Dear Blog…

Oh my poor blog, I apologize for neglecting you lately. You and the other blogs around you, some of which are prettier and smarter and way more deserving of my attention than even you.

These days I could fall asleep standing up. I could fall asleep standing up in broad daylight with George Clooney standing right in front of me asking me where I’ve been all his life. In fact, that very well may have happened. Today even. But how would I know? I’d have been asleep.

(I’m so tired that I’m actually writing about being tired, which may easily be the single most boring topic in the mommyblog world, second only to that meme that asks you to list everything you ate this week. But I’m too tired to delete and start over.)

I’m sorry that I’m neglecting you blog because there are so many things I want to write about, but you see, I’m not just tired, I’m in the Land of Bitten off More Than I Can Chew. This is a land where I’m back to work but still have the same bills to pay, the same home to clean, the same toddler to play with because she’s not yet old enough to meet me at a bar for a drink, damn her. And the same baby waking up two times a night. Or 80.

Depends on the night.

I’m wondering how they do it, those working moms with little babies. How do they find the time, the enthusiasm, the motivation, the brain power day after day?

Are they all faking it too?

Or, maybe, they have wives.

Yes, that’s it. I need a wife.

Anyone got a spare wife lying around?


[Cue SFX: Head hitting the keyboard]


66 thoughts on “Dear Blog…”

  1. Ooooooooh, punkin! I like to play a little game with my husband called, “Guess what I fake-bought you today?” So play along: Guess what I fake-bought you today? A 90 minute hot stone massage, a bazillion spicy tuna rolls, 8 hours of uninterupted sleep – – ok, 6 hours… 5? And um, a wife. She cooks, she cleans, she rocks babies to sleep, and you look better in a skirt than she does. 🙂 Force be with you, sistah.

  2. See, girl con queso has the answer—coffee. But noooooooooooo, you don’t like that, do you? How do you think I make it through my day!??!I also heard on the tv this AM that some researchers took a tablespoon (teaspoon?) of waste water from a treatment plant and tested it to see which drugs were most prevelent—number one was caffeine. Most of us are caffeine zombies. Come join us. It doesn’t really hurt.

  3. I almost never post a comment here b/c I am not as witty as your regulars. But. I was a little concerned about you and now I feel much better. Not b/c you posted but b/c you are human, too. Two kids is super hard and a job also, I am tired just thinking about it.I was just about to post about my crazy life and lament, once again, about how I cannot find enough time to blog.I am glad to know that I am not alone!

  4. Will your husband step in and perform some wifely duties? Seriously. My work-at-home husband is also my wife–he’s a lousy wife, but a poorly cleaned bathroom is still a clean(er) bathroom and washed-but-not-folded clothes are still clean.I’ve been drinking a lot of coffee these days. Enough that my husband asked my 5-week-old’s doctor how much caffeine is too much for a nursing mommy to subject her child to. Grr.

  5. Go. Sleep. Now!See? I’m tired with the wee baby and toddler and I’m not even back at work yet. I hope you get some rest soon.

  6. I can sympathize. That’s part of the reason I had to quit my job. I know that’s not yet an option for you, and I admire you for still doing it all. Now stop reading this and take a nap.

  7. Isn’t this what nannies are for? Whip her into shape! I find it near impossible to blog when I’m busy at work and at home. That probably doesn’t make you feel any better… shoot, I’m so bad at this. Anyway, good luck… and seriously, we’ll all be here whenever you feel like writing!

  8. Shoot, I AM a housewife and I feel like I need a housewife. And I only have one kid . . .Anyway we all understand why you’ve been neglecting the blog. I think those working moms of small children who look like they have it all together are all either on massive doses of caffeine and anti-depressants, or they’re on meth. Or they’re robots. Possibly alien robots.

  9. I almost wrote a similar post today, only mine wouldn’t have been as clever, or as justifiable. I’m tired because I’m working, seven months pregnant and have a toddler at home. But at least I’m still able to sleep at night.I don’t know how you do it. Thanks for entertaining us with this post, regardless of your weariness.

  10. I like reading this because I’m having that day too. I hate everyone. But in a much less witty way.What was I thinking? What will I think of next? Anything?

  11. That’s it. That’s the secret to breaking the glass ceiling. We all need wives.BTW, totally don’t worry about the meme I tagged you for yesterday. I can so relate. It took me months to realize I had even been tagged. What was I thinking?

  12. I have total empathy for you! When I was getting up 3 times a night with my first born and still (barely) managing a day job, I used to pretend I was a med student. Those appendixes weren’t going to remove themselves!Also lunch breaks are for power napping!

  13. Coffee. And professional cleaners. I decided long ago that my time was too limited to spend it cleaning toilets. I happily pay someone else to do that so that I can have more time for things that matter to me – kids, husband, blogging…

  14. I’m a single parent with two kids and work full time. (They’re 5 & 7 and STILL don’t sleep through the night. Tired is just part of my life.)My babysitter was (she leave the end of this month!) my wife. Reminded me to bring my umbrella, re-organized my linen closet, reminded me about forms the kids needed signed.Everybody needs a wife.

  15. OOH. I need a wife too. Because I don’t want to be jack of all trades that wifery requires. I will gladly be the involved school parent wife, the running errands wife, the team Mom wife, the sexy vamp wife, and the procurer of goods wife. I *don’t* want to be the cooking and cleaning wife. Or the remember everything nobody else can be bothered to remember wife. Or the nagging because nobody can hit the dirty clothes hamper wife. There’s got to be some commercial potential in that idea somewhere, doncha think? Maybe I will start the very first professional wives service.

  16. I’m one of those working mommies and I have a 2 month old baby. I’m lucky though. He only wakes up once in the night…but then my “nights” are short. I’m up for the day at 4am.I don’t have a wife, unfortunately. I still have to clean the house, cook the meals, bathe and walk the 2 dogs, pay the bills, run the errands, do my homework (I’m in school too) etc. It’s sheer willpower. I’m exhausted and feel about to pass out all the time. I need a wife…badly. Husbands help, but just don’t cut it. I’d really love for someone to share the breastfeeding duty.

  17. I hear you! Oh how I hear you! My little one has managed only getting up once a night lately (except when he was sick which made it more like 80) but I am so tired most days. I don’t know what to say about doing it all except that I probably don’t. My house is a wreck most of the time and I certainly haven’t had a meaningful conversation with my husband in ages. (at least we managed to find some time for sex though which I consider a personal victory lately)I think things have to give and you just have to make a decision as to what is going to fall off the map for a while.

  18. We have 8 kids and then our 2 godchildren are living with us temporarily. There’s never the same combination of kids here. First off, the bag of energy people think I have is faking it – absolutely. And I am a coke addict (my leaded liquid sunshine), laughing at the waste water comment. I don’t know how I did in back in 94 with two twin tods and a newborn. I went everywhere with them and did everything together. Now I sneak out of the house and leave the 2 year old with the teenagers so I can avoid that high pitched scream of “mine!” when we are at the store (though I do want to yell that at the bank, lol). Do what I do – hire someone for one day a week to pick up the house (the worst of it at least) and when she’s done she takes the little ones off to the park for 1-2 hours. The whole time you are locked in your room sleeping, blogging, or in today’s case, both? We love you no matter if you post every day or every other or so. We will be here, your loyal followers.

  19. I wnet back to work full time when my twins were 3 months old. I kept my house clean, and made dinner every night, and kept the old homes fires burning, har har. I dont know how the fuck I did it. It was some kind of post-partum mania I think. Luckily they started sleeping through the night the week before I went back to work. At three months thay had bonded enough to not want to kill me, yet.They are 2.5 now, and I am still doing all of it, but I could sleep standing up in line at Target. I just dont have a choice, I have to do it all. My husband is a big help, but I put most of this pressure on myself. Coffee, lots and lots of coffee.

  20. Working Mommies are the wet dreams of Starbucks owners ~ I managed to kick the coffee addiction during TTC & then through the entire pregnancy … and then the child came. The coffee was back in my system before I left the hospital. Juan Valdez is my drug lord, my lovah, my only friend at 6am. VOTE FOR JUANI need more coffee *yawn*

  21. Brad P. slipped me a note in History Class this morning. George C. said you were a GREAT lay. Oh, and he wants to know if you like him or LIKE him like him.

  22. ok. i don’t fake it.i don’t have a *spare* wife. but i do have a wife. she’s the most important tool in my non-prada mommy handbag. you wouldn’t have had to even have written that post if you had yerself a wifey. and if i’m not mistaken, that’s what big, flashy ad-gal expense accounts are for, no? work perks?alternatively, take a day off of EVERYTHING (mothering, working, blogging — all of it) take a handful of xannies and sleep for a couple of days. i just spent the last 50 hours awake to finish an RFP and celebrated with 16 hours of sleep. when you’re a mom of 2, you don’t “get” sleep, you make it.get some rest. right now.

  23. Move to Canada where you get a year off for maternity leave.Not that it helps… much. Even at almost a year they still sleep like crap (in my experience).

  24. Meanwhile, my husband claims he needs a husband to go to football games with and play tennis with. “You never play with me any more!”He doesn’t realize that if I had a wife I COULD BE THAT PERSON!

  25. Yes – everyone is faking it! A while back, I reached my fill (about 3 months after I returned to work with a nine week old added to the mix!), walked into my department chair’s office and resigned. Very dramatic. But I had HAD it, absolutely had it. Her first response was astonishment. She said – I’ve often wondered, you’re here, you’re energetic, it’s as if you don’t even have those kids. I faked myself right into a resignation, but no worries — in the end, with some changes, I agreed to stay. I’m glad I did, but yes — there are fakers everywhere, and sometimes faking ends up robbing us of the support we need!my blog:

  26. Another faker here! With a 5.5 month old who is waking up a gazillion times a night and work that is currently requiring extra hours, I am where you are in the land of Exhaustion! And I gave up coffee (again) to see if that helps the baby’s sleeping. The only way I get through it is by having help, including a husband who is so great at sharing household chores and cleaning ladies who come every other week. And also letting stuff go around the house some.Hope you get some rest soon! Don’t worry about us–we’ll be here whenever you have time!

  27. I’m definitely faking it more than I’m making it. (Boy that sounds pervy. But you get the drift.)Two kids and working is VERY tough. And you with all the other stuff you do — no wonder you’re exhausted.I’ll keep my eyes out for a potential wife for you. Maybe an extra for me too.

  28. Faking it. I faked it for a year, the time it took my youngest to finally start sleeping through the night instead of napping and snacking.I’ve often said that I need a wife. If I find a way to make that happen, I’ll let you know. Do they allow that sort of arrangement in New York? I’m guessing they don’t here in Virginia, but I’ll work around it.

  29. “Or, Maybe, they have wives.” Love that! I’m a working mom myself and although mine are both in school now I have been known to fake it.

  30. I want just a maid. Pay her and she leaves. A wife I’d have to buy jewelry and shit for.

  31. Girl, I don’t know how you do it. I’m whining about being tired all the time and I don’t even go to a job. I don’t know how you do it. Hang in there. No wife is coming to help you. Sorry.

  32. Yes, they are all faking it. I remember those days so well, and I’m surrounded by new daddies and mommies here at work. Ugh – outsource as much as is humanly possible until Sage starts sleeping better. And stop dusting.

  33. We are totally faking it. And those who don’t admit to faking it are just to exhausting to see that they are indeed faking it too. Get some rest.

  34. After watching Big Love for the first time the other night I told my husband I needed “Sister Wives”. At least 2. He was excited until I told him they needed to be around the age my Mom would’ve been to actually be helpful. You know wise with years and experience. All the sudden polygamy was against his morals…

  35. I’ve been known to say that I need a wife – someone to cook and clean and organize and just give me a few minutes of time to just sit. Love that I’m not the only one who thinks like this – by Tuesday I was so tired I was ready for the week to be over.Coffee coffee coffee and get some rest 🙂

  36. Dude, I KNOW. I only have one child and am only working part time and I wonder how full time moms DO it. Am also tired because Myles is up. three. times. a night. And he will no longer take a bottle. Sigh. Hang in there sister.

  37. This is the first time I am reading your blog and I will be where you are in 2 weeks. Back at work with a 4.5 year-old and an almost 4 month-old who need attention. The only we have that makes it even a little easier is a cleaning lady every other week.

  38. If you find a wife, can I borrow her?I work from home and have a 1 year old…and no help…and we’re talking about another…I think we may just be insane.

  39. I’m with you….same boat, different oars. But I’ve been struggling to keep my head above water @ home & work…let alone on the blogging world.

  40. Yes! A June Cleaver-type wife. Perfect. Let me know when you find one.I’m glad to see I’m not the only working mother that is falling asleep standing up.

  41. Oh, I’ve been in that land before. Oliver was a terrible sleeper until after he was one; his entire first year is a blur because I was, in fact, a functioning zombie. I feel ya, sista.

  42. I’ve publicly yearned for a wife more times than I can count. We might be on to something here. Wait, I think maybe the Big Love people beat us to it. Oh, well.Anyway, sleep whenever you can. Your blog will keep and so will your readers.If I had the means, I send you a clone. Or a clown. Your choice 🙂

  43. Bleary eyed and aching, I have to bite back scathing retorts when my coworker bemoans the wrong number she got at <>gasp<> 10:30pm that messed up her sleep. Coffee and a love of the absurd, it’s the only way.

  44. I am SO with you on the wife thing, even tho’ people have been complaining about the recent NYTimes story about just that. Rest, Mom-101 — and enjoy it.

  45. I’m almost jealous of all those women who share a husband. I would never do it, but I can totally see the positive points!Things will get easier. When the kids are bigger, you will actually miss all this craziness! Seriously.

  46. < HREF="" REL="nofollow">ALM<> – thank you for < HREF="
    ” REL=”nofollow”>this NYT article<> which you just left in my comments. I had to delete though because if you leave too long a url here (instead of hyperlinking), it totally wonks up my template. Nothing personal!

  47. Yet another Self-Confessed-Faker joining your party here!I’m pretty sure that my kids are nearly the same ages as yours, (7/05 and 5/07) and I can’t even believe that I actually thought I knew the meaning of being “busy” before they came along. I can echo your sentiments exactly! I was actually wondering how many hours you had in your day since you did blog everyday! Now your secret is out! Everything in moderation, Sistah!

  48. I’m reading this at 1:58am, the first of 3 times I’ll get up tonight to feed Bruiser. I feel ya.

  49. I realize I am so late in commenting on this… but after giving birth to the second kid a few days after you posted this…. well, exhaustion just doesn’t express what I am feeling. And I am not even back at work yet. Hang in there, at least we know it gets eaiser.Doesn’t it?

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