“When I’m a parent, I’ll never be one of those people who…oh wait. Scratch that.”

We’ve become Those Parents who trot our child out and ask her to perform for company.

God help us.

It starts innocently enough – Thalia likes singing the goodbye song from school. She likes showing company how many rhymes she can make. (Telelphone…delephone!) She likes the knock knock jokes.

The next thing you know, we have a roomful of brunch guests, with Thalia at the center of them all, showing them her Dancey Dance moves and reciting the Redskins fight song.

And here Nate and I are justifying it, oh look, our guests are charmed! They think it’s great! They love our kids! Here we are not even contemplating for a moment that our friends are going to go walk out the door and before the elevator has reached the lobby, they’re going to be grabbing each other and saying, “Did we really just spend our entire Sunday listening to a three year-old rhyme ball with mall then tell us all about how she poops by herself?”

I think you could say we’re officially parents now. The plaque is on its way.


33 thoughts on ““When I’m a parent, I’ll never be one of those people who…oh wait. Scratch that.””

  1. Wait’ll you get the Karma Mom plaque that comes the first time you channel your own mother and her words – the ones you swore you’d never say to YOUR kids – come flying out of your mouth. Mine’s hanging on the wall in the kitchen.

  2. I misread at first. I thought you had written “The <>plague<> is on its way”, indicating that you considered your official parenthood to be one of the signs of the apocalypse.

  3. mine liked to sing I want a Hippopotamus for Christmas…I’m sure joy was leaking from the eye of every guest. LOL

  4. I remember this stage with my older son. His father taught him all kinds of things to say and do that HE thought was funny & would then make him “show off” in front of our family & friends. I am sure my younger son is destined for the same fate…

  5. I used to tell people “She’s not a monkey!” when they tried to get my daughter to do something, but now that she’s actually saying words I’m the one saying, “What’s on Mama’s shirt? An owwll!? That’s right! Did you hear that?”

  6. Be careful, Liz. There’s fine line between parading the kids around at cocktail parties and becoming the next Lynne Spears! FYI…I’m sure your guests would be much more amused by the outfits you and the Mister were wearing on Saturday night!

  7. Oh shit. I think we’re those parents too.I remember thinking to myself, I’m never going to be one of those moms who walks around for hours without noticing the spit-up on her outfit. Yeah..I’m that mom now too.

  8. when you are done with the plague and had your name engraved, send it this way (I should be shunned by my friends, totally shunned for the dog and pony we do).

  9. Johnathan had me scroll back up. I thought it was plague too. I remember having to sing “Away in a Manger” to some relatives at home because I was going to be the head angel in the nativity at school. It would have been a perfect chance to show off, had I not completely forgotten the words.

  10. OMG! I am so one of those parents now!My husband is producing a Broadway show for the Christmas holiday and Lucy could easily be in the finale and I have been secretly “encouraging” her for the last couple of months to get her ready to make her “Broadway debut”. (When I say, “Broadway debut” I make the jazz hands.) I’m afraid I might become one of those stage moms that end up on Sally Jesse Raphael.Seriously, stop me before I start dragging her to auditions and making her wear lip gloss to preschool. Kim

  11. I’m certain she’s absolutely charming. But I have three performance artists of my own who keep me captivated, so I might be a bit biased in favor of kiddie-tertainment.

  12. I’m sure the guests are totally charmed. It only gets bad when you start having her play full length concertos while everyone waits for brunch.

  13. Yeah, it’s impossible to resist–we swore that we’d never have our children be performing monkeys, but we do. Can’t be helped. Maybe people with dull and uninteresting children can refrain?

  14. i'm terrified & quite sure i'll be falling into this.she's 4mos old, and when gramma & grampa come over, i'm all “smile! c'mon… smile”oh god.

  15. whoops….i suppose teaching my son my college fight song (Purdue) and having him raise his hands at the end falls into this category??? Is it really our fault as parents that they are so darn cute?

  16. ROTF!! Oh, yes, they’re probably saying, “Let’s come over next time after the kid’s in bed, not before.”

  17. Too funny! Our son (almost 4) has always been rather shy but our 21 month old foster daughter is quite gregarious and has no problems showing perfect strangers how she can “shake her booty” when we turn the music on. I’m sure our friends laugh with us just to be kind. 🙂

  18. Your daughter sings the <>Redskins fight song<>? You should be reported.

  19. I was about to write “Who wouldn’t love to hear the Redskins fight song?” Then I read DallasCowboyFan’s comment. So far, we’ve taught the Pumpkin to say “Go Redskins!” and hubby is working on the fight song. We think it’s adorable. 😉When I try to get our 20 month old to do or say things for other people, I always add, “Dance, monkey, dance!”

  20. my mom refers to my two year old daughter as Mommy’s little puppet!! I look at it this way…. I made her and i can screw her up if i wanna!!! If you come to my house it is just required you will have to see her use her finger as a microphone and sing Islands in the stream!!!

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