Thalia wanted my attention while I was getting Sage dressed this morning. Frustrated, Thalia popped the baby on the top of her head, palm open. It was not enough to hurt, but enough that I reacted, instinctively.
And did it right back to Thalia.
I shocked her. I shocked myself.
“You don’t like it when I do this to you, right?” I said, fighting back my own tears. She shook her head. “Well that’s why we don’t do it to Sage.”
She didn’t cry. I think she was too stunned. She hugged me. She hugged Sage.
And I felt like shit.
57 shards of brilliance… read them below or add one
Unfortunately, I have to raise my hand and admit that I, too, have reacted like that on more than one occasion. I always apologize to my kids for losing my temper, and I always tell them that even when I am upset about their behavior, that I still love them no matter what. Please don’t be too hard on yourself, you are a great Mom!
It’s happened to us all. But you handled it perfectly.xoxoxo
I so did this too. And I so felt like shit. It’s okay. Really, it is. It’s one moment out of 10 million good ones. But I get it, I do.
I think when there is an infant involved, sometimes the protective instinct really is too overwhelming to control. Once when the old, fat, arthritic cat I used to have jumped right on top of my son, when he was just a month old, (and about half her weight) I picked her up and threw her clear across the room before I even knew what I had done. I could have picked her up and set her down, but no, I picked her up and HURLED her without a conscious thought; it was like it wasn’t even me hurling her; it was like she was being tossed across the room by the sheer force of my irrational rage. And then I immediately felt terrible, because she hadn’t meant to hurt him; she’d been purring. But it was my baby, damn it. She could have cracked his ribs.(The cat was fine, btw.)(Obviously cat does not equal child, but you didn’t toss Thalia across the room, either.)
Without even reading through the other comments, I have a story for you too. My mom used to tell of my older sister, who was a biter when she was little. My mom finally got to where she’d had it, and one day when she was on the phone and my sister came up to her and bit her (on the arm? hand? lost in the mists of time!) my mother immediately dropped the phone and bit her back, on the arm. Tears all around, and the absolute end of the biting. My DD also was a biter when she was little, and I used to tell my DH that story. One day she had bitten him a couple of times, and he calmly turned to her and told her if she bit him again, he was going to bite her back, and she wouldn’t like it. She promptly came up to him and bit him on the butt (yes, really!) Whereupon he turned to her and bit her arm. Tears ensued, but no more biting ever occurred (he was right, she didn’t like it).Very occasionally, tit for tat can create the best learning experience.
I smacked Hollis on the butt once. He ran away from me near a river in a crowd and I couldn’t find him. When I got him back I didn’t even think about it. I hugged him and then I smacked him on the butt. Then I cried. We’ve all been there. (((hugs)))
Been there, done that. The good thing, for most of us, is that we learn from it. You’ll be fine. It took me a couple days to get over it though. Hang in there.