Fights in the momosphere seem to be breaking out right and left. Fights about breastfeeding in public! Fights about the media coverage of moms! Fights about fighting!
“I do not!”
“Yes you do!”
And the crazy thing is, this so-called drama is TOTALLY EXCLUSIVE TO THE MOMOSPHERE. I mean, I have never once seen any sort of uncivil disagreement on oh, say Gawker or Huffington Post or the New York Times or…
oh wait.
Hm.
Today on Twitter, Leah of A Girl and a Boy, Julie of A Little Pregnant and I decided it was high time to host our own mommy war. Julie came up with the brilliant title: Mamageddon.
I even have a tag line. It’s rough but…oh okay. I’ll share.
Mamageddon: Everyone is welcome!
(It’s a friendly sort of mommy war, see?)
We haven’t quite landed on the battlefields yet but a few have been floated:
-Libertarian parents who feel oppressed by the man and its evil car seat laws v Parents who buckle up
-Moms who let their kids eat raw cookie dough v moms who love them too much to let them get salmonella. (via Joy Unexpected)
-Team You’re Doing it Wrong v Team No You Are. (via Julie)
-Elmo lovers v elmo haters who will then rise up together and take on the anti-TV people (via Any Mommy Out There)
What mommy wars would you like to see? It’s your war! This is a democracy!
Because lord knows I think we’re all tired of the old ones.
105 shards of brilliance… read them below or add one
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How about a three-way battle? i.e.
“moms who blog about their kids to show the world how much they love them”
vs
“moms who would never blog about their kids because it's an evil scary world and they love them too much to make them targets”
vs
“non-moms who blog about how much they hate moms who blog about their kids or moms who blog about not blogging about their kids”
If we can arrange for some regional meet-ups, I know someone who will videotape the ensuing catfights. You know, because getting footage of women fighting in slow-mo will further the cause and help society take us seriously for once.
I really want to work “Mamageddon” into my daily conversations from now on. I just love the word.
As for topics, how about moms who make their kids clean up their own toys vs. moms who do all the toy clean up?
Or maybe moms who only let their kids listen to kids' music vs. moms who believe Led Zeppelin belongs to everyone?
I nominate “Moms who let their kids listen to Ke$sha vs. Moms who don't vs. Moms who think Ke$sha sounds like synthesized garbage vs. Those who agree with the synthesized garbage premise but can't help but love her anyway.”
Moms who know how to drive in the school pick-up/drop-off circle vs. moms who park!!! and get out of their cars!!! and help their children out!!!
Or, perhaps less dramatic, moms who join PTA vs. moms who don't.
Moms who put their kids on a leash vs. moms who think even the cute monkey backpack leashes are inhumane and OH MY GOD THEY'RE CHILDREN NOT DOGS.
Moms who judge other moms' parenting skills vs. moms who judge the moms who judge other moms' parenting skills, eventually overtaken by the moms who call out the hypocrisy of everyone in the fight.
Oh, this could go on and on…
I suggest Moms who drive to the corner store vs those to walk everywhere as a signal of environmental responsibility vs those who consider walking 30 minutes of daily exercise while playing on their iPhones.
What are the odds that we can get either Bruce Willis or Ben Affleck to attend? I think that would definitely add an air of seriousness to the cause.
Oh! Oh! I've got one.
Moms who drink to forget
-v-
Moms who forget to drink
Because, dayum, girls. There are days I've done both and I've never been able to pick just one side on this burning issue.
Mothers who are like me and my intimate circle
vs.
Mothers who suck
Ooh… This is fun.
Moms who sit their kids in front of the tv.
vs
Moms who “OMG TV IS EVIL!!”
“Moms who have picky eaters who sneak nutrition in any way they can”
vs.
“Moms whose kids eat anything and everything and think the other moms just aren't trying hard enough.”
Moms who think it's okay to take their five year old daughters to the salon to get vajazzled vs. Moms who think five year olds should only be allowed to go to the salon for Botox
As a dad, I feel the hatred coming from the mom camp when you leave us out of your new war. Why do you always hate on us? Why do you think you're better? I'm going to send a tweet to my tens of followers alerting them to this dirty attack on my character!
Moms of single kids vs. moms of multiple children?
Moms who gender-type vs. moms who really don't care of their sons want their nails painted and love the color pink?
Moms who like the Wiggles vs. Moms who like The Imagination Movers?
Moms who have read I Was A Good Mom Before I Had Kids vs. Moms who haven't?
And I personally vote for Nathan Fillion. Except that all y'all need to back off when he's there because he's MINE. He just doesn't know it yet.
Oooh! Moms who lust after Harrison Ford vs. Moms who lust after Simon Baker or Nathan Fillion! There you go! Wait, is this supposed to have something to do with parenting or something?
Moms who Twitter versus Moms who Facebook. Moms who let their children drink out of the hose versus Moms who use water filters. Moms who wear robes versus Moms who wear snuggies.Moms who say toe-may-toe versus Moms who say tah-mah-toe. Moms who want Mamageddon shirts versus, oh, wait. . . everyone wants Mamageddon shirts.
@Meagan, don't forget moms who blog about their kids because they're opportunists trying to make money off their families!
What about moms who make their own baby food vs. moms who hate their kids? Moms who have martini play dates vs. moms who love their kids?
How about:
Moms for “Mamageddon” vs moms for “Mompocalypse”
Also:
Moms for Carol Brady vs moms for Samantha Stevens
And:
Moms for Kate vs moms for Jon
Okay. Strike that last one. There'd be no takers for either side.
-A Well-Versed Mom
I ask you, how's a guy who blogs supposed to compete with all this girl-on-girl action?
Year of the Daddyblogger, my eye!
I've been waiting for this. I'd like to see “Moms Who Think It's OK To Let Their Kids Pick Up the Phone and 'Talk' to the Innocent Who Just Called” vs. Normal Moms
“vajazzled”? What's that? It sounds like a bikini wax with rhinestones'! My daughter is NOT getting that!
This *is* fun. I have one more. Moms who read about Mamageddon while their children scream for dinner v. moms who never ignore their children to play on the internet.
Moms who like Lifetime & We TV versus the good football loving moms
Might be worth watching from the sidelines;)
Moms who breastfeed and are therefore much better moms than anyone else.
vs.
Moms who are clearly too ignorant and self-absorbed and stupid to care about the health of their infants and they will surely destroy said child's life by feeding their kids rat poison in a bottle.
vs.
Moms who say, “Do whatever you want….just don't let the kid starve!”
Moms who pull up to the carpool dropoff spot, unbuckle kids from car seats, sign permission slips, kiss kids multiple times, pack and zip backpacks, and button coats v. Moms who drop and go!
__
Moms who use word verification as a requirement for submitting a comment v. moms who don't use word verification.
And additional battle would be..
Moms who can never get the word verification right and need to keep refreshing screen v. moms who can't understand how anyone could not read the word verification.
The word verification for this comment is “builit.”
If this is true Mamageddon (love the name by the way) then shouldn't this be about Moms uniting against the rest of the world as opposed to Moms v Moms?
In which case I would offer
“Moms who think those who criticize our parenting styles and techniques whatever they may be should be hung drawn and quartered”
vs
“Moms who think all those who criticize our parenting styles and techniques should be boiled in oil after first spending a day looking after a bunch of kids while the Moms go off and take a break for a change”
@NetLady-
YOU DON”T WANT TO KNOW!
Umm, I'm a first time pregnant lady…this is kinda generic but how about “mom vs. mom's mom” or “mom vs. mom in law”?
my suggestions would be:
1) Moms who do their own parenting because what works for them works for them but maybe not for other people vs Moms who do their own parenting and Oh My God You're Doing IT WRONG!!!
2)moms who are able to have normal interactions with other people regarding their kids vs Moms who are psychos (yes, I have a specific person in mind here why do you ask?)
3) Moms vs the Alien invasion, no wait – that was Independence Day, so I guess it should be:
Moms vs some big ass meteor
All Moms vs. You on the Airplane.
Yeah, You.
Don't tempt me to sit myself or my child right next to you, cuz I So Will.
See, I'd totally go down the path (and have) of a Blues Clues knockdown drag out instead of the Elmo thing…Team Steve vs Team Joe, a/k/a “who's better, the guy who started it all, got bored, lost his hair along the way and left or the guy who was taller, younger and still had all of his”
And there's my personal favorite “moms who can't wait to see Kate Goslin's sour face voted off Dancing With the Stars” vs “moms who think she actually will find some lick of dance talent before the season is over”. Or maybe I'm the only one who cares about that.
Ooooo, I got one: Moms who homeschool vs. moms who schoolhome (thanks to the Onion for that).
My husband (anti) would like an anti vs. pro Wiggles war to be waged against his brother (pro).
Base on current events in my house, I think a Disney Princess war's time is nigh! I'm in the female scientists as role models camp myself. I suggest we start putting them on pull-ups.
How about Moms for MSG vs. Moms for BPA? Because deep down we all know the chemicals make us better, stronger, faster.
Moms who hover at the playground and follow their children around
vs
Moms who check Twitter and Facebook on their phones while their children play
I totally want to have a mama war over those baby hair bows. Are they inspired, or are they evil? I don't think neutrality is possible on this subject.
A group of bloggers including myself started a weekly open conversation thing called ControverSundays (see the host at mmeperpetua.wordpress.com) so we could talk about these hot topics that turns moms against one another (mostly on the Internet, it would appear). We were almost TRYING to kick up a healthy mommywar.
So far it's been all too reasonable. Lots of “This is what I do and it works for me, but I don't think it should be generalized to a formula” followed by, “You know, I do something totally different, but we both make so much sense!” So much for controversy.
So how about Parents Who Try to Be Judgmental vs. Their Own Goodwill Toward Other Parents.
Moms who wear yoga pants
vs.
Moms who actually do yoga.
Wow, I feel like the ante is high here with all these funny comments. How about Moms with G-rated blogs featuring puppies and sunshine vs. WTH-you-lookin'-at moms who brandish their bikini line tattoos and curse profoundly and often in every post?
And can someone tell what the deal is with Lady Gaga? This seems like a group who would know and I'm just mystified. Oh wait, am I starting something?
Don't forget
Montessori Moms
v
Play-Based Preschool Moms
v
Silk scarf waving Waldorf Moms
v
Who-the-Fuck-Cares-It's-Preschool Moms
How about: moms who use the leash backpacks vs. moms who find that creepy but can't figure out how else to keep from chasing their toddlers into the street vs. moms who don't know what the debate is about because their children are perfect and never run off.
I'm laughing too hard to add anything clever.
But I'm your side. Yes, yours. Whatever side that may be.
I am pro any anti versus pro stance. I would like the fights to include pillow, liquor (for the anti liquor crowd) and pay per view video of said fights. We can then fight over who gets what share of the profit or who gets to put adverts on the fight videos.
p.s. i love you
or do i?
moms who hire birthday clowns vs moms who fear birthday clowns
Moms who use hand sanitizer and tissues vs moms who use saliva and thumbs
Moms want to talk about how grateful they are all the time because really do you have anything to complain about considering that you don't live in Haiti and have tuberculosis?
vs
Moms who complain about every damn thing and think that they are just being realistic unlike those Pollyanna cheerleader types
and
Moms who swear like sailors because that is how everyone talks in the real world
vs
Moms who say “Oh sugar” or “Fudge” because children have tender ears
And
Moms who take their kids to church even though they aren't believers because every child needs to grow up with a religion
vs
Moms who don't take their kids to church even though they are believers because they don't want to force their beliefs on their kids
I have one to add to SueBobs
Moms who let their neighbors take their kids to church.
Because it is two hours they are out of the house.
What?
Oh Liz… Mamageddon is my new favorite word. I'm adding it to my spell check since I know I'll be using it all.the.time.
Gluten free vs. what the hell is a gluten
Moms who fit in their skinny jeans 6 weeks postpartum and just “Can't believe how my body bounced back!”
vs
Moms who still don't fit in their skinny jeans….13 years later.
Cuz I got size on my side. And I'm thinking I can take their scrawny be-hinds.
Moms who drag their childeren of to third world country's (preferably a war or former war zone) for a holiday because 'it is an educational experience' vs moms who say 'let's just go to the south of France and be done with it.'
and
Moms believe that they must always spend every second of the day with their child vs moms who think it's okay to have a child play by itself every once in a while
do we get armor? steel breast pads? ooh, no – *spiked* breast pads.
totally effin' awesome.
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