Here’s where I reach out to the blog world. Here’s where I confess that I’m drowning in a sea of incompetence and insecurity and exhaustion, the likes of which I haven’t seen since…okay, for about two years.
This newborn thing is kicking my ass. The newborn with the toddler with the work with the everything else in my life that needs attention and is suffering thing. So I try to ease up my load by leaving Sage with our nanny/sitter. (Sanny? Nitter?) Which was good idea until Sage decided that nope, not eating from a bottle any more. Used to, but no more. No thanks. Not doing it. No bottles for me and I’ll just be holding out for the direct mammary contact, for as long as it takes thankyouverymuch.
I’m trying to see the bright side: My boobs are irresistible.
She’s a strong-willed one, this little Taurus. She went 17 hours without eating last week. So what’s 8 hours to her while I’m working? What’s three hours while mommy goes to a meeting? She could do that with her eyes closed. (Closed and crying as she wails her heartbreaking mommy is neglecting me wail…but you get my drift.)
So once again I’m attached to Sage more often than I believe I am mentally capable of doing. When I’m not stuck to her, I’m horribly guilt-ridden knowing that she’s not eating until I get home. When I get home I’m resentful that she will now recommence eating every two hours for the rest of the night and into the morning. (Snotty-ass note to Nate: Sorry, but no, you are not as tired as I am these days.)
I need her on the bottle. I must have her on that bottle.
My sanity is at stake here. So please, please oh brilliant, been there/fed that readers: Give me better solutions for bottle transitions than the scary stuff I’ve been reading on babycenter, about babies who would only take bottles in the bathtub, or only in the park five miles away, or only from wacky Aunt LouLou with the wandering eye, or who NEVER TOOK BOTTLES EVER UNTIL THE MOTHER WENT BATSHIT CRAZY AND KILLED SOMEONE.
I’m getting to the point where I don’t even care what the bottles are made of. If she’s not sucking on some damn silicone soon so I can get an occasional break I’m going to lose it.
[help?]
90 shards of brilliance… read them below or add one
so sorry, um, not sure how old your baby is. I did have one who refused a bottle, but did manage to drink from a cup at three months. It was not a sippy, but a person could get 3 or 4 ounces of breastmilk (or whatever!) into him – also, is your small person old enough to survive on some rice cereal while you are out? I was big into supplementing with solids when my little one was bottle averse…my last child never took a bottle either but also never cried for milk if I was gone (what God knew my third boy had to be)…if your baby could get even spoonfuls from a spoon, or a straw (seriously more like breastfeeding than any cup or bottle, it’s true) than it might tide you over until the bottle strike is over – it’s probably just a strike and will pass. hang in there!
Right there with you. But I’m fortunate in that I’m only gone at work for four, five hours tops. Myles stays with his grandmother who tells me on the rare times she is able to get him to take an ounce or two from the bottle that the trick is to hold him upright, in a totally different position than breastfeeding, and just keep offering it to him every few minutes. Or wait until he’s half asleep.
Ok, have you seen this bottle? http://www.adiri.com/about/company.aspMight be worth a shot. There are other boob-bottles out there, have fun googling that one, heh. Just like with Thalia, there will come a time when you’re sleeping again and you KNOW that it was really, really, really rough once, but it will be a distant memory. When you’re going through hell, just keep going? Sending love…
Having 2 kids is just so fucking hard sometimes. It gets easier, I promise. The only way my kids got used to the bottle (now known as their toxic waste meal) was by my mom giving it to them. She had complete confidence in her ability and was not going to take no for an answer. Eventually Jeff could use the bottles too. And she did make the holes bigger in the nuk silicone nipple, and not close the top too tight onto the bottle. I’ll be in Brooklyn next weekend for a conference if you want me to give it a try!Lots of empathy, sympathy and love,J.Lisa
Don’t know if somebody already said this, but I hear if the baby is turned away from you, as if she’s sitting on your lap rather than lying facing you in your arms, she’s more likely to take the bottle.
I can ship you my entire collection of every bottle ever made. None have worked for Mira, who prefers nothing artificial. And starting tomorrow I’ll be gone every Friday in classes. I hope she’ll eventually crack.Now I must read everyone’s advice so that I can try to find a solution, too! Good luck!
Don’t be so hard on yourself. It is so stressful trying to get them to eat sometimes, especially when they are young and you feel like something might go terribly wrong if they don’t. That stress combined with the sleep deprivation can be overwhelming. Be kind to yourself.You might try pumping while she’s in the room, then giving it to her in a bottle. The younger of my twins would go bananas over the smell of fresh milk and would wake up every time I tried to pump while they slept. It’s a long shot, but it might be worth a try to transition.
I’m so sorry, I wish I had some awesome advice to give, but no — only understanding. My 3rd was like this, all the way until just after her 1st birthday. She had the willpower of a mule. On the bright side though, she never had to “give up” a bottle she would never take, and she transitioned easily and effortlessly to a cup much sooner than her brothers had.Hang in there, I know it’s hard.
No advice here either — just sympathy. But, I’ve been there. And, when I finally surrendered to it – -that I would have a baby attached to my breast for the rest of my life — things got better. It’s almost as if they know what you’re thinking — and once they have you right there — they move on to something eolse.
There is something about grandmas… that did the trick for us.I also know of other babies who need to be swaddled to take a bottle when they are away from mom– even those who are beyond typical swaddling age. Maybe they get so overwhelmed they need that to soothe them.
Try gluing hair around the nipple of the bottle. That’s what I did to transition our dogs off my nips and it worked.This might be a little different, though.
I cannot help, sadly, but I have called in the Mom Cavalry. Hopefully someone can help!
My second daughter initially refused to take a bottle when she was a baby. I was only doing free-lance editing at home, so it wasn’t a terrible problem. We belonged to a babysitting co-op. The first time we tried leaving Elizabeth with my friend Terry, Terry felt desperate because Elizabeth kept crying but refusing the bottle. Finally n Terry let Elizabeth suck at her breast. Elizabeth was happy to try,but quickly caught on that there was nothing there. From then on, she took a bottle.
No help here. But I so shouldn’t have read this. I’m fearing our second one (due in 6 weeks) will bring our lives to a crashing halt. Okay, it’s time to start drinking.
Oh, sorry. Can’t help, can only empathize. My son took bottles rather poorly for a little while, and then stopped taking them pretty much entirely. And then, as you know, he didn’t take to solids too well, either. So I wound up nursing him on 20 minute breaks under a blanket in the corner of a dirty stock room while he screamed and bit me because he hated nursing under blankets, before I quit the job I’d gone back to part-time to just work (and nurse) from home. And I also wound up being the 24 milk shop for waaaaaaay longer than I had initially planned . . .Why, oh why, can’t daddies lactate? Seriously, now. On the upside, my son is a GENIUS– he asked me to explain what a galaxy was to him yesterday– and maybe I can credit all that fresh breastmilk?
Wow, she’s a real hanger-on, huh? My boy went through that stage but only for about 10 minutes. Then he would take a bottle, but only from someone else (not me). Do you think it would be worth a try to change bottles/nipples (if you haven’t already tried that?)
Wow. This is not going to be helpful, but thought I’d comment that reading this has curbed my baby fever for now. One is enough for now!!
Bossy favors the Tough Love approach. And some earplugs. And a rubber room.
I’m the bad mommy that’s going to suggest you do the CIO approach. I’m not a ped but I do know that babies will not starve themselves. When she gets hungry and you give her enough options she just might pick one of them.I physically was incapable of breastfeeding so I admit I don’t know all the ins and outs of this and that is not a easy fix, but if you woke up tomorow and the milk was gone, you would find a way. Just keep that in mind..
I have nothing to offer, I wish that I did. WB went on and off the breast until she decided that she’d had enough, and on and off the bottle until she discovered cups. I was never able to impose my preferences. I stressed about her nutritional intake until, well… I haven’t actually gotten over it. She still goes hot and cold on any food other than ice cream.Feeling ya. xoxo
My daughter pulled that same shit on me when she was 4 months old! Refused to take a bottle. Of ANY kind. And so, my friend, I caved.Therefore I do not have any advice for you. I just caved – here is my boob. Love it. Enjoy it. The choice to cave easy for me though because I was not working. So not a helpful post, I know, but I do hope you find JUST THE RIGHT BOTTLE! Hang in there!
I think she’s going on five months… What about pablum? My doc pointed out to me when I gave up the bottle argument — they get quite a lot on a spoon. Sage might be a kid well suited to try a cup and/or a spoon when Mommy is away.It depends on the kid but I find that wait solids to 6 mos. a bit of laugh.or at least when all else fails, eh.
Sorry that I have no advice. I’ve had a couple friends start their babies on sippy cups early. I’ve talk to several organic chemist friends and I’m not worried about the fact that I used plastic bottles with my boys.
I’m sorry. I have no advice. Just a shitload of hugs.xxxxxxxxx (the x’s are hugs, right? o’s are kisses…or are o’s hugs? crap. have some o’s, too.) ooooooooooooooo
Been there. Our solution began at 5 months with extremely milky baby cereal spoonfed slowly as a substitute meal. Patient caregiver required. Martyr mommy did not leave baby for more than 7 hours until he was about 9 months old.The kid never did take the bottle although the nanny tried every day until he was 8 months old.
You have some really great advice by those who have come before me. My daughter had the same issue, and in the hopes of helping, I will toss my two cents into the mix…Yes, try every bottle on the market…Gerber ended up being the bottle of choice for us, too.You might try giving your nanny/sitter one of your shirts (recently worn…not washed) and have her put it across her chest while feeding Sage. That, plus a hot water bottle (filled with perfectly warm water and acting as a pseudo breast!) pressed against her cheek, convinced my daughter to take an occasional bottle. I soooo feel ya on this one, Liz. I know this is tough, but let the advice and comfort offered here buoy you through it.Big wet kisses…
(Delurking here.) You might try this bottle http://tinyurl.com/2up3ek. My baby boy, who is all about the boob(as most boys seem to be) had fits with gerber, playtex, etc. Then we tried this one and voila! Now daddy can help out with meal time, and I can go out and about without worrying about baby starving. It’s all good. They’re not THAT expensive, and you don’t have to worry about the plastics of death-yay!
My little guy stopped taking a bottle after having taken it without much trouble, and that’s when I started doing some research. I found that it wasn’t the bottle he was rejecting, it was the milk. Excessive lipase in my milk was to blame, and I found a pretty easy solution. Thought it might be worth mentioning.
delurking to say this …we went through this with my son. It was brutal. We tried every bottle we could. If someone recommended something we would try it.We finally figured that even though he was little he was good with a faster flow nipple on the playtex bottles (you know the liner kinds). We also tried lots of different formula, but our doctor finally suggested whole milk. (at 6 months).We did what we had to so he’d eat during the day.I’m pregnant again and seriously debating next time just going automatically to formula.
With us, the problem was the milk. My breastmilk apparently spoils within 20 minutes (and by spoil I mean goes RANCID), regardless of scalding, refrigeration, freezing, etc. No medical cause. As long as it was “on tap” she was fine. But I spent 6 weeks pumping and trying to do what I thought was best only to find out I was trying to feed my daughter something that tasted rancid. I had never thought to taste it
When we discovered this, we tried forumla, and while the only one she would take was Alimentum (the most freaking expensive kind there is), she was at least back to eating.
Hopefully, you’ve gotten some good advice. Let me just say this post made me feel so much better. Bruiser’s getting up 3-4 times a night to eat (after sleeping through the night for a month- that all ended with BlogHer, who knows why?) and it makes me feel better knowing I’m not the only one dealing with this… Obviously, I feel for you! Hang in there! This will pass, as you know!
Eyedropper? Foley cup? Solids?
Delurking too. My first almost wouldn’t breastfeed at all…6 weeks of nipple shields and my iron will later, he did. He also took bottles beautifully. So I got cocky. Second one? Took a bottle exactly once, in the hospital, before my milk came in. Once the milk was in, nothing else worked. EXCEPT:1) He was drinking from a sippy by 4 months. We used the disposable ones. (which of course we washed between but since they had no stoppers they were easy)2) A lactation consultant near us gave us these nifty syringy type things with long “tails” where the needle normally would be; we slipped the tail in his mouth and depressed the plunger and voila, milk in his mouth. Boy, did he look surprised but once it was there already, he drank it.3) Another vote for droppers too. We just used what we had around or found in the drugstore.4) A friend who couldn’t breastfeed at all (breast cancer while pregnant–who knew?!?!) said her son would only take Dr. Brown’s.Good luck. I’m exhausted with you just thinking about it. Congrats on the new baby and all, and I will pray for you to get some sleep. Really.
Try rubbing some apple butter on the nipple of the bottle. Not much, just a bit. It is how I got my son to transition from the bottle to the breast so I imagine it would work both ways.
Okay… this may be in left field… I tried to see if anyone commented on this – BUT, aren’t there fake boobs out there that a dad/nanny/sitter could where and the milk goes through? Or is this some sick thing I have invented up while I’m listening to my 5 month old scream in the other room to be held, but I want to finish reading this post and comment!?
Ahh… wish I could help more. Boys never took to the boob… someday they will be boobing it and it won’t be to be fed! 
God I hope not. Okay…. off to get baby. Hilarious post!- Audrey
I feel for you. All mine were the same and I remember feeling so desperate for sleep. Sorry I haven’t any good advice – I never found a solution – but I have lots of empathy and am hoping you find a speedy solution!
The only advice I can offer is that my daughter — we realized after a freak-out moment like yours — would only take a bottle really, really warm. Say – like body temperature. Turned out it wasn’t the need to be near me, as much as it was that it better be the temperature as it would be coming out of me. And mucho thanks to my friend Amy who gave me a nifty “never-thought-I-would-ever-need” 30 second bottle warmer by First Years.
I have a lot of advice and absolutely no assurance that any of it will work. My daughter never EVER took a bottle. To the point where I nearly throttled the 100th person who doubted her will and said, “When she gets hungry enough, she’ll eat.”Here’s what we tried:1. Mom offering the bottle. Dad offering the bottle. Everyone we knew offering the bottle. (Any lucky winner would have gotten a very lucrative nannying position.)2. Dad offering the bottle while Mom is in the room. Dad offering the bottle while Mom is out of the house.3. Every single nipple manufactured since 1942. 4. Warm, lukewarm, cold breastmilk.5. Breastmilk. Formula. Every possible combination of the two.6. Offering the bottle facing inward. Offering the bottle facing outward. Offering the bottle while walking around. 7. Offering right after a little breastfeeding. Offering before she got really hungry. Offering when she was so hungry she should have been dehydrated and malnourished. 8. Offering first thing in the morning. Offering in the middle of the night. Offering at every possible hour of the day.9. Skipping the bottle and offering from a small cup. This last one, even around three months, had the greatest — though still very minor — success. What finally worked? She hit 7.5 months and discovered solid food. Good luck!
So many comments! So many caring moms! Wow.I was struck by how many women commented on how they solved their own problems but judged themselves on whether it would be deemed “right” in anyone elses eyes.My oldest daughter never took a bottle (for 18-months) and my youngest only took one when I weaned her at 16-months. (Which is how I weaned her.) I didn’t work, so I had that luxury, but it can get old and tiring being the sole comfort for a little one. The only thing that we can do as parents is the best we can. What that means is up to us to figure out. Best of luck.~Carol
I’m so sorry because it sounds like your husband must have said something about being tired. WHY, OH WHY, do fathers EVER try to utter those words? THEY AREN’T – couldn’t possibly be – as tired as nursing mothers.I hear ya’ sister. Not to brag, but I no longer have a nursing child, and it’s not sad at all. Love my walking, drinking out of glasses children.