Dear Thalia and Sage,
I know you cry when I leave for work in the morning these days. I know that an hour in the morning and then (if I’m lucky) a half hour at night isn’t enough time. I know that I promised you that tomorrow I would take the day off of work to get you dressed in your costumes and take you to the class Halloween party.
Sometimes things don’t work out as we plan. Sometimes I don’t have all the control I wish I did. Sometimes I can’t say no even when I really really want to.
I’m so very sorry.
I’m trying to remember my mother’s advice, to ask myself, “Will this all matter in five years?” I’d like to say it doesn’t.
But I keep thinking of the memories I’ll miss, the photos I won’t take, the tears I’m going to face when I explain, once again, I’m sorry but I have to go to work. Some of them will even be my own.
Forgive me. Forgive me for still being at work tonight at 10:42. Forgive me for all subsequent nights that I’ll still be at work at 10:42. This won’t be the last. That’s just how things go.
I’ll still be home for trick or treating. I’ll even let you stay up extra late and eat more candy then you should. That’s what moms do when they are feeling guilty.
I love you both, more than you know.
Mommy
52 shards of brilliance… read them below or add one
The feelings are real, I know, but you are a lovely mother and sometimes responsibilities make huge demands. It’s not fair. Berry Brazelton used to say that kids don’t suffer so much from working moms if their care is good – it’s the moms who suffer. It’s so hard but when there’s nothing you can do about it I guess being grateful these days for a good job and health insurance is an additional thing to stick in your guilt v “that’s life” basket.
You are so not alone. Remember that.