This morning, Babycenter released their list of the top 100 baby names of the decade and one name in particular stands out to me:
Brooklyn appears on the list of the fastest growing girl’s names of the year.
Yes, I know we’re so fabulous in the borough immortalized by Miranda’s move here with Steve, and the Crown Heights riots but really? Brooklyn?
I’m wondering how many of those parents have even been to New York’s most populous borough. Hell, half my friends in Manhattan haven’t even been here. (Crossing a river! Scary!)
Surely as these sleepy, giddy new parents gaze down at their newborn baby girl and coo, Aw, little Brooklyn Goldstein, they imagine the sanitized-for-your-protect Brooklyn, the one immortalized on TV and in Woody Allen movies. The one that always takes place on the Promenade along the East River, where the dashing if rumpled hero kisses the trendy leading lady in the shadow of the glorious Brooklyn Bridge just before we rack focus from their embrace to the iconic skyline of lower Manhattan. (And then the director yells cut and a rat runs across their feet.)
For those of you considering jumping on this “hot naming trend,” allow me enlighten you some of things your baby daughter’s name brings to mind to those of us who actually live in the (718) and buy our flowers from a subway station:
- Jehovah’s Witnesses
Yes, Brooklyn is the promised land, at least if you’re a member of The Watchtower Bible and Tract Society which owns the better part of Brooklyn Heights and DUMBO and pretty much holds court on the Promenade. It’s not unusual to find a wide-eyed smiling family clutching bibles walking around looking for unsuspecting tourists to converse with; and then to find Nate right there in their faces, asking them if they realllly think that Noah made it to Australia and back to drop off the kangaroos in less than 40 days.
-The Gowanus Canal (photo: Stephen Nessen)
Breathe in–really deeply. That’s right, very good. Smell that?
-The woman who gave me the finger in Gristedes because I got to the checkout line before she did.
-America’s Favorite Burlesque Game Show
It was stiff competition, but this Brooklyn based burlesque game show was deemed the clear favorite in a qualitative study of the viewing habits of burlesque game show aficionados.
-The mysterious puddles on the A/C subway platform
-The most hated parents in the world.
Specifically, those in Park Slope. I’m not there so I’m safe. Only people who name their children Brooklyn will hate me now.