I sit here at 36 weeks pregnant, enormous and anxious, pouring through books like 800 Bazillion Baby Names and Simply the Best Baby Name Book in This or Any Known Galaxy and No I Swear This Baby Naming Book is Like, Sooooo Much Better Than the Others. My mechanical pencil is at the ready, that I might excitedly scribble sixteen stars with alternating exclamation points around The Name when I find it.
But for some reason I can’t find it.
Or to be more specific, there are names I like. They are simply not available.
It’s a strange beast, this 21st century baby naming business. Back when I was a wee lass (you know, walking to school uphill both ways, fending off drunken Confederate soldiers, etc.) things were much simpler:
You basically named your daughter Jennifer.
It didn’t matter that your best friend had a Jennifer or that you had two cousins with Jennifers or that the celebrity du jour named her child Jennifer. In fact, you were proud to have chosen such a popular, contemporary name and you didn’t even bother to disguise that fact with eunicque spellings like Jynnyfr or J’Ennifer. You just propped yourself up in that hospital bed, wrote J-E-N-N-I-F-E-R on the birth certificate in your anesthetic stupor, and went right on ahead loving your baby Jennifer as if she were the only baby Jennifer in the whole nursery– never having even a clue that she’d grow up to resent being known as Jennifer P or Jennifer R for the rest of her days.
Today, this will simply not do. The new guidelines (surely made by a bunch of Jennifers, seeing as how they now rule the world) dictate that you may not use a baby name that has been taken by anyone you know, anyone you vaguely know, anyone you used to know but haven’t seen since your high school reunion, anyone known by anyone you know or used to know or vaguely know, or, worst of all, anyone who’s ever appeared between the covers of US Weekly.
These new mandates on name ownership evidently have had some impact. If you spend a few moments at the Social Security Administration’s names database (a great place to while away those long third trimester days), you’ll learn that the top 20 names in 1972 comprised 15% of all children. Today, the same top 20 is half that. There’s just a greater pool of names to choose from today, and so, you’re expected to find one that’s gone unclaimed within your social circle.
If you deign to steal a friend’s name (yes, I have heard this actual expression used) in lieu of finding a shiny new one, expect to fend off passive-agressive remarks like “Mind if I refer to her as Chloe II?” Or “How very Swedish of you.”
Therein lies my problem.
In a nutshell, I have friends and family with excellent taste, damn them. Their kids have fantastic names– hardly a clunker in the whole lot. And since I’m getting such a late start on this whole baby business, that leaves me, essentially, with the remnants.
You know things are tough when you flip through the increasingly dog-eared pages of one of the baby name books and realize that in a wholly sober state you circled Isis.
While my readers have been kind enough to offer up their rejects or even their own names (because certainly none of them will offer those of their children) over the past weeks, I have yet to find one with that magical combination of “awesome!” and “wow, I can’t believe no one I know has used that yet.”
And so, I continue to look for inspiration, holding out hope that The Name will come to me before that first contraction starts. I look through lists of Shakespearean names. Poets. Goddesses. I scan IMDB for Oscar Winners of the 1940s. I browse museum websites for favorite artists. I even humor Nate and try to look through the Redskins roster for a name he might go along with besides Clinton Portis. (Or Clintonia Portia, as Jaelithe cleverly suggested.) Then every so often, I think I’m onto something.
“I like the idea of a name from the natural world,” I tell a friend. “Maybe something floral?”
“Nice!”
“But I’m afraid the only unclaimed options are Calendula, Nasturtium or Wandering Jew.”
“How about Rose?” she suggests.
“I know two just in our building.”
“Okay, well Lily is sweet.”
“That’s Melissa’s daughter’s name.”
“Pansy?”
“Nope.”
“Daisy?”
“No way.”
“Dahlia?”
“Dahlia and Thalia…”
“Yeah, that’s not good. Okay, so Fern.”
“Unfortunately Jennifer just named her daughter that last week.”
“Jennifer R?”
“Jennifer P.”
And so it goes.
—–
Want to read this again in another typeface? Check out Time Out New York Kids where every Monday my posts show up there too as a “column.” (Fancy!) Even if you don’t want to read this again, click over for great urban parenting tips and kid-friendly diversions ’round New York way.
103 shards of brilliance… read them below or add one
Next Comments →
My friend named her daughter Gemma, as in Gem. One can lovingly sing-song “Gemma Gem” to call her. It’s sweet. I’m a late baby producer picking my own girl name out now as well. Best of luck to you.
Maybe, if you’re able to do it, wait to choose a name until after your baby is born… then something might come to you once you’ve gotten to know them a bit… your families will hate it, but it takes the pressure off… ?!? plus, baby 101 has a good ring to it in the meantime
When pregnant the first time and expecting a boy, my husband and I had a hard time agreeing on a name. The day after delivery when the hospital employee came back to the room to decide if we had a name I gave in and used hubby’s name. I didn’t want just baby boy. Good news, though. When second child was expected, I declared I would choose the name and I did.
I am a Kim, my best friends since high school are all Kim’s, I totally get the Jennifer thing. My daughters are Jessica and Taylor. I don’t really like either of their names, but so go the compromises made by hormonal woman. I am also a substitute teacher and find reading role one of my favorite actives! Here are name I would NOT suggest, (all girl names in use at my school) Texie, Teria, Canyon, Dared, Gina-Tia, crap there are many more and I have drawn a blank! The big thing here in Utah is to make up your own name, use half mom’s name and dads or two names you just love and combine it, its just silly, but very much the way around these parts. I personally love long formal names that the nick names are boys names (gota have a nick name!). I guess its good I am not having any more kids. Good luck!!!
HOw about a favorite book character?Bonnie
We named both of our kids after they were born. With the first it happened because it was an emergency c-section and we couldn’t agree on names. With the second, it was just plain old procrastination. But once the kids were born it took about 2 minutes to pick a name. I’m not sure why it was so much easier then, but it was.I was accidentally called Jennifer about 5000 times as a child. Every time someone tells me I look like a Jennifer, I want to smack them.
I picked out my daughter’s name in high school, and I’d have been devastated if someone I knew used it between then and the ten years later when my daughter was born. (Equally horrifying was the idea that I’d have two sons!)My mother-in-law hates the name, and went so far as to tell my husband when I was pregnant that she really hoped we wouldn’t use that name, because she thinks it sounds like a boy’s name. Anyway, I named her Harper Lee (after THE Harper Lee) and I love it, I think it sounds very feminine, and I’m so glad I got to name her that. I’ve had a lot of positive feedback, with a cousin of my husband saying she and her husband are really jealous that she didn’t think of it first. (Of course, I’ve also had people look at me like I’m crazy too.)I never had any second-tier names, because my husband really liked Harper too so I don’t have anything to offer up. (But if you did like Harper, I wouldn’t hunt you down for using it. I live in Indiana and you don’t *know* me, so feel free if you have the inclination. If not, well then just name her Prudence. I think that has a nice ring to it.)
I can see already that when Fiance and I decide to spawn, we’re in big trouble. We like names that other people have picked and we aren’t afraid to use them.So far we like the names:Sophie (niece)Ethan (cousin)Caleb (friend’s son)Rose (nieces, plural, and also a friend’s dog)Oh, and Thalia (um, the daughter of that one mom whose blog I read)It’s okay. If you choose something that’s already taken, I’m sure I’ll join you in the Parents Blacklisted Playground someday soon =) My kids are going to be known by their last name initial if it’s the last thing I do, damnit!
Hell, no one names their kid Jennifer anymore. You’d be positively trendsetting.
ok since i apparently didn’t jump on the bandwagon earlier with name offering…my name is alison, which i must admit i love. my child’s name is william david, but i don’t think that’s gonna help you much…i’m pregnant, i think it’s a girl, i don’t have any great names either, but the ones up for discussion are evie, paige, grace, hailey. i really like evie, hubby not so much, and i have always liked paige. not sure if it helps but thought i would throw my names into the ring.
I haven’t named a baby in almost 12 years…and since I know you’re just dying to know the names I never got to use because I only had 2 kids and not the 6 I planned on having when I was 12, I offer you my non-used, outdated choices.ZoeTessa (or Tess)PhoebeAvaEvan (yes, for a girl, I read it once and thought it was brilliant)Aubreyand then there is always the Hebrew collection:ShiraShaynaEdenSimoneShoshanahShifraLeahGOOD LUCK. And remember, she will become whatever you name her, and you won’t ever imagine her being anyone else!
Well, I’ve run into one or two other little girls named Marley (my daughter’s name) but, it definitely isn’t as popular as Jennifer! Feel free if you like it. The only problem is people assume we named her after Bob Marley. She’s quite feisty, though. If the name of your child has any sort of cosmic impact on what his/her personality ends up being like, then Marley is a Wild Thing.
Ella?OK, I’ll stop.I was Sarah A. all through grade school, and there was also a Sarah L. and a Sara D.You know it’s bad when you start taking pride in your ‘h’; “That’s Sarah with an ‘h’,” I’d say, “it’s much prettier that way.”It is, isn’t it?
LOL, yes, I’m not jealous of you. We were trying to help my sister name the baby-to-come and she was ready to shoot us all. Isis? Well, at least we know she’d be mighty. I’d let you know what our ‘rejects’ are, but I fear I’ve deleted all those files. When I was young, my favorite name was Cassandra, so she could be Cassie. I also LOVED Tess but J. was 100% against it. That’s all I’ve got for today.
I am a Jennifer. This is why I wanted a slightly unique, but not weird name for my daughter due in May.Ainsley.You can use it if you’d like. Your welcome.
I was one of many Melissa’s all through school… We liked old fashioned/classic names that shorten well: Josephine (Josie,) Vivianne (Viv.) Also loved Tristan for a girl, but hubby nixed it. Sadie?The hard thing for me was to find a name that is complimentary to the older child’s name. I practiced calling the kids and narrowed my list dramatically that way. Good luck!
Try having a sister-in-law (or two or three) that insist on popping out five or more children, each and thereby using up all the cool names in just ONE family.I’m stuck letting the kids pick names based on video game preferences.
you can’t go wrong with jennSTER! you know it!
You know you forgot in your list of forboden names…Ex-boyfriends (or girlfriends), the names of the people the ex dated either right before or after you, the names of ex’s immediate family members you may have interacted with, names of those annoying popular kids when you were in High School, names of the losers in high school, names of celebrities recently in rehab, name of a fat aunt, or the alcoholic uncle (or vice versa, I guess).When we were done we had left,Eunice, Cassandra, and Freida.We took Cassandra. Because beside it not being taken on its own, it also works to the “short names” of Cassie (which we liked) and Sandra or Sandy (which we didn’t but could use in a pinch).
Here’s another great website…the advanced search feature was really helpful and fun when picking names.http://www.behindthename.com/
Names that go well with Thalia:MaiaIlanaMirandaVivienne (from upthread)JulianaYou could use Cleo and have two muses Clio wouldn’t go so well these days), but that might be a bit much . . .
Stargazer Airfern Portishead
So I am a huge lurker and have never commented before. Having just made it through the other end of the baby naming tunnel, I figured I may as well share our final options with you. And there’s nothing more acceptable than ‘stealing’ a baby name from some stranger on the internet. It’s not like we’ll every meet.For a girl we have Evelyn Mae. We’ll call her Mae for as long as she lets us. But Evie, Eve, and Lynn are all backup nick names for when she’s 13 and hates the name we picked. For a boy Henry Edward. Which, is extremely common but a family name that doesn’t sound heinously ancient (our only other almost normal option was Algot)I hope that helps.Oh, my name is Helen. Which, at least isn’t common.Best of luck to you! At least you know you’ll settle on something eventually!
Here are a few of my fave girl names. I had a boy.Alexa, Audrey, Celia, Elaine, Madeleine, or Sofie. Or name her a cool word like “Ace.” Just thought I’d throw those out there. You’re welcome. Lisa
no way. do not EVEN talk to me about getting names from the “remnants” of other names. my name is flat-out LEFTOVERS. what do i mean by that? i meant that my name and my sister’s name are an anagram of my parents’ names. that means that my parents chose my sister’s name, then said, “hey, look! that has three letter from each of our names! what letters are left over?” and they arranged them into my name.talk about remnants.there are lots of names i like and could suggest, but your biting wit scares me, and i’m afraid you’ll laugh at them all. so instead, i’ll keep them to myself and mock them in my head on your behalf.
You would be more than welcome to any of my child’s names, but unfortunately he’s a boy. When you were growing up did you ever have a name that you wished your parents had given you? Instead of the one they did? Perhaps that would work. Great to meet you at BlogHer!
Hi. I’ve been reading for awhile, but never commented.I have four kids-Logan William, Madeleine(Maddie)Frances, Hannah Leigh and Blake Edward.I know of someone who has two girls-the youngest is a Thalia and the oldest is Annalise (also spelled Annelise). I think they are both beautiful names and go well together.Good luck in your decision!Erin
We had some great (in our opinion, of course) girls’ names picked out before we got the results of the amnio. My husband’s Korean, so if it was a boy the baby had to have a Korean generational name (limited flexibility there — it had to end in -ki and not sound stupid in either English or Korean) for its middle name. For girls the generational name doesn’t matter (normally something I’d get all Feminist about, but in this case, I was more, “Yay! Free middle name!”), so we were free to go with a Hawai’ian name (reason too long to explain here). Anyway, our top two choices were:Anna NapiliCharlotte HonokowaiWe liked the idea of combining traditional names with something meaningful to us. (We also liked Jane, but we had a hard time finding a Hawai’an name to go with it.) Of course, POST-amnio, we had to come up with a boy’s name. We didn’t stray too far from Anna, Charlotte, and Jane: We named him after my favorite author. Or the Bionic Man, if you ask my husband.
My mom thought she was being different when she named me Kristen. No Jennifers or Stephanies for her.Yeah. Sorry mom.
I haven’t read all the other responses, so no doubt someone has already suggested this, but I really like the classical names best. Elizabeth, (thought I would guess that is your name) Ellen, Laura/Laurel, Christina, Grace, Jane, Claire….etc. And you have to stop worrying about what the name means now. Because once it is your daughter’s name, all other associations will be null and void. I promise.
Don’t forget pet names, too – those are also off limits. Which means for us, no Shayna, Persha, Cassandra, Ariel, and many others. We had a lot of cats wander in and out when I was growing up, and I gave all of them real names. And once you do pick a good name, someone will then come up with the worst nickname possible to make you rethink the name. Just this week, Aaron’s dad asked, “So Miranda is still in the running, right? We could have a Randy in the family! Or maybe a Randa!” Ugh.I’ll give you my secret name: Mina. Aaron hates it, which is funny since he loves Dracula, but I’ve always thought it to be such a pretty name. Whatever you do, just don’t throw a ‘y’ in where it doesn’t naturally belong.
How about you go Ethnic, Thalia sounds like such an exotic name….Here’s a list we used long ago…Teresa, Julia, Dimitra, Georgia, Melina, Marissa, Marina, Alexia, Kalli, Zoe, Elena, Eleni, Dianna, Karissa, Karina, Katrina.I can’t seemt o find my other lists…. we didn’t name our girls until the VERY last minute before labor induction…. and yes, we picked names from the list above… The other thing I think is that if you want to use a name that a friend or family member has used, use it. My brother used the same middle name I did on my oldest.
Like the other Jennifer, I plan on using Ainsley for a girl. However, I really like Sidney and Sadie. For some reason my next child, I have two boys Conor & Gavin, will end with the long “e” sound. Girl or boy. My husband in Kelly, also an underused girl’s name nowadays. My middle name is Blythe. Polar opposite of Jennifer. My mom was going to name me Blythe Jennifer, but decided it was too uncommon and that Jennifer would be more accepted. Three of my four best friends in high school? All Jennys. Thankfully I was a “Jen!”
We finally decided on Penelope, who we will call Penny for short. It took us a long time the first time around, so I took charge and started in as soon as I found out I was pregnant. I know you will come up with something eventually. And you still have 4 weeks or so!
I adore this post. The name game is so hard to play. When we chose Dawson’s name, I thought I was the only one to use it because I was one of the geeky girls in high school who loved Dawson’s Creek. No one had ever used it for fear of being uncool and now I hear of 3 other Dawson’s born AFTER my son. Such a trendsetter I am. Hah.I refuse to tell anyone any names I’m even THINKING of using and I’m not even pregnant. There’s just too many women pregnant in my town who fight over names like roosters in a hen house! Good luck!
We managed to find both a boy and a girl name when I was pregnant by looking at websites that had names listed by ethnic group. Since my husband is half Irish, we ended up with an Irish name for our daughter, Taryn. So far, no one else we know has that name and we’ve gotten compliments on it. I don’t know what we’ll do if we have another girl because out of 4 books and about a million websites, we only found 1 girl name we liked.
I’m yet another Jennifer and the names I like are:NaomiRuby JeanIslaNinaMy son is Henry Ryman which are both family names and I was so disappointed to discover that Henry is in the top 100 for boys names in my state. But that was his name from the time we knew he was a him and there was no changing it just because the whole of the internets name their sons Henry as well.Another Jennifer, Jenny, Jen, who hasn’t used her first name since 1995.
I hope it’s not too late to pipe in.I’m expecting the baby boy in 9 weeks and I had a list of names, including Leo, Maurice and Victor.My husband took one look at my list and just said, Alexander.Hmm…I agreed, even thought it’s a popular name, it’s not decade or year specific. It’s one of those classic names like Michael, Robert (my husband’s name), William, etc.You’re having a girl, though, right? The girl name was easy enough for us because we picked each grandmother’s name, and ended up with Marie Claire.Some of the names in our family currently (including some school friends):Angela (4 years old)Thomas (4)Emma (4)(extremely popular here)Julia (4)Eden (4)Noa (9 months)Lucas (due in May)Cameron (8)Dean (10)Olivia (nice name, very popular here)Sophie/a (also super popular)The previous commentators have great suggestions too (another reason why I LOVE this site!).Good luck, can’t wait to hear what you finally choose.
What about Nova? It’s different and no one less than extraordinary could ever be called, “Nova”, right?I also really like:NiaNessaNadjaFloral names?What about Iris? Or just, Flora?I LOVE the name, Avalon and will lend it to you if you’d like it… not a reject, either. I just have a feeling boys are in my future. Hee.
I’m willing to offer up the names of my two daughters —The first was easy as it is my MIL’s name (in reverse order) – Marguerite Elaine. We call her Mari, which seems like a better fit for her. We struggled finding a name for the second daughter. I was into vowels and my husband nixed all my favorites – Anka, Anna, Aara. We finally agreed upon Audra Dean. Audra is a name of a co-worker in a remote office (we didn’t name the baby after her; we just liked the name) and Dean is after my father. I like that the two names don’t quite “go” together. And, we haven’t met another little girl named Audra or Mari yet!
i am also a lurker but figured i would throw some names into the large hat you already have. my name is kyle sarena (my 4 year old brother named me after a waiter that they had in a restaurant when my mother was 8 months pregnant and her best friend had just stolen her girl name). girl names i like…. ainsleigh, addisyn, isabella, kevyn…good luck!
It’s such a personal thing. What sounds wonderful to me may sound awful to you. I remember a woman I knew years ago who told me that she named her son Christopher Michael because she thought it was sort of unusual.(blink…blink…blink…)Unusual? I never told her that it was the most vanilla-sounding name on the planet because it obviously worked for her. So…hopefully you’ll find what works for you soon.
Hello – longtime lurker here, out of “lurkerdom.” I’m sure naming a child can be a daunting thing, knowing that name sticks with a child the rest of her life. In my family, we have some good names, some common names though, but feel free to use any of them – Whitney NicoleBrittany NicoleTiffany Ashle (me)Lauren BethanyErica Nicole (yes Nicole’s popular, haha) and soon we’ll have a Sophie Grace.Other names I tend to like, which you’re free to use if you like them:PresleyMercey (with an extra E.) AmelieLachlan (I love this one) Oriana (and this one) Arden (and this one) And my name is Greek. Here are some more Greek names that sound good with your other daughter’s name….Airlia (means ethereal)Kaia (means Earth)Maia (means nurse, mother, goddess)Thea (goddess)Thera (wild)Xylia (wood dweller)And if you’d rather go Shakespeare:ArdenBiancaImogen (unique and uncommon)ReganOpheliaTitanaOthello (I think it would be unique)Good luck. Can’t wait to see what you choose.
“Emery” is a natural world name. It’s a type of mineral and it also happens to be the bestest girl name on the planet.Josephine is a good one too.
Never having a girl, I never had to name one, but for my last pregnanxy, since I didn’t know the sex, I had really liked the name Maia if it was going to be a girl. And where aren’t you being published! How do you have time for all this? Congrats on your new gig with Time Out.
My list of girl names includes Somerset and Marlowe. You’re welcome to them, though they’re rather offbeat, literary and kind of pretentious.
A floral name that I’d suggest is Linnea. There are so many great names within your comments you’ll be able to publish your own book of the Top Recommended Names from the Most Awesome People of the Internet.
Bossy thinks you need to disregard the theory that you can’t share a kid name with a friend – because in fact it’s all been done before.
Iris.Thalia and Iris.Of course I named my sons Ethan and Nathan–#’s 3 and 9 on the list.
Re Rose – you probably won’t be in your building forever.LianaJasmineHave you read the book Freakonomics? There is a chapter on naming your children. Jasmine is considered a “black” name.My father is David. He has two nephews and a grandson named David, my brother’s middle name is David. I have never heard any grumbling about too many Davids.My husband’s mother (born 1894) was named Jennie. Not Jennifer; Jennie.
Next Comments →