“You can’t do that, Sage!” Thalia insisted, as Sage pulled the DVDs from the cases (again) and strew them across the floor. “If you do, daddy will be mad…and he will hit you.”
“What?” I asked. “What did you say?”
Then more tentatively: “Daddy will be mad. He will hit you?”
“Now why do you think Daddy would hit you? Daddy’s never hit you. He loves you. We don’t hit people we love.”
“But sometimes they do. Sometimes daddies hit if they’re mad.”
I sat her down and asked her where she learned this.
“James,” she said, referring to a boy in her class. “James told me that he had to run because his daddy will hit him if he does something bad. So he runs. He runs away.”
I fumbled for words. I said something about daddies loving their kids and kids loving their dads and what James said may or may not be true because people generally don’t hit each other.
“But if their daddies are bad, they do. James’s daddy is a bad daddy.”
Eek.
To be fair, Thalia is in that imaginative stage where she she attributes her own thoughts and needs and ideas to other kids. Like telling me that Sage “wants me to eat a cookie” or that Sage “says I have to watch Caillou,” which, frankly, I know isn’t true because Caillou sucks beyond belief and my children would never ever like anything that sucks. Also it freaks me out because it makes me think of David Berkowitz revealing that a dog named Sam told him to kill a bunch of teens making out in their cars. In other words, Thalia is either a very imaginative child or she’s on her way to being a serial killer.
Of course if the story were true, it would explain why James (not his real name of course) has hit Thalia in the face twice this week.
Eek again.
I don’t know what’s true and what’s not, but the whole thing has given me a very uneasy feeling. I don’t even know how to proceed from here except to sit tight, hope that’s the end of it and wish that kids were all just perfect and never hit or made up stories and certainly never insisted on watching Caillou.
63 shards of brilliance… read them below or add one
I really hope James’ dad doesn’t hit him and that you never have to watch Calliou. The end.
Wow, my kid attends daycare so I don’t ever get stuck watching silly cartoons but I’m really surprised to hear the hate over Caillou. I’ve watched it a couple of times on my days off from work and didn’t think it was THAT bad.
We banned Caillou because of the whining. Same for “Max and Ruby”. The hitting thing… It’s tough to handle sometimes.
Yes, Calliou really is that bad.Liz–Most have already said to talk to the teacher, and as a pediatrician I agree 100%. Something to think about if the idea of that is very uncomfortable for you. How would you feel if a few months from now you heard on the news that something horrible happened to this child at the hands of his Dad? That feeling you would have to live with would be so much worse. Tell.
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My reaction to what I read here is so different now than it would have been 7 or 9 years ago. Oldest (9) is a girl, Middle (6) is a girl. Youngest (3) is a boy and whoa baby, is he ever a freaking hand full. No, I don’t spank him. But I have “popped” him on the backside a couple times – so lightly I can barely feel it and yet it gets his attention and stops his behavior far faster than the begging I was doing 10 seconds before.Would he tell his friends in preschool that he has to run away from me? I doubt it but maybe – because he is three.So. Maybe James is being abused. Maybe not. Report it to the teacher, of course. I would. But don’t pass judgement on his parents until you know something concrete.Oh – the other thing about my boy – he is very physical. When he gets upset he hits. He throws. Same thing with play – he wants to be playing in a physical way much of the time, not just the quiet pretend play that my girls loved so much at this age. He has been this way LONG before I ever swatted his bottom. His emotions are just so much more *there* than his sisters’ ever were.Parenting a boy after two girls has really been an eye-opener for me.
Oh boy. This is when we start saying to ourselves: “Perhaps parenting older kids ISN’T easier than when they are babies or toddlers.”My son came home telling us that his friend got grounded because he tried to “kill himself at school.” This friend asked my son to watch, and said he was doing it “because he has a bad life.” (He tied some string around his neck and was never in any danger, but still.)We can’t figure out if this was a joke or not. I intend to talk to the school — I’m worried about this boy.
As a parent of a kid who told her classmate that her mommy “will beat her to death”, I second the tell the teacher thing. We’d just had a very young close relative die and our little girl was obsessed with death and, oddly, violence, for a good 6 months after. (I say that it was odd because the relative died in a non-violent manner.)I had discussed this with the teacher in advance. When the classmate’s mother told the teacher the teacher was able to put her mind at ease. Here’s hoping the same happens with you.
Tough situation – but like heartful’s comment i have to say that in certain cases it’s tough to figure out what’s really happening. I have five biological girls and one little boy we adopted and he is very physical, often times biting or hitting. There is no hitting in our home but some symbolic spanking (you sort of pretending to spank on the butt) and yet he is a very physical boy. I am not sure what he would say, he knows that bad behavior is usually punished with time outs but I think when you report something you have to be really careful about pointing the finger (though talking to a teacher isn’t pointing the finger) you never know what really goes on
I think a word with the teacher is the right way to go.My son, 3, has an incredible imagination. He can tell you all sorts of involveded and detailed stories. Including one where his nursery nurse had supposedly hurt him. We had a good talk with the nursery and the staff and found that nothing had ever happened. He just has such an amazing imagination and can’t yet tell the difference between reality and fiction. Do talk to the teacher, definitely.As for the programme, we don’t get it here, thankfully as far as I can tell1
We had a similar situation and I called the assistant principal at school and asked her what to do. She suggested calling my pediatrician – who also happened to be the other family’s – and that’s what I did. He promised to keep an eye out. I also think Mrs n’s suggestion of talking to the teacher is good. Silence – not sure that’s the best route. I covered the story of Lisa Steinberg’s beating death at the and of her fother so I may be paranoid.
So how did this turn out w/James?I’m on the bandwagon of tell.Don’t even get me started on how much I hate Caillou and what he did to my previously nice daughter.As for “what’s up” with being 4 and having no hair…My husband has alopecia universalis and ALL his hair fell out when he was 2. Talk about a tough childhood. I can’t even imagine. Anyway, just wanted you all to know bald-headed kids aren’t always a result of whining. ha ha.BTW: Found this blog off the Mom Agenda website links page. LOVE it!First time I’ve laughed all day. (but not from this sad one.)Keep up the great writing.
I realize this is an old post, but I just have to reply to one of the comments.
Jaelithe said: “Caillou has gone downhill…”
My question to you: How can a show go downhill when it was already at the bottom of the hill when it started? I don't think I'm exaggerating by stating that Caillou is the most annoying television show in history.