Yesterday was not a great day. Actually, the week has been tough overall. I won’t bore you with tales of a toddler who’s returned to co-not sleeping every night at 11:30 sharp, a back that’s all but given out (Is it true Percocet isn’t great for the fetus? How about heroin?) and what feels like a black and blue cervix by now. Ah, the magical journey of childbirth.

And then.

And then…!

I come across this: A virtual baby shower. For me and Tammie and Christina.

This is easily the best baby shower in the history of baby showers and I’ll tell you why:

1. You can stay in your sweatpants
2. No f*cking diaper cakes
3. No presents required
4. You don’t have to sit around for three hours while I open 67 receiving blankets and pretend to be excited about a six-pack of socks from Old Navy
5. No ribbons will be worn on anyone’s head
6. Who cares if you don’t know anyone there
7. No embarrassing games
8. Get as drunk as you want

The truth is, it’s not a virtual baby shower, not really. Because the love isn’t virtual, the friends aren’t virtual, the advice/assvice I’m getting all over the internets isn’t virtual, and the impact of this all is in no way virtual. Just ask Nate who rolled his eyes at me all day yesterday for shedding real, non-virtual tears over it.

Also? The prizes are totally not virtual. This is a sponsored baby shower. Just like Star Jones would have, only without the gay husband.

All weekend long you can win serious goodies from some of my favorite online shops and baby gear designers, and even one of two $100 gift certificates donated by Queen of Spain (WTF???) towards any of the merchants featured on Cool Mom Picks, right in time for Mother’s Day.

So if it’s okay by the unbelievable hostesses–Kristen, Julie, Catherine and Nancy–and it’s not too gauche, I’d like to invite you to stop by any time this weekend. Even if you’re just a reader/lurker (that’s you, Levin/Jaffe/Cohen/Letts/McDow/Gerloff family) and and not a blogger, guess the new baby’s weight or whatever and win some stuff.

Me and old whats-her-name, we’d be honored.