An insider’s tip:

You know how you get the Pottery Barn Kids catalog like eighteen, nineteen times a month?

And you know how they feature incredibly cute if pricey items monogrammed with children’s names: Benjamin’s pillow. Violet’s music box. Samuel’s $70 we-swear-it’s-not-a-choking-hazard beanbag.

Contrary to popular belief, this does not mean that Pottery Barn is featuring the most popular names with the hopes of selling more pillows and music boxes and $70 beanbags.

If you should find your child’s unique name on the cover (gasp!) it does not mean that you should prepare for the onslaught of similarly named children in his preschool class. It does not mean your sweet little Iphigenia will forever more sign all of her art projects Iphigenia R. as to differentiate them from those of Iphigenia P. and Iphigenia G. (As if we couldn’t tell the difference! Iphigenia G’s fingerpaints invoke a sort of post-modern respect for negative space while Iphigenia P. is clearly more influenced by the neoclassicists.)

It does not mean that your child will be doomed to a lifetime of obscurity, mediocrity and quiet desperation.

What it does mean is this:

The art director (or prop stylist or photographer or photographer’s assistant) has a child (or niece or nephew or godchild) by that very same name and plans on bringing home the graft after the shoot.

Carry on.

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