Yesterday I met a woman in the park who described her panic as she went to the hospital with some mild spotting, only to be admitted, and have her second daughter delivered 7 weeks early. They had no crib, no nursery, and no names.
And then I realized–
We’re due in 7 weeks.
And we have no names.
Oh my God, we have no names.
This baby is due in less than two months and we’ve barely even discussed names. Which only worries me because by this time in my first pregnancy, we had finally agreed on Thalia. And that was after four consistent months of non-stop debating and negotiating and crying (mostly me) and cajoling and the occasional tantrum-having and hair-pulling and door-slamming.
If she had been a boy? No problem. We spit into our palms and shook on boys’ names in about four seconds. But for a girl? Nothing. Nada. No dice.
Here was the typical conversation between Nate and I about girls’ names last go-round:
Him: What about Gibson?
Me: Gibson? Like Mel? What part of “I’m a Jew” don’t you understand?Him: Yeah but we can call her Gibbs.
Me: Why would we do that?
Him: For Joe Gibbs.
Me: Great.
Him: Then how about Clinton Portis.
Second typical conversation:
Him: What if we name her Jezebel?Me: Why, just to piss off your mother? I’m not giving her a name just so you can call your family and say haha, guess what we named her.
Him: Okay, then how about naming her Thereisnogod.
Me: Great.
Him: Well you did want a T name…
Third typical conversation:
Me: I like the name Grace.
Him: BWAHAHAHAHA. Grace? That’s like the worst name EVER. No. Absolutely not. Who names their kid Grace? I don’t even think it’s a real name.
Me: You’re overreacting a little, don’t you think?
Him: Not at all. It’s terrible.
Me: You just don’t like it because I suggested it.
Him: Not true! Give me another.
Me: No. You’ll kill anything I suggest.
Him: No I won’t. Come on…
Me: Fine. How about Ava.
Him: Like the chick on Deadwood? NO WAY! THE WORST! YOU HAVE TERRIBLE TASTE! You want everyone to think she’s some 19th century idiot? Ava! Hahahaha! Terrible! Horrible!
Me: What? That’s a beautiful name. You’re a jerk. What the hell are you even talking about, Deadwood?
Him: Ava. On Deadwood. Terrible! The worst!!
Me: That’s Alma.
Him: Same thing. Horrible.
Me: Okay, so Ava is terrible but you are willing to name her Clinton Portis.
Him: Absolutely.
You don’t even want to know what we went through to pick out the crib bedding.
The name trauma was only heightened by our hospital-affiliated Lamaze instructor who put the fear of God into our class, assuring us that we would not be allowed (would not be allowed!) to leave the hospital until we had an infant car seat and a name filled out on that birth certificate form. And apparently, “my partner is an argumentative pain in the arse and would rather make jokes than help me come up with a name” does not constitute a valid excuse. Trust me, I tried.
The pressure!
Not that it was all strife and mayhem. What we were able to agree on for many weeks–at least until the name Thalia entered our consciousness, pulled up a chair, and refused to budge until we acknowledged its its claim as my daughter’s rightful and proper name–was what not to name her. I even saved the list (Yes, I made a list, that happy was I that we could come to terms on something, anything, name-related):
-Courvoisier
-Cher
-Cinderella
-Don Corleone
-Fifi
-Coco
-Roxy/Roxi/Roxie
-Kramer
-Getty Lee
-General Lee
-Constantine
-Jacks
-Madysynne
-Kelly Rippa
-Can of Beans (as much as we both like Tom Robbins)
-Nate Junior
-Jesus
Thank goodness that we can still agree that these names are out of the question. Although I think he does have a fondness for Can of Beans that he won’t quite admit to.
Even so, I’m worried that we have a long way to go, longer than the time we have left, for us to open up some dialogue and get past his “who came up with it” issues. I’m hesitant to initiate the discussion for fear that I will lose any legitimate suggestions I have. It’s like I have to give him some fake names, just to get Mr. Veto-Happy past his power trip of rejection. Or limit his number of challenges, jury selection-style: Okay, you’ve already rejected Apple, Mrs. Spongebob and Ingibjorg. One more than then you have to go with the next one I suggest, whatever it is…
Or if only there were a way for me to telepathically transmit my name list into Nate’s brain so that he could believe they were all his ideas. That might get us a lot further, faster. But something tells me it’s just not an option right now. And time is limited.
To make matters worse, he’s still suggesting Clinton Portis.
And he doesn’t always laugh after he says it.
——
90 shards of brilliance… read them below or add one
Here’s a baby name website:http://www.babynamegenie.com/It lets you enter in what the baby’s last name will be and gives suggestions…it might give you some good ideas or it might just serve to make the reject list even longer!
I absolutely stand by the fact that naming two actual humans was the scariest thing I’ve ever done. Jane. No one can quibble with Jane. Same logic goes for Joe if unnamed fetus happens to be male. Good Luck.
I tried the baby name genie…it spit out Sierra Sheila. Followed by Mandy Mia. I guess it has a thing for alliteration.
In her very cool book, The Baby Name Wizard, Laura Wattenberg has this to say about the name Thalia:“Popularity: #603Style: Lacy and Lissome, Latino, Mythological, Nickname-ProofSisters: Selena, Mireya, Reyna, Athena, MayaBrothers: Dimitri, Jairo, Darian, Rodrigo, Alvaro. The Greek Muse of comedy, Thalia is starting to find an audience in the US, largely due to a Mexican singing star. A creative choice with a classical pedigree to back it up.” On the Baby Name Wizard site you can track the rise and fall of names’ popularityhttp://babynamewizard.com/namevoyager/lnv0105.html Here are some names related to Thalia stylistically that I would suggest (I know you didn’t actually ask for suggestions, but as an inveterate name nerd, I just can’t help myself):Artemisia, Cassia, Cora, Viola, Vera, Marcella, Flora, Iris, Freya, Verity, Daria, Felice/Felicity, Mira, Anthea
If he were serious he’d throwing out Ladell Betts as a backup
I was number 6 of 7 (kind of like a borg) and I’m sure my parents never even had a discussion about the fact we have four Carl’s already in the family, let’s name her Carla. I love my sisters but they have the unisex names. Gale and Royce. I personally like the name Lynden for a girl, but I’m not pregnant and won’t be….ever, my eggs are out of code!
Just for the record, I love the name “Grace” too. My hubby thinks it sounds like an old woman name. Not quite sure why he thinks that though.
Well, it could be Portia (after Portis) Or Petunia, ’cause that is funny.But “T” names… Uh. Theodora? Since it has Th like Thalia?
Very funny post. Be glad you are having a girl. I think boys are even harder. My husband and I couldn’t agree on anything. Even in recovery we were still not in agreement. You’d think after two days of labor I’d have a little pull. Here’s a post I wrote abou tcurrent baby naming trend, maybe it will be helpful:< HREF="http://www.mommypoppins.com/?p=43" REL="nofollow">Follow the trend of Unique Baby Names<>
You wait until she is born and then use the “I just pushed a watermelon out my hoo-ha, did you?” line of arguments. Cuts down on a lot of vetos.Or do what Susannah suggested. *lol*
How about Lydia? Amelia? Seraphym? Claire?
Ha! When I read the Deadwood conversation I was thinking the same thing… Ava, there’s no Ava on Deadwood. It’s not like you want to name her Jewel or Trixie.
WHY are girls’ names so much harder? We had no trouble with boys names but were very relieved never to have girls who would have remained nameless for months! For some reason naming a child after Eleanor Roosevelt or Emma Goldman just didn’t make sense to dad. And I wasn’t having any of those old Russian things he wanted. We were saved – both because we had a boy and because he knew who he should be. We had a name chosen really early for child #2 -James (Sweet Baby James, right?) — and then he appeared and he just was NOT a James and we immediately, in the delivery room, knew he should be Daniel. Which is who he is.Sometimes the names choose the children.
I kind of like the name Thereisnogod. Very unique!But then again, I BEGGED and PLEADED with my wife to let us name our son Iggy.
SofiaShoshanaMaraMauraKateLolaBethany
The hubs and I are stuck in the name game right now. As our fourth trip down this road, it seems like we have used up all the good names.He is insisting on Elmer for a boy (after a relative) and Wilde (pronounced will-dee) for a girl.Apparently, adopting a handicapped kid isn’t enough for him. He want’s to make sure his child is beat on a regular basis on the playground.Good luck to you!
I’m very partial to Ava (since it’s my daughter’s name), but if it was up to my husband she would’ve been “Lebron James” whether we had a boy or girl. Clinton Portis was a close second.
You are hilarious. In a good way.
Delurking to say the naming thing is definitely sucky…We like:-Emerson Grace-Katherine Iylish (like Irish only with an “L”)-Isabelle MarieBut I agree with the others… it’s hard to actually set your mind on one name until you know what the little one looks like. Good Luck!
That’s (more than) slightly disturbing about the names the Genie website popped out. And here I thought it was just that my last name didn’t have anything decent to go with it…
Just use May.Or have him go through the IKEA catalogue and highlight any word he likes in there and then get really drunk paper the living room and try to settle it with a game of darts.you could get a sitter, right?
When we had our second daughter we left the decision down to the second we were leaving the hospital. I had vetoed all the popular 80′s names that my husband suggested the first time around. It confused me further when he agreed to my choice. I thought for sure he was trying to trick me so then I started looking for other ideas. Naming babies is too much pressure! I hope you look into her eyes in seven weeks and just know.
What an interesting way to choose names.My baby’s names are Olivia and Gerome. Olivia was chosen by my in laws. And Gerome was by my parents.So, if one day any of them dislikes the name they’re given…I can say: “Go to your grandparents.”
My husband was pushing for “Nomar” after the ultrasound. Good thing I nixed that one, huh, MR. RED SOX FANATIC! Huh?
Our baby factory is boarded up and deserted now. We only produced males, so I’m sending you all of our girl possibilities. Don’t laugh.India (great-grandmother)Flannery (yes…after the writer)Charlotte (after the spider)Eleanor (Roosevelt)Tierney
I understand where Nate’s coming from. My #1 choice for a boy’s name was Oakley (after famed NY Knicks power forward Charles Oakley.) My #2 choice was Barkley (after Sir Charles.)Barkley Kim. Got a good ring to it, doesn’t it?
That is so funny!! It sounds just like a conversation with my brother Nate.
AaraAdale (or Adalia)Caroline
Velour. After Purple Velour, of course.
Grace is a beautiful name. It’s very popular in the UK at the moment as well. (Is Grace Jones making a comeback?)Mrs C and I were thinking of the name Coco (after the designer for a girl, the clown for a boy) but seeing as our surname is Covey we decided against it in the end.Oh well…
Clinton Portis.Oh dear.You may have to punish him by naming her Dubya.
People always pick on the name Kaitlyn! I SWEAR when I named my daughter Kaitlyn, I was honoring women in my family, and I really thought I was being creative with the spelling. And now there are TONS of Kaitlyns! I just had to say that.I’m sure you will find the perfect name. Hopefully soon
We were in the opposite boat — both times agreed only on girl names, and had two boys!I love Tom Robbins, BTW — Maybe you could name her Tom — it’s a T name after all!
Something EASILY spelled so the baby won’t have to explain it 87,354 times a year to people filling out school forms, etc.No accents or apostrophes, definitely!Suggestions: Mary. Tiger. Kim. Hubcap.The middle name of a relative you’d like to honor (or just because you think the name is cool).
If the baby gets one parent’s last name, the other parent should have the honor of bestowing the first name.That’s fair.
ImogenOr how about Viviane? You know, the Lady of the Lake?How about Josette?I’m just saying, it’s worked for me.
I’ve got a MorghannAshleyPaigeAlexisSadieI always wanted to use the name Laurel********If your husband if like mine he finds it fun to wait til the last minute to say he’s liked one you have for a while now
JAXONOTTOMy list of names NOT to use for son. Jaxon, after his dad’s old dog. Later, he also tried to name daughter Otto. Both times, refused to suggest anything real, only made wicked fun at all suggestions of mine.I finally had to make a list of 15 names for consideration after looking at EVERY name in the 30,000 name book, (my list was complete with all possible nicknames). Presented list to him. He had to choose from this list. I made no comments about the list, nor did I rate them. I refused to discuss anything (dinner, sex, laundry, etc) until he circled three. This way he was not distracted by making fun of my favorites and getting me all riled up. It took a month, but it worked. Both kids had names before we went to the hospital. Gabriel/GabeCharlotte/Charlie
Grace and Ava are currently enormously popular, so I don’t think you’ll have trouble finding people on your side!Our son was not even close to being named until he was three days old, despite our having done all the work (lists, books, hours of discussion) well in advance. I was on the Dexter end of the spectrum and he was on the Gustav end and there was not so much meeting in the middle (me: obsessed with 1950s jazz musicians, he: obsessed with German classical composers, is what that is). We finally ended up using two names that hadn’t much occurred to us until we observed the baby’s very strong personality for a bit; when we checked the book later, we’d each marked both names in the “this name would not make me throw up” category but they hadn’t come up since. He doesn’t have any sort of identity crisis or anything, so I don’t think it’s a cause for prenatal panic. Good luck working it out!
We just received invitations for a birthday party for a little girl named Laybilia. What were they thinking?