Fights in the momosphere seem to be breaking out right and left. Fights about breastfeeding in public! Fights about the media coverage of moms! Fights about fighting!
“I do not!”
“Yes you do!”
And the crazy thing is, this so-called drama is TOTALLY EXCLUSIVE TO THE MOMOSPHERE. I mean, I have never once seen any sort of uncivil disagreement on oh, say Gawker or Huffington Post or the New York Times or…
Today on Twitter, Leah of A Girl and a Boy, Julie of A Little Pregnant and I decided it was high time to host our own mommy war. Julie came up with the brilliant title: Mamageddon.
I even have a tag line. It’s rough but…oh okay. I’ll share.
Mamageddon: Everyone is welcome!
(It’s a friendly sort of mommy war, see?)
We haven’t quite landed on the battlefields yet but a few have been floated:
-Libertarian parents who feel oppressed by the man and its evil car seat laws v Parents who buckle up
-Moms who let their kids eat raw cookie dough v moms who love them too much to let them get salmonella. (via Joy Unexpected)
-Team You’re Doing it Wrong v Team No You Are. (via Julie)
-Elmo lovers v elmo haters who will then rise up together and take on the anti-TV people (via Any Mommy Out There)
What mommy wars would you like to see? It’s your war! This is a democracy!
Because lord knows I think we’re all tired of the old ones.
105 thoughts on “MAMAGEDDON!”
How about a three-way battle? i.e.
“moms who blog about their kids to show the world how much they love them”
“moms who would never blog about their kids because it's an evil scary world and they love them too much to make them targets”
“non-moms who blog about how much they hate moms who blog about their kids or moms who blog about not blogging about their kids”
If we can arrange for some regional meet-ups, I know someone who will videotape the ensuing catfights. You know, because getting footage of women fighting in slow-mo will further the cause and help society take us seriously for once.
I really want to work “Mamageddon” into my daily conversations from now on. I just love the word.
As for topics, how about moms who make their kids clean up their own toys vs. moms who do all the toy clean up?
Or maybe moms who only let their kids listen to kids' music vs. moms who believe Led Zeppelin belongs to everyone?
I nominate “Moms who let their kids listen to Ke$sha vs. Moms who don't vs. Moms who think Ke$sha sounds like synthesized garbage vs. Those who agree with the synthesized garbage premise but can't help but love her anyway.”
Moms who know how to drive in the school pick-up/drop-off circle vs. moms who park!!! and get out of their cars!!! and help their children out!!!
Or, perhaps less dramatic, moms who join PTA vs. moms who don't.
Moms who put their kids on a leash vs. moms who think even the cute monkey backpack leashes are inhumane and OH MY GOD THEY'RE CHILDREN NOT DOGS.
Moms who judge other moms' parenting skills vs. moms who judge the moms who judge other moms' parenting skills, eventually overtaken by the moms who call out the hypocrisy of everyone in the fight.
Oh, this could go on and on…
I suggest Moms who drive to the corner store vs those to walk everywhere as a signal of environmental responsibility vs those who consider walking 30 minutes of daily exercise while playing on their iPhones.
What are the odds that we can get either Bruce Willis or Ben Affleck to attend? I think that would definitely add an air of seriousness to the cause.
Oh! Oh! I've got one.
Moms who drink to forget
Moms who forget to drink
Because, dayum, girls. There are days I've done both and I've never been able to pick just one side on this burning issue.
Mothers who are like me and my intimate circle
Mothers who suck
Ooh… This is fun.
Moms who sit their kids in front of the tv.
Moms who “OMG TV IS EVIL!!”
“Moms who have picky eaters who sneak nutrition in any way they can”
“Moms whose kids eat anything and everything and think the other moms just aren't trying hard enough.”
Moms who think it's okay to take their five year old daughters to the salon to get vajazzled vs. Moms who think five year olds should only be allowed to go to the salon for Botox
As a dad, I feel the hatred coming from the mom camp when you leave us out of your new war. Why do you always hate on us? Why do you think you're better? I'm going to send a tweet to my tens of followers alerting them to this dirty attack on my character!
Moms of single kids vs. moms of multiple children?
Moms who gender-type vs. moms who really don't care of their sons want their nails painted and love the color pink?
Moms who like the Wiggles vs. Moms who like The Imagination Movers?
Moms who have read I Was A Good Mom Before I Had Kids vs. Moms who haven't?
And I personally vote for Nathan Fillion. Except that all y'all need to back off when he's there because he's MINE. He just doesn't know it yet.
Oooh! Moms who lust after Harrison Ford vs. Moms who lust after Simon Baker or Nathan Fillion! There you go! Wait, is this supposed to have something to do with parenting or something?
Moms who Twitter versus Moms who Facebook. Moms who let their children drink out of the hose versus Moms who use water filters. Moms who wear robes versus Moms who wear snuggies.Moms who say toe-may-toe versus Moms who say tah-mah-toe. Moms who want Mamageddon shirts versus, oh, wait. . . everyone wants Mamageddon shirts.
@Meagan, don't forget moms who blog about their kids because they're opportunists trying to make money off their families!
What about moms who make their own baby food vs. moms who hate their kids? Moms who have martini play dates vs. moms who love their kids?
Moms for “Mamageddon” vs moms for “Mompocalypse”
Moms for Carol Brady vs moms for Samantha Stevens
Moms for Kate vs moms for Jon
Okay. Strike that last one. There'd be no takers for either side.
-A Well-Versed Mom
I ask you, how's a guy who blogs supposed to compete with all this girl-on-girl action?
Year of the Daddyblogger, my eye!
I've been waiting for this. I'd like to see “Moms Who Think It's OK To Let Their Kids Pick Up the Phone and 'Talk' to the Innocent Who Just Called” vs. Normal Moms
“vajazzled”? What's that? It sounds like a bikini wax with rhinestones'! My daughter is NOT getting that!
This *is* fun. I have one more. Moms who read about Mamageddon while their children scream for dinner v. moms who never ignore their children to play on the internet.
Moms who like Lifetime & We TV versus the good football loving moms
Might be worth watching from the sidelines;)
Moms who breastfeed and are therefore much better moms than anyone else.
Moms who are clearly too ignorant and self-absorbed and stupid to care about the health of their infants and they will surely destroy said child's life by feeding their kids rat poison in a bottle.
Moms who say, “Do whatever you want….just don't let the kid starve!”
Moms who pull up to the carpool dropoff spot, unbuckle kids from car seats, sign permission slips, kiss kids multiple times, pack and zip backpacks, and button coats v. Moms who drop and go!
Moms who use word verification as a requirement for submitting a comment v. moms who don't use word verification.
And additional battle would be..
Moms who can never get the word verification right and need to keep refreshing screen v. moms who can't understand how anyone could not read the word verification.
The word verification for this comment is “builit.”
If this is true Mamageddon (love the name by the way) then shouldn't this be about Moms uniting against the rest of the world as opposed to Moms v Moms?
In which case I would offer
“Moms who think those who criticize our parenting styles and techniques whatever they may be should be hung drawn and quartered”
“Moms who think all those who criticize our parenting styles and techniques should be boiled in oil after first spending a day looking after a bunch of kids while the Moms go off and take a break for a change”
YOU DON”T WANT TO KNOW!
Umm, I'm a first time pregnant lady…this is kinda generic but how about “mom vs. mom's mom” or “mom vs. mom in law”?
my suggestions would be:
1) Moms who do their own parenting because what works for them works for them but maybe not for other people vs Moms who do their own parenting and Oh My God You're Doing IT WRONG!!!
2)moms who are able to have normal interactions with other people regarding their kids vs Moms who are psychos (yes, I have a specific person in mind here why do you ask?)
3) Moms vs the Alien invasion, no wait – that was Independence Day, so I guess it should be:
Moms vs some big ass meteor
All Moms vs. You on the Airplane.
Don't tempt me to sit myself or my child right next to you, cuz I So Will.
See, I'd totally go down the path (and have) of a Blues Clues knockdown drag out instead of the Elmo thing…Team Steve vs Team Joe, a/k/a “who's better, the guy who started it all, got bored, lost his hair along the way and left or the guy who was taller, younger and still had all of his”
And there's my personal favorite “moms who can't wait to see Kate Goslin's sour face voted off Dancing With the Stars” vs “moms who think she actually will find some lick of dance talent before the season is over”. Or maybe I'm the only one who cares about that.
Ooooo, I got one: Moms who homeschool vs. moms who schoolhome (thanks to the Onion for that).
My husband (anti) would like an anti vs. pro Wiggles war to be waged against his brother (pro).
Base on current events in my house, I think a Disney Princess war's time is nigh! I'm in the female scientists as role models camp myself. I suggest we start putting them on pull-ups.
How about Moms for MSG vs. Moms for BPA? Because deep down we all know the chemicals make us better, stronger, faster.
Moms who hover at the playground and follow their children around
Moms who check Twitter and Facebook on their phones while their children play
I totally want to have a mama war over those baby hair bows. Are they inspired, or are they evil? I don't think neutrality is possible on this subject.
A group of bloggers including myself started a weekly open conversation thing called ControverSundays (see the host at mmeperpetua.wordpress.com) so we could talk about these hot topics that turns moms against one another (mostly on the Internet, it would appear). We were almost TRYING to kick up a healthy mommywar.
So far it's been all too reasonable. Lots of “This is what I do and it works for me, but I don't think it should be generalized to a formula” followed by, “You know, I do something totally different, but we both make so much sense!” So much for controversy.
So how about Parents Who Try to Be Judgmental vs. Their Own Goodwill Toward Other Parents.
Moms who wear yoga pants
Moms who actually do yoga.
Wow, I feel like the ante is high here with all these funny comments. How about Moms with G-rated blogs featuring puppies and sunshine vs. WTH-you-lookin'-at moms who brandish their bikini line tattoos and curse profoundly and often in every post?
And can someone tell what the deal is with Lady Gaga? This seems like a group who would know and I'm just mystified. Oh wait, am I starting something?
Play-Based Preschool Moms
Silk scarf waving Waldorf Moms
How about: moms who use the leash backpacks vs. moms who find that creepy but can't figure out how else to keep from chasing their toddlers into the street vs. moms who don't know what the debate is about because their children are perfect and never run off.
I'm laughing too hard to add anything clever.
But I'm your side. Yes, yours. Whatever side that may be.
I am pro any anti versus pro stance. I would like the fights to include pillow, liquor (for the anti liquor crowd) and pay per view video of said fights. We can then fight over who gets what share of the profit or who gets to put adverts on the fight videos.
p.s. i love you
or do i?
moms who hire birthday clowns vs moms who fear birthday clowns
Moms who use hand sanitizer and tissues vs moms who use saliva and thumbs
Moms want to talk about how grateful they are all the time because really do you have anything to complain about considering that you don't live in Haiti and have tuberculosis?
Moms who complain about every damn thing and think that they are just being realistic unlike those Pollyanna cheerleader types
Moms who swear like sailors because that is how everyone talks in the real world
Moms who say “Oh sugar” or “Fudge” because children have tender ears
Moms who take their kids to church even though they aren't believers because every child needs to grow up with a religion
Moms who don't take their kids to church even though they are believers because they don't want to force their beliefs on their kids
I have one to add to SueBobs
Moms who let their neighbors take their kids to church.
Because it is two hours they are out of the house.
Oh Liz… Mamageddon is my new favorite word. I'm adding it to my spell check since I know I'll be using it all.the.time.
Gluten free vs. what the hell is a gluten
Moms who fit in their skinny jeans 6 weeks postpartum and just “Can't believe how my body bounced back!”
Moms who still don't fit in their skinny jeans….13 years later.
Cuz I got size on my side. And I'm thinking I can take their scrawny be-hinds.
Moms who drag their childeren of to third world country's (preferably a war or former war zone) for a holiday because 'it is an educational experience' vs moms who say 'let's just go to the south of France and be done with it.'
Moms believe that they must always spend every second of the day with their child vs moms who think it's okay to have a child play by itself every once in a while
do we get armor? steel breast pads? ooh, no – *spiked* breast pads.
totally effin' awesome.
I don't have anything to add except this must be the most awesomest (is that a word?) post/comments on the Internet. Ever.
You NEED this VS Put it BACK.
“It's The Shit vs It's just Shit”
Moms who get fully dressed and made up before leaving the house even for the freaking dropoff line
Moms who forget to put their contacts in and have to find a ponytail holder in the car
May I just say: best comment thread ever! Mom101ers are a smart and funny bunch…but we all know that because Liz has been telling us that for years!
I respectfully submit:
Moms who think their perfectly-behaved kids are the result of their superlative parenting
Moms who know better.
These are hilarious. How about:
Moms who meticulously clean every surface of the shopping cart with an antibacterial wipe
Moms who just don't care about their kids' health!
Moms who masturbate to Jeff v Moms who do it to Murray.
I am totally in for the leash battle!
Moms who wear underwear vs. moms who don't (I'm looking at you Mominatrix).
I am so not jumping in on this one…I might catch a stray bullet and get hurt.
Moms who are in love with Anthony from the Wiggles vs. Moms who lust after the Imagination Movers.
BRANG IT, BITCHEZ!!!!
People who leave spammy comments on other people's blogs about IVF causing cancer
People who have repeatedly deleted same over the last few days and are starting to get…testy.
(I'm sorry, was that too meta?)
My only question is, will anyone be able to post about Mamageddon on Twitter, or will it be a “protected” hashtag?
Which brings me to a possible battle-
Moms who are cool enough to use cool, invite only, mom hashtags
The rest of us
Is there Jell-O wrestling involved? I would watch if there was.
Hey…Maybe Jell-O could sponsor…
I love the name, but I was thinking, what about MAD MOM: Beyond Thunderdome?
This is fun! How about:
Moms who spend money on themselves and are therefore selfish b*tches.
Moms who spend money on their kids and are therefore raising spoiled brats while contributing to the over commercialization of childhood.
Do the elmo-lovers get to tickle the elmo-haters if they win?
Hilarious! Mamageddon – the name has such a nice ring!
Too many battles to read every one so sorry if this has been proposed.
Moms of kids who refuse to nap and have finally given in to the wakefulness instead of fighting the blasted nap battle every. single. day.
vs Moms of kids who sleep great and don't understand what a true gift that is.
This may be too Beavis & Butthead but I'd like to see Moms who Suck versus Moms who Rule. You know. In any capacity. (There may be intermittent side-switching…)
Moms who curse like sailors
Moms who think words are just WORDS and that semantics is just another form of mind-control.
Moms who don't pay attention to their kids at the playground, pool, etc.
Moms who are paying attention to their own kids and then have to watch that mom's kids too so that they don't gash their head open, drown, etc.
Parents who snidely or openly condescend and snark to other parents who aren't a part of their political or religious/non-religious group even though their religion/moral code preaches tolerance, compassion, and understanding as well as not being snide and snarky
Parents who are upfront about their own hypocrisies first and foremost and who first and foremost assume the best about each other in every situation.
That's actually a battle I'd like to see waged and won by the second group, although it's a small group to be sure. I'm still trying to break into it myself.
Other than that, my own personal battle is
Parents who reel mower versus parents who use an electric/gas mower versus parents who xeriscape their lawns with ground cover.
Which has nothing to do with parenting, but a whole lot to do with the amount of noise pollution in my neighborhood each summer.
Organic food moms vs Fast food moms, i.e. Only the Purest of Foods Touch My Kids' Lips vs Who the Hell Has Time to Friggin' Cook with Piano Lessons and Baseball Practice and Homework and Oh, Bathtime You Say?
Team Edward Moms vs Team Jacob Moms.
Twilight Moms vs True Blood Moms.
Moms who read vs Moms who watch TV.
Crochet Moms vs Knitting Moms (knitting will win — sharper needles)
Moms who let kids play sports vs moms who wrap their kids in bubble wrap.
Moms vs Moms-in-law (ooooh, where are tickets for this one?)
Ok, I'll stop.
I'm too tired to be funny. (Is it teething? growth spurt? developmental spurt? my 6 month old trying to kill me? Who can say.)
I'm enjoying everyone's ideas.
What I really, honestly want to see is:
All women, moms or not, stay at home or working, blogging or not…
This screwed up society that has such a problem with a woman living her life in whatever way works best for her and therefore inflames ridiculous woman-vs-woman fights over issues that really come down to personal choice and maybe a decision about what is best for one particular family.
But that may be too much to ask, so maybe just women vs. feeling guilty about things that aren't illegal or immoral, like feeding your child chicken nuggets.
You could call it the Momandpopcalypse, to include both parents.
whatever the topic, i don't suppose the mamageddon can be the be-all, end-all, never going back there, can it? (please?)
“Moms who tell their 8 year old to knock next door to see if their friend can play”
“Moms who need playdates arranged in advance with a time limit.”
How about moms who dress baby in sleepers because it's just easier v. moms (and dads) who insist on little adult outfits during the day no matter what
I'd like to see a smack down between the smug SAHMs with full time help and the WAHMs/Working moms who never loose their senses of humor!
Is Will Smith going to be there?
moms who 'claim' to meal plan and create amazing recipes vs moms who don't even know what the fuck a meal plan is.
moms who bake and are skinny vs moms who don't bake because they ain't skinny
moms who craft vs moms who…what the hell!!??
People who spell it Mamageddon or Mamogeddon OR – GASP! Mommogeddon. Those assholes.
LOL. This is awesome, because just today I found myself embroiled in a blog comments war with a perfect stranger over breast vs bottle. I really do wonder why moms get into it so bad. We all get defensive, and most of the time… it's over stuff that is no one else's damn business anyway! Why does anyone care how my child was fed for his first year? Why does anyone care who watches TV or not? What effect does it have on you?
Why can't we all get along? Won't someone THINK OF THE CHILDREN??? : )
And the crazy thing is, this so-called drama is TOTALLY EXCLUSIVE TO THE MOMOSPHERE.
The daddy bloggers thought about starting our own drama, but what fun would that be. Besides you guys supply more blog fodder than any 12k people can handle. 😉
the moms whose children never watch the evil tv vs. those whose kids knew how to get a show on demand at 3 years old.
the moms whose kids are never allowed near a disney well…anything vs. those of us who daughters know every jonas brothers favorite food and underwear color and whose 18 month old son is addicted to the movie cars.
the moms who only post pics who believe those of us who don't aren't real bloggers and are really middle aged men named larry vs those of us who don't post pics of our kids, are still bloggers, but aren't named larry.
and my all time favorite: moms whose chilren only listen to raffi vs. those whose kids know every word that pink, justin timberlake, van morrison and james taylor sing.
**please excuse the no caps. i am one handed this week.
Oh, what fun:
Moms who carb
Moms who don't.
Can't use appearance for strength of argument!!
Fun! How about moms who flip out when small kids share eachothers pacis/ sippies when playing together- because of the germs bs. Moms who shrug because they know if you turn your back for a sec they will probably start licking eachothers
or moms who rely on common sense vs. Moms who take every news piece to heart
or we can just have a tequila shot contest- I'm good with any of those:)
This entire post is made of epic and win!
Might I add:
Moms whose kids are potty trained by 18 months, speak in perfect sentences by 2.5, and read full novels by 6
Moms who realize their kids will get it all down eventually, so who cares when they do it?
I laughed out loud about twenty times. Best comment thread ever.
How about Moms who Spank
Moms who try desperately to use time-outs but can't figure out how to get the kid to stay in it.
What if I'm a libertarian mom who feels oppressed by the man AND buckles up? What then? Not that I am, but I'm just wondering…
How about, “Moms who take pains with their appearance to show their kids they are worth it” versus “moms who abstain from grooming to prove appearance isn't important.”
I dig it, 'cause I can fight for both sides depending on the day 😉
Your post reminded me that when I was a kid I used to eat raw hamburger by the handfuls. My mom would try & stop me, not because it was dangerous but because she was afraid I wouldn't have room for dinner!
In the 80's I was a waitron at Jackson Hole, Wyoming restos on the east side and my favorite snack was raw hamburger with kosher dills.
I also ate tons of raw pie dough and my sister ate heaps of raw potatoes.
Our family was not right in the head.
omg, this is all so freaking hilarious!
Moms of kids with actual potentially life-threatening peanut allergies vs. moms who claim their kids can ONLY eat peanutbutter for lunch vs. moms who arrange their own child's party menu around your allergic child vs. moms who never heard of it when THEY were kids so they think it's all a bunch of bullshit.
I love this thread. I'm trying to think of something relating to soccer as my 5yo just started “playing”. Something along the lines of:
Moms/Dads who keep score vs. Moms/Dads who don't care if the score is 45 to 2 as long as their child is outside, running around, and having fun with minimum input from me because I am chasing my 3yo on the sidelines and trying to convince her she needs to go potty before we get to the field because if I have to stick my head in the port-o-potty one more flipping time I am going to hurl.
or, as another commenter said, is that too meta?
OMG. This is hilarious.
Moms who Wii Fit v. Moms who don't
Moms who think Goldfish are life savers v. Moms who think Goldfish are made of arsenic
Moms who potty train boys standing v. moms who potty train boys sitting [I need all the help I can get from either side here. ;-)]
Moms who let their kids listen to the unedited versions of everything and only think a cuss word is a cuss word if used in the proper context v. Moms who edit everything and think Kids Bop are awesome and never cuss in front of their kids
Moms who drive SUVs because trying to fit 3 car seats across the back of a compact car doesn't work v. Moms who fuss at them for driving the big SUVs while they are unloading their one kid from the back of their hybrid
I am almost peeing with laughter!
Moms who have certain parenting styles and choices because it works for their kids and don't feel the need to tell everyone about it
Moms who send out tweets and facebook status updates to preach daily on how vaccinations will kill your children, circumsizing your son is mutilation, and if you drink homogenized milk you might as well have a mass suicide in your family now because you're killing them slowly.
Also, I am pretty sure that “vejazzled” is my favorite new word ever. I don't know if it was on purpose or a typo, but I will giggling about this for days.
I love this. I'd love to see a war between generations of moms. The “we did/didn't do that with our kids and they're just fine” generation vs. the “science has come a long way and I rely on modern information” generation.
These comments have me crying. Hysterical.
There's a great discussion on respecting different Mommy Boundaries at SortaCrunchy that speaks DIRECTLY to this topic. Seriously interesting. sortacrunchy.typepad.com
Moms who choose a c-section v/s Moms who believe no pain/no gain
You guys had me at comment #1. Nice work Meagan!!!
Let's see (hoping I don't throw in any repeats)
1. Moms who breastfeed v. Mom's who ruin their child's health for life and cause them to become obese and stupid
2. Moms who are discreet and lovely vs. Hippie moms who whip their boobs out in public
3. Moms who use cloth diapers and are sensitive to the environment vs. Tree-Hating moms who use sposies
4. Moms who lovingly raise their perfect children by giving up their careers vs. Moms who let OTHER WOMEN raise their children because they are selfish and work
Mamageddon! LOVE IT!
Here's a battle. Who has it harder?
Moms who stay at home and who's husbands work 80 hours a week
vs Moms who work 80 hours a week and husbands work 80 hours a week
vs Moms who's husbands are in Iraq and say “Shut the hell up you other two groups. We win.”
Actually, I gotta admit: I am in the first group and whenever I think I have it hard I think about the other two groups and realize, why are we fighting? We all have it hard.
Moms vs. Non-moms who think they understand what busy is.
Soccer Mom vs. Swim Team Mom
Moms who dropped the baby weight vs. Mome who haven't
The 4 Horsemoms of the Mapocalypse.
(This is going to be awesome).
So what do you guys think of Roe v. Wade?
moms who tell their kids to “shut up and get yer mama a beer” versus moms who get their own beer.
Comments are closed.