One day it sneaks up on you.
You’re watching your kids play (or fight), you’re straightening the bookshelf, you’re scraping yogurt off the sofa cushions–and you find yourself gazing at the baby.
She smiles at you.
She smiles and throws her head back and laughs then does that silly little dance, the one that starts with her pumping her left shoulder then moves through her arms and into her whole little body, before she squeals and waddles off atop plump little legs to torment the dog or poke at the VCR buttons.
And you realize you have fallen in love with her.
You have fallen in love with her just the same as you did with the first one. Just like everyone said. Just like everyone promised. Just like you wanted to so hard to believe during those nine miserable months, those sleepless postpartum days, those hazy, mixed-up early weeks when deep in your heart (you’d never say it out loud but) you didn’t think it was actually possible.
You thought for way too long that you were the one exception to the rule.
You thought you were the one mother would spend her life faking it, spend her life “remembering” to love them both.
You forgot that it takes time to know a person before you can truly love her with all your being.
Then one day you find yourself spontaneously snatching her off the ground mid-play to kiss her head, so filled are you with emotion. She swats you away and wriggles back down to the ground, and it hurts your heart just a teeny bit. Hurts in a sweet way. In a not altogether terrible way.
It sneaks up on you, that day that she’s no longer some eating-crying-excreting machine, some boring baby lump who just lies there expecting you to love her for nothing.
Now you love her for everything.
And she is loving you back.
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Beautiful. I think you have officially been promoted to Mom-201;-)-Monica
Thank you for this post. It’s nice to know I wasn’t the only one thinking I couldn’t love the second one like I did the first. Those were thoughts I never voiced; just whispering in my head those nine months +. But you’re absolutely right – it happens and when it does you lose all abandon! Who knew you could love so much?
i love you. this was too precious.
I always enjoy reading your blog, thank you. Sometimes when I peak at my kids in my rear view mirror, I love them so much that it actually, physically hurts. The first time I felt that rush, I understood the definition of “a mother’s love”.
I only have the one child, but the feeling is mutual. I can’t begin to count how many times I rudely interrupt my daughter’s play time just to smother her with kisses and whisper “I love you” in her ear.I hope that, should I have a second child, it works exactly the same way.
AHH.So. So true.
I’m also one that needed to hear this today. I spent my Saturday with my screaming 7 week old son. I don’t want to wish away his infancy, but am longing for the days when he does more than eat, sleep, poop, and CRY!
Yep, just like that! lol
it was encouraging to read that these sleepless nights i am experiencing (i have a 3 week old) will not be forever, and one day my son’s personality with shine through. thanks.
Awwww. This is a perfect passage to read after a crappy day of post 6 month vaccine yuckies.
i loved this post. it made me cry. though i don’t have kids yet myself. hearing you speak so openly about it all. that kind of love. i really appreciated it. even the steps it took to getting there.
You know what I remember? (I only have one child, full disclosure here!) I remember that there was one tiny part of my heart that didn’t yet belong to my baby, though I didn’t know it existed. Then one morning, I got her out of her bassinet, changed her diaper, and brought her to bed to nurse, and instead of latching on like usual, she just SMILED at me. Gazed at me with her whole heart right there in her face, telling me without words how much she adored me and thought I was the be all and end all of mamas. That tiny piece of my heart, that I hadn’t even known existed, went over to her right then. That’s the falling in love thing, I guess. And I like to remember that gummy smile now that she’s 12 1/2 years old, and mostly looks at me like I have arms sticking out of my head and boogers where my eyeballs should be.
I just have to comment to say that you made me cry! Of course, I’m due with my second little girl in about a week, so anything makes me cry… But, I love the way you describe how you felt looking at your second little one. Thank you for your words.
Yep, that’s how it happens
I followed your lead and wrote about falling in love too. I’m at that same stage, like you!I’ll be back to visit your blog often, because I love your writing style and humor.http://sixgoldencoins.blogspot.com/2008/08/falling-in-love.html
The different kinds of love, and specifically the discovery of them, pure magic.
I’m with you! I know I’ve loved my #2 from Day 1 but also still feel that tinge of he’ll never get the full of me that his brother got…how do we deal with that?!
This is the first time I’ve seen anything written about this. This is exactly how I experienced it, and I still feel guilty for feeling utterly disconnected and confused about my little boy for the first 10 weeks or so. He’s 4 months now – things suddenly changed for me at about 3 months. But before that, I wasn’t sure what to make of the squiggly worm who kept wanting me to feed him. I’m still not in love with breastfeeding, but I’m in love with him!
I love this post! It is so crazy how time sneaks up on you.I’m putting you in for the Perfect Post Award!
Again with the tears! Wonderful.
Absolutely beautiful. It’s amazing the moment you realize you’re in love with these perfect little people.
What a touching sentiment. Having had number two 3 and a half months ago, I now know exactly what you are talking about. Its not the same kind of instant magical bond as with baby #1, for sure, but it is growing every day and for this I am grateful. I also feel much more calm, serene, and laid back this time, so baby #2 is under the care of a much more deliberate and relaxed momma.
Thank you! I really, really needed to read this today. (I know I’m late, but I followed a link on a more recent post.Really. Thank you.