an interesting topic to think about and some even more interesting commentary in the comments.I was recently in a situation where another Mother would NOT shut up about her daughter and how brilliant she is and a close friend of mine jumped in and started bragging about my kids but this woman was not about to be outdone. I was so put off by it I just quit talking to her.As another before me put it, early achievement does not always translate into later sucess. I could give numerous examples but what purpose does it serve? All kids are amazing and parents should be able to talk about accomplishments without fear of retribution but as with anything, it only takes a few to ruin that party for everyone.The important thing for me is that my kids know that I think they are awesome no matter what they do and when they do it.Thanks again for bringing up such a thought provoking topic!
I think it’s easier to talk about poop and boogers because people do get pissed at you for bragging. Even when you’re not really bragging, they are more than willing to think you are. Trust me, the looks I get when I say Maya’s in an accelerated kindergarten are priceless…and not necessarily in a good way.However, I do think we should be able to celebrate our kids accomplishments without the fear of judgement. So…I think Thalia being so verbal before two years old is awesome. I for one, am thrilled to hear about her brilliance. Here goes mine, Maya made brownies with almost no help this weekend. Yes, they were out of a box, but she added the crap and did it all except for putting it in the oven and taking it out. And Nata, well she takes pictures of herself all the time with the camera on my phone. Maybe not a great accomplishment, but still it’s dam cute to find pictures of your toddlers eye and nostril on your cell three days later. See now, that wasn’t so hard.
Dude I brag ALL DAY LONG about my kids on my blog. But then again, a big chunk of the reason I write it is for them. They’re going to read it someday and I don’t want them to ever think I was apologetic for their accomplishments when the reality is that I couldn’t be prouder.
I have to echo Fairly Odd Mother’s sentiments here. Early abilities often have no association with later ones.Kid #1 was reading at 2…self-taught. I didn’t HAVE to brag; as long any words were around, he could crow singlehandedly. Of course, he wasn’t trying to brag…just doing what came naturally to him. I have many witnesses. And I remember getting lots of nasty looks from them. Thought he’d be a literary genius. (Nope.)Yes, he’s very smart at 18, and has been accepted by a top university, but math trumps reading exponentially in his world. His favorite read is the sports page.#2-the ‘slow’ one- wasn’t reading fluently until 4. Gasp ! What was wrong with him? We’d done all the same things…Now you can’t find him without a book in his hand, and he is a far more talented writer than his brother. Not to mention a ceaseless philosopher who carries the weight of the world on his shoulders, while his brother is content to watch a ball game.So I agree with Slouching Mom as well: this stuff is so very genetic that we have quite limited control over it all. I honestly believe that one of my sons was encoded with what it takes to be a writer, the other endowed with a whip-smart math brain.And they complement each other nicely.Off to pick them up from The- Academy-for-the- Oh-So-Frightfully-Gifted…
Liz – This statement “Let’s face it, it’s easier to bond with other women by confessing our insecurities and shortcomings rather than our successes” – HELL YEAH! I feel this holds true about many things, including our roles as mommies (we share countless instances of why it’s hard or trying or thankless, but I’m finding it harder and harder to find those willing to share that life as a mother is good). Re: accomplishments – It really depends who I’m sharing the info with. Family – oh, I brag (b/c they do know that my children are the most beautiful and smartest children on the planet and they will not take offense since they know the truth
). But seriously, no competition going on.Friends w/no children or much older children – I like to share accomplishments or show pictures and say “look at how beautiful my children are.” Again, no competition to worry about.Friends w/children around the same age – I’m careful b/c I don’t want to be one of those mommies who is trying to compete, one-up, etc. So I might say “yeah, G is doing that too” when they mention something their kid is doing.I’m thrilled with G’s (will be 4 in June) interest in puzzles. He has several 24 & 35 piece puzzles he likes to put together.And he is constantly saying things like “I want you to be my friend” or “I like you” or best of all, saying “I like E.” He’s FINALLY warming up to his baby sister!!!E is 18 months and has started to really assert her independence (i.e., not wanting to hold my hand when we walk). And she can say “I love you” although it comes out like “ah laaa lou” – G didn’t say that forever.
My baby girl, B (9) sings like a bird. She walks around the house all day singing, and completely on key. She is the only one of our 3 that actually got our love for music. It’s blissful!
Yesterday, in his quest to avoid a nap, my 3 yr old son Gabe crawled into my lap, said, “I wanna lay on your shoulder, Mama,” snuggled in and sighed, and then said, “Mama, you’re my beeeeesssssstt friend. And you’re safe now. I’ll keep you safe.”My heart burst. I wanted to laugh, cry, and announce his reigning compassion to the entire world, all at the same time.
Bossy thinks you’d do well in her circle of friends where speaking positively about one’s kids is just as likely as the self-deprecating Mommy Stand-up routines. But Bossy is usually slumped in the corner wishing the conversation could turn to Great Danes because lord does Bossy have a smart one!
Well said and so true. My daughter has had a beautiful head of brown hair since she was born and I have always been downplaying because I really do get a lot of compliments about it and I actually felt bad. That is messed up. It makes me smile when my 15 month grabs a book and lays on her back and pretends to read it to me. This is also the same girl who holds dog toys in her mouth and pretends to be a dog.
I ditto the recommendation to read that article, interesting stuff! Now I’m all self-conscious when I tell the kids they’re smart! I try to be a little more constructive w/my praise now.
Meaghan, thank you for that – that article was actually what I set out to write about at first but my meandering mind works in mysterious ways…I’m not sure I entirely agree with it. I figure if it’s okay to tell our daughters that they are pretty it’s okay to tell them that they’re smart too. But hey, maybe I’ll have to work on that post after all.
I brag a little about my daughter’s accomplishments, although it’s really not all that often. I think it’s mainly because I don’t see her accomplishments as anything outstanding – in other words, there is always someone who can tell me their kid did it sooner, faster, or better, and then I don’t feel as proud. So let’s see: she can count to 19 now, but can’t figure out what comes next. She can recognize some shapes and colors, although orange and red are always mixed up. And she’s finally learned to tell me when she has a messy diaper, but can’t quite notice until she’s already gone in her diaper, which is making any steps towards potty training slow going.She’s also created three unique songs using the word “TV” over and over, that she sings non-stop until someone turns on the TV for her.
First off, I didn’t bother to read any other comments because obviously they won’t live up to my sweet pea’s accomplishments. She can count to 29 in Swahili. Plus, she can swear in like 20 different languages (although strangely it all sounds like fuck)hmmm. and she can give you a kiss like you are the only person who exists on the planet that has any meaning to her.
I have never even thought about this before, but you are so right.So, what are we up to?Heck, I am just glad that the potty training is over. Oh, and that Katie knows the words to (and can recite them on demand) “Pump It” by The Black Eyed Peas. Hallelujah.Carrie
I actually have some thoughts on this issue–that it’s part of a posture we adopt, almost as a form of apology for writing. “look, I know I blog about myself and my kids, but I’m not *really* up my own arse, honest.”But I will dream up an awe-post that is not too cringeworthy, just for you.
I’ve always been rather horrified at how much some mothers — almost never fathers — will talk down about their kids. It’s appalled me to the point that I really try not to mention any negatives my kid might have to fellow parents. It just seems to be not supportive. Perhaps it’s as you say; they don’t want to be viewed as the boasting sorts. I’ve just found it rather cruel. I love my kids. They are usually sweet. They aim to please. They try their hardest. And they make me laugh. And they’re happy. And I’m so glad they’re thriving.
Interesting post….I know I downplay things my kids do at times, depending on who I’m talking to. Even though any bragging I do is not intended as “my kid is better than yours” it seems people can’t help but take it that way. (Not all, but some.)My oldest (8) is a reader. I love to read, so this makes my heart swell with pride. My youngest (4) is starting to learn to write, which will put him well ahead of his brother when he starts K this fall.
Oh yea! This should be fun… my 4 year old is an amazing horsewomen. Naturally talented and able to feel what the horse is going to do. Watching her takes my breath away. The first time she rode a horse by herself (at 3) she had complete control and confidence.
I generally tell stories about Shecky that amuse me. He’s almost 7 and has this weird, dry, highly developed sense of humor for a kid his age. I blame my father! heh. He’s smart. Has made all A’s a B’s this year. His teachers always adore him. I got an email from his teacher last week. He told her he may not be back at that school next year (We’re moving but unsure where just yet) and she wanted to let me know that it made her sad that she wouldn’t see his sweet smile next year in the halls.
Oh! And he loves his Mommah most of all Gods thingies… (that’s a quote heh)
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