Every morning I wake up next to Thalia (yep, that hasn’t changed) and ask her, “did you sleep well? What did you dream about?”
Generally the answer is “Unicorns.” Or “A horse on the beach.” Or “We played soccer in the grass park!”
Does she actually dream about these things? Probably not. I’ll give her an A for creativity.
But this morning was different.
“I dreamed about a make up kit. For kids. A toy with makeup for kids. That I can put on my face and I can play with it and wear makeup. It’s a toy, mommy! A toy! Naybe we can buy it? Naybe we can buy a toy make up kit for kids?”
Not sure if this came from a commerical or a friend at school or just her own imagination.
Sigh.
What’s a make-up loving, Beautyhacks-contributing, fashion-loving, feminist mom to do?
I am definitely more influenced than I’d care to admit from my own upbringing, in which nailpolish was not something for children, pierced ears were for 13 year olds (later reduced to 9 with much pleading), heels were meant for grownups, and make up was very reluctantly permitted in junior high. Oh, you should see how my class portrait changed from the sweet seventh grader with braids down the side of her face, to the wild, frizzy-haired eighth grader with the sparkly blue Maybelline eyeliner and the amateurish Clinique mascara application. It was as if I had gone from dorky to made-up and dorky, almost overnight!
But three is not thirteen. And it’s not even nine.
So when do we let our girls get all girlie? Or really…womanly. Because that’s what it is.
I see little girls with painted toenails and I find it equally endearing and repelling.I think it would be something fun to do with Thalia, and then I wonder if that’s teaching her some kind of message that goes beyond temporary tattoos and animal character hair clips. I also rejected the offer at the kids hair salon to put glitter spray in her hair. The lollipop makes her plenty happy–and me too. It may rot her teeth, but it’s not rotting her ability to simply be a preschooler.
I’m no make-up hating grinch, of course. I do let Thalia play with my makeup brushes when she asks and let her put on all the lip balm she wants, while assuring her that she’s so beautiful that she doesn’t need makeup. But then how do I explain my own use of it? The converse of You’re so pretty would be Mommy’s not pretty enough and that, along with mommy’s fat, are not sentences I want to utter in front of my daughters.
I want my girls to have fun with fashion, dress up as crazy as they want, and–I suppose–have at it with my old eyeshadow pallettes. Maybe even the “toy makeup for kids,” whatever that may be. But on the other hand, aren’t there some things that our daughters should just have to wait for?
I’d count freaking out their moms high on that list.
66 shards of brilliance… read them below or add one
I have three daughters and a son. When the boys leave for a night the girls and I have a Girls Spa Night. I think it’s important to teach them to treat themselves well. We wash our hair with ridiculously named and priced shampoo/conditioner. We put on peel off face masks. AND we paint everyone’s toenails to match. My rule is girls shouldn’t wear “adult colors” – No Bright Reds, Hot pinks, etc. Soft girl colors…We all go to bed with our little eye masks on and feeling pampered.They love this time together. Oh I almost forgot -they always request “finger food” – I don’t know how that started!
Much like Elaine said, I think as long as playing with make-up is not about growing up too fast, it’s just playing. I try not to censor my daughters’ play, although I resist their requests for red nailpolish if they are going to be around my very conservative mother-in-law.My ten-year-old got her ears pierced last weekend. I put it off for a long time because it seemed like a big deal to me– I got mine pierced when I was 12 and only because I demanded it as a bribe for something. And it was a big deal for both of us, but for her it wasn’t about looking like a teenager. It may have been about peer pressure, which dismays me a bit, but it was also about accessorizing, and how can I criticize that? I wrote about my girly girls here:http://perfectlydisgraceful.typepad.com/perfectly_disgraceful/2008/09/girly-girls.html
***silently thanking God for having only a boy so far…****
Oh man, I have a boy, so I don’t know. My mom never wore makeup, so her rules about waiting until jr. high, etc., jived with her personal practices. I am myself a makeup loving, girly girl feminist, so I don’t know WHAT I would do with a daughter. I guess if you teach the right attitude and self-values, the rest matters less?
I have two boys for now. I will find out at Thanksgiving what this next one’s gonna be. I’m not sure if I can handle a girl. I don’t wear makeup. Rarely wear dresses. And am not a girly girl at all. I don’t know what I’d do if that question comes up later if this one’s a girl…now I have even more to think about. And my mom wears makeup, gets her nails done regularly, along with her hair colored regularly. I’m her only girl and I’m almost the opposite of her as far as beauty products go. Strange, isn’t it?
Umm, I’m sorry, but to the ladies who are saying that they only let their daughters wear pink nail polish instead of “grown up colors” like red…are you insane? A color is just a color. Do you really think Satan or Britney Spears will get a hold of your little girl because she has red nails? Do you really look at other women’s red toenails and say “wow, she has red nails. I bet she’s a dirty skank.” What kind of message do you think it sends your daughters about femininity and feminISM to tell them that soft feminine pinks are acceptable while strong firey reds are out of line? Geez, lighten up.
Anon 2:16 there’s no reason to get snarky with the other commenters. I think everyone has been amazing at sharing their personal limits and views, and helping me figure out how to shape mine.If you have another suggestion or your own story to share, happy to hear it. But the “ummm” thing? Leave that on the message boards.
I started painting my 2 YO daughter’s toes as a reward for going potty. She wanted the same color as me (“I am not a waitress” red) but when I showed her the Bubble Gum Pink with Glitter choice… well, clearly that was the one that Cinderella would have picked.She plays with my giant make up brush. But the thing she really really wants is my perfume! I don’t use anything fancy (Bath And Body Works Vanilla something or another) She asks to smell like a cookie too!
Hi, blog stalker here.. I love this post. It’s such a sticky situation that I haven’t had to worry about until about 6 months ago. (my oldest is a boy and could care less about any of that make up stuff, although he still struts around in my high heels and I let him). I think you are FULLY capable of knowing where the line is between appropriate little girl fun and too mature for their own good. My daughter INSISTS on her toes being painted when she sees me do mine. She’s done this since she was about 18 months old. And I let her. I see no harm in a little light pink polish (NEVER anything dark though). She finds it fun and can be “just like mommy”. She also had her ears pierced at 4 months, but wears the same earings all the time and we do not fuss over them one bit. But I’m with you about no glitter spray in the hair. I think kids in general (and not just girls) are “maturing” at a much faster rate than in decades past and I think its up to the parents from keeping that from happening. If we give in to wearing make up at 8, then what will they be into at 13? And so on. I think instilling the message that your girls are beautiful as they are is the most important thing you can do. And not just when they are playing with the make up brushes, but also when they are singing a song, or writing, or doing other things. Telling them they are beautiful when they are using their brain will teach them to value that aspect of themselves and not rely on their looks.
1 Shard of Brilliance from me to you.
My daughter is just under 2, we haven’t had this yet- however, her grandma will put “makeup” on her and tell her how pretty she is (it’s a swipe with a makeup brush, that’s all) and I gag- of course, said grandma also tells her she’s the “prettiest girl in the whole wide world” in song no less, so maybe it’s no harm, no foul.To a previous poster- two piece swimsuits on toddlers? Help like hell to change a poopy swim diaper- when she potty trains she will end up in a one piece.
I think there actually is a toy doll head that you can apply toy make-up to. (Not your point, I know, but I always wanted it as a girl. And I’m not a make-up lover.) I liken make-up to painting – I think in kids eyes, it’s essentially the same thing. It’s also a theatrical thing. (I like the word “thing”, apparently)The Boy is really interested whenever I put my make-up on.
When our daughter was three she had similar desires. I am (well I should say we as the wife agreed), OK with the play makeup.It is the people that dress and make up their toddler children FOR REAL that drives me bonkers. Did you really need to put lipstick and rouge on that 4 year old to take a picture with Santa? That is the part that should have to wait.Playing with (usually water soluable) play make up kits… just like a toy doctor kit isn’t going to turn your kid into a doctor, a toy make up kit is just that a toy for her to play with.
I too recall having to wait until I was 13 to wear make-up and 15 for pierced ears. It scares me so much how sexualized little girls are today. I am not a believer in Barbie or princesses and I try to veer my daughter towards other choices, usually I’m very unsuccessful. It’s very very hard trying to compete with all the images out there that are just yelling to my daughter to grow up…fast.
My son is four going on five, and he’s still in bed with us, god bless him. And the other day he woke up and told me about this < HREF="http://daddy-dialectic.blogspot.com/2008/10/three-conversations-with-my-four-year.html" REL="nofollow">freaky ass dream<>.
I think it’s totally normal. I had some eyeshadow/blush from when I was a little kid, and it was a kid’s kit. I never associated it with looking beautiful, so much as I did with having fun with colour! (And it was pretty bright colours.) So in that way, I also see no problem with painting nails etc, for fun. I see it in the same way I see face painting or whatever. Foundation etc would be a different story.