I just received a pitch that is far too awesome not to reprint verbatim.
Pamper yourself or your mom with the comfort she deserves this Mother’s Day
Hi Liz,
Life moves too quickly. Help rejuvenate your mom with a day at the spa, indulge her with chocolates and flowers, help her relax and slow down from her fast-paced world full of deadlines, commitments and obligations. And help her be more comfortable with Replens, A Long Lasting Vaginal Moisturizer.
We all know how busy a mom’s life can be but this Mothers Day take time to educate your mom about the treatment options available for vaginal dryness. Nearly every woman will experience vaginal dryness sometime in her life, oftentimes making even daily activities unbearable. It is most often associated with the normal decline or fluctuation of the female hormone estrogen. This fluctuation can be triggered by childbirth, breastfeeding or menopause. Dryness can also be caused by stress, certain medications, or excessive exercise.
This Mothers Day take time for yourself or time to educate a woman you love about vaginal dryness and Replens!
——-
I wonder if I can somehow get a picture of Wil Wheaton pampering his mother with a long-lasting vaginal moisturizer?
Boy does that sound all kinds of wrong.
——-
Edited to add: The pitch makes the NY Magazine Approval Matrix in the coveted lower left corner, after hitting Gawker, Media Bistro and a New Hampshire radio station. Congrats Replens, you’ve gone viral!
70 shards of brilliance… read them below or add one
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OMG! I have so many comments about this, but really, there are no words.
OMGosh, why didnt I think of this? Working in marketing I should so be able to tie air conditioning (my business) in with this. Maybe something like, “You forgot to pamper your mom, make sure the A/C is working to keep her cool and not going all crazy on you. Nothing is worse than a hot, mad momma.”
THANK GOD! I can't tell you the number of hours I've spent worrying that my mother's vagina was so dry that it might be causing her discomfort.
OMG–I am so glad that I had swallowed my drink before I got to the vaginal dryness part–really who talks to their mom about vaginal dryness? I certainly don't and I certainly don't need my kids bying me lube….hilarious.
Did you see the support group on Twitter for this pitch?
Personally I'd like therapy and a cookie now. For even reading the dam thing. *shudder*
Dear Mom,
Have I told you that I love you, or about vaginal dryness, lately?
Happy Mother's Day!
This sounds like am very impleasure product. Thinks for sharing this informations with our readers.
Dear Mom,
This year for Mother's Day, I wanted to give you gift of a moist vagina. Dad can thank me later.
AHHHHHHHH!!!!! What???!
Think about the poor bastard who had to write that
Great, now I have to go the bathroom, thanks!!!
I'm so glad my mom doesn't have a vagina.
Oh my holy hell.
Also — beta dad's comment — laughing and snorting out loud
Got this exact pitch today and immediately tweeted about it. Was dying!
OMG!! I got this today too and I saw “vaginal dryness” and IMMEDIATELY hit delete! WOW.
I think I'll stick with a nice wallet or some flowers… ;P
I almost spit out my water. Classic.
Wait. Was this like a time share pitch or something? Like, you take your mom to the spa and after the mani/pedi everyone files into a conference room for a Power Point Vagina Presentation?
“This fluctuation can be triggered by childbirth, breastfeeding…”
Hm.
Sorry I dried out your vagina, Mom.
This oughta fix it.
Happy Mother's Day!
–I think my presentation needs some work…
As your real life biological mother, I can say with all honesty, “Better to send me your hand print on a piece of green clay.” It was my favorite by far!
When I got this pitch, I thought about how frustrated I will be when I “quit” this “job” and move on in life, but continue to have my inbox dominated by insanity.
Hmmm. I'm just realizing that maybe blogging like a gang and there's no way out.
For once I have no words. Thinking about my mother's dry vagina tends to shrivel up my brain.
Between this and the new Kotex design-your-own maxi pads contest, it's been a banner day for lady-parts marketing.
Hey wait, maybe this is a ploy to stem overpopulation around the world – think of your mother's dry vagina and you'll never want to breed again.
OMG, the comments to this post, along with the letter itself, have me weeping with laughter.
You are all too funny!
Roo, you can write my greeting cards anytime.
I do not EVER want to see Wil Wheaton pampering his mother with a long-lasting vaginal moisturizer. EVER. EVEREVEREVER.
That is all.
I am a fly on the wall of the conference room where vaginal lubricant marketers and their PR team are brainstorming. And i hear them saying nonsensical things like, let's invite bloggers to engage their mothers in intimate woman-to-woman dialogue about this issue, and by doing so inspire their readers to do the same. And the next thing you know, we'll have created a movement where consumers are talking about vaginal dryness, and passionately engaging in cultural conversations around vaginal comfort. These conversations will be, uh, sticky. And, uh, shareable.
Oh Stephanie, the sad thing is, we have both been a fly on the wall in those kinds of meetings. All you can hope for is that one person–just one single person with any authority–stops the session along the way and says, “are you fucking kidding me?”
Danielle sent this around to all of Digital when this gem hit her inbox this morning. We were a mess of laughter and blushing. I'm sticking with a new teapot.
Aren't you worried that your mom's surprise will now be ruined?!
WOW! What a treat – from someone who doesn't get pitched anything – it's so fun to see what a perfect pitch really sounds like! I'll take two!!
I would comment on the inappropriateness of such an ad (seems like nothing's “sacred” these days), but I'm laughing too hard!
Seems like a good Valentine's Day gift, instead–though not for your mother!
I actually feel a little bit sorry for the person charged with trying to create some buzz around this product but I thank both of you for a much needed laugh on a really bad day.
I'm so relieved my Mum only wanted some Cadbury's mini creme eggs for Mother's Day.
I got that too – I actually thought it had to be an April Fools joke. I mean seriously?
Hahaha…but does it work? My vagina has been feeling a bit dry lately…
This is how I spend every Mother's Day. Not sure why this seems so strange to the rest of y'all.
*jaw drops*
So wrong. So very, very wrong.
Some of us were joking about the pitch on Twitter without ever revealing the exact pitch. We just *knew* we were talking about the same thing. OMG- the MomBloggerBorg is real!
I want to comment. I just don't know what to say.
So here's me, laughing. And cringing. And remembering the old “Mom, do you douche?” commercials with a mixture of pain and fondness, like I'd been let in on some bizarre secret that I didn't understand. And didn't really want to.
I think you could do a whole blog devoted to bad pitches.
I was going to make some comment about how sometimes even the best comedy writer can't do much to improve upon reality.
But then I saw Roo's comment. AFTER I had decided it was safe to start drinking my chai again, no less.
I am so forwarding this post to my mom.
Andi there is one:
Bad Pitch Blog
This is why PR people need to understand marketing (and vice versa).
I think I am more offended by the lack of demographic understanding.
Would love to know who the agency is.
OK.
Yeah.
So.
There's that.
Friends don't let friends drink and pitch bloggers.
As if my mom wasn't in denial enough about being in menopause – let's see how she reacts when I follow their advice and give her that for Mother's Day:
“here mom, this is against vaginal dryness! What a thoughtful daughter I am!”
*snort*
Oh. My. God.
The unintentional hilarity is awesome.
Also? I am NOT, under any circumstances, discussing vaginal dryness with my mother. And I hope my kids have the same good sense when it comes to me.
Liz, ever think that this was their MO all along? Send a spit-take ridiculous pitch in the hope that it would go viral?
On second thought, no. They're not that savvy.
Let's not be too quick to judge ladies. We've all heard the expression, “Like mother, like daughter.”
….
Yeah. I'm speechless.
It's Mother's Day already???
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