It’s funny how when death comes, it’s not what you think it will be.
This is it for Desi. Poor cat.
I’ve joked about her in the past and what a shitty pet she’s generally been, what with the hissing and the hairball puke all over the rug and the trying to eat anyone who comes through the door. But for 16 years and 7 months she’s been my shitty pet.
Saturday morning I took the old girl to the vet, after realizing she hadn’t touched her food (unheard of) in ages and seemingly of nowhere, she’s become just a wisp of her former gloriously obese self. She’s not quite walking straight, her fur is spiking out in unnatural angles, and she’s certainly lost her feisty streak. When I nudged her off the coffee table, she didn’t let out that trademark toxic hiss–just stumbled and landed on her side before scuttling away, defeated.
And then there’s the matter of the fist-sized growth on her back.
It’s time.
I walked back into the apartment, trailing big clumps of black cat hair behind me as I confirmed the prognosis with Nate. The doctor had given her a steroid shot to ease the pain until we could make the decision to let her go and that decision should be made sooner than later.
Never did I expect to be this emotional, to burst into tears as I relayed the information. I suppose I have spent a lot of time thinking what a burden Desi was, and really very little thinking what things would be like without her. How I’d miss those nights alone in bed when, like a magical stuffed animal who comes to life just for a child, Desi would curl up on my chest, lick my neck and purr herself to sleep, releasing the sweet inner kitten she revealed only ever to me.
I set down in the duffel with which I had transported the cat, while Thalia, who loves every unlovable beast on this planet, squealed and scurried up to pet her. As if Desi were still fat and healthy. As if she had ever reciprocated Thalia’s affections even one bit. Thalia never saw her as others did. Thalia never questioned whether Desi was worthy of her love–she just loved her.
“Desi, doctor,” she said as she pressed her face against Desi’s mangy fur in an that cheek-hug that toddler’s do.
“That’s right, Thalia. Desi is feeling sick and so we took her to the doctor.”
“Desi, doctor.”
“That’s right.”
“Desi alllllll better.”
“Yes, sweetie. Soon she’ll be all better.”
Probably tomorrow.
Better days
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Sorry to hear about your cat. It is always a tough decision even if she wasnt the happiest cat in the world.
Sooo sorry. I have a big furry crabmonster myself, what a hard thing to have to do…My condolences…
It’s a hard choice, but I think ultimately it’s the braver, more loving one. Sorry you lost her, but glad you loved her enough to let her go.
I swear, it’s the hardest thing ever to do. I had to put my 9 month old kitten to sleep years ago, and I still think of that day as one of the most difficult of my life. She knew you loved her, even if she was an enormous pain in the rear. She had a good life.
Oh, I’m so sorry. My cats were my first babies. I understand and I know how hard this is.
Poor Desi. Glad you’re all getting your snuggles in.
Oh, that hurts.I know. Huge hug.
Aw, sweetie.I’m sorry. Thinkin’ of you.
I’m so sorry. I have a “Desi” too… same satanic temperament, same propensity to barf over everything, same unlovable demeanor… and yet I know when I have to make this decision, it will be heart wrenching. Feeling for you.
Hug her tight. I’m so sorry.
I’m really sorry, letting a pet go, even when it’s the right thing to do, is so hard. They’re members of our families. Hugs to you.
Awww…that’s really hard. In the last ten years I’ve had to put down two cats and it was torture every time. I’m so sorry about your Desi.
As someone who was raised with no real pets at all (save for an arthritic parakeet who only loved my father), nothing surprised me more than how easily I became to the animals that were a very natural part of my fiance-now-husband’s life. How very easily they get under your skin and become one of the family, even when they stop exhibiting the traits that made you fall in love with them in the first place. The death of every cat we’ve had has been a surprisingly big blow for me. Even when their death comes from doing what the doctor says is best for them. There’s going to be a Desi-sized hole in the world this week and I can’t tell you how sorry that makes me. Hugs to you.
how easily I became ATTACHED. Hands too fast. Brain too slow.
I’m so sorry, Liz. 16.5 years is long enough to get pretty damn attached. Peace.
Poor Desi. It’s hell gettin’ old. 16.5 years? I’d say that’s a helluva good run.
I’m so sorry about Desi. I had to put our much-loved dog down earlier this year and it was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. Sending you hugs.
Oh, I’m so sorry. What a hard thing to have to do.
ugh, that’s tough. I live in stark denial that my pets — the firstborn to my wife and I — aren’t immortal, and I can’t imagine how hard it must be to have to say goodbye.
Oh dear. I’m sorry you have to do this. But Desi was very lucky to have very wonderful owners.
Aww. I am sorry to hear that. I don’t get very attached to animals, but I am always sad to see them go. But 16.5 years? Damn. That was one lucky, 9-lived cat.
So sorry
I don’t know if you saw my post “Good night, my princess of Kansas City,” but I had to put down my beloved 18-year-old Sybil Louise in June. Almost killed me. I feel for you, babe.
Speaking as a woman who has the cremated ashes 0f her 20 year old cat “Nutso” in her closet and who moves said ashes from place to place since he died in 1994?I feel ya, babe.Or maybe I just unwittingly revealed myself to be super strange.
The first time I ever saw my father cry was the day we put my first dog to sleep. I was 13, and we’d had her long before I was born.Thalia will remember her, and so will you.
I’m so sorry, Liz.
Aw Liz, I’m so sorry
Even delinquent cats are hard to say goodbye to. I’m thinking of you.
Oh no. I’m so sorry about your furry babe. The ONLY time I’ve seen my dad cry was when our family dog died. Not even when his own parents died. Pets are so special.
One of my cats snuggled next to me in bed this morning, then when I got up to go to the bathroom (too much information, I think not), I came back and he was completely centered on my pillow, having stolen my entire spot in bed. I thought about taking a picture of him right there because no matter how they drive you nuts, they’re still yours.I am soooo very sorry for your loss.
I’m so sorry, Liz.
I’m sorry, Liz. It is never easy to lose a pet. I’m thinking of you and your family.
Aw, man. Losing pets is awful. I hope you guys are doin’ alright!
I recently < HREF="http://www.diaryofadiaperingmadwoman.com/2007/07/ode.html" REL="nofollow">lost the dog<> I grew up with.It is so sad to lose a pet. Hope you feel better soon.
I get it. I really do. Even though Des hated my ankles too. She was YOUR cat for sure. I would always be amazed to see you scoop her up and hold her or pet her; it was if she transformed before my very eyes into a sweet pet. The fact that she was always gentle and safe with Thalia also proves to me that she knew to be careful with the one most important to your heart. I’m so sorry for you and hope Desi gets to spend eternity in a comfy space, with a big window through which to watch things.
I am so, so, so sorry. Today I’m crying extra tears for you because I have sat and held the head of a pet that I had to let go. And I’m glad I was there until the very end.It is so hard to say goodbye even when it is absolutely the right thing to do.
I’m so sorry. Amazing how quickly they go downhill, isn’t it?And it’s always sad. No matter how irritating they could be over the course of daily life, it’s not easy to let them go.
I have only seen my husband cry once…when we had to put our 17 year old dog to rest. Knowing it is the best thing for the pet doesn’t makeit any easier. I am so sorry for you and Desi.
So sorry… Doesn’t matter how crotchety she was: she’s your cat. My condolences…
Noooo. Ack. So sorry. Wishing her a sunny spot to rest in.
I’m sorry, Liz.
I am so sorry, Liz. I just lost (literally, have no idea what happened to him) a cat, one who pissed on my bed more times than I can count and routinely bit me if I stroked him for too long, and the loss is horrible. It’s one of those loves that we’re not supposed to feel so profoundly, they are just <>animals<> (not my words), but we do. Even if they are insufferable little shits.
It doesn’t matter how right it is, it still hurts. Your post hit home because I’m approaching a time when I know I’ll be also faced with making the same decision. Thalia may not be old enough, but there is a really great book called Cat Heaven by Cynthia Rylant. I got it when we had to euthanize our cat Loki two years ago – it was good for me AND my (at the time) 5 year old daughter (there is also one called Dog Heaven for dog owners).
Every time I met Desi she hissed at me.I will miss it.I really will.
I’m so sorry.I can’t type any more because I have this overwhelming need to bury my face in my dog’s belly.I wish I could hug ya Liz….
ditto, what everyone else said.
I love and find it fascinating how pets fill such a huge void in our lives.
I have been here.And it sucks.Hugs to you, and the girls, and Desdemona.
Heartbreaking. I’m sorry you’re losing your kitty. Putting down my dog was singularly the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life.Many hugs to you and Nate and the kids…I know she is part of the family.
heartbreaking
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