Every month on the Cool Mom Picks newsletter, we include a list of funny holidays under the tongue-in-cheek title, Any Reason to Shop. Everything from Ice Cream Sandwich Day (August 2!) to Markie Posts’s birthday. Oddly, I never came across Crazy Boycott Week in the US but I think that’s what this week is.
First I get followed by a Twitter account established especially to “Boycott Target,” because some shoppers did not get access to the limited edition cheap Missoni line that went on sale–and promptly ran out–last week. And boy howdy are they are mad! Or as Kristen Howerton mocked, I had to stand in a line! IN A LINE, do you hear me?!?!
I think this is the very premise boycotts were invented for. The Montgomery Bus Line, the Egyptian elections, and denied access to $29 ballet flats.
Not an hour later, I started seeing more Crazy Boycott Week evidence in Queen of Spain’s stream. It seems some “mom” offshoot group of an organization dedicated to promoting extremist Christian values and bad grammar, is now boycotting Ben and Jerry’s for introducing a hilarious limited edition flavor, Schweddy Balls.
This is the next in the group’s attention-getting schemes after poorly worded calls to boycott ABC’s sponsors for airing an adult-targeted show at 10PM (“New Show On Bunnies Not Safe For Children”); and to Rite Aid and CVS for allegedly selling vibrators on their websites when “children are stumbling onto these sites by accident.”
Because, you know, kids.
Leave them alone with the computer for one damn minute, and they’re poking around the Rite Aid site.
I’m kind of bummed I missed Crazy Boycott Week because I have so many I want to contribute!
-Please Tell Your Butcher to Change the Name of Strip Steak to Short Loin Steak
-Please Remove the Queen From Playing Cards Because Our Children Should Not Be Exposed to Homosexuals During Go-Fish
-Please Boycott Oscar Meyer Weiners for using the W World Which Means Boy Pee-Pee Part.
-Please Boycott Everyone Named John Because Our Children Should Not Be Using Toilet Words
-Please Boycott Opi Nail Polish Because the Color “Park Avenue Mistress” Promotes Infidelity Especially While Wives Are Out Getting Their Nails Done
-Please Boycott Valtrex Because The Ads Give the Impression That Sexually Transmitted Diseases Lead to Excessive Bike Riding Which is Totally Not True
-Please Boycott Televised NFL Games Before 11PM Because Those Tight Little Pants May Lead to Impure Thoughts
-Please Boycott Flatulence in Elevators
Eh, I’ve got tons of them. What do you want to boycott?
34 thoughts on “It’s Crazy Boycott Week! Quick, pick something to boycott!”
I would like to boycott the people who want to boycott Facebook for daring to change the free service that they provide.
Sign me up.
Similarly, I want to boycott any person that is gullible enough to think that Facebook is going to start charging them and that by writing that in their status, they’ll get a free year of Facebook.
I can’t think of one right now, but, um—what’s the Rite Aid URL again?
I think we should boycott Apple because when my husband dropped his iphone in the toilet yesterday, and they wouldn’t replace it (obviously I would NEVER give up on Apple…..what would my kids do if I started paying more attention to them b/c I was off my iphone?!)
I want to boycott youth soccer for instituting the “practice jersey,” thereby requiring me to wash a particular — usually white (ARGH) shirt several times a week instead of relying on the clean pile of T-shirts that say things like “Atlanta Police Homicide” and “Awesome ends in me.”
“Awesome ends in me.” Heh.
I would officially like to boycott school tests that encourage our children to aspire to be standard.
Burger King. I mean selling Whoppers? Next thing you know they’ll be selling aliases. Kids will be lying about everything!
Also, hosiery should not include a color called “Nude,” it’s downright scandalous I tell you.
I’m boycotting your butcher boycott until you change the “Short Loin Steak” to “Vertically Challenged Loin Steak.”
Also, I find the term “boycotting” both sexist and infantalizing. I prefer humancotting. Thank you.
I had NO idea the Queen is a lesbian. You learn something new every day. 😉
Oh, she’s not. She’s a he.
Then I want to boycott card games altogether for not being diverse.
I want to boycott worksheets for kindergarteners…this isn’t how kids learn. And kindergarteners shouldn’t have HOMEWORK.
Not crazy enough. How about boycotting kindergarteners?
I want to boycott Hooters, for sexualizing owls. So inappropriate. Everyone knows owls are asexual.
I keep trying to think of something witty, but it doesn’t work. I am apparently too old for being that pissy. Perhaps I shall boycott egg yolks. Never liked them much anyway.
I’d like to boycott people who honk excessively. Btw, I just watched the SNL “Schweddy Ball” skit on the Ben & Jerry’s site. LOL!
Like your Valtrex boycott, I want to boycott tampon ads because
1) They do NOT make it safe to wear white pants
2) They come with neither a horse NOR a beach
3) They do not make you a good tennis player
I would like to boycott boudoir photo shoots for me. If you want to do them, go for it, but I will never, ever do this for fear of seeing the shots and pulling out my eyeballs.
I boycott the term ‘pc’. There is having good manners and having bad manners. There is being ignorant and being aware.
I’m also boycotting anyone lacking a sense of humor. Schweddy Balls is absolutely vulgar, but so is Shakespear. Get a grip!
Oh of only B&J’s came out with a Strumpet Crumpet Crunch.
I’m totally boycotting Walmart, because, you know, EVIL CORPORATE OVERLORDS!!! And also, they ran out of our favourite brand of tuna last week and didn’t have any in the back room!
Snort. The bike riding one killed me.
I want to boycott Safeway because they only carry Stacey’s Pita Chips in original flavor, not in Cinnamon Sugar.
I want to boycott Blackberry’s with buttons since my brother butt dials me from his phone three times a week.
I want to boycott any medicine that may cause heart arythmia, pulmonary flaccidity, renal failure, glaucoma, butt shingles, inverted nipples, facial pubic hair and death.
Wait, facial pubic hair? Can’t they turn that side effect into a benefit for someone?
I tried mightily to boycott my husband’s boycott of TV last week, but when he put the TV in the garage, I lost my battle.
In the meantime, I am boycotting demonizing people who eat gluten.
I would like to boycott that “one really annoying, controlling mom”…you know the one – there is one is every group. The one that has to manipulate every scenario, plan, and good time because it is all about her kid being this and that. Hate it!
BTW – it continues on in the tween years!
Can I boycott the crazy people who bother boycotting Scweddy Balls? ‘Cause that’d be GREAT.
“Me thinks thou dost protest too much.”
I want to boycott whistling. Would you sing loudly whilst waiting for the elevator? No you wouldn’t. So don’t whistle, either. It is annoying. ANNOYING. Also, boycott people who don’t wipe the seat in a public restroom. It’s only gross when it’s not your own, people.
Please boycott signs for strip clubs in cabs that my child rides in. No, seriously.
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