I Am Mother, Hear Me Yawn

Happy Mother’s Day everyone. This one’s for you.

I am mother, hear me yawn
I fell asleep with my bra on
And I woke up with a LEGO in my ear

It’s Mother’s Day so bring it on
Please let me sleep beyond the dawn,
Then  just lie and say you’ll do it for a year.

Oh yes I am strong
(Though I cannot hold my pee)
I wrote this song
In the darkness before three
Because of love, I can do anything
I am tired
I’m inexhaustible,
I am Mother

The kids will make me crayon cards
Then I will clean the crayons shards
And the glue stick on the couch and in their hair

I pray for one hour on my own
To watch a show that I’ve postponed
Or to read or nap or just be unaware

Oh yes I am strong
Just try an hour at Gymboree
Please pass the bong
(Don’t call CPS on me)
Because of love, I can do anything
I am tired
I’m inexhaustible,
I am Mother

I am Mother, watch and learn
All you newbies with concerns
The sooner you accept your fate you’ll be ahead

There’s no insurance, no sick pay
The saggy boobs are here to stay
Though who will see them when the baby’s in your bed?

Oh yes I am strong
Just ask my doula and OB
I could go on
Even Hillary’d agree
Because of love, I can do anything
I am tired
I’m inexhaustible,
I am Mother

Thanks, Helen Reddy. And my own mom. And everyone who’s ever parodied this song before. You’re my heroes.


34 thoughts on “I Am Mother, Hear Me Yawn”

  1. Your poem made me laugh out loud. I shared it with my hubby and 8 y/o. My 4y/o told me to stop talking! I relate to accepting my fate! Thank you for sharing this. And am really tempted to Facebook it on my No Mother’s Day.

  2. You know what I’m thankful for today? You and your words. This is brilliant.

    Love, exhausted me who just experienced an hour of screaming from my son for Mother’s Day (he refused to go to Sunday School)

  3. Oh Liz, so funny. Thank you!

    Happy Mother’s Day to you, and to all of you mothers, would-be mothers, grandmothers, godmothers, etc. that read here, too.

    1. Thanks everyone! You all make me happy right back. Hope you’re having an amazing day, whatever it is that you’re doing.

  4. Ugh. I was up with my little one three times last night.
    A mother’s work is never done…. However, it is wonderful to be a mom at long last. Thanks for the laugh!

  5. Last night I actually DID NOT fall asleep on the sofa with my bra on – for the first time in maybe a month – yay me! Love this song, thank you, thank you! (I am now so tired from Mothers Day I think I may just do a face plant at my computer for a little nap.)

  6. Brilliant as usual.. I just want to know why they only have doula’s for childbirth.. Forget about a babysitter, I need a mom doula:-)

  7. This is hilarious! My 6 month old baby still can’t greet me or make me a card but I am still so happy. This definitely made my day. Thanks, Liz. Happy Mom’s Day, everyone.

    1. Give it a year or two Hazel. It’s the best part of the day by far.Happy first Mother’s Day to you!

  8. Happy Mother’s Day to all the mothers who became Superwoman in the most unexpected ways.

    I laughed at the LEGO part.

  9. This is great! I want to sing it out loud to the neighborhood. And I’m reading this Monday just to make my mom’s day last a little bit longer. Love it!

  10. This is awesome! I just sent this to a bunch of the moms in my life. Thanks for the Monday morning smile!

  11. Oh man I love this! I was looking to see which part I could relate to the most but realized, heck the whole poem could’ve been dedicated to me! Happy belated Mother’s Day!

  12. This is great and so funny! This weekend I am making a point to leave comments on the blogs I read b/c yes comments are important and this post totally got me so I had to say hi! Yes, I am tired too and can totally relate!

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