This morning I was watching the Today Show for a rare, brief moment and some rap group (do they still call them rap groups? Is that hopelessly out of date?) that I’ve never heard of is singing some song I’ve never heard of and – shockingly – there are people in the audience screaming and clapping and singing along. Every word.
And all I can think is, how is possible for them to be so familiar with these bands that I don’t know? Just like I wonder how the spoiled skanky girls on My Super Sweet 16 can get all excited about the bands their daddies book for their parties. I mean REM, sure. ACDC, totally. But Saosin? Hellogoodbye? Huh? Wha? Who?
That’s it, my musical knowledge is officially stunted.
(And this is on my mind only partly because yesterday Kristen made me watch some You Tube video to prove to me that I knew some song from the 90s about put yo hand on yo hip or some other f*cking nonsense which meant nothing to me because I’m old and farty and OKAY KRISTEN I DON’T KNOW THE SONG ALREADY.)
The first sign was about ten years ago when I saw some talentless nobody on late night TV singing some annoying song about a genie in a bottle and I thought to myself, well that’s the last time we’ll ever hear from her.
Then, about three years ago I was on a message board, when someone typed in FERGIE IS DATING JOSH DUHAMEL! and I was shocked, shocked that an American TV actor could land the Dutchess of York.
And so now it is time for me to accept and embrace my musical lameness.
Okay so I do get a little squeamish when the “oldies” station in NY that played Chubby Checker when I was a kid is now playing U2 and the Police. But otherwise, I accept that I’m pushing 40 and that my time has come to hand the cool music torch over to the younguns with the time, energy, and inclination to listen to bands new enough to cite Green Day as an influence.
And so, allow me to be the first to sign the Old Fart Musical Creed:
I accept that the world of hip music has passed me by.
I accept that I only have heard of 11 of the top 20 mp3 artists – and one of them is the Beatles.
(Even if I don’t entirely accept that the Beatles are only number 20 and that Madonna rates just above Hannah Montana)
I accept that what to me is atonal, to someone else is brilliant.
I accept that I cannot name one song by 50 Cent.
I accept that I cannot bring myself to call him “Fitty” Cent and instead say “Fifty.”
I accept that when a friend tells me she’s going to the VMAs, I’m not in the least bit envious.
I accept that even while I tap my feet to a house music mix playing at a party, I’m really hoping the next cd will be MTV Class of ’83.
I accept that mohawked college kids wearing torn Clash shirts eye me suspiciously even as I think, I rocked that look the first time around, you wannabees.
I accept that kids today scare me when they dance.
I accept that when I dance, I scare the kids today.
I accept that it’s pretty lame I when that Killers song comes on Guitar Hero III and I jump up and yell, “Hey wait, I know this!”
I accept Avril Lavigne wears too much eye makeup and there is nothing I can do about it.
If you’re with me, sign your name at the bottom, forward it to ten people, and Bill Gates will send you $10,000. It’s true. It happened to a friend of mine.
75 shards of brilliance… read them below or add one
O HOW I forgot how you used to make me laugh!!!It’s been so long since I was here visiting. I cannot wait to visit you as your children enter the teen years. I have every single lyric website saved to my favorites. I cannot understand why all the songs my boys buy on Itunes contain explicit lyrics and have to begin with the N word or the F bomb! Seriously….I’ll scratch some vinyl and you throw out some F bombs and we are on our way to a record deal.
Thank God Sinatra was on that list or I’d have been screwed. I’m not even going to tell you how few I recognized on that list…even fewer whose songs I would recognize if I heard it.The tip to keeping your musical cool to your kids…only play the oldies. That way you’ll know all the words and they’ll think you rock.At least until they discover MTV and get their own mp3 players.Sigh. It was a good run while it lasted…
I’m signing your damn creed but I’m bitter. It hurts my soul a little to know that my kids are going to think of REM as golden oldies.
Oh … and I’m so old, my computer wouldn’t even let me look at the list.
THe next time we’re out, I’m making you do the DIP.Or DA DIP as it’s actually titled. I’m still shocked that you didn’t know it. Although, now that I think of it, I’m not sure why I’m so happy that I do. But really, what’s even more depressing is when you teach a COLLEGE music appreciation class and NOT ONE STUDENT knows Billy Joel.Seriously. They had to pick me up off the ground. And the huz keeps up with it all. I used to be hip until they all started sounding like SHIT.
lol.I was just thinking the same thing two nights ago in my car when I was listening to my ipod and the most recent music on there was Fiona Apple’s new CD that was out a hundred years ago. I know NOTHING of what’s happening today.I used to be hip until they all started to sound THE SAME.Which, I think, makes me older and lamer than Kristen.
Signing on for sure. It seems that every time I put on a CD of ‘my music’ for my kids to hear, I have to say, “Oh, yeah, this band isn’t together anymore”. Sigh.
I got lost when everyone made the switch from albums to CDs.Signed, Jozet Halushki
Liz, dahling, I am a whole decade younger than you and yet I too feel the need to sign my name. Which either means that you are a whole decade more in-touch than you think, or I am a whole decade lamer than I think. (Despite the fact that I did recently tell some damn kids to get off my lawn, I am hoping it’s the former.)
P.S. You’re also hotter than I am. Does this have something to do with living in New York? Should I move?
Oh my! I am desperately clining to some of the crumbs of my cool and yet I am on board with WAAAAY too many of those.
Fitty would be very disappointed if he read this.
You beat me! I only recognized 7 of the top 20. Way to go—you’re hipper than you think you are! (or at least hipper than me, which is really not saying much)
I’m signed. Sadly. But I’m 41, so I guess that’s my excuse.
Consider me signed. I only knew 14 of the top 20 but I’m sure that’s because enough of us old farts are downloading mp3′s these days to skew the results.
If you saw the songs I’ve loaded onto my iPod…you would weep. I’m hopelessly stuck in another musical dimension where “Common” merely suggests something that isn’t all that special, rather than the name of a musician.
I realized my comment said I was almost 19…LOL…I hit the wrong key. I’m almost 39! Sorry…It was late and I have a concussion!
Ah it’s okay, love, the only three modern musicians I listen to are Beck, Gorillaz, and MF Doom. The rest is old 70s-80s punk, hip hop and early 70s reggae
Jenny – Beck, who and who?
I’m cracking up — mostly because the first time I heard that there’s a song by Fergie, I totally was like, the Duchess of York is a pop singer now? Huh. I am the lamest of the lame.
What’s really scary is that as Thalia gets a little older, you’ll find yourself right back in the throes of pop music, except it wil probably be the decidedly lame kind (until she’s a little older, at least). If you don’t believe me, ask me to sing “Potential Breakup Song” by Disney Radio darlings Aly and AJ. Yeah, I know you’re probably like “Who???” but in a few years, I promise you and I will bobbin’ our heads together in unison, thanking God we’re not alone in teenybopper hell
Okay, okay – I’ll sign already. But I can name three, maybe four songs by Fiddy.
I’m a bit scared that I’m 36 and do know most of them. But I don’t like a lot of them, so I guess I can sign, too.
Hysterical!My brain has been officially fried from Wiggles tunes. Hot potato, Hot potato…LOL…Procrastamom…I am filing that quote away for future use!Signed.
You mentioned the oldies station in NY making you feel old, OMG, I thought I was alone. It’s always been my parents’ favorite station (other than when it vanished for a while), so I’m always subjected to it. They used to play songs from the 50s and 60s, but I’ve actually heard some Lisa Lisa and ohter 80s music. NOOOOOO. That is simply not right. Oh and I too have those thoughts about the Super Sweet 16 bands. Among other exclamations commonly uttered during the show, my husband is often subjected to me asking (loudly), “Who? Who the hell are they? Why is she excited over them?”