Yesterday I met a woman in the park who described her panic as she went to the hospital with some mild spotting, only to be admitted, and have her second daughter delivered 7 weeks early. They had no crib, no nursery, and no names.
And then I realized–
We’re due in 7 weeks.
And we have no names.
Oh my God, we have no names.
This baby is due in less than two months and we’ve barely even discussed names. Which only worries me because by this time in my first pregnancy, we had finally agreed on Thalia. And that was after four consistent months of non-stop debating and negotiating and crying (mostly me) and cajoling and the occasional tantrum-having and hair-pulling and door-slamming.
If she had been a boy? No problem. We spit into our palms and shook on boys’ names in about four seconds. But for a girl? Nothing. Nada. No dice.
Here was the typical conversation between Nate and I about girls’ names last go-round:
Him: What about Gibson?
Me: Gibson? Like Mel? What part of “I’m a Jew” don’t you understand?Him: Yeah but we can call her Gibbs.
Me: Why would we do that?
Him: For Joe Gibbs.
Me: Great.
Him: Then how about Clinton Portis.
Second typical conversation:
Him: What if we name her Jezebel?Me: Why, just to piss off your mother? I’m not giving her a name just so you can call your family and say haha, guess what we named her.
Him: Okay, then how about naming her Thereisnogod.
Me: Great.
Him: Well you did want a T name…
Third typical conversation:
Me: I like the name Grace.
Him: BWAHAHAHAHA. Grace? That’s like the worst name EVER. No. Absolutely not. Who names their kid Grace? I don’t even think it’s a real name.
Me: You’re overreacting a little, don’t you think?
Him: Not at all. It’s terrible.
Me: You just don’t like it because I suggested it.
Him: Not true! Give me another.
Me: No. You’ll kill anything I suggest.
Him: No I won’t. Come on…
Me: Fine. How about Ava.
Him: Like the chick on Deadwood? NO WAY! THE WORST! YOU HAVE TERRIBLE TASTE! You want everyone to think she’s some 19th century idiot? Ava! Hahahaha! Terrible! Horrible!
Me: What? That’s a beautiful name. You’re a jerk. What the hell are you even talking about, Deadwood?
Him: Ava. On Deadwood. Terrible! The worst!!
Me: That’s Alma.
Him: Same thing. Horrible.
Me: Okay, so Ava is terrible but you are willing to name her Clinton Portis.
Him: Absolutely.
You don’t even want to know what we went through to pick out the crib bedding.
The name trauma was only heightened by our hospital-affiliated Lamaze instructor who put the fear of God into our class, assuring us that we would not be allowed (would not be allowed!) to leave the hospital until we had an infant car seat and a name filled out on that birth certificate form. And apparently, “my partner is an argumentative pain in the arse and would rather make jokes than help me come up with a name” does not constitute a valid excuse. Trust me, I tried.
The pressure!
Not that it was all strife and mayhem. What we were able to agree on for many weeks–at least until the name Thalia entered our consciousness, pulled up a chair, and refused to budge until we acknowledged its its claim as my daughter’s rightful and proper name–was what not to name her. I even saved the list (Yes, I made a list, that happy was I that we could come to terms on something, anything, name-related):
-Courvoisier
-Cher
-Cinderella
-Don Corleone
-Fifi
-Coco
-Roxy/Roxi/Roxie
-Kramer
-Getty Lee
-General Lee
-Constantine
-Jacks
-Madysynne
-Kelly Rippa
-Can of Beans (as much as we both like Tom Robbins)
-Nate Junior
-Jesus
Thank goodness that we can still agree that these names are out of the question. Although I think he does have a fondness for Can of Beans that he won’t quite admit to.
Even so, I’m worried that we have a long way to go, longer than the time we have left, for us to open up some dialogue and get past his “who came up with it” issues. I’m hesitant to initiate the discussion for fear that I will lose any legitimate suggestions I have. It’s like I have to give him some fake names, just to get Mr. Veto-Happy past his power trip of rejection. Or limit his number of challenges, jury selection-style: Okay, you’ve already rejected Apple, Mrs. Spongebob and Ingibjorg. One more than then you have to go with the next one I suggest, whatever it is…
Or if only there were a way for me to telepathically transmit my name list into Nate’s brain so that he could believe they were all his ideas. That might get us a lot further, faster. But something tells me it’s just not an option right now. And time is limited.
To make matters worse, he’s still suggesting Clinton Portis.
And he doesn’t always laugh after he says it.
——
90 shards of brilliance… read them below or add one
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Good luck! We were able to use the names of grandfathers for our kids but having used up the only two decent names in our immediate ancestry if we have another child we are screwed big time. Hmm…. maybe that is is a sign to stop at two. I have no idea what we would do if we had a girl, my brain is devoid of girl names.
You’ve just hit on one of the fabulous benefits of being a single mom! Since you haven’t yet engaged in this conversation – and it seems that Nate hasn’t brought it up – perhaps he is afraid of you, too?Why don’t you each write your top 10 names on a piece of paper and swap? Maybe you’ll even have one in common?Good luck. I’m sure you’ll hit the jackpot – like you did with Thalia – once again!
I wanted Isla (like island without the nd) for one of my girls but my hubby thought it “too foreign.” ?? I capitulated but only ‘cos I have 2 cousins called Isla already and didn’t want to confuse my poor granny any more. How about a system of omission. You each write down all the names you like and the reasons you each like or dislike them. Give them scores based on this and the one with the strongest like and weakest dislike scores wins.Or give her two names – mammy gets one and daddy the other.
Yeah, the whole naming business is difficult. Here’s what worked for us – may be it could work for you: Round one – We bought a baby book with a gazillion names in it and both went through it putting check marks next to the ones we didn’t hate. Round two – When we both decided that we were done, I went through the book and circled the names that had two check marks next to them. Round three – We decided against naming him after any of our family or close friends. Round four – Any name in the top 20 popular baby names from the past five years got crossed of the list. Round five – I googled the first names we were considering, paired with our last name, just to make sure there weren’t any serial killers, pedophiles, or otherwise unsavory characters out there with the same name. This only eliminated a few names, but I’m still glad we did this. Round six, Consider the initials and what they might spell, if anything, or if they are an abbreviation for anything. Google is also good for this. Hopefully you’ll be closer to picking a name at this point – or at least narrowing it down a little. Best of luck!
He doesn’t let you pick the name after you have to push out that baby? Geesh! You could end up rhyming with Thalia and name her Natalia—see, Nate’s name is in there too!
Sweet merciful crap. I made endless lists, perused every baby name book under the sun and obsessed over names incessantly. He would shrug and say that he couldn’t name the baby til he got a look at it. Then he would make helpful suggestions like “Ulyssys” an “Prudence”. Yes, seriously.The hospital swore it was kicking me out whether or not that kid was named which is too bad, or Baby Boy and I might still be there now.In the end, I am loathe to admit, I too had to wait to get a gander at the little person before I could settle on a name. And in both cases, neither kid got a name that was on any of my lists.Good luck to you…. (I like Tabitha & Tess. Hey, they start with T.)
I love Suzanne’s suggestions on this.
You. are. hilarious. I don’t mean to belittle your pain or ignore your impending deadline.But I’m still laughing at this:“Gibson? Like Mel? What part of ‘I’m a Jew’ don’t you understand?” Classic.
Hi, Delurking to suggest checking out the awesome name board Baby’s Named a Bad, Bad Thing. http://www.bigbadbabynames.com/forum/No relation to the usual inane glitter-up-your-ass baby name boards. You can get some seriously useful name advice and information there.
Maybe the Native Americans had it right. They waited to see the baby and give it time to select one. That baby will have a name, but it’s interesting how different it is when it’s the second. But it’s so much more than a name. Bonnie
Sorry, one more thing just occurred to me: how about Clio? Nice and matchy – another Muse, and, well, it’s really close to Clinton…
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We’re stuck on names, too. If this was a boy, we’d have the name ready to go, but another girl means no name so far.I have a slightly different problem – my husband has shown no interest in wanting to think up a name for this baby, but whenever I suggest something, he just shrugs his shoulders and says, “Nah, I don’t think it fits.” But he won’t give any suggestions. Argh.
Is it wrong for me to say I think I have a crush on Nate? Of course that is wrong. What a stupid question. Almost as stupid as Clinton Portis. But the man does crack me up!We came up with a deal … if was a boy I got naming veto. If it was a girl then he did (of course I made that deall when I was 99% sure it was a boy).We decided on a name loooong before my son was born but then when we met him we were like … what the hell … that is SO not his name. And so we spontaneously picked on the spot. Thank god Can of Beans wasn’t what jumped to mind.
Because I like you, and because I am destined never to have a girl, I herewith offer up for your perusal my top girl names (I will not be offended if you do not like them; I am 39 years old, fer chrissake.)carolinejuliameredithbrittany (KIDDING)josie (josephine)
One morning when I was 35 weeks pregnant, I woke, rolled over, felt a POP! and realized I was lying in a puddle. Showtime! I was very, very unprepared. I did have a carseat, but not much else. You’ll be fine. All they really need is a boob and a dry diaper. They can even, believe it or not, tolerate being called “sweetie” or “peanut” or “princess” until you come up with something suitable. Naming is serious business. Don’t rush it. Oh, and, since you are the one about to be split open like a ripe melon, your choices trump all others.
You could call her Paris and piss off everyone.
I think girl names are so much easier than boy names!! We picked out our son’s name only after he was born, and my OBGYN said “please don’t name him Jack, there are too many Jacks.” So, you could wait and see what your doctor thinks?
Tell Nate he has a week to come up with a recognizable girl’s name or you’re letting Thalia name her.You’ve got about the same age spread going between your girls as I have between my kids. And my oldest was determined that we should name her brother Baby Elmo. So.
Ha Mir! We asked Thalia what she wanted to name her sister and the answers were Apple, Ketchup, and Cat Food.
Oh, names! My baby boy is just over a year, but it took forever to find a name. We didn’t know what we were having, so we had to come up with two lists. His short list included Chairman, Mister, Lasers, Blobert, Thelonious, Socks, and Blockbuster. The beauty of the list, he said? It works for boys or girls.Since we had a boy, I’ll offer up the girl names we did have on the for-real list, which were Camille (family name), Naima (John Coltrane song; jazz fans obviously as who else would consider Thelonious?), and Jolie (courtesy of my daughter who loves all things French). Sometimes, though, you just have to see the little thing first. Good luck!
What, no Jezebel? No Salome? The great whores of antiquity are the best sources of girl names.Then again, Thalia’s got a point with Ketchup. It’s only a matter of time before condiments replace fruit and vegetation as primary sources of celebrity inspiration.
Oh God. Now THIS is a reason enough to never get pregnant again: The name choosing. And my husband and I don’t normally argue. But oy… You could just send him out for take-out after she’s born and then send for the paperwork…
Name her incognito, and all.
HEY!!!! I named my kid GRACE!! lol after a miscarriage and a suoer difficult pregnancy – we decided (even tho we aren’t really religous) that she is here by the “grace” of God- it’s ok I was only offended for like 2 seconds- good luck naming a kid sucks and to thinkthey will be saddled with that for ever..let’s not talk about what and how I named my son-
ooh. The Clio suggestion is fabulous actually. But then again, perhaps not for the daughter of an advertising maven.Maybe Clinton Portis has a sister.
Oh Red Dragons Angel – I only used that as an example of how totally unreasonable and bizarre he acts. Take no offense (even for 2 seconds) -it’s a gorgeous name. Or at least those of us who are sane think as much. Mayberry – yeah, that’s the one hindrance with Clio. It’s like an actor naming his kid Oscar.
As a dancer, I’m partial to Terpsichore, but perhaps Athena would be easier to spell.I think that she who delivers the baby gets to choose the name. Nate can go through his own pregnancy.SwingDaddy and I each made a short list and then discussed the overlaps. Sounds like you might not have many overlaps though!
You can’t have Thelma. Unless you’re willing to share the name with me, that is (assuming I ever have another baby, and assuming it’s a girl). Calliope? Euterpe?I kid
(Clio, suggested above, would be much better). I also like Asha. That’s what I would have named Isaac if he had been a girl. It means hope. I think you should talk to one of Nate’s friends and have Nate’s friend send him a list of baby name ideas, not mentioning that the list came from you.
oh god, i am positively hooting with laughter. if it were up to chris, our child would have most definitely been named after some character from a playstation fighty-game.
Anything but Kaitlyn, Katelynn, Caiytlin, Kaytlinne….you get the picture.Maybe you should name her Baby-201. You can call her Twosie. Or NumbahTwo. Or Chase.Just sayin.
/delurk/my daughter came 4 weeks early, 4 days before we were supposed to move…we were in ‘move first, then have baby’ mode…so NOT PREPARED. We were one of those parents with the toe-tapping nurse at the door going ‘she does have to be named before you can take her home tomorrow’. She was ‘Baby Girl’ for a day and a half while Dad and I between frantic phone calls to the lender trying to find out if our mortgage would go thru or not…pulled out the baby books and hashed out a name. Truthfully, I liked being able to look at her with my list and make the decision that way. We will prob do the same with #2 (not having #2 in a hospital anyway, so the toe-tapping nurse will be out of the picture LOL)/relurk/
Sounds like someone is a Redskins fan! I say she who gives birth gets to pick the name.
You could do what we do down South. Find a name that sounds good yelled out the back door. My poor, poor children. If we had had another girl she would have been named Evangline Ann. Why? Who knows, I just think it sounds good yelled really loud in my New Orleans accent.No worries, my 4.5 yr old daughter is now named after a stripper or so I was told by anyone who we told the name before she was born. At least, she will have profession when she grows up.
When I was pregnant with #1, we had nearly the exact same conversation, as in verbatim, about Ava/Alma and the realtion to Deadwood! I almost peed when I read that. This time around, we just found out we’re having a girl and we haven’t agreed just yet. Luckily we still have 23 weeks left to fight it out. Good luck!
Ah yes, the dreaded name discussion. I have 2 girls who were both named hours before we were admitted to the hospital for induction. I mean hours! Of course dh is convinced it was his idea. And we never did come up with an agreed upon boy name, and we did not know the sex of the baby, or did we?
Babies with names that have stories behind them are always good. For instance, my mom was named after Deborah Kerr, because my grandmother said Carey Grant should have been her father (kidding! maybe…), a la An Affair To Remember. Good luck!
Clinton Portis? I dunno…something odd about naming a baby after something that sounds like part of the female genetalia. Could be just me, tho.
Hmmm…We had an easy time with girls’ names and struggled with boys. His suggestions included Cletus, so you can see how well that went. And he vetoed everythign I was saying.Naturally, we’re having a boy.I found the trick. Relate something I like somehow to one of his hobbies. For example, your husband likes the Skins, so what are the names of the cheerleaders? My husband likes scifi. So I worked hard to relate 2 names I like to Star Wars and Buffy the Vampire slayer. Guess what? He decided he likes them now.
Whoa. I actually had to take a giggle break. We had a similar experience with our first. In fact my hubby convinced me of the name “Addison” in the operating room. I think we are avoiding the discussion with this pregnancy. I am hoping I can just fill it in when he is not around. Good luck finding a name. I personally do not mind Clinton Portis; but then again, I thought Mrs. Spongebob was cute too!
Gibson made you think…Mel? I thought Debbie…stuck in the 80′s I guess. I know you said Apple is out but if you move to LA…maybe something that has a New York theme to it….Liberty (not that that flows with Thalia. I am sure that you can come up with a ton of ‘em. Imagine signing your holiday cards:Nate, Liz, Thalia & (at least a double syllable) how bout Phoebe?
I love the names Grace & Ava. Ella is my personal favorite though
We struggled with middle namesMe: What about Rose as a middle name?Hubby: Rose? What is she 80?We did figure it out. Unfortunately, I was one of those who’s babe (our 2nd) arrived 6.5 weeks early. I was in complete denial – “we’re not ready!!!!!!!!!!” “I’m not ready!!!!”
With our oldest daughter, we had three names chosen, and couldn’t decide. The nameplate on her hospital bassinette had each name written in, and then crossed out. The night before we were released from the hospital, we called my husband’s best friend and let him pick. Our youngest daughter was not named at ALL until three days after we went home. Our indecision earned me a trip to a government agency wherein I had to fill out forms with a newborn, an 18 month old and a three year old. The name we wanted to name her, but couldn’t bring ourselves too for the lifelong spelling/pronunciation problem, was Siobahn. I still look at that name as the “one that got away.”
Gibson. That’s too funny. I read about someone who chose that name because of the guitar. Lucas was my choice, but we both agreed on Jackson… until I squeezed out that giant head and Jamie said, “He doesn’t look like a Jack. He’s a Lucas.” I still don’t know if he threw me a bone because I was split open like melon, or if he realized I was right, but give yourself a chance to change your mind when you finally see the baby’s face. (And not to freak you out, but my girlfriend was having a second girl that was already named– until she came out a he. Hmm).I’ve got 10 weeks left and feel sooooo unprepared this time around. We only have a girl’s name picked. And we’re feeling like it’s a boy. I’ll trade you your boy’s name for our girl’s?! Here’s one for ya: When I was a teen, I was working at an amusement park and actually hear a woman yell at her toddler, “Bacchus! Sit down!” Um…
I had a friend in high school with the first name Phaedra.
Ted’s name of choice for Maya, had she been a boy, was Chester Farragut. He was kidding, mostly, but thank god we had a girl, because he got to fill out the paperwork. What’s wrong with Getty Lee?
You guys sound just like my husband and I when we were trying to settle on baby names, particularly for our firstborn. It was maddening!
ugh, I hear you. Took us four years to come up with our first name, then we had < 6 month for #2. I said it had better be a girl as we had no more boy names. My husband's usual response "I like it, but not for our kid." We finally managed to find one by not talking about it to anyone. My friend found out you could leave the hospital without a name, but lied about that to her husband or he woudl never have decided.Good luck.
Hmm, looks like you haven’t considered the name Salad yet….My husband and I spent our last hour in the hospital waiting to take our baby home and trying to come up with a name so we could sign papers and leave! Nerve wracking! Finally you just have to pick a name and tell yourself s/he can change his/her own name later if s/he wants.
Wow – we have one due in 2-3 weeks, and she’s been trying to assert her right to name the baby as an adjunct to her child birthing right. (Which hey – you can <>have<> the birthing rights – no argument there.)Do you remember the Jim Carey movie The Truman Show, where in lieu of commercials there were product placements designed to influence your taste in consumables? You might try the same method – find stories of people with your desired names who demonstrated acts of brilliance or heroism, and mention them to him. As in “Honey, there was this story I just read about some guy named Hyperbole Jones (or other desirable name) who saved a busload of children who were on their way to a Redskins game. That must be quite a guy, that Hyperbole Jones.”
How about Lilith in lieu of Jezebel?
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