Once upon a time I wrote a post called Mommybloggings that is so out of date now it’s practically hilarious. In fact I think I may have been wearing a bonnet and petticoat as I dipped my quill feather in ink and described how some moms were here for community and some were here to become better writers, and how the division occasionally caused tension.
Of course this was all back in the day that you were a sell-out if you joined the BlogHer ad network, and it was rare to be asked to review much more than a book or the occasional ill-conceived personal lubricant. It was certainly before Nielsen started quantifying blogger “power” and moms accepted free trips to Disney and holy cow, is this the blog world I joined where people wrote funny stories about their kids? Or some wacky free-for-all where air fresheners and other assorted package goods fall from the sky and the goal is to grab as many as you can, quick! Quick, before someone else gets them!
Now people are fighting. Turf wars! Mommy gangland! The lines are drawn, the shivs have been whittled out of Fisher Price toddler spoons, the FTC is on the case, and it hasn’t been pretty.
One one side you’ve got the earlier “mommybloggers” (who I still choose to call parenting bloggers), people like Erin and Lindsay who have been outspoken about their distaste for the blurred distinction between editorial and compensated posts, among other things.
On the other side, you’ve got the moms who are very excited to share their opinions on the new Turtle Wax Miracle Towel or whatnot (provided they get one for free and an identical one for their readers which they’ll give away in a twitter contest) who say What do you care what I write about? You’re not the boss of me. And by the way, I totally love Turtle Wax Miracle Towel and always have and my readers want nothing more than to read about the Turtle Wax Miracle Towel and my personal experiences with it and by the way, did I mention you’re not the boss of me?
And they’d be right.
I’ve been saying for ages that there is a semantic issue here: We need to ditch the term mommyblog because it defines the blogger and not the blog.
There are review blogers and there are parenting bloggers. The fact that we are all parents is incidental. Jessica Smith would be the first person to agree to that. (The second would be Stephanie Smirnov who wrote a great post on bloggers and brands from the PR perspective.)
We’re different people here for different reasons, despite finding ourselves on the same pitch lists and Evites, attending the same conferences and sharing plenty of Twitter followers. We have different goals and different measurements of success.
But of course it’s not quite so black and white as those two categories, same as how it wasn’t with my original Mommybloggings post (as many kind readers pointed out back then).
There are bloggers like Kimberly of Mom in the City who posts reviews and while she might not fit into an old school definition of mommyblogging, is one of the kindest, coolest, most authentic, honest writers I’ve had the privilege of meeting. I’ve sat on panels with her and she brings a thoughtfulness to the conversation that most of us could learn from. Any time anyone disses a product blogger I think, well – look at Kimberly. I love what she brings to blog comments anytime I catch her name beneath a post.
Then there are also classic essay sort of bloggers – say, me? – who, while we write about our lives as parents, are happy to accept certain opportunities like phone calls with Gloria Steinem and sitcom set visits because they are experiential. They fit into our lives, they provide content for our blogs, and they give us the ability to make jokes about celebrity urine that then the Wall Street Journal can go and attribute to someone else.
Which means guess what? Pretty much everyone is in bed with a marketer to some degree. Whores, all of us!
Except Blog Antagonist, bless her.
So I’ve been reading all these posts over the past few weeks, asking myself why should I care?
Why should I care what anyone else does with her blog? Why shouldn’t I simply avoid the blogs I find distasteful and stick with the writers who continue to thrill me and delight me and entertain me enough to make up for the fact that there are other things I could be doing with my time besides reading their posts?
The truth of the matter is, I do care.
I care because how we behave in this space impacts one another. It affects the community as it is currently defined – that one with all of us in it together.
It’s the same way you would care if you suddenly found your neighbor in your overpriced subdivision painted his house purple and gold and flew pirate flags out all the windows and bred chickens on the front lawn.
I care because I hate seeing moms demean themselves and accept less than they’re worth – and I hate seeing them make demands that make us all worth a little less.
I care because I love this space. And I value the fact that that we can discuss–out in the open and with our real names attached–the issues that affect us. And because I think it’s worthwhile to put other perspectives out there than the one out there that suggests bloggers should spend their days writing to PR folks in search of free stuff “for review.” Because those PR people are horrified. And they are freaked out. And they are trying to figure out how to handle it, all the while floating phrases like shameless and unprofessional about our community–the community I love–behind closed doors.
Now of course I think that people have the right to write whatever the heck they want on their own personal blogs. There’s certainly enough bandwidth to go around. I also have no problems with bloggers aligning themselves with marketers and causes they believe in as long as they’re not misleading me about it.
But then, I am also sad that the marketing is no longer a small part of the blog world but what seems to be the biggest part.
I am sad that it’s making some of the most authentic, talented writers on the web question their relevance.
I am sad that when a mom decides to blog, she is not told that rule number one is write well (with the merciful exception of advice from Citymama and Lindsay) but that rule number one is to make sure your contact info can be easily found by people who want to pitch you.
I am most sad that marketing is pulling us apart.
Did we all used to get along and hug and love every single mom who launched a free Blogspot account? God, no. Hell to the no. But we never questioned each other’s authenticity. A blogger wrote what was in her heart and either we agreed or we didn’t. Now no one can mention a trip to the zoo or a great movie without someone questioning whether it’s been sponsored.
Gosh, that’s more than sad, it’s tragic. What do we have if not our integrity?
In the end, I wonder where it all this corporate interaction leave blogging. Where will it leave all these beautiful personal little virtual homes for self-expression and story trading and photo sharing?
I fear they’ll be deserted and left to litter the internet, like the endless strip malls in Florida abandoned when the newer, shinier strip mall across the street opens for business.
It’s flattering to be recognized by marketers, of course. But as I keep reminding myself, that’s not why I’m here.
You are.
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Oy, am I the only one that is getting a little bored with this topic?
I guess I belong to the who cares camp. Who cares what labels are put on which bloggers? Who cares what other people do? You said it yourself – we should be writing for our readers, correct? And if our readers like what we produce then who cares what other bloggers think?
This is a transitional time when we’re all figuring out how things work and what’s important to us. The marketers aren’t getting it right – yet and neither are we. But it won’t be long before we do get it.
What good does it do to chastise other bloggers for their choices, their purple houses – don’t worry, the paint will fade on it’s own and then maybe we’ll be able to respect one another for providing the content our readers are asking for.
As I meet more and more PR people I hear the same thing-
“I care because I love this space. And I value the fact that that we can discuss–out in the open and with our real names attached–the issues that affect us. And because I think it’s worthwhile to put other perspectives out there than the one out there that suggests bloggers should spend their days writing to PR folks in search of free stuff “for review.” Because those PR people are horrified. And they are freaked out. And they are trying to figure out how to handle it, all the while floating phrases like shameless and unprofessional about our community–the community I love–behind closed doors.”
You hit the nail on the head.
It is all becoming very stressful. I agreed to go on a trip recently and was quickly inundated with questions as to how I “did it.” What kind of “marketing campaign” did I go on to get a trip?
My reply that I don’t do “marketing campaigns” and did nothing but answer my email was eyed with suspicion.
I think, over time, this will die down. It’s all so new and the territory is unknown.
I’m a hold-hands-and-sing-kumbaya kinda gal, so all the nastiness behind the scenes is really disappointing.
Oh, and for this post?
{licks your cheek}
xoxo.
People seem to have the word community mean ‘all the same’..we know that isn’t true.
Being a mom does not make us all the same. We have ONE thing in common is all.
Blogging does not make us all the same either.
Look at the post BlogHer discussions that rage every year…people feel left out. dislike the ‘alleged’ cliques.
People get jealous of the popular bloggers etc.
Other bloggers – moms or not – are content to plug away for the joy they get and that is it.
Or they blog because it is for their families.
Other bloggers are paid to blog.
Other bloggers get book offers because of their blogs.
Other bloggers get cool jobs because of their blogs.
So some bloggers get free stuff to review and others don’t.
All different.
Does one type of blogger take away from another?
Does one type of blogger affect the other?
Only if we are competing.
Are we competing?
For readership perhaps…perhaps not.
We are all different.
I may get 30 readers in a day, with maybe 5 comments. Others get thousands with hundreds of comments.
Am I a poorer writer than the other? Perhaps?
Have I not optimized my site enough?
Between SEO and marketing and pr..it gets all a bit silly doesn’t it.
Mom bloggers who review are targeted right now because it is a cheap way to advertise hence why print media is suffering..print ads cost a lot.
Giving stuff away is cheap.
The marketers have figured it out…so if people want the stuff and still be fair about it..fine.
Just stop the flood of giveaways on twitter and we will all be happy in our little corner of the blogger universe.
I think you can only be responsible for what you do. I don’t think you can say that you would like to not care what other bloggers—mommybloggers—do in the same breath that you equate other mommybloggers to chicken-raising, purple house-painting people who don’t give a damn about the community because we will accept review samples.
I’ve read a couple of posts you’ve written, including this one, in which you excuse certain product review writers because they’re great writers and you know them and they’re cool. Well, some of us that you don’t know are as well. And even if they’re great writers and cool people, the PR folks are still going to see purple houses and chickens, according to your analogy. And if you don’t care about the PR folks, then why do you care what others do?
I’m not irrelevant because I wrote about a Glade candle.
All you, or I, can do is represent yourself in the way you want to be represented and hope that comes across. I don’t agree with a lot of what you say, but I will give you the respect you deserve for conducting yourself in the manner you see fit—for you. But I have to say that I’m a little offended by your claim that the rest of us out here are tarnishing <>your<> good name by <>our<> unthoughtful actions.
I draw the line before some and after some. I wouldn’t presume to tell another blogger what to do. Who am I to dictate the rules or to say what is ethical? Who are you?
I have integrity, writing ability, and a community spirit. I don’t blog in order to get free stuff, but I <>have<> accepted it and written about it. Why can’t we all just get along and live and let live?
Great post! This is my first visit here (found you through sugarjones via twitter). I love how passionate you are about this issue. I only read the blogs I enjoy which are generally the more authentic ones. Ads don’t bother me but a blogger who has sold out to them and lost their authentic voice does.
So…wait…do I take down the “Advertise Here” tab or leave it up? Even though advertising on my blog would be like spray painting on the side of a mesquite in the middle of nowhere West Texas…at night?
And what the hell does that have to do with my writing again?
Great post, very insightful and well written. I am new to the blogging world and am still finding my way. I love to write and am happier now than I have been in a long time since I have started expressing myself and writing about issues I care about. I had thought about doing a give-away just as an incentive to gain readers (and hopefully my writing will keep them) but decided against it. When I come accross blogs that are all reviews I think–what is the point? That would become a chore to me and be zero percent fun.
Thanks again for your post–you seem to really rock the house and I will be visiting often
I completely agree. I have done a contest. And I found, while I loved it because it was a “pay it forward” it was not me. I am not a brand. I am a person. I have a story to tell. I want to tell it.
And we all love you Liz!
Stimey, forgive me if I somehow gave the impression that all product review bloggers are bad or irrelevant. < HREF="http://coolmompicks.com" REL="nofollow">I am one<>, so I’d hate to do that.
But let’s be honest here, most product reviews are crap. They just are. The first consideration is the product, and not the audience (as Megan nicely put it). I have never been to your blog until just now, but if you have awesome ones that you pour your heart into then kudos to you.
However it’s a little insulting to insinuate that I “excuse” the writers I know. Because they’re cool? Mama, we’re <>bloggers<>. None of us are cool. I simply acknowledge good writing when I see it, whatever the content.
So do the good PR people, by the way. Trust me on that one.
GREAT post
.
Seriously .. the best I have read on the topic so far.
Where do I sign your petition?
Do I get to keep my shiv?
I think you’re onto something.
I’m totally with you.
Mommyblogger Mud Wrestling at BlogHer.
I always knew I liked the way you think.
For the first time in a long time, a post has left me speechless. I have nothing that I could add to this conversation except to thank you for saying this in a way that I never could. Thank you!
Queen of Spain:
No.
As a PR person, I can tell you that good writing absolutely makes a difference. I have to believe that people read blogs because they enjoy the writing and the storytelling. That’s what I do. With a full-time career and two kids under 4, I don’t have time to read anything that isn’t great! Valuable post. Well written. Kudos to you!
I love you. Have I told you that lately? No? I do. Truly.
All of this *making sweeping circle with hand* is the reason why I’ve been pulling back from blogging. Why the writing muse has taken herself to the corner, stuck her finger in her mouth and refused to move. There’s too much pressure to perform for outside companies and not enough real content out there in blogland. It makes me sad. And sadness does not make for great stories.
Not that I would take food out of anyone’s mouth. If this is what you want to do with your blog, more power to you. Take care of your family with your blog. But the rest of it….
I’m just going to stop here before I get myself in trouble.
I have absolutely no interest in product reviews, either reading them or writing them. Unless it’s written by a great blogger, who could make paint drying fascinating.
Recently, I posted my summer reading list and noted that one of the books on it was a freebie that I received from the publisher. I felt a little goody-goody and it seemed like too much disclosure, but I was heeding your wisdom and Queen of Spain’s and erring on the side of caution.
I really like your post.
As a new parent/mom blogger, the whole concept of mommy blog wars is overwhelming to a newbie and quite frankly, it’s disappointing that it’s even an issue.
I don’t mind if people get free stuff, give free stuff, make money on ads etc. but I do wish that it would be done without being at the expense of a follow blogger – it’s not a competition(is it?! Did I miss the memo?). Wouldn’t it be great if we could all make enough $ to work full time at this and other interests?
Thanks for bringing this to everyone’s attention in a very well stated (and non-heated) manner.
As a reader of several “mommyblogs,” I do also care about the community aspect and the divisiveness of the controversy around PR, marketting, advertising etc….
However, I don’t care that the PR people are horrified. As a complete outsider, it seems to me that in a way, you reap what you sow – and yes, I realise it is collective and unfair to the good PR people.
I used to read a lot of blog entries about annoying pitches. Some PR people were annoying lots of bloggers. Now some bloggers are annoying lots of PR people. People are annoying. Deal.
Liz, you are amazing and I now have a raging blog crush on you. I love this post (and am honored to receive the link love). This PR person for one hates whatever role we/our clients have had in polluting the waters of your pool. Irony: we love and woo and chase you precisely for the thing that seems most in peril here — your authenticity and your unique voice. Separate review blogs help, disclosure helps, refusing to accept cash to review a product helps (that tarnishes everyone’s reputation involved), always reviewing honestly (easier to do when you don’t accept my client’s money)…let us PR types pay for your consulting expertise and your connections. Keep telling us how we can do OUR jobs better. And please forgive our brethren when they do really stupid s**t like spam you with pitches that have nothing to do with you/your blog/your bio — there ARE smart and good PR people out there, trust me. We want to be your partners. I personally want to be a more effective conduit between you and my clients who, by the way, are big sophisticated marketers with products and services you might actually get excited about. But I want you to be excited about them on your terms, in a way that feels authentic to you and comfortable for my client. And trust me, that’s not “blogola” and it’s not asking you to write about crappity-crap crap that you don’t honestly like and want to use.
I plan to go back and read all the comments once my kid goes down for the night, but this was just fantastic. Thank you for writing it. I have sidebar material I’ve had for awhile (posts and products and movies I like) and for awhile now I’ve felt I need to put a disclaimer up that no one is asking or compensating me to rave about these things. That’s a disclaimer I wouldn’t have thought to put up (and obviously didn’t think to put up) two years ago when I started blogging. That’s kind of sad/strange, right?
I also loved what you said about authenticity. It doesn’t matter, to me, what your content is or what relationships you build because of your site (with marketers or otherwise) as long as you are being authentic in your content and in your message to your readers and, I suppose more importantly, if we can feel that authenticity in the words you write.
So on target in so many ways; thank you for writing this.
Call me an idealist but I truly believe that there are enough of us who care about quality content and sharing and community to keep the authentic fires burning. (All body parts crossed on this one…)
-Christine
That pirate-flag-flying, chicken-raising house analogy is golden.
I must say I enjoy reading your posts mainly because you say whatever you want regardless of what others might think. I like that kind of honesty! I, myself enjoy writing a “parenting” blog as you put it for my own satisfaction because I simply enjoy writing. However, I would like some more traffic to my site without becoming a product grubbing whore, ha ha! Very well put and keep up what you’re doing!
Can I at LEAST mud wrestle? It will be like THUNDERDOME but better. One blogger enters…
We could do a giveaway for it! I bet you a detergent company will sponsor the clean up! (bwahahahaha)
Fine. Fine.
(for those who will now commence running around claiming I am serious…I am NOT serious…I’ve just chosen to have a sense of humor about all this, instead of using my shiv)
I’m glad that I stopped by tonight.
When I met you at an event last week, all I could say was, “I love your blog.” Hardly a hello and full-on dorky. Uh, yeah. That was me.
You said, “Which one?”
“Both!” I said.
I was thrilled to meet just one of the many bloggers that I’ve read for years.
But really, it’s posts like this that illustrate exactly why you’re so admired.
As someone else already said, thanks for putting this out there and for being so eloquent.
But about the pirate flags? We just tape them on our stroller and call it a day.
I was approached by someone to do a product review and I admit, I am still on the fence about it.
Not so much in that I wouldn’t be interested in reviewing what they were offering – just that I’m not sure it’s where I want to take my blog. It’s great to get some perspective from someone that I admire.
Still haven’t made my decision yet…
When I became a parent two years ago I stumbled upon your blog and fell in love with it. I’d had no idea “mommybloggers” existed, but I realized I was one. Over the last two years I’ve seen more and more of the product review type/giveaway crap blogs and it makes me sad. It took me 2 years to join the BlogHer Network, because I’ve been wanting to reach a larger audience with my parenting essays but didn’t want to feel icky about it. I’ve come to strongly dislike the term “mommyblogger” because it puts labels on me that I don’t want to own. I have no interest in doing product reviews. No energy to enter, let alone orchestrate, giveaways.
I guess my point is thanks for eloquently summing up how I feel about the whole stupid thing. And thanks for keeping up the exact type of “parenting blog” I love to read.
i think i’m the shy little blogger who hides in the wings because i am sooooo in a special niche. does that make sense? i have only had one ‘offer’ which was kinda silly (reading glasses? huh?) but i KNOW that my writing is terrible and i’m not out to market it. or get loads of readers. i’m just not a writer. i’m a woman who writes on her blog. i tend to ‘avoid’ a lot of american blogs because 1) i think it would make me homesick and 2) i feel really left out a lot of the time. i have NO idea what’s going on. *sigh*
but there are some blogs i read (obviously, otherwise i wouldn’t be commenting here) because they are written so well, they speak to me and hey! i need something (good) in english to read! so i want to say thank you. for this post, for your blog. thank you.
Agree; well said, as usual. Keep it coming.
I really liked this post.
Liz, your first drink at BlogHer is on me for putting together many of my thoughts and saying them far better than I could. That was simply perfect.
I look at my blogs today versus two years ago as a reflection of how blogging has changed. My personal blog’s traffic has been slipping more and more over the past year, even though (I hope!) I still write as well as before and put a lot of effort into it.
Yet my product review blog that I barely put any effort into? Its Page Rank is now higher than my personal blog. Google thinks it’s more relevant than my personal blog. How the hell did that happen?
Very well said my dear (long time stalker, first time commenter)
How about a message from a non-blogger, just a reader?
I am interested in this subject as blogs I used to read, for content, because they were great writer, become shills. Its getting really obvious, and yes its nice for them to get things, but really, its the writers I will continue to read, and ponder.
This is the first time I’ve read your blog (<>I know, where have I been??<>) I haven’t been consciously avoiding it or anything, I just already have 685 unread posts in my reader -and climbing- and am afraid to add any more.
Where was I??
Oh yeah.
I wanted to add a hearty AMEN to everything you’ve said. I hate feeling pitched to every time I visit a blog. It gets old. Fast.
I guess my take on all of this is I don’t want anyone telling me what to write what I write. My site isn’t an essayist site, it’s an informative deals site. But, the thought of working with PR and such does apply to my content. I certainly don’t want PR to look at bloggers and think we’re shameless or a cheap answer to their marketing solution. We are some of the best resources companies have and we can’t sell ourselves short!
Now, related to actual content, outside of the deals, I do share personal stuff from time to time (like my journey with weight loss/fitness). If I want to share that I love my Nike ear buds (which I bought myself), I’ll do it. My voice will be the same whether I share about a great sale at CVS, review a product, or tell the funny about my kids’ mullet being chopped away. I am who I am and I won’t create another space to share any of that. Plus, my readers like it
Your issue about caring, I get that. But, my issue is that my blog is my space so I am only concerned about what my readers think. If they are cool, then so am I! Many of my decisions I make regarding PR, trips or advertising include what value it adds to my readers. Because, like you said, my readers are the reason I do any of this.
And, dangit I wrote a book. See, maybe I need to write some more essays to get it out…I clearly say way too much in comments!!
Wow!
This was written so wonderfully!
I can’t wait to retweet it and share with others!
Thanks for such a great post. Like Amy, I’m not quite sure how I’ve managed to overlook your blog up to this point. Situation now corrected.
I co-host both a personal and a book blog with a friend and fellow writer. As a reader, I find myself shying away from blogs that are blatently promoting products, but I would also love to be able to make some money out of blogging.
I receive free review copies of books and find myself this is quite a controversial topic amongst book bloggers. I am currently working out how to clearly but unobtrusively state on my blog whether a book is from my own personal collection or an ARC.
I do get annoyed with posts that imply that because I receive ARCs that my integrity should be questioned, but I guess this is an unfortunate consequence of the bloggers (parenting, personal, book and otherwise) that do shamelessly plug products for profit.
Thanks for offering such eloquently phrased food for thought on this topic. I’ve added you to my Google reader so that I don’t miss any posts in the future.
Andrea, you write a coupon site, you call it a coupon site and I’d imagine your content consistently meets your readers’ expectations. Keep doing what you’re doing, mama. Sounds good to me.
Awww…thanks for the kind words. You made me misty-eyed. You are right. The truth is that not everything is black and white. Many of us bloggers who do include reviews on our blogs also share aspects of our family lives. (i.e. Around Mother’s Day 1-800-Flowers got an (unpaid) mention on my site but “The Most Beautiful Bouquet” honor went to the paper bouquet that my son made for me at preschool out of his handprints.)
P.S. Stimey, Liz is totally excusing me because I’m cool. (Just kidding!)
I’m willing to blog about any cute octopus stuff that marketers send me. A very niche market, perhaps, but I have high hopes.
It’ll all be properly disclaimered, I promise.
Love the post, love your writing. I will share what it feels like for me, the newbie: I’ve been called a “mommy blogger” more times than I can remember, never really gave it much thought, but have come to realize that maybe I was being insulted a few of those times? Don’t know, never really paid attention. I started my blog to write…and it has helped me improve my writing, I think it’s working cause people read it? That last point is a plus, I never really expected anyone would. Lastly, love finding something I like and telling people about it, and asking the company to donate so I can spread the love. Now, I would whore myself out…a little…to get to go to Chicago and chat it up with you Liz and the other amazing bloggers I’ve met, but since I haven’t figured out the tricks of the trade yet, I am not going. : ( Love what you do, do what you love. In the end, if you are true to yourself won’t all else follow? Thanks again Liz…you rock.
It’s all been said in the comments here – I can’t add much, and you know how I feel anyway. So I’ll just give you a high five for the content of this post and a big air kiss for your very kind words about my writing. ((MUAH))
Oh, and also, I’ll express some chagrin that my life has been so crazy lately that my content does not live up those kind words. ACK! Must. Write. Something. Brilliant!
Love this post! You rock.
Awesome.
I’ve only been checking out parent bloggers since my sister, VDog, became one. It is interesting stuff, for sure!
This is a great post and it’s made me think but I’m still not sure I share your concerns…
I am not too concerned that the people who are shamelssly courting marketers are impacting how I am perceived, I’m just not…It’s like any other business in the world – it’s really easy to determine who’s quality and who’s not and people know the difference.
If the “authentic” bloggers are just here because of the community and the opportunity to improve their writing, then why are they continually wringing their hands over their words being overlooked by the masses?
Personally, I like to think that the more the blogosphere fills up with vapid, advitorial (sp?) blogs, the more likely it is that blogs like mine (where I do try and write poignantly and with heart) have an opportunity to shine.
Ah, seems like old times. Almost. Thanks for the virtual bitch-slap and for reminding me just why I chose to “write” a blog, in the first place. And still write. Comments or no. Mostly, no. Still. You make parent bloggers (like me) very proud, indeed.
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