The Fifth Annual Morning After Oscars Recap

Due to popular request (or at least from Motherhood Uncensored who herself is popular so I’m just going to go with that), I present the fifth annual Mom-101 Morning After Oscars Recap.

Most Likely to be Awesome: Meryl Streep

The Oh No She Di-int Award: To Cameron Diaz who explained to Ryan Seacrest that she arrived late so that she “wouldn’t have to talk to anyone.” 

The Johnny Weir Costume Award: Neil Patrick Harris sporting sequins.

The Robyn Byrd Costume Award: Miley Cyrus sporting bikini strap marks with a strapless dress.

Most Likely to be Mistaken For Bubble Wrap, Packed in a Cardboard Box, and Shipped Back to Pier One: Jennifer Lopez. 

The James Cameron Commemorative Humility Award, Runner Up: Costume Designer, Sandy “I already have two of these” Powell

The James Cameron Commemorative Humility Award: James Cameron

Most Likely to Make Every Gen X-er in the Audience Run to Facebook and Start Emailing Their High School Friends: The John Hughes tribute

Best Method Audition for the Upcoming Cabbage Patch Boobs Biopic: Charlize Theron

Best Ever Delivery of the Line, I’m here to present the award for best makeup: Ben Stiller

Best Parody of an Interpretive Break Dance Number: The Interpretive break dance number.

Best Achievement in Comedy: “Nicolas Schmerkin”

Biggest Achievement in D’Oh: Leaving Farrah Fawcett out of the dead people tribute. They include Michael Jackson as an actor but not Farrah Fawcett? Not even Farrah Fawcett’s hair?

Best Actor Accepting the Wrong Oscar Award: Jeff Bridges who I think gave The Big Lebowski acceptance speech.

The Reality TV Distinguished Alumni Award: Mo’Nique, Flavor of Love Charm School host turned Oscar winner.

Best Actress in a Real Life Drama: Gabourey Sidibe tearily accepting gushy accolades from Oprah Winfrey. Isn’t that kind of the prize right there?

Best Actor in a Real Life Drama: George Clooney who played a depressed, brooding guy all night.

The Dorian Gray Award: Demi Moore. No plastic surgery? Really? Dammit. Runner Up: Sigourney Weaver.
(h/t Alpha Mom)

The Bigger Wanker Than Even John Mayer Award: Comcast

Biggest Upset: Katherine Bigelow, who may have inspired more jealousy from Barbra Streisand than from James Cameron.

Biggest Loss of the Night: Me, having seen none of the the nominees besides The Princess and the Frog and A Serious Man, which I’m still not entirely sure I understand. I’d like to thank the Academy, and motherhood.

[photos: e online]

Oscar Recap 2009
Oscar Recap 2008
Oscar Recap 2007
Oscar Recap 2006


37 thoughts on “The Fifth Annual Morning After Oscars Recap”

  1. Was it just me, or did anyone else have the urge to shout at Miley to Stand Up Straight! That poor girl was severely slouched all night.

  2. I can never understand why they don't just give Meryl every single award for everything and call it a night.

  3. Nice recap! We had fun tweeting the Oscars last night. The only movies I saw were “Up”, “A Single Man”, and “The Princess and the Frog.” Hubby and 12 yr old saw “Avatar,” which my daughter would smugly remind me whenever I asked about a certain joke and I didn't get it.

  4. This post was better than the Oscars themselves, which we ung-dly long and boring. And, what ws up with Clooney? Man, was he grumpy.

  5. Awesome. Also, was it just me or did I hear correctly that Meryl was wearing Chris March (of Project Runway)? If so, he deserves some non-winners winner award too then.

    Also, so glad Cameron didn't win the big prizes. In your words = douche nozzle.

  6. I decided not to watch the Oscars this year. I now live in Mommyland where managing to take a shower AND wash my hair means it's a really good day, and my “working” wardrobe consists of three pairs of jeans, all showing significant signs of wear and tear with holes in the knees from cleaning up meal time mess from the floor. The jeans are paired with food stained shirts bought in Old Navy sales. So watching the glamorous and fabulous at the awards does nothing for my self esteem. So thank you for your summary – now I know this is available on an annual basis I need never watch the awards again. I have to say I only disagree with one of your awards as I really do think John Meyer outflanks Comcast. Thank you for a wonderful laugh on a rainy Monday morning.

  7. Excellent recap! I'm with Jane on Miley and the stooped posture.

    You are one ahead of me movie-wise. Princess and the Frog is the only one I saw out of the lot. Considering how much I have always loved movies, that's kind of depressing!

  8. PERFECT recap! Nodded my head the whole time!! I would give a Kleenex awards to Sandra Bullock- her speech made me laugh and cry at the same time! Thanks for this!

  9. And in the worst host ever category: Alec Baldwin.

    I do not get the staring at Clooney thing. I think Clooney was prepared for a joke or two; he wasn't prepared for that moment of awkwardness.

    Oh, and best comments by someone who can't speak: Roger Ebert. He was hilarious last night on Twitter.

  10. “Katherine Bigelow, who may have inspired more jealousy from Barbra Streisand than from James Cameron.”

    SO true. I love Babs, but you could tell she was feeling envious.

    Great recap! 🙂

  11. This was a great recap, but I would like to add that Sandra B acceptance speech was the most moving,
    and the acceptance speech by the producer of the Best Foreign Film was funny, but everyone missed the humour.

    And they forgot Bea Arthur as well in the Memoriam.

  12. Awesome recap, Cameron's slip-up was hilarious, it's ok Cameron only about 3 billion people heard it!

  13. Okay, am I the only one who thought George Clooney was completely hammered? He was totally slurring his words when talking to Seacrest, and it would explain his, er, expression when he was in the audience. Just sayin'.

  14. Loved following these on twitter last night for the first time and your recap was spot on.

  15. Kristin, so true! I love Amalah's assessment of the Kanye acceptance speech moment over at Mamapop today.

    And Boston Mamas, YES to Chris March! So great!

  16. So I'm curious about your movie viewings of the year. You say you saw A Simple Man, which is a Lynyrd Skinnard song but I'm pretty sure not yet a movie. Or maybe it's a kid movie? Or you saw A Single Man. Or A Serious Man. Or maybe some other kind of man?

  17. I haven't even watched the Oscars yet. I have DVR's them but maybe I won't even watched them now. I heard that Steve and Alec were not good at all. I never saw any of the Best Picture nominees. Being broke and a mom is hard!

  18. LOVE THIS!

    I swear it sounded like Jeff Bridges left his teeth in a glass on the nightstand. SHAY, I wish someone handed him a white russian.

    And I loved the John Hughes tribute, although I wish it ended with Ferris Bueller's sign-off rather than parading out that motley cast. I kept audibly gasping! And did Molly Ringward forget how to walk in a dress or did they wax the stairs?

  19. oh, i loved babs. so funnily awkward when she said “do you want me to hold that for you?” before even handing the oscar over. no babs, just step aside, this is not your moment, believe it or not…
    what was up with clooney's flat hair-do? that was my biggest disappointment of the night.

  20. Hilarious, Mom101! And yeah, I was like, “Where's Farrah Fawcett? She died, didn't she?”

    Love Sandra Bullock. Always have, always will. And I actually SAW THAT MOVIE! (only saw 3 movies the whole year, thanks to my spawn).

  21. I am so out of the Oscar loop. I saw Up, Hurt Locker, Blind Side and Avatar. I have yet to look online for all the winners and fashions. I didn't even get to see the show. We were furniture shopping.

    Hubs and I should win something for not fighting about money, fabrics, style or the size of the TV he bought which necessitated the shopping in the first place.

  22. Leaving Farrah out? Great point – hadn't even thought of that but a serious omission. She influenced my life a heck of a lot more than Michael did.

    The fashion trends for women seem to be inspired by “Say Yes to the Dress.” Can you say bridal?

  23. Of the two movies you saw, I'd say The Princess and the Frog is the winner. I know for sure I didn't understand A Serious Man because if I did, there's a problem.

  24. Most years I am lucky if I see even ONE nominated movie. This year I saw three. I feel asleep during one. I should totally be a movie critic or something.

  25. Oh, John Hughes. So touching. So made me want to act out Breakfast Club in it's entirety for my husband right then. But what the HELL happened to Judd Nelson? Hmm? I can only assume he looked like that because he will be playing Vladimir Lenin at some point soon…

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