You know that disclaimer written at the bottom of some emails? The one that says this email is only for the intended recipient and legal threats blah blah and here’s some more stuff that you will ignore anyway and now this disclaimer is super long but the gist is don’t forward it and anyway we just paid for our lawyer’s kid’s college education by writing this, and whatever, have a nice day.
Well none of these had that at the bottom.
EXHIBIT A:
Dear Dad, when I think of you, I think ya know, your butt could really be a little cleaner. Happy Father’s Day!
EXHIBIT B:
The perfect Father’s Day gift for any father. Wait…except those secular ones. Crap, forgot about those.
EXHIBIT C:
Download our new child safety app, you clueless delusional jerk parent who has no idea what you’re doing.
EXHIBIT D:
The perfect name for a children’s line, if I’ve ever heard one.
EXHIBIT E:
iPads for children / 5 year-olds drinking and driving. And the world has a new perfect analogy.
EXHIBIT F:
Actually I’d like to help her. I just have no idea what she’s talking about.
Oh man, and here I was thinking how much fun it would be to wonder down a dangerous path… (and it does beg the question – wonder about what?)
Hilarious! What do you mean, you don’t already HAVE a bidet? That was my husband’s FIRST father’s day gift? And the word “secular” makes me cringe. And, no one should ever admit to even BEING INSIDE a Wal-Mart, much less wanting to copy fashions they saw on another customer.
Oh the secular dads are okay. It’s those OUT OF CONTROL SECULAR dads that really need a biblical-style stoning.
“Be a Better Dad Today” , now there is a sublte way to letting your spouse know how you feel about his parenting skills. They wouldn’t have a “Be a Better Mother in Law Today” available per chance?
I was also pitched a Mother’s Day gift book that’s about how to stop being a helicopter mom. Can you imagine what a lovely token of your affection that one would be?
I’m also hung up on wondering down a path. how could one purchase or take advice from someone whose English skills be struggling’ that bad?
I would, however , love to purchase that fathering book as a gift for my ex-husband. You know, just to be passive aggressive.
It really does make me wander.
You KNOW, the t-shirt scarf with the HAIR PIECE that’s all the rage with the WalMart crowd. Psh. How is THAT not a Cool Mom Pick?
And I think the only way to make that kid’s line more awesome would be to call it Inmate Bait
Inmate Bait bodysuits. I’m shuddering to think…
I’m starting to get irritated with the judgmental nature of people proclaiming that tech is bad for children. Mostly I’d just like to get them into a room and introduce them to my son who’s learned more about loving to read and his ABCs, 123s and other important-to-learn things from our iPad than from any human teacher he’s had so far.
Why? Because he understands it. Because of developmental issues, he doesn’t always understand people. So, until you come up with something better: My son’s iPod and iPad say “Bite me.”
Is that Siri, speaking?
Oh, agree. Because we moms who let our kids use an iPod or, horrors, watch tv, are too stupid to figure out we should turn it off now and again…grrr.
I’m still trying to figure out how one gives a kid the keys to a shot of whiskey…
Liquor cabinet with a lock?
For some reason, these make me ridiculously happy.
I think you should put together a book that is like “Letters from a Nut”, but it’s all bad pitch emails from different companies along with commentary. You could ask a group of bloggers to all submit their best ones.
If I do you’ll get the first thank you in the acknowledgments, Adam.
I didn’t realize that kids ‘WONDER’ down a dangerous path. I always assumed that they WANDERED down that dangerous path.
That is definitely something to pander, isn’t it.
I’m still laughing over the look Kyle gave me when I read the Walmart one to him. And Inmate Tease might replace [redacted] as my most-hated children’s line.
I’m just impressed you take time to read this stuff. I guess I should just for the entertainment factor…
After you’ve helped exhibit F, maybe you can search Amazon for the joke book I loved in grade school. It was really good!
My kid wonders down dangerous paths all the time, actually. Like the other day when he said, “I wonder what sort of explosive would work best underwater?” Or “I wonder whether anyone has ever actually tried to take apart a whole bunch of smoke detectors to get the radioactive materials inside to build a nuclear power generator.”
Somehow I don’t think banning him using from electronic media gadgets would stop all this dangerous wondering, though. As a matter of fact, he seems to have contracted this wondering tendency of his from reading these totally non-electronic devices called books.
I suppose we could set all his books on fire, but at this point, that might just encourage him.
I love you, Jaelithe.
Aren’t you just glad they emailed you rather than coming to your door?
Inmate Tease- how timely. My son the former fifth grader told me that his buddy’s older brother told him that prison makes your butt hurt.
My son asked me to explain what that means. A good Inmate Tease t-shirt might be just the thing to help explain it.
Oy.
This stuff is hilarious. I mean, who wouldn’t want a bidet sprayer for Father’s Day. 😉
Shit, I feel like this means I should take my Dad’s bidet back! It was not easy to wrap that thing.
If you want to share a giftwrap tutorial in photos, I’d be happy to post it.
I got a lot of emails everyday and most of them are just junk.. Sometimes I just want to change email and reset everything…
My husband LOVED the bidet in the bathroom at the hospital when our daughter was born…I think he would probably be very excited to receive one for Father’s day…Yeah, that’s how weird we are!