Spreading the holiday cheer

Dear [insert expletive of choice] driving the new BMW up Rt 9 in Westchester today,

I’m not sure what fly-by-night DMV officer you paid to give you your license without having demonstrated that you know the first thing about driving, but when approaching a hill in a near-blinding blizzard, the best response is not in fact to panic and slow down on your approach. Slowing down will cause you to be unable to make it up the hill, and subsequently, all of the cars behind you will find themselves in the same situation.

[repeat expletive of choice].

Happy holidays,

Dear [insert expletive here] who runs the shitty little motel on Rt 9,

If a woman knocks on your door in tears asking if please, please can she leave her car here in the parking lot until the blizzard dies down because she’s been driving for 4.5 hours to get 50 miles and she can’t get up the hill to make it to her parents’ house to see her kids, and so her parents are going to come pick her up here instead–perhaps you were not aware of the proper response.

The proper response is why YES ma’am, YES of course. We’re so very sorry. Feel free to leave the car here overnight. Can we help you push it out of that snowdrift? And by the way, can we offer you some tea?

The proper response is not to be completely annoyed.

Especially when your entire parking lot is empty. With the exception of the car with the crying woman in it.

[repeat expletive of choice]

Happy holidays,


Dear whoever is in charge of such things,

Thanks for getting me here safely tonight. Despite all the [insert expletive of choice]s on the road today.

Seriously. Thanks. It was worth it just to see Sage playing in the snow for the very first time.

Happy holidays,

Update: This morning my 66 year-old mother and I spent a good 45 minutes digging out of the [insert expletive of choice] motel’s parking lot and pushing the car out of the snowbank while the [insert expletive of choice] proprietor watched on smiling.

Chivalry! Not alive on Rt 9!


23 thoughts on “Spreading the holiday cheer”

  1. So glad you made it there safe. We played “beat the snow” to get to my sister’s house and are now having our first ever “Cousins’ Sleepover” to welcome the first major snowfall. Husband is stuck at school for the night, but at least he isn’t on the road. Stay warm!

  2. Oh heavens Liz. Glad your safe. I was on 9-A this afternoon/evening which was like a joke. A slow joke. And at times a joke full of loonies. 5 hours to just get to one place and back home. *sigh*

  3. And to think that here in Virginia I was sad that all we got was cold rain and fog…Sounds like a rough day, sorry to hear that you had to go through that.

  4. I hear you. I drove an hour and 15 minutes in a freezing rain storm to get to work this morning, just so I could spend the day with high schoolers who were pissed off that I actually made them do something on the day before Break! God, I love my job!I’m glad that you are safe and sound!

  5. eek. glad you made it safely!and to think that i was totally going postal over these $%*)$*$) idiots that can’t drive in the dark/rain/sun/freakin’ EVER…random: word verification is stroo, which may mean nothing, but it is quite fun to say. stroo. STRoooooooooo. STROO. hah. i keep myself very entertained. 🙂

  6. Ah Christmas spirit. Definitely not alive and well here. I have just seen a man in his 70’s I would guess, standing in a parent and child space and refusing to let anyone with kids have it so that he could! Ho, ho, ho!

  7. Ahhhh, that would explain the visceral reaction to my invite! 🙂Yes, miserable storm, and I only had to ride my 2 ton sled down the hill (seriously, I couldn’t brake) to pick hubby up at the train. I threatened to make him walk, because he rolled his eyes the other morning when snow was canceled. Glad you’re safe and that Sage has been introduced to the pleasures of snow down her pants.

  8. Sounds like a horrible horrible day.I’m glad you made it to your Mom’s house safe and sound. You’ll have to find a way to get back at that hotel manager!!!!

  9. I was just about to write a blog post called “What the F*#! is wrong with people?” but in preparing for Christmas, I thought I’d stay more positive…until I read your post and see maybe I was on the right track! I am very glad you made it home safely.

  10. Oh, man, that steams me, and it wasn’t even me. I’m amazed you managed to keep your expletives for the blog!

  11. I actually live where you were and know of the motel/area of which you speak. Yes, people are completely stupid in the snow and have no clue what to do. Glad you got there safely!

  12. Move to Texas. You would have had about 20 people pestering you, two arguing what to use – push or pull – and at least one passing around a six pack.Glad you are safe and sound, if not sane! lol

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