Category Archives: ranting

The Slutty Halloween Costume Test

Let’s be honest, it takes a whole lot of creativity to avoid the societal (or Ricky’s) pressure to be a slutty nurse, slutty fairy, slutty cop, slutty flapper, or slutty Freddy Krueger on Halloween.

You only think I’m joking.

slutty costume, ho!
Because when I think sexy, I think serial killer. Rowr.

My non-blogging friend Jennifer (there are a few left) just had a hilarious Facebook thread about the proliferation of slutty costumes for women and it reminded me of my Halloween Test – The theory that the quality of any given school is directly correlated with how unwhore-like the female students are dolled up for Halloween.

I’m proud to say that the nearest private school to my apartment, the one I’d dream to send my kids to (but I’d be able to afford, um, never) scores very high on the list.

While most teenage girls use trick or treating as an opportunity to crack open the fishnets and experiment with pushup bras that they most certainly do not need, these students will come knocking at our door on Saturday night showing off only their creativity. No doubt we’ll see a some political humor, an Octomom, the cast of The Office, and a Balloon Boy or two. It makes me want to call each of their parents and say, you did good!

I don’t remember ever being too provocative for Halloween myself. I recall being Bucky Dent in fifth grade, a punk rocker back in 1980 (I was ahead of my time), and right out of college I went as type. Helvetica reverse, to be specific. Christina will tell you about the time I was Kriss Kross at work and wore all my clothes backwards. Not a proud moment. And if I’m to date myself, I can say that that same year, my boyfriend and I went as Woody Allen and Soon-Yi going to the prom.

Although there was one year I went as a white trash Jerry Springer talk show guest. That was pretty slutty I guess. In fact, the guy who asked me out at that party seemed disappointed the following week at dinner when I didn’t actually have big blonde hair and wear acid washed denim skirts with white pleather go-go boots.

Uh, it was a costume?

As for my own girls, I’m kind of hoping the whole slutty Halloween costume thing jumps the shark by the time they’re old enough to think about it because for now, they are sadly, hopeless ordinary in the Halloween creativity department.

I had visions of a Frieda Kahlo and Salvatore Dali – both of whom share my girls’ birthdays. I imagined the women of Mad Men. Last year, Sage was the Naked Chef.

Their choices this year? Princesses.

Go figure.