C’mon, Everyone Get Happy!

I am nearly at a loss for words. (I did say “nearly.” Or else, well, that would be a first, wouldn’t it). The kindness, the good wishes, the positive vibes, the concerned emails, the tentatively offered prayer–each and every one is joyfully and humbly accepted.

You rock, blog people, really you do.

So much so that I fear I’ve used up all my blogworld good will for the next eight years or so. Or maybe that’s a good thing? Yes! That’s exactly how I will take it. I have used up all my blogworld good will, and thus, nothing bad can happen to me ever again. Take that, nefarious forces of the universe. Hah. I win and you suck.

I feel this would be a good time to share with you some very positive things about this pregnancy. After all, I don’t want to be that whiney pregnant chick who’s always like, wah my feet. Wah my back. Wah my wiggly tricep fat. At leat I don’t want to be that person here–since I spend more than enough time being her at home, thankyouverymuch.

For one, the bionic nose? Not so bad. Certainly its scifi-esque powers kick in during the occasional diaper change or wind direction change that carries with it unusual aromas from the Greek diner up the street; but otherwise I feel somehow, mercifully, thankfully spared from many of the gag-inducing smells of the last pregnancy. Perhaps it’s that I’ve stayed away from cooked green peppers and tuna melts. (Oh God – gagging just typing those last two words.) Or maybe it’s just that having a toddler on hand gives you those permasniffles that somehow counterbalances the bionic sense of smell and renders your olfactory system somehow normal. Either way, I’m just fine not being able to detect a White Diamonds violation from across a crowded restaurant or a bike messenger who feels that bathing is somehow against his god.

Also, at this, the 14 week mark, the affliction known as Gross Pendulousness of the Boobs (Mamarium Distortium) just kicked in. Considering I was sleeping in a Bravado at 6 weeks last time–you should have seen the look on the saleswoman’s face when I casually mentioned my due date 8 months later–I’m delighted. Of course, now the things are swollen and tender and easily heavy enough to snap right off my body should I bend forward too quickly or hit a pothole on the FDR, but that’s to be expected. I’m just happy it took this long to get to this stage.

(And really, my small-boobied sisters, do not covet thy neighbors overinflated pregnancy boobs. The DD garments I own were taxed to their limits before I got knocked up. I’m avoiding getting resized now for fear of letters so high they have yet to be added to our alphabet. It’s not attractive, I assure you.)

Last and most definitely not least, I must do a little happy dance that I’m not heaping on the poundage nearly as fast as last time around. I know part of it was due to my mandated physical inactivity. But if I am to be honest, my 45 pound weight gain was thanks in large part to the Frosted Flakes Factor. The Pop Tart Factor. The Chocolate Chip Scone Factor.

“I’m craaaaving it,” I’d say, interpreting my desire was a sign that my body somehow “needed it.” Right. .

And so our pantries were filled with the cereals your mom never let you have, our counters overflowed with croissants and shortbread and all manners of flavored popcorn. There were telltale toaster cake crumbs at the bottom of the toaster, and a plentiful supply of ice cream in the freezer. Bad ice cream, too. Like, Chipwiches and Good Humor Chocolate Eclairs. The stains on my maternity shirts—the ones I wore way to early I might add—were definitely not from salad dressings. Except maybe blue cheese, which generously doused the French fries I ate nearly daily, accompanying my grilled cheese sandwiches and black and white milkshakes.

This time? Things are different. In fact just last week–I swear it’s true, I have witnesses–I managed to eat a vegetable.

[pauses for applause.]

So the fact that I’m up five pounds today instead of sixteen gives me a forbidden, totally un-pc, feminist-betraying joy.

Not that I look good, mind you. You can see the pregnancy in my face before you see it on my hips, and that’s saying something.

I’ll never be one of those skinny little things with the chiseled arms and the cute bumps that you don’t even notice until the day before the elective C-section. Being The Cute Preggo just isn’t the cards for me. However I’ll happily settle for being able to stand up from the couch at 14 weeks without leaving two humongous impressions in the fabric. In fact, I’m happy I can stand up from the couch at all without the help of two burly union guys.

So the way I see things, they could be worse. They have been worse. They could get worse–who knows. And now with the awareness of what real pregnancy stress can be, I’m not going to get crazy about forgetting a vitamin (or six) or the big zit right next to my nose or even a chocolate croissant binge.

For now.

I reserve the right to go whiney at any time.


52 thoughts on “C’mon, Everyone Get Happy!”

  1. Whine all you want. It is your right as a pregnant woman and even more you right as a pregnant mom. I know my husband whined enough throughout both my pregnancies, so what cant I.Hope the rest of the pregnancy is uneventful.

  2. I SO wanted to be a cute pregnant mom. Instead? I looked like an eggplant. Yeah, not so much of a good look for a human. Oh well.Glad you’re doing well this time around. 🙂

  3. I wondered about those kittens.Cheers to you, Liz. I know you won’t truly rest easy until the amnio results come back, but I’m so very glad to hear that the likelihood is nearly nil.You are a beautiful woman, pregnant or not, croissant addiction or not.

  4. Nah, you can whine all you want. And realy what’s a pregnancy good for (sides teeny baby) if you can’t eat whatever you want and blame on the cravings. When else can we get away with it?Glad you’re doing okay.

  5. A large-breasted friend of mine who is currently nursing revealed to me her cup size and I almost choked on my decaf.I didn’t even know they MADE bras in an I. As in 36-I. I! ABCDEFGH….I.My wish for you: a far less dramatic pregnancy boob growth spurt.

  6. i love you and all that goes along with it.. whiney whore. you are the cutest thing ever! POST PICS!

  7. Five pounds in 14 weeks? I think I gained that much during our celebratory dinner when I found out I was pregnant….

  8. Some good, well-articulated pregnancy-related whining is accepted and, dare I say it, encouraged on the grounds that it gives comfort and some laughs to a whole lot of similarly blessed women out there.

  9. I found the weight gain in the second pregnancy to be greatly curtailed by that whole chasing-the-toddler, no-time-to-eat thing. Not that it will matter for you, since you’ll be all boobs. *ducking* (Sorry, my tiny titties made me say it.)

  10. Clapping loudly for your vegetable intake. But then again, I consider popcorn a vegetable.The bionic nose factor seriously got to me. I still have a heightened sense of stench.

  11. Good for you. Pat on the back for your outlook. And the vegetable. And because you rock.Also, the bionic nose is so the perfect term for that. Thank you.

  12. Had my last baby in January, and I still have the bionic nose according to hubby. I can smell through ice, much like a polar bear smells fresh seal meat. (I know, bad analogy considering your “condition”. Sorry!)

  13. my nursing bra with my last was an I. up from a G with my second. an E with my first. very disturbing, no? i’ve never known anybody else to eat fries with bleu cheese dressing! my very favorite!

  14. Don’t worry. If you stop complaining about your pregnancy, I will do enough pregnancy-whining for the both of us. Sadly, I cannot chime in on the large boob complaints. I am so pathetic – I was excited to go up to a whopping C-cup while breastfeeding kid #1.

  15. I need to get new bras, too, but I just haven’t done it. I don’t want to know how much bigger they are. Even though I didn’t gain a lot of weight last time, I was far from the cute preggo. I certainly wasn’t all belly – the weight I gained spread all over my body. But good for you for not worrying about the little things. Missing a vitamin just isn’t as important the second time around, is it?

  16. dude. you have every reason in my book to whine.just so long as I can whine with ya.

  17. I was going to say that I kept laughing out loud at this post, but really it was unattractive snorting. Fortunately I’m alone in the room. I’ve never been pregnant, but I can imagine the “my God, they’re going to snap off” feeling. There’s been many a month I’ve felt that throwing my throbbing, heavy boobs into the river is the only answer.Did I just share too much?

  18. hehe ok thank you for this….I am not alone! Bionic nose is nasty with toddler poop though …. I so so so never want to smell poop again!

  19. Chelle, agreed! Perhaps this is the one time I don’t mind so much that all Thalia will eat are crackers and Cheerios these days.

  20. I’m keeping you in my thoughts and sending lots of positive vibes your way. And I agree with Jennster, I’d love to see a pic of you!

  21. As one of your small-boobied brethren, I can only marvel at a boob bigger than, well an A. Holy cats, girlfriend, I never even got up to a C with my <>third<> pregnancy.Truly a marvel of nature. And the bionic nose, right on. I still shudder when I smell certain smells, remnant from my last pregnany.Good luck.

  22. oh god, pregnancy nose. i remember yelling ‘what IS that?!’ and wanting to puke into my garbage can when a co-worker 6 cubes away ate salt and vinegar chips. good luck with the ginormous tit-slings, and i’m keeping those good vibes heading your way.

  23. Another small boobie friend who can not help but be jealous.I have never gained as much weight as I did with my first pregnancy… 65 pounds, which is frightening on my body.

  24. Mmmm … pop tarts. I prefer the brown sugar and cinnamon variety, myself. Sugar cereals? I saw some Honey Smacks at the store yesterday and almost bought them because who even knew they still MADE those? Here’s to low weight gain, you un-pc mama!

  25. From one big-busten gal to another, I want to let you know that I found big cupped nursing bras at breakoutbras.com. I think it’s the Fancee Free brand or Leading Lady. I can’t remember. But I’m a 38H, yes, that’s right, and I didn’t buy the biggest bra she carried. They are not pretty, but they work if you can’t find anything else!

  26. C’mon, you know you want a Choco Taco. . .mmmmmm. Naw, I’m happy for you! As someone who bulked up 55 lbs for baby #1 and then added just a mere 35 for the next two kiddos, I know your joy. Hope you continue to feel better and better!

  27. I craved orange soda and fried scallops or fried dough, and my lovely intern pounded the pavement looking for some. I craved Corned beef hash and chocolate ice cream. At the same time. On the same plate. I craved salmon, corn on the cob, lemonade, watermelon. Bread was divine, and so were the peach sunset fruit smoothies at Freshens.I have no idea if my body needed those things and you know what? I don’t care. Becaue I also had a ‘heightened sense of smell’ (read: Could be rented to local police for backup duty to cadaver dogs and drug sniffers) so hideously acute that I almost barfed on my then-two-year-old while changing his Teething-Poop-y diaper.It’s all very balanced. Do whatcha gotta do. And rock on.

  28. I just scrolled down and read about the toxoplasmosis. Te chances of anything going wrong are so remote, so slim. If we did not have the elaborate testing we have today you would be none the wiser, and probably better for it…..

  29. I was on the phone yesterday and holding my daughter when she decided she wanted a little sip and just hawled my boob out with one hand and brought it to her mouth… I thought, omg my boobs are THAT droopy and pliable she can DO that! ha ha Good luck with them big boobs – it’s always nice to sport some cleavage when breastfeeding – more like a milk sex goddess than a milk cow *grin* My hubby liked it anyway!

  30. Ahhh, yes, pregnancy. Miss it, miss it much. Come to think of it, the hubby liked the whole milk sex goddess thing, too.

  31. Thank you for sharing a story where parts of the second time ’round are *better* and *easier* (although never easy, of course) than the first! It gives hope to those of us who are waiting to be talked into having baby 2.

  32. You are so funny! Thank you for making me laugh this morning. “bathing is somehow against his god” just killed me. It sounds like you are a lot more satisfied with how you are coping with this pregnancy than with your last one – of course you are, you’re a pro (wait, no not *that* kind!).

  33. Umm, tuna melt…yummy! Sorry, but that’s my favorite even when I was pregnant three times before. I’m surprised my son still likes it ’til this day. You have ever right to be whiney all you want, damn it!

  34. Wow, sounds like our pregnancy cravings were pretty much the same. And the veggies, which I normall loved, were banished from the house because, well, why eat those when you could eat ice cream for breakfast and lunch???Take care of yourself and enjoy your pregnancy. Oh, and feel free to whine as needed. We understand. Totally.

  35. I was doing great until you said “Good Humor Chocolate Eclairs”. That killed me. I’m not pregnant and yet <>I craaave them<>. Damn you and your big pregnancy boobs for even mentioning all that tasty food.

  36. Whine away sistah. I’m at 16 weeks and not really showing, still in the I just look flabby and fat stage. When I visited the OB this week, I was eyeing up all the other preggos in the room, trying to find someone who was maybe a month ahead of me so I could see what I’ll look like when I do start to pop instead of just appearing to be blobby. I asked the woman in line next to me who had a cute (tiny) little bump. She was 31 weeks. Bitch.

  37. That supersonic smelling is amazing, isn’t it??? Someone should pay pregnant women to test-sniff awful fragrances before releasing them to the masses (like White Diamonds!!!):)Carrie

  38. Weird — I craved strange cereals, too. Particularly Fruity Pebbles. What is up with that? Glad things are going well for ya! Vegetables or not!

  39. Enjoy the chocolate croissants and say to hell with it. Those cute bump moms make me sick. I have two of them in my work area.I still haven’t lost the huge pouch of loose skin and fat from my last baby, and now I’m getting pregnant again. That flap is almost as floppy as my saggy boobs. Depressing. Pass the chocolate.

  40. Ah yes.. I too will never be a cute pregnant chic. I share your un-pc-joy in the slower weight gain..I had twins the first time, so the 2nd was a dramatic improvement (even WITH the pop tarts)>

  41. I can’t imagine what a non small-boobed woman must feel like during pregnancy, because I felt H-U-G-E. Like…you know…porno huge. And I gained 60 pounds with all of my kids. So..you rock that ability to keep the weight down while you’re gestating. Slide those Pop-Tarts on over here, kiddo. I’ll take that bullet for you.

  42. I always thought that I’d be one of the “Cute Preggos.” YA RIGHT! Who was that girl, and what made her think she was so damn special, right? I got fat faced, fat ankled, bloated, nasty and a really huge ass. Not cute. But the results? VERY CUTE.

  43. I suffered from mammoth pregnancy boobs and nursing boobs for 8 years. Now i am 6 months post weaning and i’m kind of sad that i have the smallest boobs since i went through puberty. Small and deflated. Nothing in them.It’s just not fair.

  44. Hope the rest of the preg goes well. Wife ate extremely well during her second preg but still gained the same amount of weight. Go figure. This time the delivery went smoth and it’s coming off at a fast pace. The important thing is to have a healthy baby, we can figure out the rest later:-)Nice weekendAD

  45. i’d trade places with you in a second!you’ve got a long way to go!pace yourself + add cheese or plain yogurt to the vegetables or whatever you can to get them in your tummy for you + your baby. do you like the deli vegetables or salad bar at whole foods? it’s worth the extra money to have it all prepared rather than turning into slime in your fridge waiting for you. drink lots of water + eat lots of fruit too! you’re building a person!since breast cancer + chemo that made me supernauseaus i’m scared to eat anything but organic fruits/vegetables, wild salmon + organic rice milk + whole grain bread.

  46. Oh, hush! I can’t picture you as anything less than adorable!And anyway, those really cute pregnant women that never even look pregnant are a total anomaly…like people who never get cellulite.

  47. Sounds like you’re doing GREAT! I’m a few months ahead of you and feeling much the same way … only now and then I do let slip my feelings about it on my blog … but trying to keep focused on my main goals for it, and using the extra time I have to write!Go whiny anytime, though. We’ve all been there, and many of us will be there again.And yay for being pregnant and feeling good!

  48. So happy you are feeling good. And I gained 60 pounds doing the “Oh I HAVE to have (insert fatty, yummy food here of no nutritional value”.)Hats off to you for your self control!

  49. You’re so awesome! And please don’t forget it even if you do gain 50 plus pounds this time around. (Only speaking from experience here.)Congratulations on reaching week 14! I’m so excited for you and for the little boy or girl to enter your life in just 26 or so weeks. Wow!

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