Carry On My Wayward Googlers: Summer Edition

God I love checking my sitemeter and seeing what phrases people searched for that brought them to my blog.

It’s always good, clean fun. Ahem.

Random Bits of Whateverness
the cost of jc penney hairstyle
Way too high, my dear. Way too high.

john cusack colonics
Not an image I want in my head

perverted hokey pokey lyrics
You put your hot throbbing blue-veined meat wrench of love in…

ice cream jesus
He can walk on it even after it melts

walmart milf
I don’t even want to know

Complaints against hair salons in Iowa
“Oh no! I look like I’m from Iowa!”

single cat and owner
Because married cats make terrible pets

bras dent balls
That’s a serious bra

techy innuendo
Is that a USB in your port or are you just happy to see me?

Playgroups with annoying moms
Strangely there are a few openings available.

lesbian feet smelling
So now feet are going gay too? When will it end!

woman in the pee pee
I hate when that happens

hot dog with ketchup communist
Beware the ketchup communists! They’re extra red.

Christian moving companies
Slogan: Because Buddhists are always dropping your shit

Pregnancy is So Confusing!
Pregnant women why are they so cranky
We’re not cranky. You just suck.

Things pregnant women won’t tell you
“Now you sit down and let me rub your feet, honey. You’ve had a rough day.”

Hot Cheetos pregnancy
Ssssssex-ay!

do women like to have big babies
The bigger the better! 19, 20 pounds? Bring ‘em on!

I am not enough sleep n crap it cause pregnant
Now I’m confused too

The Rocket Scientists of the World
signs of leaving a tampon in
Well first there’s that string…

list of famous people who i would like to meet
I’m going to guess Jonathan Safran Foer, Hans Blix, and the guy who played Urkel

differences between sexes
Girls have long hair and like to vacuum

what does a baby look like
Like you, only smaller.

The Rocket Scientists of the World are Breeding
Feel fat in my third trimester
Highly unusual

Do you pee out anything when you’re pregnant
Your urethra, same as when you’re not pregnant

dos and donts of pregnent
First, don’t lift anything heavy. Like say a dictionary.

Which month to f*ck a pregnant woman
September is always lovely.

Fun things for pregnant women to do
Google search blog posts are fun

Can I apply lipstick during first trimester?
As long as it’s not that new raw tuna lipstick, you’re good

My baby is kicking me on the vagina.
Is that even possible?

wat am i not suposed to do if im pregnant
Some studies claim that spell-check causes birth defects, but you already know that.

when do you no your babie getting read to come out.
There are no words.

Vaginas For 100, Alex
green vaginas
Ralph Nader’s wife?

other word for vagina
Oh shoot, I know there’s one. What is it again?

Can i see girls privates
No sweetie, mommy needs to use the computer again.

testicles vs vagina
The oddsmakers in vegas give testicles 10:1

Clean words for vagina
Um, how about “vagina”?

A special shout out to…
worlds longest ingrown hair
Because you search for it every single week, don’t find it on my blog, and yet you keep coming back.

And to…
what does it mean 101 one oh one
No idea. Mom 626 was already taken.