Here’s where I reach out to the blog world. Here’s where I confess that I’m drowning in a sea of incompetence and insecurity and exhaustion, the likes of which I haven’t seen since…okay, for about two years.
This newborn thing is kicking my ass. The newborn with the toddler with the work with the everything else in my life that needs attention and is suffering thing. So I try to ease up my load by leaving Sage with our nanny/sitter. (Sanny? Nitter?) Which was good idea until Sage decided that nope, not eating from a bottle any more. Used to, but no more. No thanks. Not doing it. No bottles for me and I’ll just be holding out for the direct mammary contact, for as long as it takes thankyouverymuch.
I’m trying to see the bright side: My boobs are irresistible.
She’s a strong-willed one, this little Taurus. She went 17 hours without eating last week. So what’s 8 hours to her while I’m working? What’s three hours while mommy goes to a meeting? She could do that with her eyes closed. (Closed and crying as she wails her heartbreaking mommy is neglecting me wail…but you get my drift.)
So once again I’m attached to Sage more often than I believe I am mentally capable of doing. When I’m not stuck to her, I’m horribly guilt-ridden knowing that she’s not eating until I get home. When I get home I’m resentful that she will now recommence eating every two hours for the rest of the night and into the morning. (Snotty-ass note to Nate: Sorry, but no, you are not as tired as I am these days.)
I need her on the bottle. I must have her on that bottle.
My sanity is at stake here. So please, please oh brilliant, been there/fed that readers: Give me better solutions for bottle transitions than the scary stuff I’ve been reading on babycenter, about babies who would only take bottles in the bathtub, or only in the park five miles away, or only from wacky Aunt LouLou with the wandering eye, or who NEVER TOOK BOTTLES EVER UNTIL THE MOTHER WENT BATSHIT CRAZY AND KILLED SOMEONE.
I’m getting to the point where I don’t even care what the bottles are made of. If she’s not sucking on some damn silicone soon so I can get an occasional break I’m going to lose it.
[help?]
90 shards of brilliance… read them below or add one
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Oh, sh*t. I’m so sorry. No advice, just empathy, because I’ve been there, done that. Neither one of my boys would ever take a bottle. Sigh.Stubborn creatures, these newborns, aren’t they?(BTW, I like ‘nitter.’ It’s a keeper.)
My 2nd refused to take the bottle so much that my mom (babysitting her at the time) cried for 2 days. We tried EVERY bottle available, and after everything, she finally took the cheapo Gerber. (Thank God it wasn’t the expensive Dr. B. with 15 friggin parts.)Honestly, she finally took it after EXTREME calmness. Calmness on my part, calmness on my mom’s part. I definitely recommend using breast milk in the bottle for familiarity.Good luck!!!!
I’m so glad you said Taurus, cause now it all makes perfect sense. I’m a Taurus….my mother still tells stories about me when I was that age. It’s only been 27 years. Maybe she’d like a sippy cup? She’s a bit tiny, but one with the inside dealy set where only a tiny bit comes out may work. Some kids just won’t do bottles. But a sippy cup is different. Good Luck Liz. I really hope she figures it out.
Oh Geez, I am so far removed from this. A kid? Attached? I wish. I know it’s hard and that you are the one and only (I can relate) and I know this doesn’t help but one day she is going to slam the door in your face. My only suggestion is to be open to everything and anything — and if you’re gut is telling you something would work, and your brain is saying no, go with your gut. It was a dozen years ago but we tried my daughter on every imaginable formula to find one that didn’t make her puke? The solution – some store brand we found. Oh I’m hopeless as a newborn helper, but I just wanted to send some love.
Do try every different kind of bottle on the market. You never know. My son, naturally, would only take a certain kind of no-longer-sold-anywhere nipples (and I’m not talking about my own, har har). I was surfing eBay looking for those damn things. Finally one of his day care teachers found me a secret stash.Anyway. You’ve probably already done this. But I’m throwing it out there anyway, with a healthy dose of sympathy too.
My second daughter would not take a bottle at all ever (we tried every kind we could find), but we were finally able to wean her to a sippy cup, but she was ten-months-old at the time. She and her sister both accepted those plastic semi-disposable sippy cups when they would not accept anything else. My first daughter accepted the sippy cup when she was six-months-old and always preferred it to the bottle.I hope she takes to something soon.
I had one who wouldn’t take a bottle and one who weaned himself and wouldn’t take the breast.I wish I had some advice. As a fellow mom, I can at least offer empathy.Hang tough.
Okay this is a bit graphic, but if it helps, it helps. I’m a squirter. Once my milk lets down, I can hit a bullseye six feet away. Because I always had a stronger milk flow, my kids both HATED bottles, particularly infant bottles, which are designed to restrict the milk flow to barely a trickle.The only thing that worked for me was to take a sterile needle and poke several additional holes into the tip of the silicone nipple. Increasing the milk flow made ALL the difference. And I second the Gerber bottle thing. I started off with the swanky expensive bottles, but my mom eventually replaced them all with the cheaper, easier plastic insert bottles. Good luck! I hope you find a solution quick!
Hm. Perhaps Sage would like this?http://tinyurl.com/2fnvb6Or you could introduce her to Rolling Rock. http://tinyurl.com/3688pc Maybe that would work out?I’m so sorry my friend. But I’ve got nothing. Literally. I had the opposite problem. At least people like your boobs. So there’s that.
I’m so sorry. My baby is now 3 months and I’ve been dreading trying to put him on the bottle so that I can (shocking!) go out for a few hours without him. I’m just so happy I have a year of mat leave so that I don’t have to do this – I don’t think I would have the strength. His older sister NEVER took the bottle as a baby. I left her once for 3 days! with her grandma thinking that if she were thirsty enough she would drink. She was already over 9 months and on solids, so my mom managed to get a bit of liquid into her that way, but she refused the bottle the entire time. So stubborn! And wow, did I feel guilty. Eventually at almost 11 months I weaned her directly onto a sippy cup.I admire your dedication to breastfeeding – most people would have given up by now. I really hope you find the magic bullet soon (if you do – let us all know!)
Ah honey– that blows. Having two this close together is soooo hard.It’s hard to imagine this scenario because Sage seemed like the BEST BABY EVER. Women.I thought L was a boob man, but P is soooo much more into the boob than I can stand sometimes. She refuuuuused to take a bottle or pacifier for her first 3 months. Now I’m not working, so that’s OK.. until I realized that I may need to get a haircut, get cavities drilled or do something else that may require me to detach the baby someday. She now takes a bottle from time to time (still cannot figure out the paci– it’s like I put poo in her mouth??!) and here’s what I did…- Try every different kind of nipple. My children both HATED the expensive Avent bottles. H-A-T-E-D them. L ended up liking gerber Nuks. P likes the small cheapo playtex ones.- Start off by YOU giving her a bottle. I know, it sucks, because the boob is right there and you’ll have to pump anyway. But I found that if I held P in nursing mode and put the bottle in her mouth and SMILED at her, she would tolerate it. At first she got used to the bottle from me, then she moved on to others. It’s almost like she needed to trust that I was still feeding her?- As impossible as it is to not fret, make sure that there are always happy faces looking down at Sage when she’s getting a bottle. Something about that power of positive thinking, ya ya, but I guess I wouldn’t want to take food from someone who was riddled with of fear. - Someone told me that they dig your stink when they eat. Sleep in one of Nate’s T-shirts, get some breast milk and baby yak on it, and have him put it on when he feeds her. (I’m sure he’d love that.)Here’s wishing the little lady happy feedings and you more sleep. Soon.
Oh, forgot to ask: Are you trying to bottle feed her breastmilk or formula? If formula, I hear mixing them can help the transition. And adding brandy (well that’s what my mom was told by our famil doc when I was a colicky infant. Niiiice.)And yes, your boobs are irresistible. When I’m nursing mine elevate to just “eh”.
Mine only takes a certain type of bottle that is no longer carried in our area. I’ve had friends ship them to me. LOL. Anyhoo, try different things. My first loved the wide nipples, like Avent. My second was a skinny nipple girl…she never took to the tons of Avent crap we bought before her birth. And she also prefers the pinhole to the slit nipples. Some kids are picky and I hope Sage finds something she’ll accept.
Little Man was more into the BreastFlow bottle (First Years) and the Adiri BreastBottle.Big investments in plastic, I know, but hopefully it will pay off??You could also try a finger feeder if she’ll suck on a finger.Good luck! I’m pulling for ya.
Oh, lord. We went through this with our first. She HATED the bottle. Our pediatrician told us not to worry, that she would make up for not eating during the day……by nursing all night.(This came from a male pedi, who had no comprehension of my exhaustion. Work all day. Nurse all night. And hello?! All that pumped milk going to waste? Gah!)Thankfully, a group of wonderful, patient women at the daycare worked daily to convince my daughter that the bottle was not evil. The trick, they said, was holding her tightly to the chest in the same position she assumed during nursing. It’s a bit awkward and takes some practice, but this tactic worked for my husband as well. A few years later, my seatmate on a plane struck up a conversation about breastfeeding (I was nursing my second during the flight)and told me how she had helped a friend with a boobs-only baby. And guess what — she offered the same tip: Hold the baby close, like a nursing mom.I hope you find something that works for you. Believe me, I know what you’re going through. I thought I would lose my mind.
I have no idea. I never gave my baby a bottle because he was the first and, well, I could do the nursing thing around the clock. This is mainly why I am on 492 different kinds of birth control now. I have no idea how I’d feed number 2 and keep my job.Good luck. May the force be with you.
Oh man. Amanda’s idea is interesting…. Soothie makes bottle nipples now — so maybe if she’ll take their paci, you could try that.And I’d just try every kind of bottle nipple out there. There’s even that new one that literally looks like a boob.And I’ve heard try feeding them when they’re hungry but not out of control. And have someone else do it — but that never worked for me.Also, you could try sippy cups — the avent sippy things (the name escapes me) or even a nuby cup… I’m so sorry. I understand your frustration and I know it’s hard.
Liz, I keep reading your blog and love its universal truths. I can’t offer any advice, but it’s so great that you have created this great blogging community. Love this new way of sharing! PS. It was great to see your mom last night. HOpe we can get together in person soon. Bonnie
Hey Liz,I’m so sorry that you’ve hit this rough patch with Sage (it had to happen, right?). I think the extra holes in the nipples, the ‘try every nipple on the market’, the feeding her yourself with a bottle, smiling, etc.—-all these ideas are great ones. I’ve also heard that perhaps a few drops of milk dropped into her mouth with a medicine dropper will make her realize that ‘mamas milk’ is near and she may be willing to suck on a bottle. Does she latch on, suck and then scream? It may be the size of the hole. Does she scream when the nipple gets close? It may be the nipple shape or taste. Also experiment with how she is held when she gets a bottle. Jilly liked to be facing me, in a bouncy chair or something, vs. being cradled in my arms.With Jilly, I had the opposite problem. Once she had a bottle, she refused to nurse. It was really, really depressing to want to breastfeed and to have a baby who didn’t want to. See? These kids screw with us every which way they can.
I tried EVERY bottle with The Bird. Ultimately she took the good ol’ drugstore Gerber with Latex NUK nipples. (Looked and felt more like a boob? Who knew.)From 8-13 months, though, she refused anything resembling milk from 9-5 everyday. Luckily she was eating solids. I’d get home from work and she’d practically rip my shirt off. But, we worked it out so she got four feedings a day. Unforts, I think Sage is still too young for an arrangement like this. So, no good advice. Just a little commiseration…
Sasha sometimes won’t take a bottle. It’s always the nipple that’s the culprit. He’s changed his mind about what he likes about 5 times.First he liked the Medela/Nuk type. Then nope. He didn’t want that. He liked the type that came on the Target/Circo brand. Then nope. He didn’t want that. He wanted what was on the Evenflo. Then Back to the Nuk. Then he liked the Nuby, but that only lasted a couple of feedings. Then Gerber rubber ones. Now he’s back to the Medela.So my advice is just try a different nipple. Maybe Sage has decided she doesn’t like silicone? Also, maybe it’s the bottle temperature. Sasha moves between liking it really warm, cold, and kind of in between. He won’t eat until his bottle is made to order.Finally, has Sage started teething yet? I know when my son’s gums are killing him he only wants Mommy. The sucking is irritating to his gums and makes them hurt and at least the boobie has a comforting quality (not to mention he doesn’t have to suck much).
Oh, sweetie. I’m so sorry.
I have been where you are — my Monkey was a boob man through and through, and if there had been DO NOT WANT! lolcats around for his infancy, I would’ve pasted one to every damn bottle.Here’s what worked for us, and I haven’t read all the comments (or your mind, for that matter), so apologies if it’s a repeat or you’ve already tried it: What he objected to was NOT the nipple, but the feeding hold by someone other than Mama.We got him to take a bottle by putting him in the bouncy seat and holding the bottle for him FROM BEHIND. He had to have NO human contact and not be able to SEE anyone. Then he would take it. Anything else evinced shrieks of indignation.Here’s hoping you get some relief soon; that sleepless thing can really kick one’s butt. Sending some hugs your way.
Have you tried the breast bottle? It’s actually shaped like a breast, and sometimes it works when other bottles don’t. And somehow grandmothers sometimes succeed where parents fail for that magical first bottle. (This from someone whose son learned to suck through a straw at nine months old and never took a bottle, sigh.)
Oh…also if our boy gets too worked up he won’t take a bottle. Or stop screaming. You need to take him to a dark, quiet room and hold him snugly and stroke his head. After a few minutes it makes him calm down.Then he’ll take a bottle.
All of the above.The you-scented shirt is a good idea, and I’ve known this to work. I’ve also known other babies who couldn’t have any scent or sight of mom around as, I suppose, the memory of the boob was just too overpoweringly dear to them.Very young babies can take a sippy cup or even drink from a cup. my la leche friends have had success with this.http://www.breastfeeding.org/articles/cup.htmlhow-to directions at endalso you could try different droppers or syringesalso, my fave, putting sugar on the nipple. i can’t vouch for what this will do to teeth, but it got my youngest to take the nipple into his mouth.sorrry no caps…screaming, velcro baby
I’m sorry. No real help to provide. Just support and offers to do more for CMP if need be.
I didn’t read all the comments, so I apologize if this is advice is already there.My daughter who started taking a bottle at three weeks from Dad and Grandma decided that she would no longer do such a thing when she was 12 weeks and I went back to work and she went to “school.”What worked? First I drove to “school” everytime she needed nurse. Fortunately I worked near her, but, still, not good. Then, the teachers put her in a bouncy seat, covered their arms and hands in blankets, and sat behind her to feed her. I have no idea where my duaghter thought that bottle was coming from, but it worked. Eventually they took off the blankets…then sat in front of her…then after about three weeks she allowed them to hold her while being fed. Good luck.
This is why you US mamas need and deserve a waaaaaaaay better maternity leave policy.
The only bottle I could get either of my kids to take were the Playtex Nursers..the nipples have a flex ring thingy around them that seemed to remind my boys of mommy’s nipples. I’ve recommended them to others and they’ve worked for them as well, so maybe it’s a bottle thing? Also, with my youngest, I had to leave my child for 72 hours with my mother. By the time I got back he was very into the bottle, and could go back and forth from nursing to bottle no problem. There’s something about grandmas, baby’s tend to give in to them. As for the nanny/sitter delimna…as a former nanny, I HATED being referred to as “the sitter”. I was a sitter when I was 16 and watching kids for 6 bucks an hour on a Sat. night. I was a nanny after years of experience and even some education. Go with “nanny”.
I got my daughter to take a bottle by starting out with the breast, a bottle (of breastmilk) at the ready, and then once she was into a steady rythem – switcheroo. I hope you find a solution that works for you guys.
I had the same problem with Holden. Exactly. The kid refused to eat while I was at work and then spent the remaining hours attached to my boob. I was getting NO sleep. It was horrible. HORRIBLE!Here’s what worked for us & it seems counterintuitive, but it worked. We tried EVERYTHING & this is the only thing that worked.We added 1 ounce of formula to every 3 ounces of breastmilk in a bottle. We discovered this accidentally when our sitter dropped a bottle of breastmilk (that, let’s face it, the kid wasn’t eating anyway), so she gave him formula in a bottle. He drank it right down. WTF?Apparently he associated breast milk with mommy and he wasn’t taking it any other way but directly from the boob. Formula from a bottle was OK. Go figure. So, we started mixing a little formula in with every bottle. Apparently it made the milk taste just different enough that he didn’t associate it with mommy milk and would drink it.I don’t know anyone else who’s tried this and I have friends whose babies wouldn’t take formula at all because the taste was different, but it’s worth a try.
The only thing that worked with my kids was those old, flat nippled disposable playtex nurser bottles. Good luck!
I haven’t read all the comments, but all my kids have been like this. My advice, for what it is worth, is to make sure you have a very fast flowing bottle and to have the person, presumably nate, not hold her when he feeds her but to put her in a baby seat.
My youngest (also a Taurus) was a boob girl too. I went back to work when she was 4.5 months old and she held out for me for a solid two weeks. Eventually she started accepting bottles at daycare, though 1-2 oz per bottle was certainly less than she needed to thrive (she made up for it by literally being attached to me all night long).We ended up settling on the Playtex drop-in nurser bottles with a rubber (not silicone) nipple, for some reason she liked those better. Our DCP fed her in her own way…did not try to mimic nursing. Eventually Miss Strong Willed gave in.It was a good 3 or 4 months more before she would take a bottle at home if she sensed I was present though.Hopefully Sage decides that being fed is preferrable to being completely starved all day long very soon. Hang in there.
I didn’t read all the previous comments so I may be repeating the words of others but here goes:There are bottles from the company One Step Ahead that look like breasts and apparently some babies who won’t take regular bottles will use these (one friend of mine had luck with these ridiculous looking things).Try a faster flow nipple so Sage doesn’t have to work hard to get the milk.Timing of the feeding can make a difference. I know your nanny is trying it at all times but the best chance for success is when she is just a bit hungry but not ravenously so. When the nanny watches her, makes sure she tries the bottle before Sage’s regular eating time. If she eats every three hours on a normal day, have the nanny offer the bottle after two hours. Once babies are super hungry, they’re not real flexible and accommodating.Try feeding her a bottle when she’s asleep, the so-called “dream feeding” technique. For some reason, feeding children when they’re semi-conscious seems to help them become accustomed the bottle so that they’re more accepting of it when they’re awake too.Have the person who is feeding Sage hold her in the same way that you hold her while nursing (well, as close as possible). Try feeding her the bottle yourself a few times. This sometimes works and sometimes really doesn’t because she knows it’s you and those boobs are right there and she thinks “why the hell are you giving me this crappy bottle you could just lift up your damn shirt”If you’re using breastmilk, check your breastmilk that you’re providing in the bottles. Some women’s breast milk goes bad or changes flavor very quickly. In those cases, it’s not the bottle but the milk itself that is causing the problem. This isn’t that likely a scenario but it’s worth checking out. All that said, some babies are very determined about this issue and it may take a fair amount of perseverance to resolve it. In the interest of your sanity, though, it’s worth stickign with it.
Don’t know if someone else already said it, but maybe a sippie? One of those with handles and a thin spout, easier for her to deal with than a real toddler sippie.It seems like impersonating the mammaries isn’t working, so maybe an early (way early, I know) transition would work better.Hugs and much sympathy sent in lieu of a real solution.
I feel your pain. I noticed everyone keeps suggesting gerber and everyone is using the silicone nipple. My little boy is extremely stubborn and only took the playtex drop in bottle with a latex natural latch nipple. It took A LOT of trying, a LOT of screaming and a LOT of fighting with him. What helped us was using breast milk, making it warm, and then having my hubby do it. He held my son in his arm, held my sons arms down so he couldn’t push and just squirted it into his mouth and kept the nipple in until he started suckling. Unfortunately you can’t give her your boob until she takes the bottle…best of luck
No advice here Liz.I just wanted to chime in that I think your boobs are pretty irresistible too.
This may have been suggested, but I’m at work & don’t have time to read all comments.I’m sure this is NOT what you want as far as advise, but since you have a Nitter, could she drive the baby to you at work at least once during the day to nurse? Yeah, not fun, but a possible solution?My little one FINALLY caved after a couple days of screaming bloody murder for her daddy and took a bottle. We also went through buying every bottle/nipple on the market. Even the ones made like her pacifier (the “hospital” one… I’m blanking on the name right now – OH!! Soothie), but she hated those. She would take the Playtex Ventaire, but NOT the “natural shape” ones.Best of luck & keep us posted!
Oh yeah… one more thing! My girl wouldn’t take breastmilk if it were too cold. My husband & sitter eventually learned just how hot to make the milk (we joked that it was 98.6 degrees).
My son wouldn’t take a bottle either, he would just scream until I got home. Then my mom found the flat head nipples from the playtex drop ins system. He takes them. Now, he still doesn’t like them, and he is still more than pleased to tell me how horribly trying the 1.5 hours I managed to leave him was on his soul. He will still cry while I am gone and fight the bottle, but in the end, he will take it. At the very least I hope it helps to know that you won’t be alone in going bat-shit crazy and killing someone.
Wishing you strength in not going batshit crazy, because I certainly would. I hope some of the advice above helps out!
I had the same problem — my son refused to take a bottle until he was over 9 months old, if you can imagine. It was finally the good old fashioned same-for-50-years Gerber rubber nipples that he consented to. And the poisonous plastic bottles, but he’s almost grown up now and the damage is at least not visible — yet.
My oldest child was the same way. I didn’t work, so it wasn’t quite as stressful, but I understand feeling chained to your infant. There were times I desperately needed to get away, but of course, my freedom was doled out in two hour increments. Not very satisfying.When I was a doula, I ran across < HREF="http://www.onestepahead.com/catalog/product.jsp?productId=686&cmSource=Search" REL="nofollow">this product<> from One Step Ahead. Some of my clients had success with it, where other bottles failed.Don’t tell the breastfeeding nazis I advocated using a bottle.
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Wondering if I should even comment here, since I have nothing of value to ad. My secondborn did this to me. So I feel you, totally. It is so incredibly difficult to not have another option. The only thing that saved me (a little) was starting solids, and that only allowed me a little bit of free time where I wasn’t totally freaking out that my baby wasn’t eating. Someone else could at least give her some oatmeal.I’m so sorry. I remember waking as often as every 90 minutes at night, a good 6 times, and wondering how the fuck I was going to survive daylight.
Sounds like you are going through the same thing we are. I broke down yesterday and bought another poisonous Dr. Brown’s bottle just to try it and see if that is the issue with Boogie. He took 4 of the 6 oz. he wouldn’t drink at daycare in the Dr. Brown’s yesterday evening. (The other two were fed to him in Barley by the sitter.) I sent the poison bottle to daycare today, we’ll see if that fixes it. I really didn’t see that big a difference between the Dr. Brown’s nipples and the new bottles but maybe that was it or maybe he just likes his chemicals, who knows.
hugs, mama. that has to be so frustrating. neither of my kids took bottles so i have no real advice, only empathy. i’ve heard good things about the breastbottle nurser. http://todaysbabies.com/breastbottle_nurser.htmli just wanted to wish you good luck. i hope you can find something that will work for both of your sakes. amy
My kid wouldn’t touch Avent bottles. I agree with Amanda. Gerber all the way, with a larger nipple hole or additional pinprick holes.
When Chicky went on a bottle strike I tried every damn bottle on the market and still no luck. She refused the bottle for at least two months (and yet surprisingly I didn’t kill anyone that I know of). What finally worked? I put formula in the bottle instead of breast milk. I’m not saying that works for everyone or it’s something you should try, I’m just saying that’s what worked for us.
Ah! See, this is interesting, because I was a bad mommy who started weaning the little angel from my boobies when she was a wee seven weeks old. I hated breastfeeding and couldn’t do it. That doesn’t help you at all.I think, as with many things with babies, repetition might be key. However, sounds like you have a strong-willed one there. Send her on over so the little angel can teach her how to refuse to wear anything but pink sparkly clothing even if she’s going to muck out horse stalls. But you and your boobs need your sanity back, so take the steps you need to take to do that. I’m thinking of you.
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