For the last six years, I’ve been writing a funny-mostly-only-to-me wrap up of the previous night’s Academy Awards. At least it’s funny the next morning. The following year, however, I read it back and am like, what the heck was I referring to? Alec Baldwin’s Ambien? What?
This year I’m turning my blog over to my daughters, who provided astute, descriptive, and honest red carpet commentary on Twitter last night. Then went to bed, fortunately before they had the chance to see J Lo’s nipples.
Please meet your hostesses:
Thalia, 6. Can pair stripes with argyle with a floral like nobody’s business. Favorite shoes: Black engineer boots. Favorite color: Blue. No, turquoise. No, green. No wait, blue.
Sage, 4. Remembers to put her underwear on facing the right way at least 5 days out of every week. Fond of stickers as fashion accessory. Believes one can never wear too many temporary tattoos and that any kitchen item can make a fabulous hat.
Jennifer Lopez
Thalia: Her dress is not that nice because this part in the front? Is too low and you can see her boobs.
Sage: She’s so pretty even if she breaks all her hair off. Her dress is so pretty like she’s having a wedding.
Tina Fey
Thalia: I don’t really like the bottom of the dress because it’s too tight and might trip you
Sage: 30 Rock! I’ve heard of that show.
Michelle Williams
Sage: She’s so beautiful even if she was naked and wasn’t even wearing anything.
Emma Stone
Thalia: I don’t like the top because you have to tie a big bow and it would distract me if I was wearing it.
Rooney Mara
Sage: She’s so pretty with her white dress. And it’s so long and I like her hair. It looks like Thalia’s friend Jillian.
Melissa McCarthy
Thalia: I like how her dress goes down but I think the sparkly belt is a little too much
Colin Firth
Sage: He’s so handsome even if he breaks his nose.
Kristin Wiig
Thalia: I really like her dress because it goes out a little on the skirt and it’s a little puffy. And it’s wavy.
Nick Nolte
Thalia: He’s a little weird but I like his suit.
Penelope Cruz
Thalia: I LOVE HER DRESS! It is perfect with her hair because it’s puffy and her eyes are so beautiful.
Cameron Diaz
Thalia: I like her because her name rhymes with quesadillas.
Top that, Joan Rivers.
[photos via e online, us weekly]
54 shards of brilliance… read them below or add one
I cannot stop laughing !
Not enough words to describe the joy of waking up and finding this. I no longer have to watch the Oscars. All I have to do is to ask T and S to phone it in!
Remind me not to disrespect Sage – I’m somewhat intimidated by her friendly reminders that bits of your body could break or even break off.
Sarah recently posted..Forest sunshine
She has a dark streak.
I love their dresses…Especially Tina Fey’s dress, it’s simple and elegant…
Sabinnah recently posted..Best User Guide for iPad
My 8yo says”Penelope Cruz’s dress is awesomely beautiful!” (I thought so too.)
Magpie recently posted..February Break
It’s the first one that made her gasp. Although they really did love Michelle Williams too.
They can start their very own ‘What not to wear’-show! They are that good.
Tinne from Tantrums and Tomatoes recently posted..A day in the life…
Any blogger posting pictures of Rooney Mara this morning is on my “best friends” list. *swoon*
And Sage totally GETS Michelle Williams. Totally.
Kerry recently posted..Forever Your Girl
They LOOOOVED Rooney Mara! I swear, it was the bangs.
Love the confidence of your girls! And thanks for sharing their wisdom; they nailed it!
Love this! Morning smiles and laughs. Wish we were there!
AmyeToTheRescue! recently posted..SMEAD Travel Document Organizer A Review
Loved their honesty! So funny
They are nothing if not honest.
Best commentary ever!
Jen E @ mommablogsalot recently posted..Snow Day.
Fantastic! And I completely agree with Sage’s assessment of Michelle Williams.
Avitable recently posted..They all float!
Why am I not surprised?
The Cameron Diaz commentary is the BEST. But what did they think of Bradley Cooper’s mustache?!
the mama bird diaries recently posted..the art of letter writing is not dead. just ask my starbucks barista
I don’t know, I wouldn’t let them talk when he came on.
I didn’t watch a lick of the Oscars but now I feel like I know everything I needed to know. I think Joan Rivers and crew should be very worried.
Alyssa S. recently posted..Aly’s Most Wanted Movies: 2012
Unquestionably the best fashion wrap up I’ve heard. They are too funny!
I’m with Sage. I’d take Colin Firth with a broken nose in a second.
I saw him first, ladies — have been a fan of his since “The Advocate” (the quintessential city-lawyer-moves-to-the-country story, only set in France at the time of the Plague), which stars both him AND his butt.
Jadzia@Toddlerisms recently posted..Your Logic Is Impeccable, Young Sir
This was great! Thanks for sharing and for the good laugh!
Theresa NDMPofCT recently posted..Someone forgot to tell me that Mommies WILL ‘learn & grow’ in more ways than one!!
AHHAHAHHAHA love the bit about Michelle Williams! I wonder what they would say if they saw me?!
iCannot Stop Laughing Cameron Diaz Quesadillas! JAjajaa
OH. MY. AMAZING. This… I’m just… Perfect. This is perfect.
GirlsGoneChild recently posted..Rock, Paper
Love this! I think it might be the best commentary I’ve heard so far. Get in touch with the Oscars and tell them you’ve found next year’s hosts. I especially like where they compliment some of the movie stars even though some of their bits might break off… very thoughtful that is!
Thalia will sign up to do the red carpet in a minute. Sage will be funnier, but will also make “poop on your head” jokes.
Then again, that might be an improvement.
This gave me a great gift of laughter! Thank you for the reviews as I’m in France and it’s the only thing I’ve seen so far about the Oscars, except that they occured…thank you Elizabeth for sharing!
This gave me a great gift of laughter! Thank you for the reviews as I’m in France and it’s the only thing I’ve seen so far about the Oscars, except that they occured…thank you Elizabeth for sharing!
Oh sorry, it was Rachel that shared! But they are in the same country right now! Does that count for accuracy?
Too cute and fun! Makes watching the Oscars that much better I bet!
Danielle recently posted..30 Day Challenge – DAY 12: Your thoughts or opinions about Harry Potter.
Perfect and priceless.
Thanks girls-very astute!!
Kelley recently posted..Hoop Dreams.
I howled! What is with the “even ifs”? Does she know something we don’t? Like, our hair and noses are at serious risk for breaking?
No Drama Mama recently posted..Things (Don’t) Fall Apart
Her whole life is a series of “what ifs…”
“Sage, don’t forget to take your lunch.”
“But what if I forget it?”
“Then you’ll get school lunch.”
“But what if something happens to school lunch and they don’t have it that day and I am soooo hungry and then no one will give me anything to eat?”
Keep in mind she’s 4.
My hubby would SO agree with the Michelle Williams commentary…
Those girls need to hit the red carpet next year!
“He’s so handsome even if he breaks his nose.”
I wish someone would say this about me.
Good review. I like watching with kids. It’s like seeing the world through the opposite of beer goggles.
Things do get clearer, don’t they.
I’m pretty sure our daughter’s share the same brains. They’re pretty much awesome.
Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] recently posted..The Bright Side Of Sick
Oh, man, this had me laughing out loud! Now you just need to get J Lo with her hair chopped off, Michelle Williams naked, and Colin Firth with a broken nose to prove Sage’s point!
Sleeping Mom recently posted..The importance of establishing toddler routines
Fantastic! Although I must beg to differ with Thalia: Nick Nolte is more than just a little weird.
This is fantastic. They know what they’re talking about!!lol
Cameron Diaz = Quesadillas – Love it and will probably call her that forever now.
Emma recently posted..Tender Writing
That Colin Firth comment nearly made me spit out my sandwich! Partly because I thought she was insinuating that it looked like he DID break his nose. =)
I have had my daughter as a guest blogger before and really Liz, when we’re ready to retire, we can turn over the reigns to our girls who really know how to say it better than we.
On a slightly different tone, I ended up writing my weekly blog about the Oscars and my daughter showing (I hope) an important side of body image and how it affects our children – and all of us, really.
I hope you’ll check it out: http://www.Diva-Mama.com
Brilliant! They are too funny!
They have all beautiful and stunning dresses…Of all, I like Angelina’s black dress…She is the best!
Your daughters are more insightful and better judges than any other review I’ve read to date. Style or Insider should hire them.
dena recently posted..Lemon-Garlic Slow Cooker Chicken – Easy
My favorite was the Diaz-Quesadilla too . . . but here’s something related and pretty funny for you.
Someone took the time to comment on a comment I made on a tweep’s Huff Post article. This person asked me why my daughter would care or be affected by Angelina’s right leg and why I blogged about it on http://diva-mama.com/
So – since someone took the time to comment on MY comment, I commented back and this time, included YOUR blog as further proof that yes, some daughters do see, care and have opinions on the body images that flood the media and entertainment worlds.
If you want to follow here is the link that started it all:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/social/Shira_Adler/holicopter-moms_b_1304094_138231370.html
Oh your girls are hillarious!! Definitely good commentary worth nothing!
Goingkookies recently posted..Sumptuous dinner at Cafe Cavallino
Oh, my! This was easily one of the funniest posts I’ve read today!
So lovin it! My 8 yr old said the same thing about JLO. She was all, “MOM! *eyes huge* I don’t like that you can see her boobs. That dress doesn’t fit her!”
JenMarie recently posted..Ham, Swiss & Broccoli Frittata
Yay for smart daughters!
LOL so funny, this has had me in stitches
Who cares about the dresses I wish I could see them all naked!
Excluding Nick Nolte of course.
That’s nice collection !!i’m impressed with posting, i like Michelle Williams she is looking awesome!!
parul kachhwaha recently posted..Busy with Testing
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