Last week, the brilliant Busy Mom tweeted that 2009 is the year that shame died. I jokingly responded that no, I think that was back in 1983 when Madonna introduced lingerie as outerwear. But her quip has stayed with me ever since.
The BlogHer conference, as always, was phenomenal in so many ways. A chance to be in a room with 1400 other people who don’t need me to explain exactly what it is that I do? Awesome. Having attended now for four years, I’ve seen it grow and change in fascinating ways.
I will be honest, I was concerned going this year that the marketer infiltration of the event was going to be problematic. But the reality is, I couldn’t have been more impressed with how the marketers interracted with the attendees. They were respectful, they were enthusiastic, they were so engaged that they attended panels. It was a tribute to the efforts of Jory and the rest of BlogHer, who clearly worked tirelessly to make sure brands Got It Right.
And by God they did.
After three years of working to convince marketers that bloggers are an important force, conference sponsors like Pepsi, Suave, Nikon, GM, Clorox Greenworks, Tide, Ann Taylor and especially smaller brands like Blue Avocado were stellar evidence of the fact that indeed, women bloggers are an important force. (Yes we are!) I walked up and down the expo floor and thanked each of them for attending, and for making it possible for so many women to attend a $299 conference instead of a $2299 conference. And here I want to thank J&J and the most excellent (and hello? Eco-friendly) OB Tampons for covering my own expenses with a scholarship, as a beautiful and much-appreciated show of support for what it is we do here.
Much to my surprise however, what turned out to be the problem at BlogHer was not how the marketers acted, but how so many bloggers acted. Without pulling punches, I will say it was shameful.
Think:
The countless bloggers who combed the expo floor with the purpose of asking marketers for expensive free items (and of course, an identical one to giveaway to a reader).
The shameless swag frenzies at parties that led to a blogger with an arm so bruised she looked like a heroin addict, and a baby in a carrier who endured his first ever sharp elbow to the head. (Really hope those free PBS Sprout stickers were worth it.)
The blogging consultant who crashed two invitation-only sponsored networking lunches to pitch her own business, taking away time from those of us there to learn about the gracious sponsors who paid for the lunch in the first place.
The “sponsored” bloggers who were so inept and amateur with their outreach, they simply shoved products into your hands, however irrelevant, or interrupted conversations and interviews to tell you about their sponsor’s VERY VALUABLE GIVEAWAY.
The sponsored bloggers who took the money and ran, all but ignoring their obligations to their benefactors over the course of the weekend.
The empty cardboard boxes that unapologetically polluted the halls outside rooms of bloggers there to hand out swag as the Sheraton’s overtaxed janitorial staff struggled to keep up with it.
(Edited to add) The blogger who literally threatened to blog about a sponsor’s competitor if he didn’t give her free product.
A simple misunderstanding at an off-site cocktail party that led to an egregious misuse of Twitter, ostensibly to assert the power of mombloggers. F*ck with us, we’ll bring you down. Oh, and by the way…can I have a free camera and maybe an identical one to give away to a reader?
And, once again, the whispering by the other bloggers at the conference that ugh, there go those mommybloggers again.
I think that hurts me most of all.
I often felt, throughout the weekend, like the Indian crying over a once beautiful landscape.
I’m not the only one. I’m already seeing similar sentiments from bloggers like Kristen Chase, Christine Koh, Chris Jordan and Steph, who beautifully expressed that the hugs she received “were much more valuable to me than the samples of laundry detergent.”
At the panel I spoke on about brands and blogs, there was the beginings of an excellent discussion about relationships, and how to build and maintain them. It was pointed out that bloggers like Jaden of Steamy Kitchen (a brilliant woman and also my fellow panelist) and Cool Mom Picks are successful because of the focus of the blogs and the relationships that they build with marketers that transcend giveaways and freebies.
Bloggers can continue blogging about their passions–be they the products they use or otherwise–or they can use a blog as a tool to get free stuff. I have to (have to!) believe the latter group will sort itself out soon enough, when there is no audience for that sort of drivel, and no more marketers left to engage with them.
In fact, I would challenge marketers to start thinking good and hard about who they work with and the return they’ll actually get on their investment.
That said, none of this not the fault of the marketers. Or the marketing. Or the giveaway blogs. It’s the fault of blog posts that offer up ten tips on becoming an A-list blogger while defining A-list as someone who gets free stuff. People are starting to blog with entirely the wrong motives, then wondering why they’re disgruntled and burnt out and shaking their fists at public relations. Or why everyone is pissed at them when they elbow a baby in the head to snatch a free tote bag with a corporate logo on it.
Let me just say there’s a reason A-list celebrities aren’t the ones lining up for free swag at the Golden Globes Boom Boom Room every year. It’s not Angelina Jolie, it’s Mrs. Scott Baio.
(Edited to add: I want to clarify this is not a class judgment. I am in no way saying that popular bloggers don’t like free stuff or that you should be ashamed for wanting some free dish soap. I publish a site that gives away products daily and I love how happy it makes people. What I’m saying that blogging “success” shouldn’t be defined by the amount of stuff you get. It’s about what you put out, not what you take in.)
The wonderful thing I did see this weekend, at least at my panel, is that the majority of bloggers seem to want to get it right. They want to learn better ways to engage with PR and marketing, and do it in a way that benefits their readership. They want to blog with integrity. They want to wake up excited by what we all do here, and they too were horrified by some of the behavior on display this weekend.
In fact, one of my favorite conversations of the weekend was with a blogger I’d never met before, Jill of Charming & Delightful, who told me that she didn’t understand the need for the Blog with Integrity pledge last week, but now she did. In fact, she reiterated our discussion on Kristen’s post in comments.
My thoughts here are not in any way a condemnation of the conference or its organizers, and man, I’ll be bummed if the comments here end up taking the tone of “Glad I wasn’t there.” I was glad I was there. More than glad, I was overjoyed. I can’t even wait until next year when the conference will be held in New York (whoo!) because the connections I make, the friendships I solidify, and the things that I learn at BlogHer are always invaluable.
Even if what I learned, once again, is that our words have power, and our actions–for better or for worse–do reflect on the entire community.
164 shards of brilliance… read them below or add one
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I adored meeting you, if ever so briefly.
A lot of this conference made me sad. (Beyond my first foray into super massive anxiety issues.)
At one point a man at a booth asked me if I was a mommy blogger and my words caught in my throat. I just stared at him.
Another woman at the booth laughed knowingly and looked at me and said, “what, you don't want to get lumped in with all the drama and fighting?”
I grinned a little. “I'm just a writer I guess.”
BlogHer was at times lovely and at times disappointing.
I'm still processing my thoughts.
I am beyond glad to have had the chance to go and meet and love on and interact with SO many of my friends and new friends.
I did learn, however, that many people have the misconception of what it means to be in the company of great women. Not just the 'big' bloggers, but everyone contributing to the integrity of writing, sharing, and opening our hearts.
Yes, it's fun to get free stuff. But it's not an entitlement. I can admit that I was disappointed to not receive the 'swag' bag promised by doing exactly as I should, but it was more of a disappointment towards the lack of organization more-so than not getting my free stuff.
I had an INCREDIBLE time with my friends and meeting new people. I learned more about my authentic self than about blogging which, in turn, will make myself a better blogger.
Yes, I saw some shameful behavior this weekend, too.
I did however, see many, many new friendships forged. It makes me sad that the message will all be lost as everyone who hates BlogHer anyway will latch onto the message that we were all just greedy, swag-grubbing whores elbowing each out of the way for the sweet lure of a free tube o' lube and some cleaning supplies.
Dammit! There was so much more than that going on this past weekend! Sad, just damned sad that a desperate few painted us with such an ugly shade of green.
The expo hall allowed us to be marketed to in our own terms.
The shoving of swag, press cards, and giveaway announcements by bloggers themselves was not.
I was approached by ONE person marketing his own business outside of the expo hall. And it was a lovely conversation (albeit a pitch).
What sucks is that the good stuff, the hearty laughs, the messy cries, and the amazing moments spent in the company of the women (and men) that I love most and now do love was completely overshadowed.
As you know, it broke my heart that I couldn't be there. It also breaks my heart that bloggers behaved so badly.
None of this is a reflection on BlogHer – the organization or the conference. Nor is it a reflection on marketers or company representatives.
It's time for the perpetrators to take responsibility for their actions, if only by never behaving in such a manner again.
I still don't want to be called a mommy blogger anymore.
I only engaged with a few of the marketing reps, but I likewise was impressed. More so was sitting at a table with a few over breakfast and realizing that their badges said which companies they were there representing and? Their company/brand/product never was part of the discussion. They were truly just listening.
On the other hand, I found it odd that I simply wanted to grab a Minnie Mouse pin for my daughter and was handed a press kit instead. Now I understand she must have misunderstood that I was asking for one of the little computers…and one to giveaway.
I could go on and on, but with you at the helm of this conversation, well I think it's headed in the right direction. Thank you for that.
Absolutely with you (not surprisingly).
And yes, one of the things that kills me is that all of this SHIZ detracts from the awesomeness of BlogHer and what Jory, Elisa, and Lisa worked so hard to assemble.
I have heard people tweet/email about not wanting to go to BlogHer – I'll be following up on this because I don't want that to be the case. All of this crap aside, I had such a spectacular time. I'm so glad I had a chance to finally meet you. -Christine
TOTALLY agree with you all that I don't want it to detract from the good stuff. Hopefully that post is coming next. But I really had to get this off my chest because it really did color my weekend.
Next year maybe I should get off the business track and stick with the storytellers!
Well said, Liz. This year's BlogHer Expo was the most professional and exciting yet – indeed props go to BlogHer organizers.
I encountered a woman who appeared to be simply roaming in search of swag. She asked me for directions to a “swag suite” and then not once, but TWICE, asked me if I could give her one of the 5K swag bags (which were meant only for the attendees who paid $5). Sigh.
Unfortunately, I don't think some bloggers see this space as a “professional” space. There are no barriers to entry (anyone can start a blog) and for some, BlogHer seemed to be a big sorority party. I think it's great that anyone can start a personal blog and find support and friendship, but if you're going to ATTEND a professional event like BlogHer, please act accordingly.
I'm new to public blogging and I wasn't there.
I'll be honest, it both sounds like something I would love and something I would hate. I would love the forming of friendships, the panels, the crying with others (gets boring crying by myself), but man I would hate the crowds, the bad behavior and so forth.
I'm still debating whether New York is a good idea for me. I have a hard time there to start with. To do it after reading this would require a level of courage I'm not sure I have.
However, I believe that BlogHer is bigger than some bad behavior and I think that there are a lot of people who got it right and a few people who just don't get it.
Thank you. I rarely read- and do not engage- in the “mommyblogger” universe, because we often seem to have so little in common. And I'll admit it I am often made to feel somehow freakish because of this. So I have never visited your blog before though we are both hugely involved with BlogHer. And, yes, I often commented on “those mommybloggers” while at the conference. I assigned perhaps too much of the blame for poor behavior exhibited by mainly young, inexperienced clique-ish bloggers, and assumed they must be “mommybloggers” as what else would drive them to be there.
Hey, I'm 57. When approached as asked if I am a mommyblogger, perhaps I should have taken it as a huge compliment that I don't look my age, rather than a “you are here so you MUST be lumped in this catagory” kind of insult.
Gah. Back to the point:
THIS BRILLIANT post points out the very good and very bad from the past weekend from a marketing approach.
I was embarrassed for the behavior of many bloggers there (I had to go back and change that from bloghers. In my mind, many of those who acted shamefully do not understand what a BlogHer woman is.)
I was embarrassed enough that I would almost endorse the concept of a “swag-free” conference next year.
And looking at what I've written here already – before I'm fully caffeinated and thinking- I must take my thoughts on this to my own blog (and my 27 readers) and voice it there.
Maybe next year we get a chance to say hello over coffee.
The best thing I heard all weekend was your comment during the brands and bloggers panel, “You don't work for PR, you need to make PR work for you.”
I think that there is so much focus on the negative aspects of the blogosphere that we're losing sight of what's important. I love “Blog with Integrity” and I think it's a great first step to try to bring everyone back to what brought us here in the first place – and for most of us, it wasn't a promotional mousepad!
Liz,
I wasn't there and posted about not being there — all prompted by the fiasco I read about on Twitter and Linked In. And by fiasco, I mean, mom bloggers going postal because there was a PR snafu. OK, a major one. But the entitlement issue is what gets to me with mommy bloggers. It's the “I can because I am” attitude – the gimme-gimme that so many write that they diffuse in their children, yet they develop carpal tunnel by holding out their hands grasping for goodies.
There is such a proliferation of inappropriate behavior, imo, in the mom blogosphere, that I was compelled to stay away and enjoy a very, very quiet online weekend.
Thanks as always for your honest and thoughtful post.
I was never more embarrassed to call myself the Redneck Mommy than I was this past weekend.
And for once it had nothing to do with being a redneck and everything to do with the 'mommy' part in my moniker.
Shame on those women.
Wow. It sounds dog eat dog.
Loved the Mrs. Scott Baio comment
I was all prepared to actually attend blogher this year until I found out I couldn't afford it after all. A sponsorship was basically out of the question for me as I'm not a salesperson and I'm the quiet type anyway so that wouldn't work for me.
It's embarrassing to hear about all of this going down at blogher and sad that all of us are lumped into this same group. What happened to being professional? I think much of the marketing is directed towards the wrong people anyway. That's just my observation anyway.
I agree with much of what you said.
I'll only say that I assume that what happens that is bad behavior is most likely coming from being in a place of some desperation: financial desperation being at the forefront. I wouldn't discount the current Medium Depression going on. Not an excuse, but, I think, a valid explanation to consider as to why this BlogHer was different.
Not everyone can get sponsors. A lot of women were very candid about having to have made huge family and financial sacrifices to get to the event. To some, the swag is getting a little back that is a need to offset their being there at all; to others, it's just a nice perk. When there is a perceived need, actions are more easily self-justified, even when those actions drift into the realm of “bad behavior”.
I don't know what the answer is. But I think it behooves us to begin thinking of the “why's” behind the behavior with the assumption of some positive intent gone wrong, and then find ways to fulfill the positive need in a positive way.
If some women really need the swag to offset their own personal costs, i.e. “My husband won't get angry for the next month about our financial woes from me being here and give me hell and the kid hell if I bring back some swag” or “I can justify to my family that going to BlogHer is important, that my writing is important, but I'll have to prove it to them with stuff because that's what they understand” then, while I don't excuse the pain caused to others through pushing and shoving, well, at least there is an explanation I can work with, to understand so that I can change what happens next time in a positive way.
I know that what you said needs to be said to highlight the problem. I just think that some people won't be humiliated or chastised into behaving better if they are weighing that chastisement against their perceived emotional and personal needs. Yes, some will, some will have a real hand-to-head moment of “what was I thinking”, but again, for the woman who is acting from some place of real desperation, the answer will be “you don't know what it's like to be me and why I need to do this” – a subjective, not objective reasoning to be sure – but one that makes extinguishing behavior more difficult. Saying “you're greedy” – even if exhibited in action – will get a back to the corner response and more of the same. Again, trying to discover the positive intent behind the actions and then brainstorming positive ways to meet those “needs” might help circumvent a repeat next time.
Debra, thank you so so very much. I always love when I wrote a post that connects with non-moms because the truth is, I was a non-mom for a whole lot longer than I've been a mom. I agree you should take the query as a compliment about your looks!
Maris, Thank you so much – during that panel it became clear that bloggers who work with PR have a complete misunderstanding as to the relationship. It's causing conflicts between bloggers and PR, and bloggers and each other. Hm, another post I guess.
Amy, I will only say Nikon actually wasn't a major snafu in the least. Indeed it reflected more poorly on the twittering moms than the brand.
If you were invited to a wedding and showed up with your baby without having asked beforehand, and then were told that there were no babies allowed at the wedding, would you issue a campaign to destroy the reputation of the bride? Because that's what it seems happened.
And by the way, the mom turned away apologized quite graciously. It was everyone else who grabbed their pitchforks and torches who need to follow suit.
I wasn't able to attend BlogHer. I did try to follow on Twitter and BlogHer's website.
I have found myself examining my own heart the last two days.
I'm a special needs blogger. One of my goals is to get Brands to advertise directly to families of children with special needs.
And to use children with special needs in their advertising, etc.
I truly believe this kind of partnership welds powerful advocacy.
There is such a gap of uncomfortabe between many towards those with special needs.
Hearts are good, but the experience base is wobbly at best.
I believe that if the world could see kids with special needs just being kids, wearing crocs, playing Nintendo, ……..just like their typically developing peers, that maybe society could see that kids with special needs are more like their kids than not.
Kind of a way to build a bridge with shared interests.
As such a niche blogger I have at times felt as though I needed to yell louder.
But perhaps what I really need to do is write stronger.
I'll tell you one thing though, I would have LOVED to have been on the panel with Pres. Obama's health care representative.
If I regret missing anything it was that.
Tammy and Parker
http://www.prayingforparker.com
@ParkerMama on Twitter
Joset,
You're a genius. Points all very well taken.
And don't bring calamari in my room ever again.
awesome post, some interesting thoughts on how to act as a sponsored blogger
thanks for that info. that is not at all what i was told.
you're right about the pitchforks.
Very well said, Liz. I could not have been more impressed with the PR reps and marketers and made some great contacts.
I was, however, embarrassed to be lumped in with the “mommy bloggers” who abused the system. My roommate Lotus got ATTACKED at her Room 704 party by greedy bloggers trying to snag up the swag bags.
You are so correct–I DO care about what others are doing in the blogosphere because it reflects both positively and negatively on the rest of us.
I loved Jozet's comment. I was with a friend who *loved* the swag. She wasn't obnoxious about it, but she admitted that times are tough, and she can really use some of the things that were offered. So there's that.
I think, too, that we have to be careful about how what we read into people's accounts of what happened, because all of these accounts are colored by one's personal experience and perception. For example: this baby getting elbowed in the head story has gotten so much play, it would be easy, if you weren't actually witness to the event, to think that the entire conference was full of screaming, sweating women, knocking old people and children over to get a reusable Walmart bag. But the reality of the elbowed baby is way more complicated, even though explaining the whole thing in appropriate detail makes it lose its writerly punch (not that I am advocating baby elbowing or trying to minimize it).
Same with the Nikon story. If you listen to everyone's accounts of what happened, there's a way in which you can see it as not nefarious and irresponsible on anyone's part. There is just so much misunderstanding swirling around about all of these things, because if you weren't actually standing there as a witness, you only have other people's memories and perceptions to base your judgments on, and those aren't necessarily always dispassionate renderings of events.
This isn't directed so much at you, Liz, but at all of us who are reading and commenting without direct experience of the events. It's like this game of telephone, you know? You whisper “elbowed baby” into someone's ear and 400 people later, someone is asking what a “Vibrators for Jesus” is and how she can get one.
Thank you Liz for your most eloquent words and sophisticated analysis. Sometimes I fancy myself highly analytical and a good writer and then I read your shit and I'm like, damn…
As I told Liz the morning after, even though I've been blogging for 5.5 years, BlogHer09 made me want to quit blogging. My situation is kind of unique because I'm currently a blogger without a blog having sold Celebrity Baby Blog last year to People.com and officially left the site after my year contract ran out so I don't have a blog to quit — more like I don't feel like starting all over again.
The blogging world has changed in the last five years with the barrier to entry really changing everything. It used to be that I would talk to companies at tradeshows and they would look at me puzzled and almost accusatory about why I might want their marketing/publicity person's business card (um, because I think you have an awesome product and want to write about it. for free! no strings attached!) and at BlogHer09, companies were here by the dozens, throwing flash drives and coupons and samples at anyone who walked by.
The blog world has changed in that I feel like creating a new blog will put me on the same level as the women who are starting new blogs with the entitlement of A-listers but without the savvy, traffic or professionalism of the women who have been in the trenches for years OR at least the relatively new bloggers who have figured it out quickly.
I loved meeting the bloggers I've heard my friends mention for years and look forward to seeing them at the parties at BlogHer10 in NYC and of course reading their blogs now that I have a lot more leisure time (at least until baby boy is old enough to leave with a nanny when I rejoin the workforce) but my original thought about consulting with brands and bloggers is making me wonder… do I want to commit to working with a community who behave as if it's every (wo)man for themselves, who feel entitled to swag because everyone else is getting it, whose receiving expensive samples and marketing will never have the desired effect because their blogs are little more than an excuse to get free shit, who are embarrassing the writers of BlogHer by the association?
Ugh. I'm glad I have the next 7 or so months to figure it out and watch this space and see if things change or if it's going to be more of the same or worse.
SIGH.
I need to decide whether I'm going to write about this. Or just stand up and shout, WHAT SHE SAID.
I never read your blog until I followed a link from the PR blackout thing. I love it. You always seems to hit the nail on the head and tell it like it is.
When I worked as a special events coordinator, goody bags, swag bags made our events better and were expected. It also gave the sponsors an opportunity to get the word out and possibly show off their products. But it was always a perk because the real reason people were coming to our events was becuase they supported our organization. Just as the real reason people should be going toany blogger conference is to learn about blogging.
Hell I love free stuff but I draw the line of elbowing babies.
liz, you rock (but you knew that). great post.
I believe in authentic marketing. To me that means starting a conversation with someone because you believe they'll enjoy what you do as much as you. I do it for a living, and as a marketer I see the importance of blogging as much as I know its importance as a blogger. But, my god, integrity goes both ways. If bloggers want to be approached genuinely and treated like human beings and not easy advertising, then we all need to act like grown adults with no confusion what we want to stand for.
I couldn't be there this year but am thrilled to go next year. It's awesome to make connections with people from all walks of life, whether they have a new product I may love or a story about their kids that'll change my day.
It should start and end with the desire to improve our lives and our relationships with people. And then to share those lives and relationships with the world. Hey, lives include great products, no matter how we come about discovering them. Lying and pushing and showing in order to get to those products and to get them for free, yeah, that's where it gets gross.
What I really want to know though: How on earth were all these people so excited about the free stuff, when they still had to pay the luggage fees on their way home?
Liz-
As a pioneer in the mommy blogging universe, it's only fitting that you're at the reigns of this worthwhile call to action along with the best and the brightest in blogs. I will gladly spread the word to my community and my media peeps about this groundbreaking initiative.
Liz, it was great to meet you this weekend. I'm so impressed with your eloquence on the topic. I feel similarly, and wrote about it on my blog (something of a departure for me, but I feel strongly about it). You are a powerful voice of reason and maturity in this community. Keep it up.
I am guilty on two fronts. I gave things away in the lobby, but I hope I did so without intruding on people's good time.
And I literally lunched on the expo floor. I was so happy to see fresh fruit that I couldn't stay away from the Kiwi Fruit booth.
Sorry if folks seemed amateurish to you. I thought they were brave and lovely, and trying something new.
I am so glad you ended your post the way you did. I have read so many of these types of posts and, while I agree that there was plenty of shameful behavior, it simply didn't color my experience the way it did other bloggers. If my children ever nap, I'll blog about that, but for now I just want to say… yeah, there was bad, but there was oh-so-much more good. Let's not let the actions of the few bring us down, or convince others they shouldn't attend. Oh, and by the way, I loved the swag (although I don't think I elbowed anyone to get it).
Jessica, I love people handing things out! The Kirtsy girls handed out chocolate bars, some personal bloggers handed out homebaked cookies, Pepsi handed out soda – all fabulous. But I think there's a right and wrong way to engage, particularly when you're working on behalf of a sponsor who's paying you, and therefore your behaviors reflect on them. My guess is you did it right.
This was my first year at BlogHer. It was an absolutely incredible experience in ways I didn't expect. I've returned excited and inspired about blogging! There's so much I can't wait to do! Still, I was also disappointed with some of what I had seen.
I will admit, I picked up my fair share of swag. And I was pretty jazzed about some of the items I'd get to take home and share with my family. That said, I didn't grab up things I wasn't going to use. It wasn't about getting stuff for the sake of getting stuff. However, there were some parties I'd attended that had made it a point to tell us in their invitation that there'd be lots of swag. And I think when your message is, “Come to our party and get great free stuff!” that's what people are going to do. I thought the expo floor was very well done and some of the friendliest and most interesting people I'd met turned out to be marketers.
In years past, when the post-BlogHer posts would pop up and I'd read about controversy specifically with the mommybloggers, I couldn't understand it. What's wrong with mommybloggers? Now, I guess I get it. I've been thinking a lot about it. It seems to me that a person's motivation for blogging seems to have something to do with the way they behave in a situation like BlogHer. Some people blog to escape their lives and see BlogHer as an opportunity to get away from everyday responsibilties, and I think maybe some go too far and abandon all personal responsibility, too. The people I met that seem to see blogging as a way to enhance their lives (rather than escape it) were ones that I perceived to behave in a more acceptable way.
I'm so glad I went to BlogHer. I enjoyed it, (including your panel. I was there!). I learned SO MUCH, even from the less attractive aspects. There was something to gain.
In a way, I think this is just the latest milestone in the growth of this community. It's now big enough to have shameless sacks of, well, you know. There are so many great people and topics in the community, but it's inevitable that the seedy side of the community would jump out. I'll be very curious to see the reaction from the ranks of flackitude.
Frankly I'm wondering if there will be backlash that goes too far now. But the community will find equilibrium at some point, I'm sure.
great post.
I am so fascinated by the post mortems I'm reading and I always come to your blog to get the most level-headed, honest take on any given blog-related situation. This post is no exception.
Marketing? PR? Swag? Expo? I feel sick. Why aren't I hearing more words like: Community. Friendship. Personal Connections (of the non-business persuasion)?
One needs only go back a year to post- BlogHer08 posts to see that those were the catch phrases, not to mention a lot of drunken antics.
Even the panel that you sat on is year seems dramatically different than your involvement in years past. I'm glad your voice of sanity and experience was heard, but maybe you're right. Maybe we all need to be more concerned about giving away our stories and experiences, not detergent.
Though swag can be fun, it totally took away from the experience this year. My children were thrilled with the potato head and the notepads and lollipops, but that really wasn't the reason I went. I went to learn, and am pretty disillusioned at what I came away with.
I loved meeting friends and making new ones, but over all have a bit of a bad taste in my mouth. The search for swag, the popularity contests… I don't want to write a negative post, but am having trouble coming up with a sunshiny, happy one. And that is telling.
It was, however, truly a joy to meet you.
I wish hugs could be packaged, shipped home on FedEx and opened when we really needed one.
Just as fresh as when they were packaged away.
Thank you for this post.
Sometimes I feel like I straddle the fence because I blog about marketing with women and at the same time I find myself counseling brands about dipping their toes in the blog world. I'm relieved to see that the marketers were well behaved! I was a little nervous when I saw how branded up things had gotten and I feel like it could have gone either way. Thanks for making me feel like I was there (and for making me feel okay with missing it)
I keep reading about that poor baby and the shameful way some bloggers acted. Such a disgrace and honestly, for someone who has yet to get to BloHer, it makes me question whether or not I want to witness that.
I hope those at fault take to heart some of the posts, like yours, and behave next year.
VERY well said. It was simply insane and I was dumbfounded at the “carnival” attitude. The lines, the elbows, the cutting looks.
I found I almost got sucked in. I took a moment to step back. To look. I saw what was happening… sure it was neat to receive fun free things… but as I watched the sharks circle the bloody carcasses of swag I thought… “I didn't come here for stuff!”
I went for relationship. To meet women I adore. To meet new women (and men) to adore. I went to learn and I went to find more joy in a personal passion that has been growing in leaps and bounds.
I gladly accepted the dryer bar at Bounce, because I love the smell of Bounce. I also begged them to make a room spray. Really, I LOVE the smell of Bounce:) I hung out at Pepsi cuz the Izze drink rocks. I went to Picnik cuz I hoped I'd get an extension on my premium subscription and I am a Picnik whore because I cannot use Photoshop cuz I don't have them skillz.
So, I did partake, but… I filled most of my time talking. Instead of using break time to rush to find more free stuff… I hung out and talked… Instead of skipping session to find this room or that room… I stayed and listened. And learned.
I paid to go to BlogHer to meet and to learn and to be silly with my “online friends”, spray glitter, to touch the real skin of people I never see, but adore as much as an IRL friend I have ever had.
Thank you for writing this… and for writing it so well. I met many people who shared your same perspective, and I love reading through the comments. It's encouraging to know not everyone was there to be a shark. It was hard to see through the frezy.
Liz, excellent post!!! As always your words invite us to step back and look at the situation through a different(and more reasonable)lens.
This was my 4th year at BlogHer as both a sponsor and attendee and I've seen enormous changes. But what hasn't changed is the amazing women who I have met over the years and those I met at this BlogHer. I'm so glad we have a chance to visit. You're a rock star!
A well-thought, well-put post. I felt a little of this negative vibe, not as specific as what is outlined here, but I didn't go to all of the parties and took much needed breaks every now and then to feel the sunshine outside.
It did creep up on me as I listened to the beautiful souls on the International Activist panel though. I thought, here are women making amazing changes in the world, and in the halls are swarms of women wasting energy on which party is going to have the best swag or handing out business cards to every stranger they pass.
Maybe the trick next year will be to better balance the commercial with the sorts of panels that set your skin on fire and make you want to go home and write, create & make change in the world.
<3
I'm looking forward to going to my first BlogHer next year in NYC, even though I've read some pretty horrible stories about it! First of all, I don't want free laundry detergent or stickers, because seeing as it will be in NYC, I'll need room in my suitcase for new purchases, like maybe a new purse!
Even though I'm just little me…
I want to go to BlogHer so I can meet in person amazing bloggers (like you) that I have been reading for a few years. I want to sit on panels and listen to discussions and yes, have a good time with some wine at some parties.
Also, I'm not a blogger who has ever done a giveaway, except a few months ago I had my own giveaway – I gave away a 30 dollars Coach gift card that I bought myself to one of my readers as a thank you for well, being so great at blogging, at being supportive, etc.
You know what would really depress me? Being excited to meet a blogger I admire and whose blog I loved, only to be treated badly and ignored. I know this has happened to some people, and they're nice and won't say who was mean, but I have a feeling if this happened to me – they'd be exposed!
Sounds like an experience! I was wondering what the conference was like, being new to the blogging and all. I joined blogher about two months ago (about the same time I started my blog) and have been hearing about the conference ever since.
I didn't even realize,until after I started blogging, that people use their blogs as a way to get free things.
@Mom101 my guess is that I did it wrong…
I interrupted and whatnot, but my gifties were so friggin cute that no one would care.
Should I go for the queen of tackiness and name them now?
but more importantly, have you seen this??? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RLLh-PC4ZuU
(feel free to delete this comment if you feel like it takes you off topic)
I read Steph's post over the weekend and it made me glad I wasn't there. Of course, I'd love to see everyone and learn new things in the sessions.
I'm on the fence about NY and honestly, I know you didn't intend this, but this post makes me hesitate. This year I considered attending a writer's conference instead of BlogHer(are there any real writing sessions at BlogHer, that aren't about 'content to attract comments/sponsors/subscribers'?) because to me, that's what matters ultimately. That and relationships. I mean if someone wants to give me free shoes I'll be delighted, but I'm not standing in line or fighting anyone else for them.
One more thing. This is my 4th BlogHer. At earlier cons. L,E,J always made it a point to remind those of us attending to WRITE AND THANK THE SPONSORS for supporting us – and making the conference affordable.
Wonder of those fighting/craving swag this past weekend will take the time to express their appreciation to the sponsors? Personally, I thanks a number of them in person. But those sponsors that were not present WILL get a note from me thanking them for their support. Thankfully for me, my list is fairly short.
Wonder if some of those rabid swag-hags will even consider what gifts they got and be thankful.
Excellent post and the comments are so insightful. I had a conversation with a friend that mirrored Jozet's. I've been struggling with whether I will finish the post I started writing at BlogHer about my experince. I thought maybe since this was my first conference I could be misinterpreting or making an incorrect assumption. I don't want what I'm feeling to seem like a knock against the BlogHer team, because I think they did a great job. I feel like I need a little more time to process (as Mommy Melee said) before I write so my post comes out the “right” way.
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