Wishful thinking

I just want to live in a home where I am not outnumbered 3:1 by beings who yet have the ability to wipe their own asses.

Is that so much to ask?



31 thoughts on “Wishful thinking”

  1. My daughter just turned 4, and I managed to convince her that 4-year-olds wipe their own butts. I am beyond ecstatic that she’s bought into it. One down, baby!

  2. I feel your pain. I am not sure if it ever changes though. I would love to not be out numbered by people who can’t pick up after themselves!

  3. I guess I’m lucky- with my husband and 2 kids, we have a 1:1 ratio of diaper-wearers to non-diaper-wearers.Good luck with that…

  4. My four-year old cannot wipe his own butt yet. Or perhaps he can but he prefers my delicate touch. The eight-year-old has had diarhhea for three days and refuses to deal with the aftermath. I know there are bigger problems in the world but at the moment, all I want is to have a few hours where I am NOT asked to scrutinize someone’s small butt.

  5. But isn’t it great to feel needed? Um. No! WIPE, PEOPLE!!!Lucas still gets help. He started going on his own. But then one day when I went into the bathroom, there was a small brown spot on the floor. Did someone drop poop on the floor? It was a ‘chocolate’ kiss imprinted by L’s bum when he sat on the floor to put on his pants. Blurrrrgh.

  6. All you have to do is manage to live long enough until they move out. Then you’ll only have to deal with your husband’s aging complaints.Sending a kid off to college is THE most rewarding day of a mom’s life.Sending the LAST kid off to college–that’s the day you break out a bottle of Dom Perignon and live it up!

  7. If only my people would flush the damn toilet after they poop and not use the entire roll of toilet paper in one go!

  8. I no longer hear the scream suddenly piercing the calm of the house “MOMMY! WIPE!” I love my life. And I’ve got two more years before I’ll send the oldest to the convent. Times are good.

  9. Well if you’re going to set your expectations that high, you’re bound to be disappointed! 😉

  10. My Six Word Memoir on Motherhood was:And the crap just kept coming.Thankfully, with kids at 9 and 11, we are passed that. I hope we make it through their menses with more success.

  11. For two years, I lived in an apartment which the four-year-old next door thought was his house. Apparently, he’d been close friends with the person who lived in that apartment before me. So this freaky-four-year-old would come over almost daily, use my bathroom, then scream, “WIPE MY BUTT!” Every time, I went to fetch his parents. Every time, I swore I’d lock my door. All my friends thought this was a hilarious story. Eventually I moved out. It was a gorgeous apartment, steps from the beach and semi-affordable, but the kid and his parents were far too irritating. Now I live a mile from the beach and pay way too much, but it’s quiet.Then I had a kid of my own. What was I thinking?

  12. This very morning (as I wiped my baby’s cute, dimpled, STANKY backyard) I actually calculated that I have spent the last 7.5 YEARS wiping asses.I believe I have served my time. Just puttin’ that out there.

  13. ‘Tis a magical day when this phenomenon occurs, trust me. I swear I heard angels singing.

  14. I agree the wiping issue is very taxing. Somehow — perhaps I don’t remember — my older girls did not have a problem. My son on the oter hand is still not wiping properly. It’s better since now at least he uses toilet paper, but still aggravating to have stained underwear. He’s 5 and really needs to get a grip.

  15. Oh Sarah, let’s just say chronic diarrhea and parasites and did I mention the chronic diarrhea? Seriously. Am done with all matters fecal.

  16. I was outnumbered 4:1.Now they bring me coffees and wine and help with the housework. (Well, sometimes, especially if I get operatic…)I just had to wait till the oldest was 17 and the youngest was 12.

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