This must just be my week to encounter the asshats of the world.
The location: Target, Brooklyn
The Aisle: Bath Accessories
The asshattery: I narrowly avoid a half a half-eaten hot dog, some tin foil and several mustard-stained napkins on the floor. Just in front of me, two girls maybe 5 and 7 glancing back at the offending detrius and giggling. Their mother, oblivious, pushes a shopping cart ahead of them.
“Excuse me, did you drop this?” I ask. (Nicely. Nicely! I promise.)
The girls freeze.
“Did you drop this?”
“No,” the older one says not entirely convincingly. She then points toward her sister. “SHE did.”
“Well don’t you think maybe you should pick it up?”
They run to catch up with their mom who glares at me with such venom, you’d have thought I was asking them to pick up my own garbage.
“Just leave it there, girls, ” she hisses without taking her eyes off of me. Her eyes linger on me for a moment longer before she turns and continues down the aisle.
“EXCUSE ME,” I call out, in prime scene-making mode. I scurry to catch up with her. “Your girls DROPPED GARBAGE ALL OVER THE FLOOR. Don’t you think maybe you should encourage them to clean up after themselves?”
She ignores me, making a beeline towards the elevator.
I give up.
I’m shaking now, more angry than frustrated. Not at the bad manners of the planet’s denizens, because yeah, there’s a ton of that. But because here are two little girls who are going to grow up with no conscience, no manners, no respect for themselves or others, and wonder why the world just isn’t bestowing upon them all the riches and joy that are, of course, owed to them.
In my mind, I run up to the woman and tell her all this. In my mind, I snatch up that disgusting half-eaten hot dog, fling it into her cart and shout something exceedingly clever and impactful that I just can’t think of right here.
In my mind, a crowd of nearby shoppers then breaks into spontaneous applause, mothers sing my praises to their children, a manager shakes my hand and offers me a free $500 gift card towards my next Target purchase. Then George Clooney appears and whisks me away to Lake Como.
(Oh, my mind is a very wonderful place. Come visit sometime, won’t you?)
You know, here we are, we parent bloggers, all so painfully introspective. We discuss every nuance of parenting, wondering whether we praise our kids too much or breastfed too little. We debate the media children are exposed to, we bemoan the amount of time we give to our babies when there’s work to be done, we feel guilty for wanting a little of ourselves back. Meanwhile, there’s an entire subset of parents out there who haven’t even bothered to teach their kids page one of Rules We Live By In This World So that We Don’t Suck.
I think I’m getting my period.
89 shards of brilliance… read them below or add one
Cripes there are 50 “shards” that even I can’t wade thru so feel a little silly posting EXCEPT to say your post does allow me to forgive myself – ad nauseum – for whatever it is I have guilted myself out about as a mom. Even today, when I was on the computer waaaay too long. (So, he watched Sesame Street on-demand a LOT today… its PBS, right? At least I kick his ass if he dared litter ever ever ever) And then just think about how YOU are off setting your own carbon footprint by picking that crap up. You made mommies everywhere realize they actually DON’T suck. And took care of the environment. It’s a two-fer, really. Right? Hope can plow thru the PMS, it’ll be over before ya know it. Great post, as always.
Dutch (hi Dutch!) I love you for questioning this. I’ll concede on one of your points – that her embarrassment led to her reaction.Trust me when I assure you there were other indicators that this was not some mom with otherwise polite kids having a lapse, but more likely a pattern of disrespect cultivated by disrespectful parents. The fact that I asked them ever so sweetly to pick up garbage and they showed not an ounce of remorse or embarrassment (while certainly old enough) is a pretty good indicator. I know my own daughter knows when she’s done something wrong and shows it. These kids were defiant. I suppose I assume a certain amount of trust from my readers which kept me from sharing all details. I can only say I’m no sanctimommy. If I were I’d have called her out on feeding her kids hot dogs too. Kidding!
Is it only me that thinks that eating while walking round the shop is not on? I’m not American though.
Funny… as I read the beginning of the post, I thought you were going to call her out on the hotdogs! (And actually, that would have been funny given your proclivities for Walters.)I say, go girl. You totally did the right thing. Just don’t go get yourself hurt some day by the mom or driver (refering to the first ediquette post) who fights back. People are frigin crazy these days.
I never meant to insinuate you were in the wrong, liz, just want to emphasize that.but some people just don’t handle confrontation well. I’m one of them. when I have been scolded in public for something related to my kids, I have gone apeshit. the reality is no one knows exactly what’s going on with a stranger and maybe it’s just a really terrible day, and really: when is having to go to target with two kids a good day? I know people are always judging me. I just prefer when they keep it to themselves.
Dutch, I’m of the mindset that we all have a collective responsibility as members of the community, and sometimes that entails telling children kids not to litter, not to hit, not to throw rocks at a squirrel in a park. I didn’t scold them; I simply asked them to pick up their garbage. It blew me away that the mother didn’t agree with me.
Here’s me giving you a standing ovation!!!I have been in that situation several times. Sadly, it seems to be a global thing…I live in Manila, married to an American, but I grew up all over Asia and in the US, and I’ve had similar experiences everywhere.I know exactly what you mean, that same mental vision has gone through my head and on occasion, without my 2 yr old, I have even caused a scene out of frustration. Thanks for putting that out there.BTW I love your blog!
OMG I can’t believe the nerve of that woman, if somebody came up to me and told me my child had done something wrong, not only would the child have been given a lecture then and there about what is appropriate and what is not, but they would have been made to go and fix whatever the problem is. Some parents just have no idea how to raise responsible human beings. Ugh, I feel so mad for you.I would have found a store worker told them of the offending mess and happily pointed out who left it there.
This is not related to your post at all but I don’t know where else to write a comment. I started reading your blog about 2 months ago and read the entire blog in 4 days! (I hardly slept). You need to write books lady! I read your blog because I related to your pre-mommmy days and really wanted to know how you transitioned. About 4 days after I read the entire blog I found out I was pregnant. So now I will continue reading because as you know I need all the tips I can get. All in all I just wanted to thank you so much for writing and please don’t ever stop at this point I don’t know what I would do with out you !
Wow, loved the post and I agreed with almost all the comments. I am pretty hard on my girls. I expect them to act right. But, there are the times that I’ve had the reaction to confrontation like Dutch said. So, I see both points. Great discussion though. Patty
YOU’RE SO RIGHT ABOUT THE SUBSET. Sorry, my kid put me on caps lock and I would have taken it off but it actually suited my feelings.
Oh c’mon Dutch. Your whole argument is moot because we all know Juniper would never be eating a hot dog in the first place.
And if she did toss it on the floor (which, again, I highly doubt that would happen, unless she was experimenting with some scientific cause and effect lesson that you had just taught her in Latin), you’d come up with some way better response than telling her to just leave it.You’d at least have told her to toss it at Liz or something smart like that.
Wow, are you sure you aren’t pregnant? That kind of anger wells up in me all the time when I am pregnant. I recently screamed at a teenager in her car that I was calling 911 because she was driving so recklessly. She of course heard me b/c she had her window down to throw her cigarette butt out of the car.
Your penultimate paragraph said it all to me. So many of us are so hard on ourselves, wondering about every little thing that we do and the repercussions. We need to relax a bit, and be glad that our children would never throw garbage on the floor of the store, and if they did, there would be consequences greater than an angry stranger with visions of George Clooney in her head confronting us. Go us.
Keep fighting the good fight. That’s all we can do. Lead by example. Love the blog.
sadly, i’m not shocked. i faced a similar attitude at a target in brooklyn. may have been the same one. i can’t believe the nerve some parents have.
I’m kind of with Dutch here, and trying to give this mom the benefit of the doubt. Is it possible one of these girls picked up the hot dog off the floor (dropped earlier by someone else) and tried to shove it at her sister? And was told by the mom to drop it? Or is it possible that the situation was somehow different than you perceived it?While I totally agree with the concept of picking up your own mess, I would have big huge issues with someone (a stranger, no less) correcting or verbally disciplining my kids, even in a nice way. Talk to ME, tell me my kid is an a-hole or that he threw food on the floor, but do NOT talk to my kid. If so, I might have done just what this woman did.
THE SCENE: Yonkers.From the window of McDonalds–seriously don’t judge–this guy and his trampy girlfriend walked to their car which was parked in the spot they STOLE FROM ME. I should mention that his pants were worn below his underwear, I mean below his butt. He then proceeded to throw three cans of grape soda out of his car into the parking lot.I turned to my husband and relayed your bravery when dealing with the many a-holes you’ve encountered lately and wished that I could’ve done the same. What stopped me, the concern that maybe his pants were hanging so low because he had a gun in his pocket. I mean anyone who drinks grape soda, can they really be trusted.I salute you.
Mrs Davis, I’m sure you’re not alone here. If a stranger kindly (kindly) asked my daughter not to throw garbage/ tease the ducks/ trash the display in the store, my first reaction is generally to thank them and back them up; indeed my daughter shouldn’t do those things. But then, there are those times that I feel defensive, even if I know the stranger is right and her tone is not judgmental. When I feel defensive, I have to stop and ask myself why.
You are freaking hilarious! That is so funny. What a biiiiiatch.
Yay! I’m so happy you took a stand. It is ridiculous that people cannot pick up after themselves. I just stumbled your blog and I love it!
HOOOORRRAYYY FOR YOU, GIRL! Even tho she didn’t get her children to pick it up, I would like to think that she was so embarrassed at that moment, she chose to ignore you, buuut…hopefully, just hopefully she will learn from this and teach her children better!!!!!!And btw…it’s nice to know other people have that “in my mind” thing going on;) Soo…George visits you in your mind too? LOL
I LOVE the Etiquette Bitch!
please have etiquette bitch t-shirts made so i can wear one in your honor.
Omg, yes! I need an etiquette bitch t-shirt. People would see it on me and say, “Yup, that’s about right.”
I would have picked up the hot dog and tossed it into her basket and said “I’ll be writing about you and your lack of MANNERS in my BLOG FOR THE WHOLE WORLD TO SEE. Nice to meet you. I’m the Manners BITCH.”
I am so proud of you! I am realizing more and more that it’s my and my husband’s responsibility to teach my daughter manners and morals, because the world certainly is not going to step up. If we can’t treat each other with respect, we’re one step from losing civilization.
Wow, I would have been livid.
Based on comments, and my own experience I have two questions/thoughts. 1. How in the hell is this happening? What the fuck went wrong with the world that people think that they themselves are most awesome, and that everyone else can suck their shit (litterally it appears). 2. If they are out breeding us, maybe I should get on that having another kid sooner than later. PMS may make me brave, but I’m always a bitch.
Good for you for saying something. And personally, I like the world in your head.I always say to my husband that I’m amazed so many kids survive. Here I am researching like a fiend to give my kid the best I can and I see toddlers eating raw meat in a grocery cart! In a way it puts it into perspective (calm down, most likely things will work out) but in another way it is just plain scary.Oh, and your advice on my CyberShower cracked me up, too. I gotta make more time to read you.
Cripes almighty.As someone in retail who deals with cleaning up ridiculous garbage constantly, nothing but a standing O from me.If I were that oblivious mom, I would have apologized both to you and the store, I don’t care how many hangnails I was suffering that day.Call me old fashioned, but there were two answers those girls should have given in that situation: “yes m’am” or “no m’am”. I’m thinking that very rarely do child predators groom their victims by admonishing them to clean up their crap. I’m also thinking that by 5 and 7 years old, this is a fairly straightforward distinction that can be taught: Bad people try to give you puppies and candy and try to lure you into the restroom to shave your head; good people remind you to pick up your trash.
Sorry…I made a leap there since my main concern with stranger approaching my children is in potential “grooming” situations. However, as I think that these situations are potentially so far and few between (knock wood) and that I’d much rather the help of “the village” in raising my children (me being supremely comfortable in my imperfect parenting, gosh, what a load off) and in being a good parent to them when they may be trying to pull a fast one on me when my back is turned. The little dears. I’d really rather my kids know that there are many adults – and other kids – out there that they can trust to also not allow them to get away with being Those Kind Of Kids. I think it’s comforting knowing that the world won’t allow you to backslide into heathendom, even if mom and dad aren’t around. Consistency. It’s what’s for dinner.
I agree that kids should pick up after themselves and treat adults respectfully. If that was my kid, that hot dog would be picked up! And if he was rude to another adult, I’d make him eat the damn thing.But.Can’t say I disagree with dutch on this one. If you caught me and my son on a bad day, it’s possible that I’d be that woman. It’s unfair to assume you know how that woman parents and how her kids are gonna turn out after one short encounter.
Anne, I totally understand the idea of a bad day. I have plenty – sometimes more often than good ones. I suppose the one aspect of my situation that’s missing from that argument though is that when an adult asks a young child nicely and is met with disdain, that’s not a bad day. That’s a lack of respect. And when the mom backs them up on their shitty attitudes, well I’ve got to believe there’s a causal relationship there.Let’s be honest, some parents are good parents having a bad day. Some parents are just not good parents.
Oh, yes. Brooklyn Target.I know that hell-hole-on-earth quite well, why do I end up back there again? Can’t I just do mail order? I am known for my public remarks at other people’s rudeness and Brooklyn Target may be the axis of all things rude and fluorecently lit. A few months ago I was in the towel isle and my (exhausted and hungry) child was screaming because the one and only cookie had fallen on the floor. I picked it up, brushed it off and handed it to him because nothing else in the universe would have worked. I didn’t realize that the 80+ year old Target Cookie Nazi was behind me and reprimanded me for giving my kid a (not really) dirty cookie. You are different. Rudeness and dumping garbage affects other people, my cookie did not affect this woman. I gave her an earful but felt a little bad about it later. That’ll learn me not to travel to Target without more than one cookie. Best maybe to avoid that place entirely.
all the while i am reading this the voice inside of me is YELLING YES YES finallynow i feel like i am not the only parent who thinks WTHeck are some of these people doingkudos and the part about your period ….made me laugh out loud
Yeah, yeah, the shitty etiquette started with the Mom…you should never blame your common sense on your period…wish I could have been that bold in similar situations. WHATEVS…what I can’t get over is this:You have an <>elevator<> at your <>Target<>?
I love grape soda! Thanks for the post – good discussion.
Reminds me of the time when I had to use a bathroom at a Long Island train station. There were two stalls, both taken. I waited outside and a girl came out. I went in, and the seat was covered in pee. So I went out again and waited for the other stall. A woman came out who was the girl’s mother and I went in. That seat was also covered in pee. I didn’t say anything but I probably made some sounds of disgust. What is it with people peeing all over seats and leaving it for the next person to deal with?