A meme, courtesy of Issa.

I AM George W Bush, Pres’dent of the You-nited States. (I know! Can you believe it?)

I WANT to rid the word of evil-doers. Actually I don’t want to do that. I just want the credit for doing it. I’d rather be playing Tiger Woods PGA Tour 06 on PS2.

I WISH good people didn’t have to die. Like Ronald Reagan. And Jim Varney.

I MISS the annual Spring Fling at the Skull ‘n Bones–rum punch, togas, and snorting blow off a sorority pledge’s B-cups. Good times.

I HEAR that Condi scribbles, Mrs. Condoleeza R Bush in the margins of her notes during meetings. Heh.

I WONDER why bacon is just so tasty. Sometimes, during security briefings I just can’t stop thinking about bacon. I wonder if other presidents had the same problem.

I REGRET that Jefferson had to go and write that constitution thing and ruin it for the rest of us.

I AM NOT a fan of the French. Them speakin’ all French and everything, like they’re hot stuff. What’s wrong? English not good enough for ’em? F*cking French.

I DANCE around Helen Thomas’ questions pretty well, don’t I?

I AM NOT ALWAYS as stupid as I sound. Sometimes I just don’t feel like putting the words together in the usual ways. I call it creativousness.

I WRITE good.

I CONFUSE the Axis of Evil for the Axe Effect. Which one is the deodorant again?

I NEED a beer.

I SHOULD probably help Laura with the TV Guide crossword. Movie Star Brad P—? Darn it, I’m never good at the football questions.

I START my days with fifteen minutes of tai chi and a chai latte. Ha! Fooled ya. Bet I coulda convinced you I drive a hybrid too.

I FINISH the funny pages every Sunday. Garfield is my favorite. He’s always getting into trouble!

I TAG Jesus. We just talked last week and he told me he’s been itchin’ to do a meme.

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