The Picky Eaters Club: Everyone’s Welcome! Just Don’t Bring a Cream-Filled Dessert

Mom-101, erudite New York foodie-type, restaurant whore, and cookbook co-author has hereby been bound, gagged with a quarter-pound of quince paste, and replaced with The Picky Child Within to describe ten things I hate (as instructed by Krista).

1) Touching food. Nate makes such a show of arranging all the gourmet vittles he prepares in a towering display, Alfred Portale style, and yet I have to pluck the beautiful slices of medium rare steak from out of the pool of herbed polenta (and wipe it off) before I can eat it. The rosemary sprigs can remain in the mashed potatoes, if I work really hard at it, but that’s about it.

2) Milk in cereal. Cereal should be eaten crunchy, right out of the box as God intended it.

3) Beans. Garbonzos are tolerable if pureed, doused in tahini, and passed off as hummus. But refried beans? God help the Mexican restaurant expediter who scoops that excrement onto my plate. Especially if they’re touching my enchiladas.

4) Root beer. Tried it, don’t like it. Tried it again, still don’t like it. I suppose I’m no worse for the wear having one more sugary, nutritionally-void item out of my repetoire.

5) Avocado. I want to eat it, really I do. I mean it’s both expensive and high in fat–what’s not to like? Answer: Avocado, which tastes like paste.

6) Tuna fish. The smell is kryptonite to me and I can’t be in the room with it. If you are dining with me and order a tuna fish sandwich, I will ask you nicely to reconsider. If you persist, I will vomit on you when it arrives then stick you with the check. In fact, just seeing the words here are making me gag a little. Moving on…

7) Pre-made sandwiches. They’re always soggy from dressings or mustard or mayo (which I also hate). I will sooner eat Chex Mix and a bag of Combos for lunch in the airport than buy a turkey club that’s been sitting on that semi-refrigerated shelf all day. Besides, you don’t know who touched it or how dedicated he is to wearing a hair net. Ew.

8) Fruit in cake. Cakes should be chocolate, vanillla, occassionally almond if you’re feeling frisky. If you want raspberry in your dessert, order the damn tart.

9) Guinness. I want so very very very badly to like it, since all the cool girls do. They’re also the ones who can play pool and bowl. Sadly, I’m not one of them. I’m the one nursing a Rolling Rock near the pool table, and I don’t even look cute doing it anymore.

10) Meat in tomato sauce. It’s the last remaining vestige from my vegetarian years. I wasn’t a very good vegetarian since I still ate bacon. And Walter’s hot dogs. And chicken soup as long as I couldn’t see the chicken. And turkey at Thanksgiving. Okay, I was the kind of vegetarian who just didn’t like meat in tomato sauce. Our voice may be small but our numbers are great.


I don’t know who to tag because I always think if I tag someone they’ll hate me, or if I don’t tag them they’ll hate me. So this is an opt-in tag. Feel free to find your alter ego and tell us ten things you dislike. However I would love to see toyfoto and tracey’s take on hatred, if only because they’re so upbeat all the time.

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