Not so crafty

I was really excited to open up my email and find an invitation to attend the taping of a Martha Stewart craft show. I love supporting the crafting community, and let’s face it, don’t we all have total Martha love/hate/envy/fascination/didIsayenvy?

Then I got to the kicker:

We’d love for you to bring your favorite craft project. Please make sure it’s small enough that you’re able to hold it on your lap during the show.

My favorite craft project? As in, one that I, myself created? Well that’s that’s going to be challenging.

Here’s what I’ve got lying around that could possibly pass for “crafts.”

-Greeting card with melted Bonbel cheese wax on top

-Accordion pleated construction paper fan decorated with Dora stickers

-Two safety pins holding wrap dress together, arranged in an artful way

-Cookie tin with bow on it from Christmas 2007

-Broken coffee mug with handle glued back on


I’m guessing I should RSVP no?


Edited to add: Thanks for the reminder mom. I forgot, I could totally bring my knitting!

Edited to add again: Know who I stole the title for this blog post from? Alexis. Click over and you’ll see why.


39 thoughts on “Not so crafty”

  1. Wait a minute! You could bring your black knitted rat-the one you made when you were waiting to give birth to Thalia. Martha would be impressed; I was.

  2. I vote for the greeting card with melted cheese wax. I guarantee it will be the only one there. 😉I’m sort of a crafty type, but I would honestly be way too intimidated to bring something I made into Martha’s presence. I am mostly just afraid of her, in a slightly awe-filled way. I can’t imagine how inadequate my efforts would feel in contrast to hers. :/

  3. Oh, cmon, you’ve GOTTA go! My sister’s head will explode when you regale her with the stories about Martha.Just print out your home page for CMP and bring that along. Seriously—it’ll be much more discussion-worthy than a knitted scarf (if you could knit a scarf). I’d send you something to borrow but I’m as helpless in that department as you.OR, you could bring along one of the Valentine’s Cards Thalia made using Martha’s craft doo-dads. Nothing like a little ass-kissing to get on her good side.

  4. Oh, you just have to bring in the coffee mug and explain, very seriously, how you glued that handle on “just so” … or describe how you decided to place the Dora stickers perfectly. That would be awesome.

  5. One of those cupcakes? You could “help” with them and declare it your own.

  6. Oh, I just reread — it didn’t say you had to make it, just that it was “your favorite” — the field is wide open!

  7. Have you seen the “Whatever, Martha” show featuring her daughter Alexis and friend? They watch segments from Martha’s show and snark – very funny ladies.

  8. popsicle sticks, just bring popsicle sticks…oh and tissue paper, and a glue gun, I bet Martha can whip them up in to a centerpiece for your last minute Friday night dinner guests in just 5 minutes and she’ll be so pleased you brought them for her to show everyone how clever you can be at a moments notice. snark.

  9. Part of me wonders if they don’t ask everyone to bring something. Then Martha strolls through the audience during breaks and makes fun of all the “crafts”. This is way too funny to me.

  10. I saw your knitting pic and I am literally crying here…that…is truly awesome. Hell, I think your should bring that on the show. If asked you can tell her you specialize in “abstract textiles” and that you are the Picasso of the knitting world.I have a cool pinecone Thanksgiving turkey that my SweetPea and I made last year that I’ll let you pawn off as yours if you like. My hubby insists the way I drew the eyes that it looks like one of the aliens that always shows up on South Park. I think an alien turkey would make quite a conversation piece.

  11. Oh my god I needed this laugh today. Thank you and bless you for being slightly more crafty than I am.

  12. I’m with AlyGatr- “abstract textiles” all the way!That, or take a box of Kraft Dinner and pretend you misunderstood the assignment.

  13. you can’t pass this up! Think outside the box (that’s what you do after all). Make a little tutorial for putting together your blog banner or steal husband’s cupcakes.

  14. Jen! Aha, you have saved me.I should totally bring a Martha Stewart craft and be like What? This is my favorite!

  15. My friend sent me an image yesterday that said “I’m so crafty, I make people!” So bring one of your kids- they’re lap-sized!

  16. The most crafty thing I have laying around is possibly a puppet I made in third grade with a Popsicle stick, construction paper, and googly eyes.But still, you should totally go. I would feel completely inadequate standing next to her, if I didn’t melt into a puddle of worshipful slop before I got a chance to feel inadequate, but it would be completely worth it.

  17. AUUUUURRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!I consider myself sorta crafty, but nothing worthy of showing Martha. Good GOD, I would shrivel. But if you pass on going to Martha, I’m seriously going to drive to NY and throw my sewing machine at you. (The one still in the box. Since Christmas.) P.S. I have every issue of Living that has ever been published. I’m not joking.

  18. Thanks for your comment on my blog! There is some good (for me…heh) that has come out of the current debates, and that is that I have met many many fascinating and passionate woman who are not afraid to speak their minds. And I have been shown respect. I can’t complain. I am very pleased to meet you, and will continue to follow your wonderful blog. I do think you are a fantastic friend for sticking up for yours.That knitting is fantastic – and sure to make Martha swoon. Is it, um, a finger warmer?: D

  19. Do you have cats? Because it could easily be a cat toy favorite. I can see it appearing on shelves in a PetSmart near you anytime now.

  20. “Small enough to hold on your lap,” as opposed to the Christo and Jeann-Claude scaled craft projects you store in your restored barn.

  21. I say bring one of the kids and have them sit in your lap. Nothing anyone else brings could compare to what you “made.” 🙂

  22. Oh, I would DIE for that opportunity!Of course, I would look like an idiot next to Martha with my “crafts” if you can call them that, but still – that is cool. I think you should bring your knitting, she’d probably LOVE to help you!

  23. Response A: I would laugh my arse off to see you show up with any of aforementioned craft projects. ROCK IT!Response B: Frick! What I wouldn’t do to serve as your proxy (though I suspect your name + my mug would most definitely cause suspicion…)! I have piles and piles of lap-constrained, absurd craft projects! -Christine

  24. I am so glad I’m not the only one with gaping hole in the area of my brain where craftiness is supposed to be. I had a very unfortunate run in with a bird mobile awhile back that I’m still recovering from.You could throw that bit of knitting in the dryer and make a piece of felted play poo…very waldorfy.

  25. Did anyone post that your knitting reminds them on a spider? =) How clever. I would shudder to think of bringing any of my crafts before Martha Stewart. I can barely dress myself sometimes!

  26. Okay, just read through the rest of the comments, and my husband things I’m totally insane as I laughed so hard, I cried.I’m with either:A) Bring your kid – how cleaver, martha has never posted a “look how make beautiful children” article… orB) The Kraft Dinner (per MrsEmbers), and be like “what? this isn’t what we were supposed to bring?”HA HA! Still laughing!

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