The Unfit Parents Club Meets Every Wednesday at 7. New Members Always Welcome.

Nothing out of the usual: Pizza box. Wine bottle. Half-empty glasses. Bottles of Bud.

But wait, what’s that? Amidst the adult beverages in the top right corner? Is that a sippy cup? And, dear God in heaven–a high chair?

Is it…could it be…is it possible that this was a….



Yes, while Tony, Claudia, Nate and I were busy getting completely knackered, staggering through my apartment with lampshades on our head, alternating rounds of “I Never” with strip quarters, and singing teary verses of Forever Young into our empty beer bottles while flirting with the idea of wife swapping–the children kept busy drinking toilet water, playing keep away with the contents of the cat box, prank calling the Department of Homeland Security and commandeering our vehicles for a joy rides through Bed-Stuy around midnight.

And yet – they both managed to keep the barrettes in their hair through it all.

Now if that isn’t good parenting, well then sign me up for bi-weekly counseling and a spot on the Today Show.


32 thoughts on “The Unfit Parents Club Meets Every Wednesday at 7. New Members Always Welcome.”

  1. That barrettes thing? Quite a feat. I usually send my wee one to daycare with a clip in her hair and probably 3 days out of 5, she is sans clip when I go to pick her up. Eventually, I imagine, their Lost and Found table will be a glitter with shiny hair clips!

  2. Some Friends + Some Booze = Happy MammaHappy Mamma = Happy Child Happy Mamma + Happy Child = Happy FamilyThings seem to add up just about every way. Who says it is not good parenting???

  3. How in the world did they manage to keep the barettes in their hair?? My daughter can’t even accomplish that after a day at school!

  4. I’m with Maya. 😉My daughter (also named Maya, but probably pronounced differently), when she was close to that age, (maybe a little younger) went missing at a bbq once. Yes, there was probably alcohol involved, though SHE didn’t drink any. So, I thought she was with my friend Elaine and Elaine’s little girl. Then I spy Elaine and child, and no Maya. So, I start looking…where do I find her?Dipping her corn on the cob into the toilet water, AND EATING IT. Dunk. Bite. Dunk. Crunch. Dunk. Chomp. Too gross for words, and yet, not the grossest thing we’ve caught her doing… She’s 11 in 2 weeks…somehow, she managed to survive. Though no barrettes, I’m sorry to say.

  5. I see the foundations in this of a new psychology seminar: The Correlation Between Barrette-Wearing Behavior and Conscientiousness.

  6. The barrette thing is VERY impressive. I can’t get my kid to do that even when I’m sober. *lol*

  7. OK, you’ve got me beat. You’re a better mom than me – I can’t even get a barrette in my daughter’s hair. But can I still join in on the drinking and pizza?

  8. Clearly I need to drink more around my daughter. Otherwise she rips the elastic out of her hair two minutes after I wrestle it on there. I know that the barrette wearing/adults drinking correlation does not equal causation, but I’ll take any excuse I can get 😉

  9. Is that pre-packaged parmesan cheese? Not freshly grated? Well, that put it over the edge for me. I’m calling the county officials…

  10. are you kidding? this just proves how great a parent you are! you’re teaching these kids independence and self-awareness. the world should thank you for raising such wonderful little citizens. especially ones with cute little barrettes, ’cause that is truly the mark of a future world leader.

  11. New members welcome you said? Wednesday at 7 it is! ;o) Great post.

  12. Moe always rips her “pretties” out of her hair almost immediately after I put them in (unless she knows we are going somewhere, then she waits until we are in the car on the way home”.It looks like they had fun!

  13. Vikki – Call me a lush, call me a neglectful parent, but NEVER accuse me of serving cheese in a can! That there green canister is Nate’s favorite pizza topping, < HREF="" REL="nofollow">Tony Chachere’s Cajun seasoning.<>

  14. Oh – you don’t have Bossy fooled! It’s not all Pizza and booze! Looks like there’s a container of hummus on the table too!

  15. Wait, is that toilet water (like cologne) or water out of the toilet? Sounds like fun – Wednesdays with Wine.

  16. Knackered? Do you mean knackered drunk or knackered tired?Happy St. Patty’s day to those who are Irish and those who wish they were.

  17. I’m totally telling Meredith V. on you. Although, last we talked she said she could use a cocktail herself. Who knows, maybe we could all drink together? Let’s make this happen!

  18. DIET COKE? Oh, now that is just wrong.I am with Stefanie– invite Meredith over next time. I’ll have to satisfy myself with telepartying with the Unfit Parents Club, unfortunately. Got a web cam?

  19. No playdate is complete without cocktails. That’s my story and I’m stickin’ to it!And I am also completely impressed by the Tony’s on the table! But then, I think almost everything is better with Tony’s, except maybe ice cream.

  20. We’re having a meeting here in about fifteen minutes – everyone’s welcome! The bottle of wine is already half-empty, and the guacamole is chilling.And my kid can’t keep a barrette in her hair no matter how sober I am.

  21. What wasn’t mentioned is that I actually turned the entire parmesan cheese container upside-down about halfway through the meal, and that what you see what actually scraped by hand off the table and back into the bowl (probably through a pool or rapidly drying Budweiser)At these parties it’s hardly the kids you have to worry about…

  22. well now that explains all those phone calls we got that night. the ones with the heavy (yet somehow shallow) breathing.

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