This weekend, Nate and I had a lovely dinner out with another couple, which makes this like our second date night in 87 years of marriage. An incredible feat considering Nate and I have only been together about six years. And we’re not actually married.
While the boys discussed predictably discussed football, GMM and I chatted about the Matt Harding video, previously referred to by MetroDad as “the greatest video ever posted on the internet” and I’d have to agree. If you’re too tired to click and watch, (which, really – your loss) this is the video in which this regular guy who happens to be traveling all over the world does this silly little jig in every country he visits–42 in total. It’s edited together beautifully with just the right music and it’s captured the hearts of anyone who’s seen it.
Also, it’s captured the hearts of Cadbury Schweppes who I just learned paid him a ton of money to go out there on another world tour and do it again.
In other words, he’s getting paid to do what he was already doing for free anyway.
That’s when I realized it was time for me to recraft my resume.
I of course have a few thoughts on the matter.
-My house is a disaster. I do not clean it. I think that Nintendo should pay me to continue not cleaning my house. Would that be like the best ad campaign for Wii Guitar Hero ever, or what?
-I have used plenty of choice words to describe George Bush, often in mixed company. Orbit Gum could pay me to continue doing this, as part of their “Dirty mouth? Clean it up!” campaign. I can get really really dirty too. Try me out, Orbit! You won’t be disappointed.
-I wear shoes – Prada makes shoes. Perfect.
-I have been known to draw attention to myself while singing bad 70s and 80s lyrics under my breath, in public spaces. I would be happy to continue to do so while wearing a Coca Cola tee shirt for a reasonable six-figure monthly fee.
-I often think about doing the sex with George Clooney. I would be happy to continue to do so for money. (To be clear: Not to have sex for money, but to think about having sex and getting paid for that.) This could be a good one for KY Jelly. Or maybe some prescription drug for women experiencing delusions? Really, I’m open.
-Like Matt Harding, I love to travel, but we could do it a whole lot more if we had a sponsor. I’m angling for American Express. I will just continue to travel with my family, charging everything on our (free) Platinum Card, and American Express will be more than welcome to put our exploits up on You Tube. I know that hearing Sage screaming in the car for two straight hours or watching Thalia refuse to eat anything besides goldfish and bagels will be huge. HUGE. 10 million viewers or more, guaranteed.
Of course these are just a few thoughts off the top of my head. Nothing firm. I’m open to any marketers with other ideas. Other things I already do anyway: Talk with food in my mouth, choose shaving cream based on the color of the can, pick the cranberries out of the salad, discuss Rock of Love II as if any of it mattered, read blogs.
How about you? What would you like to be paid to do that you already do?
49 shards of brilliance… read them below or add one
I don’t cook, but sure do enjoy stuffing my face! I don’t know–Hersheys? Wolfgang Puck? Dominos Pizza?Anyone?I’d fer sure love me a food sponsor in my Trenches!
I need someone to pay me to stay up way too late every night, simply because once the goats finally <>stay<> in bed (around 10:00) I cannot forgo the peace and quiet of the house. And Starbucks needs to sponsor this one to the tune of live-in barista, free coffee, and hefty checks. Obviously, we’d be a match made in free-trade heaven.
I don’t know, are there any products from sitonmyass.com?You aren’t married? Like Brad and Angelina? Goldie and Kurt? Bert and Ernie? How scandalous.
I tried to convince to go that route, but in the end it was too complicated for me to develop all the legal work (inheritance, custody, community property) that marriage took care of so easily. Plus I really like his last name versus my maiden name. Shallow I know.
Great post!!! I love it!!!
Perhaps Food Network would be interested in a show staring me, wherein I watch hours of cooking shows, thinking to myself, “well that looks yummy and easy!”, and then don’t eat anything but hot dogs and popsicles.Also, I always buy a bunch of bananas against my better judgment, because I know I’m just going to end up throwing them out when they inevitably go bad…because I hate bananas…yet I still buy them all the time. There’s gotta be a market for that.
Let’s see…-We’re a Wii family (Nintendo?)-I’m an Ann Taylor Loft devotee (ATL?)-I’m a work at home mom (Dell?)And-I’m a foodie (Fill in the blank!)
Speaking of getting paid to do what you’d do anyway – Bret Michaels is still looking for love and I can’t wait for “Rock of Love Bus” to show up on my TV screen. Drunken strippers = TV goldNate, when you coming to town? Is young padawan ready to take on the Guitar Hero master? Oh yeah. It’s on. Bring it.
If I could get someone to pay me to sleep, I’d have it made.Either that, or that George Clooney thing.
Oh Georgia, I do both of those two. I think we should totally pursue a Mitchell Gold endorsement for the Food Network watching. Perfect!
Snort…love it. I'd like someone to pay me to put their logo on my Twitter page. Like Starbucks or Ben & Jerry's. I could make money by sitting on my ass and eating ice cream and drinking lattes all day. looking at it all day. Plus I'm up to like dam…28 followers and I'm sure that'd make them tons. Also sad as it is, I'd do anything just about for another wii, just so I wouldn't have to share with my dam kids.
I know nothing about how to run a country.Will Bush’s camp sponsor me?Bwwwwwahahaha
Dude. I’d market ANY sort of lube if they gave me a night with George.
Do you mind if I use this – I’m afraid my list would overwhelm your comments!
I like coffee (Starbucks?)And traveling (American Express? Delta Airlines? Hiton hotels?)Great idea. And I love that video.
Ignore my children and blog–Blogger are you listening?Ignore my dirty house and blog–Molly Maids anyone?Ignore my dirty laundry and blog–Swan Cleaners?Ignore my hungry family and blog–Desperation Dinners?Basically, I’ll take any money anyone wants to give me for blogging!
Genius! I would love to be paid for everything you listed, as well as, well, ANYTHING. I’m up for anything. Just pay me.
If someone could pay me to read blogs like this one all day, I would be set. Or maybe YOU could send some cash my way. Or I would happily cram Oreo Overload down my throat while wearing a Cold Stone t-shirt.I could also be a great mattress tester. But for sleeping only, much to my hubby’s chargrin. Perhaps Sleep Train would care to sponsor?
Long John Silvers, my ass is calling your name. Hear me now, believe me later.
I currently do not get paid to dick around on the internet. I think Apple should give me additional computers for my entire house, and then pay me to dick around on them.
I would like to be paid for this ridiculous single-girl mojo I seem to have for no apparent reason–I would even bottle it
Hiiiiiiiii Girl!! I found you!! MWAH!!
I yell at the kids for free all the time! How about Playschool?And I yell at my husband all the time, too. Heeellllloooo Miracle Ear!
I would like the state of IL to hire me as its tourism spokesblogger. Blog with benefits, health benefits.
If I could be paid for eating sugar every night (in the form of sour patch kids, pear jelly bellys, shortbread cookies, mike and ikes, etc.) then I would have found my true calling.
oh dear, that video brought tears to my eyes. It’s like the HUGS video. It’s Matt’s passion that’s infectious and brings sheer joy to people. P.S. I had cranberries in the salad I made you yesterday for lunch
You were so kind or you didn’t notice!
I have always said I would be a great person to win the lottery. You know, give some to good charity, share with my friends, etc. So maybe the Lottery could use me in some way….give me 34 kabillion dollars and then watch what i do. I think it is marketing gold!
Darn… good ideas are taken I see. Well, I’d like to be the official wine taster for quality control on all bottles of wine marketed in the $100+ category. Travel to all foreign vino countries an absolute must. Business class accepted, but first class preferred.
Awesome! I would like to be paid to read books and blog and read blogs. I don’t really want to have to review books or blogs or edit them (although I do edit in my head all the time). But just have someone pay me to read them. Oh, and travel! I would also travel if someone would foot the bill. I am willing to deal with the non-sleeping, non-sitting still toddler in many different countries, if only some company would pay for it.
I swear, my husband has been playing Guitar Hero all this time just to challenge Nate to a duel. Good God. Could someone pay me to cry over nothing once a month? I also like to tell people what to do, wipe crumbs off the counter, think about exercising (but don’t actually do anything about it), and dog-ear recipes in magazines that I have no intention of cooking.
I cook amazing cheesecakes. If I could figure out a way to get paid enough to live on for that, I would.Also, I can quote way too much music/too many movies, think I could get paid for that?
This is my first visit to your blog, and I subscribed to your feed thisfast!I am just so happy to have found you.My travel blog was recently included in a PR database, so now I get lots of exciting offers (such as one for a “Shoul” which seems to be a travel shawl. Is there another kind?)I can’t help you with an all-expense paid RTW trip, but if you’d like to test-drive a Shoul, give me a shout.
I should be paid for promoting octopus goods, of course.
Jamie – < HREF="http://www.coolmompicks.com/2008/02/giving_cold_shoulders_the_cold.php" REL="nofollow">I actually already have a Shoul.<> What are the chances? And you know, I kinda like it. Welcome to my place. Nice to have you here.
I’ll take the travel, hanging out with my kids (airlines? San Francisco, Seattle, London tourist boards?) and — groovin’ on your blog! But that one I so do for free that I’m not sure I could bring myself to charge. Love Matt Harding btw.
well, I don’t clean either, mostly because I’m always sitting at the pc. I have a Dell desktop but I’d be more than happy to sit in front of a MacBook Pro notebook instead. They just need to send me one and I’ll continue to do what I do best: sit here and not clean.
Well, I pretend to listen to conversations at least 3 WHOLE minutes after I’ve lost interest. Dale Carnegie 101–ya interested?I often pretend not to notice that the trash can was full before I stuffed the frozen pizza box in it…and the three dr. pepper cans…and the green beans I was supposed to throw out last Thursday….and…. Hefty–whatcha got?Even though I end up moving every year or two, I don’t unpack until the weekend before it’s time to sell the house…Uhaul–what’s up now?
Hmmm, the shoul IS kind of cool looking. It also seems a little less ridiculous now that I know it doesn’t rhyme with “owl”.Maybe I’ll send for one after all. I’m always cold.
I would love to be paid to read WITHOUT having to either write about it or grade the papers of those who do have to write about it!
I would love for someone to pay me to eat Ben & Jerry's Ice Cream. If this is not possible, I would love to get paid for listening to people whine and complain. I mean, I don't actually like having people whine and complain to me, but if they are going to do it anyway, I think a nice 6 figure monthly check would help ease the pain.
excellent theory! i’ll get right on that.
loved the parents column too-
Being paid to sing silly kid songs or read books and recommend them would be nice… Oh, wait… Okay, I mean after hours, too, since I do it in my spare time as well.
Cabo Wabo could pay me to clean, cook, grade papers and do my taxes. None of which I would ever do without a glass (ahem, bottle) in hand.Thank you for the link to Matt’s video. I loved it.
I would love to get paid to give parents advice on how to get their kids into acting.
That’s a tough one, but I did hear myself saying the other day, “If I had a dollar for everytime someone in this house told me we were out of toilet paper…”So, I guess what I’m saying is if my family could get paid to poop, we’d be freakin’ rich.
I do so like this idea!!! Hmm … they could pay me to pretend to research articles while I’m actually just surfing blogs. I’m sure Google would love that since they own Blogger. Burken and Prada could pay me to use their purses. I can’t afford to buy one on my own, but I would be happy to use them and carry them everywhere we go.Jewelry companies could pay me to be seen wearing their brightly colored baubles.There are so many more!
Hmmm…I would love someone to pay me to sit on my arse and watch Law & Order, eat chips and drink wine. I'm amazingly talented at these tasks. And someone has to do it, right?
I just stumbled on your blog and I LOVE IT! Do you mind if I list you as a favorite of mine?
I need a craft company sponsor. Then when I am feeling the fairly uncharitable “really child I would so rather knit than play ‘shape puzzle’ for the millionth time” feelings, I could just hand her off and claim its “work.” Yeah…
Well, I love to sleep. Serta could pay me to sleep on their beds. I’d even blog in bed for them if they’d like.
Here’s a link to my post about the same video. I’ve included the translation of the lyrics written by a fellow Bengali from Calcutta. http://www.dirtandnoise.com/2008/06/dancing-with-universe.html
Eek! Rock of Love 2! The first episode of Rock of Love 3 was so insane. I love my Bret Michaels and Loose Women, but that was something else!