Thalia stepped gingerly towards the bassinet to take a look at the week-old baby.
“Nonono! Germs,” my neighbor said, before forcing out the least sincere laugh I’ve ever heard.
“Can I look?” I asked.
“Sure…
Okay, that’s enough.” she admonished before I had focused on much more than his hat. She shooed me away from the blanketed, swaddled, and sealed-for-his-protection newborn.
“C’mon, you know how germ-phobic I am.”
“Germs are good!” I laughed. “Kids need to be exposed to germs!”
“Not now,” she said. “Not yet. No germs.”
But…this is your second child, I thought. You’re supposed to be over this.
Perhaps I’m not the person to be debating her on the subject. Nate and I took both kids out to eat at the local diner (That’s because you’re crazy, my neighbor said) in their first week of life. We let them pet dogs. We let them have their faces licked by those dogs. We allow them to play in (gasp) sandboxes and to (gasp) feed the animals at the petting zoo. And I can’t tell you how many days it’s been since we washed Sage’s pacifier with actual soap.
So okay, maybe we’re on the slightly unsanitary side of the parenting spectrum. But still, isn’t this germ-phobia way out of control?
At Cool Mom Picks we’re pitched all kinds of hand sanitizers, clothes in “naturally germ-resistant fabrics,” BYO placemats, and just this week, big floppy disposable plastic mitts for kids to wear in public bathrooms. Then of course, there’s the ever-popular dangle your baby from the bathroom door while you pee invention.
I’ll just hang here while you do your germ-free thing, mom(For the best riff ever about it, visit Greg’s post at Daddytypes.)
Look, I don’t want to rag too much on these products, though lord knows I could. I know it’s just a bunch of entrepreneurial moms coming up with what they think is an awesome idea, then spurred onto action by friends who agree, Yes! Yes! Why I WOULD happily carry that harness thing around in my bag at all times just in case I have to pee while I’m out with the baby and can’t manage to wash his hands immediately afterwards if, God forbid, he touches anything in the process which will doubtlessly lead to HIV and syphilis and low math scores on the PSATs.
Lest you get the wrong idea, I’m not entirely disgusting. We certainly have the Cleanwell in the diaper bag, and I’m terrified of the communal toys at Bubby’s that seemingly haven’t been scrubbed since the last Bush-led recession.
But am I alone here in thinking that the fear of germs is going to lead to more earlier demises than the germs themselves?
79 shards of brilliance… read them below or add one
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you are not alone.i was a bit cautious w/my 1st although the most extreme i got was that everyone who handled the baby had to wash their hands 1st; and even that only lasted for a month. then my 2nd & 3rd (twins) were preemies (one was a micro preemie) and i really didn’t even do that with them. germs are good. germs are helpful. it’s not like i’d let them eat cat poop or something, but we have 3 cats, a sandbox, and a big outdoors to play in. well, we don’t play in the cats, but with the cats. i don’t use antibacterial soap either. out of 3 kids (oldest is 6) we’ve had exactly 1 major illness (knock wood)- an ear infection in a 4 y/o just 2 months ago.
I understand completely. My sister just had us use hand sanitizer every time I went near her second child. Which is hard when he’s crying and she is in the other room. My first was exposed thing. I’d even just wipe/like off the binky when it fell on the floor and back in the mouth it went. Funny thing is, she only gets sick about once a year.
I often wonder about those anti-bacterial things that purport to kill 99% (or 99.9%) of germs.Well, what happens to that 1% (or 0.01%) that’s left over. Do they eventually die from it, or do they become immune? And if they become immune, do they become superbugs?Personally, I think exposure to germs and irritant helps build the immune system. And studies show that if kids are exposed to allergens (like cat dander) early on, they’re less likely to develop allergies to that allergen later on.IMHO.
That’s amazing – tammy b said exactly what I was going to say, right down to “my 2nd & 3rd (twins) were preemies (one was a micro preemie)”! So I have an older child and preemie twins too and you know, I wasn’t all that freaked out about germs with any of them. I still laugh at my mom freaking out because I gave Olivia a bottle Emma had finished with. Hey, she was still hungry and had finished all of hers. Was I supposed to go make another bottle for her and toss out the other one that was still fresh?Then there’s “Honey, who’s pacifier is this one?” and we all know how good a 5yr-old’s memory is when you’ve just told her not to touch the baby after playing in the sandbox.This post cracked me up. We’re relatively clean people too, but some people are just freaks about it, baby or not.
You are not alone on this, I really believe that the whole germ phobia is out of control. I can’t remember who conducted it but there is at least one study that proves that children who grow up on farms and had greater exposures to dirt and yuck and poop have stronger immune systems. And also good work ethics, but that’s just a bonus feature.
Is it just me, or does that neighbor have a strong Italian accent?
What an awesome photo you chose for this post. If you knew how often I remembered to wash my children’s hands before they ate anything, you’d never come to my house again. We’ll be somewhere eating and I’ll hear a mom say, “OK! First wash hands!” and I’ll think, “OH CRAP! I forgot AGAIN!” And, if I was afraid of germs, I would’ve had a heart attack and died the day Belly thought the urinal cake in the port-a-potty was some sort of attached soap dish and rubbed her hands all over it. I thought her hands should’ve just turned black and fallen off at the wrists from that infestation.Eh, I’d rather be dirty than sanitized.
I’ve never been freaked out about the germ thing. I’ll admit I felt a twinge of annoyance when my cousin let her sneezing and sniffling 3 year old daughter hold my 2 day old little boy while I was in the bathroom, but I got over it. We also took the kids to restaurants and public places as soon as I could walk after the c-section. It’s the ONLY time you get to eat in peace while the baby sleeps!Oh & my youngest found some cat puke and ate it once when he was 13 months old. Tell your neighbor about that one and let me know if her head explodes.
If you start thinking about germs too much, you’ll lose your damn mind. There are so many more of them than there are of us!
You know, there is an actual theory that our modern germ-free existence may be part of the reason allergies are on the rise in industrialized nations. Look up the sanitation hypothesis. (I think recent research indicates that it may actually have more to do with a decrease in parasitic colonization than a decrease in bacterial exposure, but it still makes a good rebuttal to the germophobes.)And Nicole, antibacterial soaps are thought to favor the breeding of superbugs. But try buying a hand soap that ISN’T antibacterial these days. It drives me nuts.
When my first daughter was 2 weeks old, we boarded a plane for a wedding in Florida.One of my bestfriends was getting married and I wasn’t going to miss it.People thought we were crazy. The GERMS, they said! Whatever. She was fine. The wedding rocked.
My kids are significantly older than most of the other commenters, and when they were infants 15.5 years ago, people just weren’t so germ phobic. There was no such thing as Purell, and none of these paranoid of germs products existed. No shopping cart seats, no hang your baby on the bathroom door thingy…they just didn’t exist. So I never gave germs more than a passing thought. My preemie twins seemed to be just fine being exposed to plenty of sandbox and playground germs. They rode in shopping carts and mouthed the cart handle! They put every possibly toy they came across in their mouths. And they’re still alive, healthy, and obnoxious. OK, the obnoxious part has nothing to do with germs. But otherwise… it’s astounding to me how paranoid new moms are now. It’s SO different than when my kids were babies. I’m not sure what the difference is, but I do know that refusing to expose your kids to germs is a bad thing. They NEED the exposure in order to become defensive against them. The more they are isolated, the sicker they’re going to get when they finally pick something up.
Overall, I’m still on the nervous side of things, but we stopped sterilizing pacifiers after about a week, and now I can’t remember when we last washed them with soap either.It’s hard to find soap that isn’t anti-bacterial these days. Can’t be good for the breeding of super bugs.
I’ve reached a happy middle ground on this after having gone from one extreme to the other.Some newborns – even non-preemies and even breastfed babies – can get horribly ill from run-of-the-mill germs that even a toddler could weather well. But, I think that run-of-the-mill hand washing after using the bathroom or wiping your nose on your hand would do well enough for picking up most newborns.I mean, if one knows that they have an active MRSA infection or knows that they are Group B Strep positive, well those things can be absolutely…Okay. Nevermind.I’ve just revealed myself to be a hypochondriac, lol. Pass the Purell.
More than 100 people held Jaden and Rowan before they were one month old and they probably accompanied me to resturants.I think a good rule of thumb is to wash hands before holding a newborn (like under two months) and to ask people with colds not to get in a baby’s face. But people these days are totally totally paranoid. It’s just another piece of the madness of parenting in the new age.
Unless there’s something ‘wrong’ with a child’s immune system, basic germ exposure is not only a silly concern, it’s essential if you want to build up their immune system. Studies have borne this out…children who aren’t exposed to lots of germs in their first two years are more likely to be sicker down the line.
There’s clean and then there’s paranoid. I always thought it was kind of fun to pick up a dropped pacifier from the floor, wipe it on my shirt, and give it back to the baby just to watch them squirm. Aside from teaching our kids good habits (washing hands frequently, covering mouths when coughing) you can’t keep them from getting sick. I also think that getting a little sniffle now and then is good for building their immune systems. So you aren’t alone!
My children each flew on airplanes before the age of three weeks. Germs, sherms.
I’m SLIGHTLY cautious with KayTar because GOOD LORD that kid gets sick enough. But, we don’t use antibacterial products because I think that leads to a bigger problem. We just, you know, try to avoid sick people if we know they are sick, and wash our hands with soap. But yeah, I do think that the anti-germ movement might be causing long term trouble. Both directly (development of allergies) and indirectly (causing bacteria to become stronger).
I’m one of those *gasp!* germaphobes and clearly in the minority here. But I wish, oh how I wish, I could just let go and not care about the germs like most of you. I want to be free of that worry and let the illnesses fall where they may. Maybe I’ll get there one day. But, damn, it’s such a struggle. I constantly worry about what my two-year-old is passing to my seven-week old. It’s exhausting being such a freak about it.
I’m with you. Germs are good.
Totally with you here. And I have a professional opinion to back me up. My BIL is an oncologist and he also concurs.I was never precious about that stuff. And anti-bacterial handwashes make you more susceptible to germs. The Poo gets sick occasionally, but don’t we all?I have to say, however, that when it comes to the rotovirus? I totally break out the bleach. I hate to barf.
I, like Jozet, have reached a happy middle ground. I don’t let the existence of germs keep me from doing things that will make me and my children happy–like the McDonald’s playland, for example. I’m cautious with new babies since a sickness with them is so much worse than with a toddler. We just practice good hygiene, and I think that in and of itself goes a long way. I have a friend who is absolutely fanatic about germs. If they leave the house, the first thing she does upon her arrival home is strip down all 3 children and give them baths. I’ve always thought that was a little extreme.
OK. Not 10 minutes after I left my last comment my daughter barfed everywhere. And yesterday was the first time my husband let her ride in the grocery store cart without the cart cover. Coincidence? Perhaps. But my germaphobe ass isn’t convinced. God, help me!
Oh no Delaney! Hope she’s feeling better. (And I always wondered who the people were that used those cart covers. Maybe living in NYC we just expect our kids to be in contact with gross things 24/7.)
I was never a stickler about avoiding germs at all. The only time I really cared was when my son was 10 weeks old and had RSV. He was being baptized that weekend and we had a houseful of people and I did ask that everyone wash their hands before holding the baby. Otherwise, I didn’t much care. And he’s never been sick with anything major. Just last night, as we were eating dinner, I looked over at his hands and thought, “dang, I forgot to remind him to wash his hands”…they were grey and grubby from playing outside yet it didn’t stop me from letting him eat his meal. Oh well…
ok i’m a nurse and here is how i feel about it, germs are good. your body has to learn how to handle them, to fight virus and infection. wash your hands! i will say this though, nurses fall into two camps-germaphobes or way relaxed…not much help!liz-i’m having a contest to win a childrens book and noone is entering, want to check it out?
All of my germphobia flew out the window when my baby began sucking the cart handle everytime we went to the grocery. They have to be exposed to germs to build up immunity, so I am not too worried about it. When I was still breastfeeding I would just shrug and think, “Ah – she gets plenty of protection from her breastmilk.”
My girls are 14, 12 and 9 years old. They have survived—very Darwinian, I think. Survival of the fittest—and you must be fit to survive the germs in this house. Not a pig, but you wouldn’t want to eat off just any surface here. Glad to find your site; glad to know I am not alone.
I total agree.. We are causing more problems than we are preventing. Germs are good.. and necessary.
I am the Anti-Germaphobe.The only marginally germaphobic I do is wipe down the shopping cart handle before my kid spends the next 45 minutes gnawing on it. I mean, I’ve seen some of the charmers who shop at my grocery store. But a cover? Good lord, no.No A/B soap. No Purell. Only spotty handwashing before eating.
I am all for clean hands before eating… but other than that, you may add me into that “lax” mommy who doesn’t carry around wippies and sanatize the kids hands every few minutes.Here is what I have noticed (just from my limited obeservation). The parents who are germ phobic and dillegently was their kids hands every few minutes, wind up with sick kids a LOT more often. Now let’s chat a minute about sending your obviously sick kid to school… now that one can get me going (actually, it has!). Keep the sick kids home. Keep the kids with green boogie noses at home. Don’t worry so much about the healthy kids who have a little dirt on their hand!… great post!
Jill
Thank you for letting me know I am not alone in my non germaphobe status…and for a topic to blog on today!
Well, after hearing about the long-in-the-fridge leftovers you grew up on, I’m not surprised you have a very low fear of germs and illness from them. Ha!No, I’m really not afraid of germs either. In fact, I purposely do not buy anti-bacterial soaps because they kill the good germs too.
Please excuse Bossy while she picks her jaw off the floor. Wha?
<>“But still, isn’t this germ-phobia way out of control?”<>Um, yes.YES.
You are not alone on this one. I am so not not a germ-aphobe. I figure some good germs, help keep us from catching everything under the sun. I don’t buy anti-bactirial soap and I’ll use public restrooms. However I do push cleaning your hands on my nieces.
Oh I do have a friend who uses those Lysol wipes on her two year old. She’s insane though.
i was most careful the first 8 weeks, because the doctor said if she got a fever, she would have to be admitted to the hospital in the 1st 8 weeks.i had to be very careful during chemotherapy because my white blood cell count was low + it still hasn’t come all the way up. i’d rather prevent illness, than suffer through it.
I’m so with you. When my son was a crawler, he was playing on my MIL’s floor and picked something up and started chewing on it. It was something large and not a chocking hazard and I was feeling a little lazy and didn’t do anythin abotu it. SIL was horrified and, with eyes as round as saucers,said, “I bet that is really dirty! You should take it away from him. It’s been on the floor!” I just looked at her and said,”Uh, he spends his life on the floor. His hands are always on the floor.”She thinks I am a horrible mother.
I’m very “meh” about germs. I let my 10 month old niece steal my oldest’s pacifier out of her mouth, test it, and put in back. I just can’t get excited about what “might” happen.Now, when my 4 year old came down with the flu (yes, she had the shot), I stayed with her all night JUST IN CASE HER NECK STARTED HURTING AND SHE REALLY HAD MENINGITIS!!!!! We all have our neurosis.
Whenever this topic comes up, I always think of the book/movie(s) War of the Worlds. Just me?Now, with a just-born infant, I don’t think it can hurt to be a little careful, but that just means washing your hands and don’t hold if you are sick. But other than that, ditto everyone who says that exposure to germs is overall good.
I grew up on a farm, where dirty things and germs were a way of life. Pretty much everything I played with when I was a kid was covered in dirt or germs or both. And you know what? I hardly ever get a cold. Maybe once a year. And I attribute it to building a healthy immune system when I was a kid. So . . . I let my 12-month-old pick up things off the floor and chew on them, pet dogs and cats, and I have been known to put the soother back in her mouth once dropped on the floor in the grocery store. And you know what? In her first year of life, she’s had 2 colds. Not the 10 the books tell you they’ll have. Just saying.
Nope. You’re not alone at all.
Mod Mom, if I were in your funky, midcentury shoes – I’d do the exact same thing.
I think someone else already brought this up but if a baby less than 2 months old gets a temperature of 100.4 or more, they are automatically admitted to the hospital for a spinal tap and 48 hours of antibiotics while the spinal culture comes back. Any little cold can turn into meningitis. Take it from me – my 2 month old is on her 3rd week of antibiotics at the hospital for bacterial meningitis from a UTI.I used to be very careless with my 2 year old and rarely sterilized, etc. Now, I will be all sorts of crazy-paranoid-phobic.
I’m easily grossed out, and I AM careful until the babes get their first shots…HOWEVER…I just force myself to chill out. I rarely use the hand sanitizer in the diaper bag…oh, and are you supposed to wash pacifiers with soap?!? huh.
seriously, this is what I tell myself: “I’m alive and kickin’. They’ll survive too.”I must admit I’ve looked at the grocery cart covers and thought, those are cute and that’s probably smart…but then I forget and throw the kids in the cart – sans cover!!! AAAHH!! Everyone still has 10 fingers and toes. and now that my first little cutie-patootie is potty-trained, I have to REALLY let go…public restrooms are our second home. there’s just no hiding from those germs. may as well just close your eyes and hope for the best! 
We always joked we treated our first child like it was the 2nd, barely rinsed off the binky. Someone brought a spray to friends wedding, spraying everyone who got too close to her baby – it was hilarious. Uh, perhaps she could have left it at home
We duly washed our hands when asked, but then laughed later as our nurse friend was the only one who didn’t require that, for her 4 day old. And studies have indeed shown more exposure to dirt and germs can lead to less sickness. Rule in our house, if it doesn’t have dog hair, it’s still good.
There’s some truth to the saying “What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger.” Eventually, little ones need exposure to germs so that their bodies can learn to fight them.
My daughter ate dirt.Ya, so I’m on the bad end of the spectrum too.But she rarely ever gets sick. And she kisses the dog too.
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