Don’t Mess With a Pregnant Woman When Her Blood Sugar’s Low

To the bitch in the hotel restaurant yesterday morning:

When we walked in the door, my daughter was not screaming. She was not whining. She was not misbehaving in any way in fact. But judging from the disdainful expression on your face when you saw her walk in, the dramatic eyerolling, the exaggerated head shaking from side to side, you’d have thought she was reaching into her own diaper and flinging crap right into your eggs benedict.

I tried smiling at you but was met with the most pinched, sour, evil expression I have perhaps ever experienced while holding a smiling child in my arms. It was as if I came face to face with the real live witch from all those fairy tales–the one who, in the end, gets baked in an oven or drowned in a lake while all the townspeople cheer.

Only this time she held not a broom but a USA Today and a cup of lukewarm tea.

What I really wanted to do was grab a chair at your table, sit down across from you and your equally uptight husband and say, You see this baby here? She’s glorious. She’s beautiful. She radiates goodness. She brings happiness into every life that she touches, if only for a moment. But your anger and negativity means will never get to experience that joy, and that, my dear, is your own sad loss.

Then I fantasized (as we neared seven minutes waiting to be seated) about taking a more confrontational approach. To walk right up to you and ask you what the fuck your problem is. And when you looked shocked, shocked at being called on your shit, I would say, see here’s the thing: Your plan backfired. People like you, you count on being the only rude person in the room, and that all the polite people will allow you to get away with your attitude. Not this time. You’re messing with the wrong mommy this morning–I’m pregnant, I’m hormonal, I skipped dinner last night, and I’ve got twenty years on you. So let’s get it out in the open right now: What the fuck is your problem? And if your answer doesn’t include some sort of story about being held captive and tortured for six days back in the 60s by three crazed toddlers in a makeshift prison made of barbed wire and Play-Doh, then you’d better take a good look in the mirror and give your attitude towards kids another thought.

Next my inner highschooler chimed in and I thought about just coming out and telling you how ugly you were (as we seated ourselves at a table, dragging the highchair loudly right past your table even if it was the long way around), how the ugliness just radiates from inside to out. But Nate beat me to that one. Out loud, and not in much of a mumble. But you already knew that.

And so I dealt with you in the first way that sprung to mind. As we walked out the door to forage for food elsewhere, I stood right next to you, and sweetly told the baby to wave bye-bye to you. Which she did, good girl that she is. Then I told you to have a nice day.

Let’s just say you got off easy this time.

PS We greatly enjoyed our meal at IHop. It was cheaper, it was friendlier, it didn’t take fifteen minutes to get a damn waitress to acknowledge us, and Thalia got to play with the little chihuahua poking his head out of the purse of the lady next to us. Oh yes…there was a dog in the restaurant. I bet you would have had a field day with that one.


Mrs. Fortune, this one’s for you.


46 thoughts on “Don’t Mess With a Pregnant Woman When Her Blood Sugar’s Low”

  1. IT WAS A HOTEL RESTAURANT!! Not like you waltzed into high tea at the Ritz with quints. Unfortunately, I never think of those bold, witty things to say until I’m back in the car, seeeething. I would be a big person if I just felt sorry for her and how she is missing out on a lot of joyful experiences due to her bad behavior. But I’m not. I wish her spit in her next plate of eggs.

  2. Ha Mrs Q – that’s another thing Nate said not so quietly under his breath: “Sometimes when you stay in a hotel? You are forced to interract with other people. You want total quiet and isolation, order the damn room service.”

  3. Ah well. Like you said, when people fail to take in the simple goodness of life: child’s smile, wave is their own loss. Glad you walked out and didn’t give em your business.Lisa

  4. I think in the end you handed the situation, beauifully. Are we married to the same man? My husband is constantly having his inner voice speak very loudly across a crowded room. However, when he does it, he gets nervous laughter. When I speak my mind directly to someone, in my most polite way, I am a bitch. Gotta love the world around us.One more thing, this reminded me of when I was pregnant and eating out. It seems if you take a breath between bites the server will try to take your plate away. I have stabbed many a server taking my plate away. Then told a young man the biggest piece of advice he will ever get in his young life: Dont ever remove a plate of food from a pregnant woman.

  5. I like the “inner highschooler” reaction! Doesn’t that always come out when you get pissed off by someone that you just don’t know what else to say other than, “You’re ugly and nobody likes you!”

  6. I hit the enter button to quickly… And I love how you have to escape to an IHOP to be among a normal crowd. Funny!

  7. Hooray! Three cheers for ‘killing them with kindness.’ Often the most effective method, and psychologically easier on the killer.

  8. I hate people like that woman. Like she expects that children should be locked away from the public until they are 18, and come out into public with perfect manners and always call her ma’am and treat her with utmost respect. Puh-leeze. People who dislike having kids around amaze me. After all, we were all kids once. Someone had to put up with her sour ass kid face at one time.Glad you had a better experience at IHOP.

  9. I have been where you are. Just wait until you are walking into a resturant with a toddler AND a baby!On the other hand, I have also been on the side of your lady friend – but only when someone walks in with toddlers/small children late at night. Last night I went for Indian food and at 9:30 PM an extended family with 3 babies under 1 sat down at the next table and the babies cried the whole time. (Of course they did. Their parents ignored their need to be in bed at that hour.) It is bad decisions like this that make all toddlers get a bad name.

  10. I bet she was just jealous that you have a glorious child (with another on the way).And why, oh why, did you have to mention IHOP? I see one pancake or waffle commercial (or read one blog), and I crave carbs until I get them smothered in butter and syrup. Heck, and I’m not even pregnant!

  11. Breakfast is not sacrosant. Sorry. And Hotel restaurant means children may be present. And so what if they ARE crying sometimes? … of course that is unless the hotel caters to sex-club members.Did they look like swingers?

  12. This is why I think you are so cool. You handled it just the way I would have — considered giving her bitchiness right back, but settled for the killing-her-with-kindness approach. I don’t expect everyone to love kids, but hating them on first sight (especially when they’ve done NOTHING to offend) is just plain evil.

  13. It’s people like her who are unhappy because they choose to be. I don’t like to be within fifty yards of people like her, whether I’ve got my girls with me or not, whether they’re behaving well or not.

  14. Ooooh! Kill ’em with kindness! I love it. We do somehting similar on the highway. Jerk gives you the finger because you were obeying the traffic laws, so we smile and wave like we are thier long-lost friends from Bo-Diddley Elementary School.Freaks the shit out of ’em every time.

  15. Hey, have you seen that sketch on SNL, “Two A-holes … ” and each time they’re doing something different, like, “Two A-holes go to a Gym” or “Two A-holes Help Solve a Crime”? It’s hilarious, sounds like your dining friend would fit right in with them. I so wish you would have had that convo with the lady. Dang.

  16. “hree crazed toddlers in a makeshift prison made of barbed wire and Play-Do”HeHeHeHe…that’s all I can say.

  17. Nothing irritates me more than the assumption that my kid is a brat! Way to go for being the good witch though!

  18. It always amazes me that people have the nerve to judge you for *gasp* going into public with a baby! I had a similar thing happen when I took Hugo to Target on a rainy day. Mind your own business, people!

  19. People like that are pure evil. One of my best friends is a guy who loves kids. His wife? Not so much. Last time we had them over for dinner, all she did was bitch about how poorly children behave all the time and how relieved she is that “they” (she) decided they weren’t having kids. And this was all while my perfectly behaved 4-year old ate at the table next to her. That was the last time she’ll be invited to my house. A shame, because other than that she is a really cool person. That hates kids. Pure evil.

  20. Oh, that anyone could give Thalia a dirty look gets me all up in arms. On the flip side to this evil wench, I have been out to a meal with my three ‘angels’ and had them act up—DH and I will usually split up—one of us will take the active one outside for a bit or we try to engage them in coloring or snacks or whatever tricks. I’m always grateful to those people who catch my eye and smile as if to say, “Don’t worry; we’ve been there and understand”.

  21. It’s hard to believe this still happens 30 years after we dealt with it with our kids. I keep wondering how we’re supposed to reproduce and get enough people to pay for other people’s social security if nobody wants babies (or nursing mothers on airplanes btw) around. BUT I finally decided that if they didn’t want babies around them it really was their loss. I will say though that we were pretty defiant. We had a sassy seat permanently tied to our stroller when we went out – and if we got the “but we don’t have a high chair” we would smile sweetly and say “That’s ok, we do.” and waltz right in.The other thing to remember if, for some reason Thalia SHOULD have a tough day in the coffee shop, there is a solution and Fairy Odd Mother has it right. We walked out ONCE with each kid – their father took them home while I stayed with whomever else wat there – which made it more emphatic somehow – and that was that. Except in really noisy, chaotic places – those would make them nuts. We learned to avoid them — too much ambient noise (there used to be a place on Broadway near Lincoln Center where the waiters roller skated so there were no carpets and it was grossly noisy for example, and that wasn’t fair to a kid still learning to filter sound.) You know what the Mommas and the Poppas said: “Go where you want to go, do what yhou want to do — with who[m]ever you want to do it with….” amen.

  22. I’ve got nothing but praise for you, Liz.You rocked it. And rocked it hard. Plus you set a wonderful example for Thalia.I’m bowing down. Oh, and could I borrow Nate? Cuz he sounds like he rocks too!

  23. HAHAHAHAHA. I think there are some woman, generaly younger ones, but not always who look at all women with babies that way. i can’t decide if they are really jealous or wondering how we got to where we are. I’m glad Nate said something and even more that you stopped and had Thalia wave at her. Too fucking funny. Girl, from one mama to another, don’t skip meals when your pregnant. The worst things I ever said to anyone, including my husband were pregant and hungry.

  24. Okay here’s the single woman’s take on what went down. I used to be one of those women who rolled my eyes at families with kids who disrupted my environment. If the kids were quiet and well behaved, not much eye rolling. If the kids were loud and whining and could be heard over a 747 landing, I was the big eye roller from hell. My thought was that I wasn’t bothering you, why were you bothering me?We don’t all have to like the same things, and that includes people with children in the restaurant or the movies or the museum. It’s okay to not like what other people love. It’s called life.

  25. I would have been so annoyed with that “lady.” We went to Dennys for breakfast on Saturday. It was crowded and noisy, but all five tables around us were absolutely in love with our 10-month-old (I think it’s his hair). When we got his jacket on to leave, at least eight people were waving bye-bye and trying to get him to smile at them. That woman (and her husband) should just lock themselves up in their spotless glass castles and rot away. Goodness knows their lives won’t be enriched by the joy and exuberance of a small child’s unconditional love.

  26. Anywas, iHop is such a better place! The selection is HUGE. You can have breakfast food for dinner (I’m always down for that) and it is pretty darn cheap. I have started spending my Los Tres Amigos Sabados with my Okapis there every Saturday morning. A great way to start the day, I have to be honest. I think they lost out, while you got lucky.

  27. I know someone who was like that after a miscarriage. It was sad and awful — she gave the “evil eye” to babies and toddlers for months. Her reasons didn`t excuse her behavior, or make it any less awful or make it acceptable, but it did help explain why she did what she did, so we could all put her reaction in persective: it wasn`t about the babies themselves, it was all about HER. Who knows, maybe your witch has similar psychological problems that have nothing to do with particular kids, and everything to do with kids in general.

  28. it’s unfortunate that she was rude (and i’m sure starvation and hormones haven’t affected your perceptions at all, right?) but i have to say that i understand her perspective. if you are eating at a family friendly restaurant, like ihop, you should expect families, and usually, noise.but, if i’m in a really nice restaurant and paying through the nose to be there, i’m also paying for the atmosphere, and that atmosphere should not include screaming kids. especially not screaming kids doing their level best to splash all of the water out of the aquariums and/or climb the window blinds. especially not when we’re attempting to celebrate an anniversary, we are usually on opposite sides of the country and it takes weeks to get a reservation at said expensive restaurant. yes, i’m still bitter. those shrieking minions of satan ruined a dinner that we’d looked forward to for months. the manager comping the meal helped, but since we were in from out of town, offering additional reservations didn’t do us much good. i too tend to eye children in public places suspiciously – they’re loud and they occasionally smell weird.that being said, as a child my parents let me pick any restaurant i wanted to go to for my birthday. i always picked really expensive ones. my parents were subject to the same eye-rolling that you were. and after dinner, we invariably had the owner/chef/random strangers come over and apologize since we were so well-behaved. so i guess it’s just what you’re used to.

  29. Ericka and Suzy: I’m the biggest hatah of screaming minons of satan (hilarious, Ericka!) particularly at dinnertime, in movie theaters or yes, even on the airplane. Especially in business class. But in a cut-rate, shitty, Pompano Beach, FL hotel restaurant, that’s more like a meeeting room with 6 tables tossed in to keep it from looking empty? She’s wrong. I’m right.

  30. I have to admit, I’ve been known to cringe if there is a mom with a screaming kid who lets it go on way. too. long in a close public place like a waiting room, restaurant, plane etc. without trying to remove the child from the situation. I don’t know how I will react now, probably with more sympathy and if it’s my kid I can guarantee you we’ll be headed to the bathroom once this happens.

  31. Doesn’t it feel good to just flambee your rivals via the blogsphere? Screw them. They should know to never to F*** with a pregnant woman!

  32. I run a website, < HREF="" REL="nofollow">Babes in Blogland<>, that lists ttc, expecting, and parenting bloggers to help us all find one another. I’ve added your site to the blogroll. If you need me to correct any information or if you would like for me to remove the link, please let me know.Thank you and congratulation

  33. “You got a f*cking problem douchebag?” That would’ve been my response cause you know, it rolls the highschool with pregancy hormones quite well. I don’t think it is about being polite or rude, it’s about the sense of entitlement that people like that have, that kids – and their parents – are somehow second class. Drives me crazy, provokes me to swear at strangers. Can’t help it.

  34. Wow. As my husband likes to point out, I rarely pay attention to the people around me (the people I don’t know I mean!) and so I never notice people who are probably glaring at me…But occasionally when I’m wasting time surfing the net, I end up on a discussion forum for “childfree” women (NO, I do NOT know WHY!) and oh my god, some of the things that come out of their “mouths” about children are just absolutely frightening.In case you have any childfree readers, I’ll add that I know people in real life who don’t have/want children and are perfectly nice/normal/decent people.

  35. ha ha ha! Rock on!We were waiting for a restaurant table once and a women (also waiting) was giving the same sour looks to my son, who was trying his darnedest to flirt with her. Suddenly he reached over with a wet hand and smeared it across her exposed cleavage. (It was only water but she didn’t know that.) She was horrified. I apologized… but I as kind of laughing too.

  36. I am so behind. Congratulations on your pregnancy! I was so happy to read that. There really must be something in the water. I hope it’s a smooth ride.

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