Next week I’m heading to a marketing conference in Las Vegas to speak on a panel about what moms are looking for when they hit the stores. Besides free full-body massages from Clive Owen with every purchase, of course.
I’m happy for the opportunity and I think it will be great experience – plus um, Vegas? Hello? I have half a mind to bet my remaining 401(k) savings on black. I figure my odds are close to what they’ll be if I let it fester in some mutual fund these days.
So yes, I’m excited. But I must confess — every time I get an email titled Re: Mommyblog Panel I kind of get all squirmy and squidgy inside.
I have spent countless posts exploring my discomfort with the term mommyblog. I hate it hate it hate it. I hate the diminutive. I hate the cutesiness of it all. I hate the fact that before you’ve even read a single post, it makes it beyond easy to dismiss a blog as being less clever/engaging/insightful/important as anyone else’s. (See also: “Oh those mommybloggers have nothing better to do than whine about some stupid Motrin ad.”) I especially hate that I’m being introduced to a roomful of Executives In Dark Suits, some of whom I’ve probably worked with in the past, as a mommyblogger.
Bah.
And then, just like that, spurred on by a twitter chat with Angie and Izzy, it became clear why, all in 140 characters or less:
Mommyblog describes the blogger and not the content.
Tech bloggers blog about tech. Food bloggers blog about food. Fashion bloggers blog about fashion.
I don’t blog about mommies.
(Except, ocassionally, the ones who suck.)
I do blog about parenting. Which, I suppose, makes me a parenting blogger.
That, I can live with.
How about you – love it? Hate it? Want to reclaim it? Want to shave your head and tattoo it across your bald scalp? Let’s call it my once a year check-in and all opinions are welcome. Besides, Executives In Dark Suits may be reading.
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Edited to add: The comments are so amazing! I love hearing how women choose to label themselves and then, how that conflicts with how marketers want to define you. Susan Getgood and Amy in Ohio bring up a wonderful point below about how “mommyblog” is so much about demographics. I think marketers are going to need some new terminology – There are so many kinds of blogging moms out there right now and yet we’re all on the same lists. Some write about politics, some about products, some about sex toys, some about freebies, some about homeschooling, some about health issues, some about design – and they all have “mom” in the title. And don’t forget the blog with dad in the title that’s written by a mom. Oh no! What’s a marketer to doooooo?
Edited again: The folks putting together the conference changed the panel name. It’s now called Marketing to Moms: A panel discussion with top bloggers. How great is that?
93 shards of brilliance… read them below or add one
I don’t think of myself as a mommyblogger. I have a child. And he’s a part of my life. My life about which I tend to blog. But…yeah. I tend to do some stuff besides “mommying” as well.
I am a parent, but I don’t ONLY blog about my life as it pertains to parenting, so I think I prefer the term “LifeBlogger.”
I don’t like the title, I never have. At the same time though, I’ve never come up with a better category for myself. I don’t really fit in any where else in the blogging world, unless I use that term. Even though I can go weeks between posts about my kids and I don’t post pictures, I don’t really fit anywhere else. I am just me. A crazy writer (I’m not overly fond of the word blogger) who happens to have kids.
Love the word mommy and use it to describe my blog about parenting young kids. But mommyblogger makes me squeamish, too. It’s a term used to describe many different types of blogs, most written by mothers, that cover some aspect of parenting. It does seem somewhat derogatory – as if we can all be lumped together because we’re a new category of writers. But mommyblogger is also a contradiction in terms to our social conscious. Isn’t “mommy” supposed to mean loving, caring, little arms wrapped around us, tuck them sweetly into bed at night, warm and fuzzy feelings? Not opinionated, whining, yelling (sometimes) our thoughts to the world online. Maybe it’s just that the terms mommy and blogger make for a strange fit. We’re defining the mommy job in our individual and boisterous voices to the whole world. There’s no easy way to package thousands of female writers who want to discuss this important role.
I am a writer. I am a photographer. I am a mother. I put words and pictures on a page that is sent in binary code throughout the world (potentially).And four people read it.I don’t really care what people define that as. I just hope my kids can find it all someday if they want to read it.
How about vagina bloggers? We all go that in common too.Do check out the Olympic Gardens with some girlfriends while in Vegas. Upstairs are the male strippers. They’re all soap opera stars and young models. So hot!
I don’t personally go by ‘mommy’, preferring ‘mom’ or ‘mama’. But all the same ‘mommyblogger’ doesn’t really bother me. Although, if asked, I will say I have a family blog. I write about my family, and things that interest us. It’s a little less, I don’t know, cutesy. So I feel somewhat better about that.
My guess is that it’s one of those words that wasn’t so bad at the beginning but is now being to marginalize (and I mean that lightly — certainly not how Queer, for example, was used to marginalize LGBT folks) moms who happen to blog. Regardless of what they blog about.So then do we decide to take it back and own it, or do we fight to redefine it or possibly change it?Truth is, there are some pretty freaking amazing mommybloggers who have done some pretty freaking amazing things. (Granted, they probably loathe the term too).But if you [collective]‘re using it to insult me or put me down, then I’m in some pretty damn good company.And I’ll just be flattered. And go back to writing about stuff that a lot of people seem to be interested in reading.(And I don’t mean “me” personally, but me as in the mommy blogging community in general)
I don’t like it when adults call grown women mommy, mama, etc… People do it to pregnant women, especially first-time pregnant women, all the time. I get that they’re trying to be affectionate and congratulatory (“Hey! you’re going to be a MOM!”) but mommy and mama should be reserved for use by children.I like the suggestions of lifeblogger, familyblogger, or parentblogger, even motherblogger or momblogger depending how central children are to the content.But, yeah, horse is out of the barn.
I don’t like the term “mommyblogger” for the same reason I don’t like “mommytrack”. Those aren’t one-size-fits-all labels.
Doesn’t bother me a bit! I can see how it would bother some moms if used in an annoying way though. I have been guilty of using the term mommy blog, but hopefully not in the way that makes your skin crawl!
We prefer “parenting bloggers” as well
Nice post, and this is a great blog, our first time here and we will definitely be back!
I’m in marketing myself but I hate being slipped into a demographic box. Was I a soccer mom after my kid quit soccer? Am I a horse blogger because I have a horsey blog? If I complain about people who wear flip flops despite clear evidence they shouldn’t am I a … podiatry blogger?I think there’s a desire to shortcut relationships, to pretend you know someone because you know some basics about them. I wonder, would shakespeare have been a drama blogger?
Oh Breathe,We’re all drama bloggers aren’t we.
Wouldn’t an interesting topic for this panel in Vegas be just this…the narrowing of marketing companies to “mommy” and therefore our distaste in being grouped as “mommybloggers”. I also cannot stand the term, my reason – it doesn’t define me well enough. I am a mom, but I also am a full time professional businesswoman, wife, head of household – the hubby travels too much to manage our monthly finances, keeper of all family relationships, dog owner, shopper of all things needed to survive, etc. I don’t see any of them any more important than another – although there are several that are more pleasurable to be. And even more ironic, Mom is the most recent addition to that list. I’d love to see a single marketing agency that has figured the complexity of who we women really are, and boy would I buy THAT product!
I have no idea what I am…mommyblogger, proffesional blogger, parenting blogger. You see I don’t think my blog has a clear enough focus. I have a 5, 10, and 13…I write about all three, post reviews, do giveaways. I sound like thousands of other bloggers. I feel as tohugh I need a hook to get people to regularly read what I post. So if mommyblogger fits the bill then I will take it. until then I will post, post, post…
Totally agree! “Mommy,” Mom, Mama, Ma is only one aspect/persona/role of mine. There’s lots more… entrepreneur, lifestyle manager, lawyer, wife, friend, daughter, sister in law. “Mommyblogger” doesn’t begin to capture it all!
I don’t care for Mommy in general unless my kids (or husband speaking to my kids) are saying it. It is generally used by others to be demeaning.Same thing with “mamma”. In Italy strangers will refer to me as “mamma” when speaking directly to me. I makes me incredibly uncomfortable. Especially when older men call me “mamma.” Ick.The mommyblog name doesn’t really bother me though. I guess because so many mommybloggers are such interesting, intelligent, strong women. The connotation for me is far removed from just mommy.
I am not a huge fan of the term. Sure I dig being a MOTHER, and have often introduced myself as such in appropriate situations, but I have never, ever introduced myself to anyone as a “Mommy” in real life, so why would I do so on the internet? My son calls me “Mommy” because I AM his “Mommy.” He’s a preschooler. When he says it to me, it’s adorable. When an executive in a suit approaches me thus, not so much.I try to avoid using the term by saying “mothers who blog” or “parents who blog” or “parenting blogger.” Sometimes I use mommyblogger when I’m being ironic (like when I was talking about forcing clueless marketers to learn how to change diapers while answering the phone at a mommyblogger-run conference the other day). Sometimes I use it when I’m in a hurry and in an environment where I’m worried people won’t understand what I mean if I don’t use that term. But I’m really tired of it. These days I spend a lot more time being a political blogger than a parenting blogger. And yet I’m still a “mommyblogger.” Are Jane Yolen, Barbara Kingsolver, and Margaret Atwood “mommywriters” because they happen to have children and may have at some point mentioned them in their writing? I don’t think so. I think this has a lot to do, not just with the idea that women’s work is worth less and that a mother’s work is worth even less than that of a woman without children, but also with the idea that writing on the internet is worth less than writing on a page.
I don’t like the term. Blogging is mostly hobby for me, though, so I don’t have a lot of interface professionally with it.If I did, though, I would certainly be conscious (and self-conscious?) about it. I love this comment thread, though.
I don’t really care about it. I see what you’re saying, but with all due respect, you have the word “mom” in your blog’s title, and you blog about being a mommy. Because that’s what it’s about, it’s not about parenting in the abstract–gathering tools and tips on parenting–that is true of sites like Parent Hacks, but not most “mommy blogs.”In my mind, the “mommy blog” gets more clout because people want to market to moms. So why not exploit it?
@abdpbt thanks for the respectful dissent. I’ve been having a similar conversation offline with another blogger who asked the same questions.I see a difference between mom and mommy – and clearly a lot of commenters here do too. I think that we owe it to each other as a matter of respect to refer to people in a way that makes them comfortable. And if writers time and again are finding limits with the term mommyblog, perhaps we owe it to them to consider if we can’t do better. I would disagree though that I blog about being a mommy. What I do is write about life with the lens of a mother. It’s a distinction I see as important. Sometimes that means yes, I share stories about my children or parenting. But I’m also interested in politics, culture, music, do-gooding, marketing trends, social media, advertising, and yeah, reality tv. (I’m also not sure that Parenthacks is all that abstract. I think what’s cool about it is the personal stories the readers bring to the site. But that’s for < HREF="http://parenthacks.com" REL="nofollow">Asha<> to talk about…)
I think everyone has a right to define themselves, but it does not always mean that your audience will agree with your definition. I would consider you a Mommyblogger, but I respect that you see yourself differently.
Selena – have to say I love that term you used “lifestyle manager”, reflects more with less words (odd for a lawyer…sorry, I couldn’t resist, I have many, many good lawyer friends). That one is going into my vocabulary.
I just read all the comments, and now I forget the question.Mommyblogger. Well, I agree with those who say that originally, it was a cutsie if somewhat belittling term used for mommies who just blogged about poops and being tired all the time. Or maybe blogs that were more personal scrapbooks gone public.Later, I heard the term and thought of it sort of ironically since so many of the “mommybloggers” are not just blogging about mommyhood or mommydom. I despised the term a bit.Now…I don’t know. I guess I’m feeling a bit “take back the night” in that there is real worth in all public writing or journaling beyond our narrow definitions of what is worthwhile writing, just as I’m am straining against the narrow definition of what it means to be a “worthwhile” woman. Mommy Plus is no necessary to be validated in any way. Motherhood is enough and shouldn’t be condescended to. The Internet seems to be one place where motherhood, the act of mothering gets a voice and becomes a science and art through the expression, even the expression of the sometimes mundane. “The excitingness of pure being” and “A rose is a rose is a rose is a rose.” It’s worthwhile because it is.That said, I have no idea how to market to us, or whether there is an us there to market to. We are people who are also raising children, sometimes writing about it. We are a voice. I’m not sure how that translates to cold hard cash.
I have never considered myself a “mommyblogger” even though a lot of my content is based on my life and my life revolves around my kids. I just consider it a personal blog. Of course that might get blanks stares at a blogging conference as well.
It does feel belittling. I prefer parenting blog, myself.
I love this discussion, Liz. Thanks for creating it.The part I struggle with, is that if any effort is made to disassociate with the term “mommy blogger,” it can be interpreted as somehow being embarrassed to identify as a mother at all.For me, and I think for most mothers-who-blog, that’s not the case. We’re not embarrassed to be mothers, but we’d prefer that “mother” not to be our only or our main label.
@designmom thank you so so much for making that point so concisely. I’ve been also struggling with that – it’s interested in how the term mommyblogger also brings up so many issues in terms of identity as a person-slash-mother.You are always so smaht.
Funny. Bossy is always overlooked as a Mommyblogger because people think of her as a humor/pop culture blogger, which means Bossy gets exactly zero of the perks of Mommyblogging, including participation on panels, and yet she IS a mommy.Controversies abound.
I don’t like the term for me personally because in my other life I used to have a byline and front page space and well, moving from my life as a journalist to a “mommy” and “blogger” well, it has taken some effort to swallow the term. I find the term dismissive and unable to capture the broad topics women who blog write about.I think there is an evolution going on…women who started out writing about their new lives as mothers have discovered new skills — writing, web design, consultancy, other businesses — and so the term “mommy blogger” doesn’t fit lots of bloggers who happen to be mothers.Excellent discussion.
Hi Mom 101. I agree that this is a very interesting discussion, and I think you hit the nail on the head when you shared the thought that the term mommyblogger describes a person not the content. I’ve never really thought of our blog being a mommyblog. I actually just call it a family blog when I mention it to friends (ususally so they can see the latest picture of our little guy.) Before Danny was born I blogged on our exact same blog we have now, and then as now it was just a collection of thoughts and stories. That’s really the content in my mind. Hmmm?? Stories. We could be Sloggers! Hmm… Sounds tiring don’t you think? But it is better than if we went for Family Bloggers and called ourselves Floggers right?
Just my two cents. -Monica
i’m a mommy. i have a blog. i am NOT a mommyblogger. i don’t only blog about being a mommy. actually…i blog more about sex. so i guess i’m a sexblogger. and i blog about my husband…who can be a bit, oh what’s the politically correct term i’m looking for…stupid.i think that i should be defined as a sexymomofastupidhusband blogger. there…i redefined myself!
If you are down on the term “mommyblogger”, are you down on the term “mommy”?
They changed the panel name for you? That my friend is street cred, LOL. Let me go on record that I’d let someone call me wt mommy blogger if they’d fly me to vegas where I could hang out with you. Can you imagine the people watching fun we’d have?co
PS The Dead Kids and Dildos blogger is growing on me….
I honestly don’t care. It’s just a label, and it’s not very often that we ever like the label someone else gives us. I started blogging before I had children, and would have grouped myself in with the mommybloggers even back then. It’s just who I enjoyed reading.The label itself isn’t the problem. It’s the attitude behind the label. Calling ourselves something different won’t get us more respect. Doing something different will.
Honey, you simply are one of the most talented writers I know.
I think though there’s something to be said about working with brands correctly. If I do get free product and I do feature it on the blog, I always add value to the conversation. For food blog, I cook and test the recipe myself, do a photo shoot and usually record a podcast with the author. It’s a lot of work. And in the end, I think they get the better end of the deal, as the hours that I put into featuring something that I truly believe in is a little crazy.
Wait. Aren’t we going to be talking about this very topic in a couple of months at BlogHer!?
LOL. kisses,
jaden
Nick: Age old question. Mommy is a term for my children to call me. It’s cute. It’s a diminutive. And it has nothing to do with what I want to be called by other adults particularly in a professional context. I write about parenting so I’d prefer to be called a parenting blogger. It’s more accurate.
Jaden – couldn’t agree more. There are a lot of great ways to work with marketers in authentic ways that benefit your readers. You do it beautifully which is why you are going to rock that panel. I’d go even if I weren’t speaking with you!
I don't like mommyblogger because it's cutesy. I am in no way cutesy. Yes, I blog about my kids, but I've been blogging before most of them were born. I blog about my marriage and before that I blogged about dating. I write whatever I feel like at any given time, whatever crap I think of. So maybe I'm a crapblogger. Not catchy, but definitely not cutesy.
love this post. i don;t think I can be called something as cute as “mommyblogger” when I curse like a sailor. My mouth is not cute. If anythign I'm a “fuckingmommyblogger.” But it's such a great point you make, it's the only moniker that describes the writer, not the content. BRILLIANT. Parenting blogger works, but yeah, I guess it's not that catchy. But still, better than mommy.
Right on! I have been saying this for years. Let's deal with content. Advertisers and companies should not look at the blogger but the content and the audience. I have no idea why I have never received one legitimate pitch from a consumer-oriented company, despite having a larger readership of moms than most traditional mom blogs. If Dr. Phil wins a large female audience on TV, advertisers flock to him. They don't say “he is a man.” He appeals to an audience of women more than a real mother who is doing business reporting on MSNBC. If we are really going to see blogging as a business, let's treat it like one.
“Mommyblogger” seems to insinuate that whatever your content is, it's not to be taken seriously – like mommies have all this free time to drink lattes and blog about baby spittle all day. Like it's a 'little hobby' that your husband allows you to do to keep you occupied while he's doing something productive…there's a whole cultural stigma in that general direction and I hate it.