You can tell we are getting close to the annual blogger conference, because of the marked increase of posts displaying arguably insane levels of social anxiety.
What if I don’t make friends?
What if no one talks to me for the entire three days?
What if I don’t get invited to parties?
What if I only get invited to the party that 1360 people were invited to and not the one that 40 people were invited to?
What if people think I’m a loser because I have a sponsor?
What if people think I’m a loser because I don’t have a sponsor?
What if the popular kids hack into my Twitter account, change my photo to Rush Limbaugh and start writing crazy #tcot posts directed to Ashton Kutcher?
And here I feel the need to point out that BlogHer is not a sorority social. It’s an industry networking conference. For the most part people will be pleasant and professional. The vast majority will be downright friendly. Amalah will hug you. Kristen will let you hold her baby. Tanis might even tongue kiss you.
Last year I put together a handy BlogHer Conference FAQ that seemed to be helpful for oh, 2 or 3 of you, to help you deal with these very fears. But this year I want to focus on one important fact:
Bloggers are not The Popular People.
In fact, real live actual Popular People do not want anything to do with bloggers. We frighten them, the way underwear frightens Paris Hilton.
I would think this would be fairly self-evident, but in case there is any confusion, I created a simple chart you can cut out and keep with you. A cheat sheet, if you will; so that should you accidentally mistake a blogger for A Popular Person at any point during the weekend–or beyond–your perceptions can be quickly and easily corrected.
(Of course the one exception to the body type rule is Audrey, whose triceps are as unfair as anything I’ve ever known in this world.)
See you at BlogHer. I’ll be the one with the chewing with my mouth open and accidentally flashing my underwear because I can never keep my feet on the ground when I’m sitting down. And probably hugging you.
93 shards of brilliance… read them below or add one
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Audrey is EXACTLY the person I thought of when I ready the body type rule. So the biceps aren't photoshopped, huh? Damn.
And it runs in the family. Audrey's sister Jane also has cut arms, and their mom Sharon is hot too.
I'm with you on all of this – a couple of days ago I posted about the 5 top stress points I've seen rumblings about and how to cope. Feel free to check it out (and encourage others to check their adolescent baggage in Chicago):
http://popdiscourse.com/2009/07/shedding-the-adolescent-baggage-at-blogher/
xo Christine
So no arm wrestling with Audrey, eh?
Loved your Paris Hilton line. Nicely done!
So true. So true. Love the cheat sheet.
I am making 500 copies and handing them out.
I'm not sure whether I should print this out and get it laminated for easy spill-proof reference next week.
Or get it made into a sandwich board and wear it. That would eliminate any concerns about wardrobe.
Of which I really have none. My only rule for BlogHer is to have no expectations, enjoy the moments and smile.
Oh, and wear sunscreen.
I love this list. I think it even convinced me that I should sleep in an extra half hour on Friday morning and skip the shower!
Just so long as people wash their hands.
There has been tongue kissing? How did I miss that?
Darned children, glad I am leaving them behind this year. Obviously, I have been missing some action.
I wish I was going. But, alas, I am not.
You nailed the popular person vs. blogger thing. Too funny!
I love this. I'll wash my hands and hold any baby that is available.
I won't be there … DAMN … but I'd be excited to meet you if were. So, next year!
I will be drinking copious amounts of wine in Portland (where I'll be) in honor of all my favorite bloggers, though.
Oh my gosh that's the best chart EVER.
See this is why I'll be a great blogger. I'm not popular. I have limited social skills and a surprising lack of tact. Hygiene? Questionable. Body type? It's baby weight, I swear, she's only 10 months and god dammit I'm claiming it for at least a year. Blog super stardom: here I come!
I am not going to Blogher, but I still appreciate your cheat sheet.
I am not going to blogher, but I love this post and I think it is soooo true!!!
This is awesome! I'm glad I won't bbe the only chubby, socially inappropriate blogger there.
How did you know about my Friday nights?
OMG I love this.
So many of my local friends are bloggers and it cracks me up when people say “oh, wow, must be nice to be one of the cool kids.”
Yes. Right. All of my friends are internet geeks.
We are SO freaking cool.
This makes me warm and fuzzy about next week, not completely freaked out for a change! Thanks!
I Can't wait to see you and hug you!
underwear frightens me as well…
Oh my goodness. That needs to go in every swag bag. Or handed out. Or put on a t-shirt.
Awesome.
I love holding babies, but I'd much prefer to hold Kristen herself. She's so nice and purty and melts me every year.
I love this. Love it. I'm nervous, I won't lie. But that's mostly due to um my fear of speaking in front of a group of people, which…yeah. But the rest of it? Not really worried. Will be wearing flip-flops and clothes that I already own. Which doesn't really bother me, because my clothes WON'T have baby drool or vomit for THREE whole days. Squeeee.
Also, I finally get to meet all of you crazy people.
I'll kiss anyone with a pulse.
Don't judge me.
For 12 months of every year I'm surrounded by sticks and wilderness. I'm like the Pioneer Woman but with less money, less kids and more bears.
I NEED human interaction. Preferably lip on lip action.
I can't wait to fondle you. *Waggles eyebrows*
Also, your word verification just asked me to spell IMPTITS.
GEEKS UNITE!!!!!
I'll give you that I will shower, and wash my hands and take all my meds. I just would like to meet some other bloggers and find out if the voice I imagine for them is correct or not.
I think I'd rather be a blogger than popular, considering most of my friends and family don't understand what a blog is, why I would do such a thing to myself or why I love to write.
Ha this is awesome. I have to admit my biggest fear is accidentally peeing in my Spanx. That is if I bother to wear them. It's an olympic event to get into them.
Let's hope everyone has safe travels both ways and let's down their hair and has a good time!
Okay, I really was having a pseudo panic attack about going to blogher as a first timer. But now that I know it is completely acceptable to show my underwear, I might dispense with the pants altogether. That will make me easier to find, right?
Love it!
I won't be at BlogHer this year, but this is a great anxiety guide.
(I can't keep my feet on the ground when sitting either. It's challenging in restaurants.)
Hysterical post, can't wait to read thoughts AFTER the big event, I sold my ticket this year to go to Disneyland instead. Best story was from a friend that was stressing about going to a Blogging Event, her husband said, “Why do you care? No one knows who any of those people are except other bloggers.”
Well, I'm such a newbie that I didn't even know enough to be nervous. Good thing I'm not going to the actual conference, just a couple of parties that the SV Moms Group has invited me to out of pity (and because I live in the 'hood). Have fun.
Thank you! I've seen an increasing number of tweets and such about BlogHer, as you mentioned, but more important to me are these posts that reassure me that we are all socially awkward and ready to crap our pants (from nerves, or just because that's what we do) at any given moment. My social anxiety is somewhat assuaged by knowing you're all just as messed up as I am.
Also, your Paris Hilton line? Priceless!
I'm going as a BlogHer virgin, and you have addressed some of my major anxieties (except for the Twitter-account hacking – I hadn't thought of that one before. Gee, thanks). Thanks, and see you there
!
Thanks for this PSA, I feel so much better. I really wish I was going to BlogHer.
Have Fun!
Ahhh…I'm bathed in relief
I feel better, thank you.
LOL That was THE best BlogHer post I've read by far! Us bloggers definitely aren't the popular people. I've been wondering how uncomfortable we're going to make some of these celebs that are coming to BlogHer. Should be funny!
Last year my best (non-blogging) friend tagged along to BlogHer. When she told one of her neighbours we were going to San Francisco for a blogging conference, his response?
You're kidding, right?
Yep. The Bloggers are a unique breed.
I love you. Can't wait to give you a boob squishing hug. xo
no blogher in my future but rofl @ paris hilton being scared of panties. do ya think she even knows what they are???
Can't wait to hug you, too.
Take it from a no-name C-List blogger who knows from experience at multiple blogger functions: Liz is correct. 95% of bloggers, even internet famous bloggers, are really nice people. And nerds. Nerdy nerdy nerds.
Also, you will certainly not be the only person hyperventilating in the bathroom. You may in fact run into your favorite famous blogger there doing the same thing. If you do, offer to buy her a drink.
(And by no-name blogger I mean ME, obviously, not the Mutha of all Mom Bloggers who wrote this post.)
Awesome post. LOVE the checklist. And now I'm all anxious again because I forgot Tim Gunn cared about shoes too! Sheesh.
If Tanis tongues me I am SO liveblogging it.
What the hell does #tcot stand for anyways? Is it code for Satan?
Abby Cadabby was the highlight of my weekend last year and I have been a hero amongst the little people ever since.
I think I'm just going to hide in a bathroom and ambush The Bloggess when she tries to hide in there.
Awesome list—made me laugh really hard b/c I am nervous about all this stuff too.
And, Audrey's mom is fab-looking too, so it's the whole “apple doesn't fall far from the tree” thing.
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