As I become increasingly fed up with the lack of decency and and the proliferation of self-centeredness in the world, I have found myself becoming New York’s own common courtesy enforcer.
Or as I like to think of it, The Etiquette Bitch.
I feel a little like the Bernie Goetz of thoughtfulness, although without the gun. And the whole [cuckoo! cuckoo!] thing.
It started innocently enough with my growing annoyance at litterers. Occasionally I’d approach the culprit and smile sweetly, “I think you dropped this,” gesturing towards the candy wrapper on the subway track or ATM receipt on the sidewalk. Nate hated this, fearing I’d–or more likely he’d–get stabbed one day. He’s probably right. It might not be worth it to die over litter.
Recently on the subway, a middle-aged gentleman hobbled on with crutches and no one stopped to offer him a seat. Standing myself, I leaned over the healthiest, youngest looking seat mates and asked if someone might offer him one. Three people looked the other way, but the teenage girl with the nose ring obliged me. The guy on crutches didn’t so much as offer me a smile in return.
I started to wonder why I bothered, or whether I did the right thing. I figure well, a guy on crutches deserves to sit down. Even if he is a jerk on crutches.
But this past Monday, I was walking with Thalia to the playground when a couple in a brand new SUV pulled over and parked. Right in the middle of two choice parking spots Move up!” I called to him. He ignored me.
“Move up!”
Nothing. I pushed Thalia’s stroller right up to the driver-side door. He rolled the window down tentatively while his wife wondered what this crazy woman with the toddler could be asking for.
“I’m sure you didn’t realize,” I smiled, “but you’re taking up two spaces. If you pull up, then someone else can park behind you. There’s not a whole lot of parking in this neighborhood.” He pulled up about two feet.
“All the way forward!” I gestured. Annoyed and I think a little befuddled, he inched forward a bit more then turned off the ignition still with a good five feet between his front bumper and the car in front of him. At that point I gave up. At least the neighborhood Mini Cooper would have a parking space.
“What happened mommy?” Thalia asked as we turned the corner headed towards the playground. “What did that man do?”
“Well sweetie, some people just aren’t that good at sharing.”
“So you are telling him to share?”
Suddenly I felt completely stupid. Who am I to tell him anything? It’s not like he’s going to walk away thinking hm, I think I WILL park more considerately next time! It’s not like the litterers will think twice before tossing that used MetroCard on the sidewalk or the seat-hoggers will be any more considerate. Mostly, they’ll just walk away muttering something nasty about me.
At minimum though, I was hoping Thalia learned a little something. Well, something more than the fact that her mom is a self-righteous Etiquette Bitch with a low threshold of tolerance for inconsiderate asses.
As we got close to the playground, a jogger stopped me.
“Hey, did you just actually tell that guy back there to move his car?”
“Um…yeah. Yeah I did. You saw that?”
“Well that is just awesome!” she laughed as she headed up the brownstone steps to her front door. “I can’t wait to tell my husband. He’s always doing stuff like that.”
“Really? That’s great!”
“Oh yeah.” she said. “Aaaalways. He’s going to be so glad he’s not alone.”
[Junk Food Mr. Rude tee via 80stees.com]
77 shards of brilliance… read them below or add one
BRAVO!!! Don’t ever stop being the Etiquette Bitch! I’m right there with you! I’ve decided that while the inconsiderate selfish prigs out there will not change even if I say something, I will be teaching my kids that doing the right thing MATTERS. Even if it’s not easy or popular. SO proud of you!!!!!
Wow, what a great name for it–”The Etiquette Bitch”. And here I was, just calling myself “The Bitch” when I’d do stuff like that. Adding in the “Etiquette” just gives it that certain little bit of class.Double parkers of the world, beware.
You need to start an Etiquette Bitch club or have a column, I would definately join that club!
Mocha, I’m often AFRAID to say “excuse me”, being pathologically shy and sick of getting the big evil-eyed glare and (if I’m lucky) a huffy, grudging move-over to let me by. I figure polite people would anticipate my need on my own, otherwise it’s just easier for someone like me to find another way around.
I took a walk through my seedy neighborhood last week, and was so annoyed. I kept wondering, “Why, why, WHY do working class folks screw up the good stuff we have by tossing garbage everywhere?” We have nicer sidewalks than a lot of ritzier neighborhoods, but they are covered in litter. It shows such a lack of pride.
izzymom has the funny chinese translated signs + 1 of them is on a bus in china that says “offer the seat to the old, crippled,…see them all here:http://izzymom.com/2008/06/20/lost-in-translation/
I love this. I’m usually thinking that I’m going to get stabbed, but I do stuff like picking up the newspaper and handing it to the seatmate getting off the train – “you forgot this”.
You are awesome. Seriously.Backpacking dad, you are also awesome. Standing ovation to you both!motherhood uncensored: not necessarily, they could have been from Westchester. Sometimes I feel like we are the only family with children who don’t own an SUV here :-p
You are so NOT alone! Good job. I’m afraid that someday we’ll all wake up and all of the manners in this world will have gone by the wayside. It’s takes people like you (and me most of the time) to remind the rest of the world. If they don’t like it…too bad. It’s not like they are going to tell us that POLITELY!I just stumbled into your blog. I’m completely enjoying it. Thank you. - Lisa (a fellow Mommy blogger)
I am glad you told him. And if he does it again, I feel you are completely justified to deliver a bitch-slapping.
Oh I just love this post. You are so much like me. I embarrass my son and my husband to no end because I’m forever trying to ‘help’ people to see the error of their ways.My pet peeve is people who park their cars over sidewalks so those of us with strollers or wheelchairs have to go out into a busy street and those people who leave sprinklers running to waste water and have those sprinklers going over the sidewalks. Why water the concrete? Ugh.
i do that kind of stuff all the time.once, i saw a man basically beating the crap out of his girlfriend in the walmart parking lot–i know, classy–and i walked up to him and requested that he take his domestic violence home so that the rest of us don’t have to watch him be an asshole.he responded that “he would give ME some domestic violence” or some other such witty thing.i got in my car, locked the doors, and called the police.for the record, i would have called them anyway…but i just couldn’t keep my damn mouths shut. as always.
I’m the same way. and I didn’t think about the possibility of being stabbed until the other day…I was telling my mom about a woman who was almost rude to my 3 year old at the park who I didn’t say anything to and how annoyed I was that I didn’t say anything. and my mom was like, “and you never know how someone like that will react.” oh yeah. but it’s worth the risk!!!
This must be going around. A few weeks ago, I walked up to someone who dropped their cig butt at the bus stop and tried to give it back. I’m pretty sure they thought I was ‘special’. Another person I said to pickup their garbage actually picked it up and dropped it in the trash can. To practice what I preach, I have been walking in front of people and picking up garbage at the bus stop lately. No one else joins in. Let them think I’m special.
I love you, Liz! You keep on being the Ettiquette Bitch. I’ll do my part in DC. You too, Backpacking Dad! That was awesome!What is wrong with people anyway? Urg!
Okay, so now I’m envisioning you at BlogHer tapping me on the shoulder and saying sweetly, “Um, excuse me, I don’t think you were actually <>invited<> to this Nintendo party.” Am I right?
I think the people will remember. Whenever I’ve been shamed by a stranger correcting me, I definitely remember the next time and think, “I don’t want to let my son open the gate to the playground and meet me at the car all by himself because someone might stop him and tell him to stay put and then identify me as a bad mother.”
I do shit like that all the time. I can’t help myself. It’s like a disease. But, I bet on some level it helps because next time maybe the guy will think “damn, I hope some crazy bitch doesn’t yell at me for taking up two spaces” and he’ll move up a bit more.
You live in New York and you do this?? Wow. Wouldn’t it just be easier to paste a sign on your chest that says, “Stab me”?(Don’t get me wrong, I think what you’re doing is great, but I lived in Manhattan for 20years and I always did the no eye contact thing.)
http://www.youparklikeanasshole.com/To aid you in your fight.
According to GoDaddy, http://www.etiquettebitch.net is available.I’m just saying.
SUCH a pet peeve of mine when people take up two perfectly good parking spaces in the city. I’ve come close to wanting to slash their tires — esp. after I’ve circled block after block looking for a spot to park my own darn car. It’s so selfish!
hey just wanted to say that when your a mom don’t be stupid bitch of a mother like mine. Don’t kick your child out of her bathroom, don’t idolize your younger daughter and treat your other daughter like shit. and if they don’t talk to you about things,its not them its you. o and dont come into there room 5 min later after a fight and just act like nothing is wrong. sry if this has nothing to do with anything im just realy mad.
My boyfriend is notorious for doing these exact same things. He will leave notes on peoples cars who have parked incorrectly with the number to the local driving school.The greatest gift I have given him is that of my son, because now he can talk to him loudly about other peoples bad behavior, an example:“People who have no consideration for others Ethan walk diagonally in a parking lot. People who think they are more important than the rest of the world take up entire aisles with their shopping carts and stare at loaves of bread for 30 minutes while preventing any other shopping cart traffic from having the ability to travel.”He also has made signs up to hold up to other inconsiderate drivers on pieces of cardboard about the proper use of turn signals and how to appropriately manage a four way stop. < HREF="http://www.thriftywench.com" REL="nofollow">Steffie<>
HSBF does that all the time . . . 1. we were driving on 35, going about 80 mph when some ass hat in front of us threw litter out her window. as we passed her, HSBF wrote in on my errand pad in black sharpie marker “LITTER-ER!!!!”2. HSBF went to the bathroom at a restaurant as i saw him coming back to the table, he followed some guy to his table and said something. when i asked him what he said, HSBF replied “i told him he might want to wash his hands before eating his dinner.” ICK!*HSBF is from Brooklyn, does that have anything to do with it? =D
Thank you for doing this. I do things like this in hopes that my nieces and any of the children I babysit will learn to be respectful to other people as well as the environment. It kills me sometimes to see how disrespectful people treat others. What happened to love one another and treat others as you would want to be treated. Are people just that inherently bad or am I one of the few that think so much could be solved if everyone was just nice to each other and did at least one thing nice for someone every day.
I have recently found you and without a doubt addicted to your blog. What is more, I feel like we are comrade in arms! I find the indifference of people to those around them to be disgusting! My pet peeve is the lack of consideration when a person steps behind a wheel. Living in the DC area has it's tribulations. However, recently I had to write a freaking note and post it (on mirror AND on the inside of stalls) for the women that share the bathroom on the floor of the building I work in. Wet paper towels on floor, crumpled TP, eaven – get this – used seat covers (gross!) left on the seats of the commodes. Seriously! Grown, cultured and EDUCATED women pulling this crap. Signed it even.
As long as I have the energy and the ambition, I'll keep at it and I appreciate others like yourself that do the same. It makes me feel far less alone.
Thank you-thank you- thank you!!