I am not in love with my cat. That’s no surprise to readers of this blog–or to those who have actually met her and, against all odds, lived to tell the tale.
I am biding time, waiting for Desdemona to cross that ninth feline life off her list and come back in the tenth as a cockroach. Or a Republican. Or whatever it is that one earns by sucking for the better part of 16 years.
Once, I adored her. Those were the days that she curled up in the crook of my neck at night and licked behind my ears, purring so loudly that I had to shoo her off the bed to get some sleep. The days that she was shitty to me only part of the time, even if she was shitty to everyone else in the world all of the time. Still, I was happy for whatever affection she doled out, especially when it was just Desi and I; the cliche twosome of single woman and single cat. So, she bit the occasional visiting relative or one-night stand–what can ya do.
And then Nate came. And Desi sank greatly in importance.
Soon after, the dog came.
And in very little time, I loved the dog more.
I know, I am terrible for saying as much. But Emily didn’t hiss at all my friends, she didn’t puke on the bedspread, and she was far more likely to play with a ball of string and far less likely to eat my visitors whole.
We could do things with the dog. Take her for drives in the country. Sit at sidewalk cafes slugging coffee while she panted at our feet. Walk her around our West Village block and determine which local celebrities were nice based on who took the time to pet her when she crossed in their paths and demanded it. (Answer: Steven Colbert yes, Maggie Gyllenahaal no. Amy Sedaris yes, Paul Rudd no.)
Desi was a pet but Emily became family.
She was my laptop screen saver and the home picture on my cell phone. Enough said.
Suddenly I understood what all those so-called dog people saw in their pets. Why they included them in their Christmas card photos. Why those with otherwise impeccable taste walked around with T-shirts and key rings proclaiming I [HEART] MY COCKAPOO-LABRADOODLE MIXED BREED.
(At this point I must be clear that while I did understand these things, I did not do any of them myself. The closest I came was emailing puppy photos of Emily to the relatives. In fact, if Nate called me “mommy” with her it made me squirm, with the image of Parker Posey’s character in Best in Show in mind.
Come to think of it, when my dad and stepmother got a dog– their “baby”–and then tried to figure out what my relation was to it, I had to cry uncle on the bizarre bi-species family stuff. I think they called me his sister–making my daughter the dog’s niece? Um…no. I’ll be having none of that.)
I loved Emily not just because she was Emily, but because she made me see that I was indeed capable of taking care of something without killing it. She no doubt paved the way for Thalia, and for that I will always be indebted to her.
But once Thalia arrived, to whatever degree Emily had been our baby, she wasn’t anymore.
Not really.
I just don’t feel it.
Am I horrible? Am I alone here? Please don’t tell me I’m the only one in the world.
Emily is still loved, to be sure. Especially by Nate, who amazes me in his ability to remember that the dog needs a cuddle or a treat or a belly rub or a bath, even when there are a million other things going on in our lives. The dog accompanies us on long trips, or weekend stays at my mother’s house. She sleeps on the bed with us, and she gets the expensive dog food. To say nothing of the table scraps that fall around the high chair, making her better fed than Thalia most days.
She is not a neglected pet in the least. But she does not occupy the same place in my heart that she did two years ago.
I’m so sorry Emily: I adore you, if not your flatulence.
But we have two children. And you’re not one of them.
67 shards of brilliance… read them below or add one
Emily is adorable!Carrie
I love my dog(s). My oldest dog I got when my husband and I moved in together. I do call him my first baby, but since *having* kids, he’s not in the same priority level. It’s just not the same order of magnitude.If something happens to my dog, if he gets lost or hit by a car, I’ll be devestated, for weeks or months But if the same thing happened to my kids, I’d be completely and utterly non-functional. He gets fed, walked, bathed, medicated, played with, etc. just like before. But he’s not a human. He’s not sharing my genetic code. He doesn’t talk as much as my girls (thank goodness!). He’s dying of a nasty cancer and I’ll bawl for weeks when it’s time for him to go, but he’s still not people.
I like to say I have had my cat Bart longer than I have had my husband. Bart was the love of my life for a long time. I got her when I was only 22 and now I am 37.He has seen me through break-ups, serious bouts of depression, and unbelievable lonliness. He has made 7 moves and soon he will make his 8th to our first house purchase.But when my daughter came he became 2nd class. And then my son arrived 2 years Bart became 3rd class. There are days when I forget he is even around. I sometimes forget to feed him. But Bart remains loyal. The kids ride him like he is a horse. My son takes great delight in pulling his tail.I feel guilty. I always will.
De-lurking to say THANK YOU for this. Finally, someone who feels the same way as me. I pampered my dog for a long time. Now I have kids and it’s not the same. Oh, the guilt I have felt. Surely, I was the worse dog owner on the planet. Thank you for making me feel normal!
I went through the same thing with one our dogs. As soon as the baby was born something changed. Now, I am preggie with another and I told my husband that a new home needed to be found. The dog is now happily frolicking at my in laws. Seriously, you are not a bad person. Not being an extreme pet lover does not make one a bad parent.
How you can NOT love a cat who reads Wine Spectator, I cannot fathom! If you get the cat an agent (you DO live in New York, right?) and send it out on the road, you’ll never have to see it!
I so feel your pain!!! We are in the process of finding a new home for our 2 boxers. I love them but I can’t manage everything. My hubby is in school and working fulltime so for more than half the week I am a single mom of 1 with 2 dogs and I can’t handle it anymore. We will probably be moving to an apartment in the next year soon anyway so we figure we will go ahead and do it before Anna gets any more attached.
I was worried that this would happen, because everyone told me it would. Our dog was such a huge part of our life before our baby (6 weeks old) was born. Well guess what – he still is. Right now, because everything is so new, he doesn’t get quite as much attention from me as he used to, but he will once things settle down. My husband always makes sure that he’s not ignored. And that’s the way it should be – he was here first, he’s shown unconditional love and loyalty, and he doesn’t ask for much in return. Since the baby has arrived, he’s taken on his new role as protector. We owe it to him to treat him as we always did; we love him just as much and we make sure he still gets his walks, playtime, treats, and cuddles.It makes me sad to read about all these pets that have been demoted or given away
Oh how I can relate (except I accidentally turned into a cat-person temporarily — can’t really imagine becoming a dog-person under any circumstance).We got a cat right after we married. Once we went to San Diego for the weekend and CALLED HER ON THE PHONE SO SHE COULD HEAR OUR VOICES ON THE ANSWERING MACHINE — hey, we knew she was probably lonely!My first baby was so fussy that any two seconds that I could actually be left alone, the LAST thing I wanted to do was snuggle with a damn cat (or my husband, but that’s another post-partum issue), but my husband took care of her and still loved her. I felt guilty.But then she started scratching my kids, and I was totally over her –bye bye kitty. I’m a terrible person.
I had two miniature pinscher dogs. We spoiled them rotten. Once I had my daughter, the dogs…what? I have dogs? It happens to all of us. Now my cat came along after the birth of my second daughter. I wasn’t busy enough with a 3 year old and a newborn, we added two siamese cats to the mix and I adore them. One because she is so fabulous with the children, I mean she really deserves a medal. Lets them dress her up and drag her here and there and is sooo loving and protective of them. The other one because she is so much like me. We hang out a lot. I wouldn’t place her before my kids but given a choice between her and my husband…well, it’d be a tough call…
Yes, yes, yes. I loved my cats — until we got our dog. And I loved my dog like a baby — until I had real babies. And, yes, my dog paved the way for our first baby. I saw that DH and I were able to take care of a puppy and raise it to adulthood fairly well, so I figured we might want to try a human baby.But I must say, as my kids have gotten older (3 and 6 now) our dog is becoming more of my “baby” again. I know I’m totally going to be one of those people who has dogs and treats them like her babies when my kids fly the coop.
Thank you, Sarah and Kathy for realizing that your animals do count and can be integrated into a lifestyle that now includes baby. Sounds like you are doing a beautiful job! For those of you who went through a pregnancy, you had 9 months to think about what role you wanted your animals to play and to train them to their new role. If you couldn’t do that, you had 9 months to find them new homes.Peeps, dogs and cats DO care. They have feelings, they have brains, and they need love and attention. The behaviors they come up with to get their needs met are ones that you’ve trained them to, by your responses. Dogs Do What Works. Cats Do What Works.Oh, and Children Do What Works, too. Be afraid. Be very afraid. I know I’m afraid of the way your kids will treat pets and humans if said pets and humans are inconvenient.
On that note, I am going to go give my two dogs a big hug and a big kiss and promise them that I will never bring human children into our house!
I used to have 3 cats, i love them very much. But it only last for few months until i discovered that my daughter has an allergy to cats. i’d no choice, family members always be the top priority
3 cats, 1 dog, 1 bird, 2 guinea pigs…3 kids. All this is after learning to give up a bit and realize that the kids are #1. For petes sake, the first thing you'd do is grab the kids if the house was on fire and then go back for the pets.
They are there to teach us to love each other and to learn patience.
I once had a cat that I was the only one who could go near her. She did attack all visitors and they were terrified of her! Your post is hilarious tho!
Funny – I love my cat and hate my dog. He’s actually a really good dog but has this annoying, over-the-top, panting/throaty thing he does when he gets overly excited (which is like all the time) that I hate. Also, he doesn’t cuddle and I’m pretty sure he’s really dumb. Oh well, at least dogs only have one life. Haha!
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